Blue Witch

A Happy, Healthy, Peaceful New Year to you all!

Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the WWW, knighted

CV - from here:

"Born in London in 1955
Studied at Wandsworth's Emanuel School
Read physics at Queen's College, Oxford
Banned from using the university's computer when he and a friend were caught hacking
Built own computer with old TV, a Motorola microprocessor and soldering iron
Created web in late 1980s and early 1990s at Cern
Offered it free on the net
Previously awarded an OBE
In 1994 he founded World Wide Web Consortium at MIT
In 1999 he became first holder of the 3Com Founders chair
Time magazine named him one of the top 20 thinkers of the 20th Century"

Sir Tim said the honour was an acknowledgement that the net was becoming globally powerful, and not just a "passing trend".

"There was a time when people felt the internet was another world, but now people realise it's a tool that we use in this world."

He added that his knighthood proves what can happen to "ordinary people" who work on things that "happen to work out", like the web.

(Thanks to Terreus for this one)

Thought for the day

The last day of the year, eh?

It doesn't seem 365 days since the last one.

I've thought about New Year's Resolutions. As I said last year,

"Why don't I believe in New Year's Resolutions?

Because, in my case, they would be better named New Year Revolutions as:

(a) the same ones could go round and round every year and never be accomplished, and
(b) it would take an uprising to get me to stick to them.

So, New Year Resolutions are like raffle tickets. I don't do them, then I'm not disappointed."

I've thought about The Mayfly Project. But, do you seriously think that I can sum up my year in less than 20 words? No, of course I can't! Actually, I think that other people can probably sum up a year in your life better than you. So, you can try to do mine if you want, I shan't be offended. I might even learn something. Perception is everything.

What I do know, though, at the end of this year, that I didn't know at the end of last year (or maybe I did, but didn't believe it), is that anything you want to do is attainable, if you want it badly enough.

Your future isn't in your hands, it's in your mind. There and nowhere else. Don't even try thinking that other people or other substances will be the route, or even the signposts.

Learn to like yourself, to believe in yourself, to expect nothing from others, and you won't be disappointed. Sort that out and the rest follows. You have it on good authority :)

The worst food of christmas...

Ferrero Rocher chocolates.

Without a shadow of a doubt.

Yes or no?

If no, I've 2 large boxes that I'd rather someone other than Mr BW scoffed - and you can join the fansite here. And tell me what's worse...

Back in time

Mr BW and I are loving the "That was the week we watched" series on BBC2. Don't ask me what time, we watch it in bed in the morning. As ever, we're mostly only videoing TV and watching it at our convenience.

So far they've done 1973, 1970, 1982, 1967, and there's still 1986 and 1977 to come (tonight and New Year's Day night). Not quite sure the significance of the dates (except that they were momentous weeks, like the start of C4, the problems with Apollo 13, or the start of Neighbours (?)), or the ordering of the years, but they have all succeeded in taking us back to times when things were less complicated and there were fewer things to talk about. And somehow I understood the world then. Ooops, there I go again.

And thanks to Darren, who as ever, has the most up-to-date obituary column (picture) in his titlebar. If I hadn't been having a quick scamper around blogland before climbing over the mounds of discarded vetements into bed last night, then we'd have missed the Bob Monkhouse Room 101 tribute. I never particuarly liked The Golden Shot as a child (although it lives in my memory banks in the 'warm buttered crumpets and Dr Who' slot) as I couldn't bear Bob's jokes. But, there's no doubting that the man was a symbol of the times, and gave enormous pleasure to many. Not many of that era left now, are there? We could only think of Bruce Forsyth. I guess there are still others, but they didn't easily spring to mind. I was actually amazed that the BBC didn't manage to come up with a better tribute to Bob. He'd been ill for two and a half years, and he was 75, so presumably they have his documentary all prepared? Maybe the person with the key to the cupboard (password to the system) was on annual leave?

It seems to be almost every week now that a 'celebrity' dies. I was thinking that it didn't used to be like that. But, thinking a bit more (hard, given the weather and the time of year :) of course there weren't that many before, because the media hadn't invented itself, and all its inhabitants, had it? It'll only get worse in the future, you mark my words :)

Thought for the day

The reasonable man encounters circumstances and adapts himself to them. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt circumstances to himself. All progress depends upon the unreasonable man.

- George Bernard Shaw

Further update on Operation Undress (see below and belower)

I have now filled three clear plastic textile recycling bags (each about double the capacity of a normal black bin bag), and have a large pile of new cotton rags (cut up old t-shirts). I'm probably the only person in the world who still does that, but, I don't care, they work much better than commercially-produced cloths for lots of polishing-type jobs. So I'm told, anyway, I have staff for tasks like that :)

It has to be said that I now have next to nothing left to wear, apart from whatever happens to be in the wash currently.

It sometimes takes me a long time to get round to something (particularly something I don't want to do, like the wardrobe clear-out), but when I do get round to it, I do it properly. Anything that was even a little bit scruffy, size 12 14 (let's be honest here, I can't ever remember being size 12, I think I just went straight from kids sizes to size 14 (I hasten to reassure US readers that size 14 UK = size 12 US), and now I might have grown a smidgey bit, but I am still UK 'average', just :)), or a little bit nasty under the arms has gone, soon to be off to the land of fibre reclamation.

I have made Mr BW takes photos and video of it all. It is the only way that I can bear to part with any of it. I have, however, sneaked a couple of things back in when he was making tea - the checked lumberjack-style shirt that I wore throughout my student years in London, a lovely coral pink jumper that is too gorgeous a colour and texture to get rid of, the deep lilac top that he burnt a hole in when ironing it (it's only in the sleeve and I can wear it under things, and I love the colour too much to let it go), and a couple of outfits I took on my honeymoon. Regular readers will know that that is coming up for 10 years ago. I have thrown away many older things, honestly :)

However, I have found a certain double standard as I have noted that one each of every shirt he has ever had as 'exhibition uniform' has been retained, as has the entireity of his 'porn stash' which resides in a scruffy cardboard box in the bottom of the wardrobe.

Before you get excited, I hasten to add that the 'porn stash' largely consists of horror movies of the extreme horror variety, including one particularly nasty video of genuine executions picked up accidentally in France about 9 years ago (it being French it only plays in black and white, but that is sick enough, believe me). I've never quite understood Mr BW's love of things grisly and nasty. He is not at all like that - in fact, completely the opposite - he says it's the special effects he likes. As far as anything 'porn' is concerned, as far as I can gather, most of it is illegal copies of what Mr BW's mates had when they were all teenagers, and the odd bought-in-Amsterdam pre-Witch one. I'm sure that I could find worse (or better, depending on your point of view) on the net, for free, with Net Nanny switched on, these days. Nevertheless, I prefer not to watch it. I just find that kind of thing way inferior to my imagination ;)

The bed is still covered in garments though, so I must go and finish it...

Update on Operation Undress (see below)

Ann Maurice has nothing, nothing, nothing on Mr BW in decluttering mode :(

He is so cruel.

I've been made to relinquish the interview suit I wore to my first job interview, the patterned fabric suit that all the school secretaries used to adore when I turned up in it, a gorgeous blue jumper that perfectly matches my blue/grey eyes ("because it has 'puffy sleeves'") and every bra I own except three and whatever happens to be in the washing bin (I fear there are none in there too). It takes me ages to find bras that fit, and even when I do they only ever have one or two in the shop. I'm going to be bouncing around like Tigger for weeks now...

And it's only just started (he's finished his side and is about to start 'helping' me).

I've just been swigging sherry out of the bottle (to make myself feel better) and now I've decided that those scented drawer liners are a good idea and am about to press them into use.

Have I turned into an old dear?

It's that time of year again

The time of year when Mr BW takes it into his head to throw out lots of stuff that I want to keep.

So far I have had to say goodbye to 8 years' worth of the RHS magazine, The Garden. My papery darlings were collected from The Coven by the reclycing van earlier, along with a large black bag of the remnants of wrapping and card envelopes past.

Mr BW did point out that I didn't read most of them when they were new, so I certanly didn't need them now when they are damp (having been in the summer house), and besides as we don't live too far away from the RHS Garden at Hyde Hall, I could always go to look at them in the library there if I wanted, couldn't I?

As a sop to my wailing and hysteria, he did take the July and December issue from every year out of the pile, but I feel bereaved. Still, I suppose the Chelsea special is in the July issue (flower show not football, people, purlease).

He's now looking in The Coven Wardrobe (which runs along the whole wall of our bedroom - so 14 or 16 foot long (can't remember which) and making plans for another major clear out. I'm still in mourning for Those I Lost this time last year. Bugger - he's started already, I can hear the clank of hangers - later...

Questions

Exactly how much bad luck do you get if you take the chrsitmas decorations down before twelfth night?

And exactly when is twelfth night? Some sources quote the 5th and others the 6th...

christmas visitations

In an hour's time we have to leave the sanctuary of The Coven and venture forth into The World Beyond, aka chez Mummy and Daddy Mr BW, where there is to be a festive gathering of the Mr BW Clan.

Now, I am not a patient Witch and, as I spend my days sorting out brats that can't behave (amongst other things), I have no intention of tolerating Niece and Nephew Mr BW's noise and excitement for any longer than is absolutely necessary in order to be polite. You can't exactly eat your dinner and scarper immediately, now can you? :)

We thought we had perfected the perfect getaway clause: "Oooh, must go now, it's 3.20 and the DIY shops shut at 4 and we must just get an x, y and z."

However, on our last visit, soon after we arrrived, we were asked, "Will you be leaving at 3.15 as normal and what is it you are needing from the DIY store today?" It was then we realised that our cover was blown and we had over-used that one.

I'm trying to come up with a more original exit line.

I'm thinking that, "We have to get home before it gets dark as we have to lock the hens up because there is a big fox around" may not be good enough, although it is true.

And me disappearing to the loo at about 3pm to ring Mr BW on his phone pretending to be an unexpected visitor needing feeding and watering may be too obvious...

If Mr BW messes up setting the video for The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures (which start at lunchtime today and are entitled "Voyage in Space and Time"), there will be spells. Christmas wouldn't be christmas without those wonderful lectures. Although, as the first one is scheduled to be a live report on Beagle from Mars, there might be a problem, Houston...

Full timetable:

Lecture 1 'Blast off' on Sun 28th Dec at 13:55

Lecture 2 'Live from Mars' on Mon 29th Dec at 12:05

Lecture 3 'Planet patrol' on Tue 30th Dec at 12:05

Lecture 4 'Collision course' on Wed 31st Dec at 12:05

Lecture 5 'Anybody out there?' on Thurs 1st Jan at 12:05

All on Channel 4.

I'm a funny old bird...

Over the past couple of weeks I've developed a penchant for quails eggs with mini gherkins, dipped in rock salt. Mauritian I think; I love edible reminders of past holidays (I hasten to add I am referring to the salt there).

Mini gherkins we can grow.
Quails eggs we can't.

Unless...

Oooh yes, while the half of blogworld that hasn't already got an iPod covets one, Witchy covets a few quail. I've looked in my stash of back-copies of Country Smallholding and have found some suppliers. Greater Manchester, Devon or East Sussex. Far too far away. Ah - but what's this - a UK quail forum, and someone not a million miles from The Coven with quail for sale. Expect some new arrivals to The Coven Menagerie soon :)

Grumpy Old Witches

If you didn't catch it earlier in the year when it was first shown, don't miss Grumpy Old Men on BBC2 tonight at 12.40am (tomorrow and the night after, same sort of times).

We have just watched the one that was shown last night and I don't think I can remember the last time that I laughed so much. We watched the Grumpy Old Men at christmas, but that wasn't a patch on this. Mr BW watched the 4-parter the first time round and said it was excellent. He wasn't wrong.

I think you have to be of a certain age (they claim 35-54) to appreciate it. Never, but never, has there been a programme with which I identified so strongly.

Rick Wakeman, John Peel, Richard Madeley, Rick Stein, Bob Geldof, amongst others, all saying exactly what I'm always saying about... designer labels, text, body piercing, midriff flab, misuse of punctuation, oh and so many other things, I could go on, but I'll start laughing all over again.

Just watch it.

The 12 Days of christmas

If you haven't already seen Vaughan's highly amusing and very clever take on this old favourite, do go and read it.

It didn't quite qualify for the MBWLA, although it did make me smile a lot. And, it has to be said, it is much more deserving of literary merit than of the MBWLA :)

The 36th Weekly Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

This week there are 5 contenders.

Contender 1: I missed this one from Jon last week. But it's so good that I am letting it through:

"I've mentioned the perfect tabloid headline before. You may recall that 'Sex change bishop in in palace mercy dash' served very well right up until the 80s. In these dissolute days, I suggest 'Asylum seekers plot Beckham kidnap'."

Contender 2: I don't normally allow comments from Ron's. It being christmas, I'm going to make an exception. Given the furore that ensued, I too may live to regret it. However :) And, had I grabbed Fabio's comment that mysteriously vanished, then I'd have given that a point or two too. I'm still laughing about that one every time I think of it. Ron posted an article linked to socialism. Hans commented:

"Rons XMAS Diary.

Masturbate
Masturbate
Post comment on socialism
eat
Masturbate
add 3 sentences to previous post slag off all other bloggers
masturbate
Check comments to see if still popular
ends."

Contender 3: DG:

"On the 2nd day before Christmas...
it's time to eat, drink and be merry

Eat

Turkey: Why do we always buy giant turkeys at Christmas? We have to battle with mega-sized giblets, we're forced to get up at 5am to start them cooking, we can't fit them into the oven (especially at 5am) and we end up eating turkey in a variety of forms (curry, salad, pie, risotto, etc) right up until New Year. Why do we buy them? Because anything's better than nut roast, that's why.

Sprouts: There's never any room on a packed festive platter to push these tiny balls of concentrated cabbage to one side. Maybe you could hide yours under that raft of parsnips you're not going to eat either.

Christmas pud: After that enormous main course comes this flaming dessert...
Christmas cake: ...and then stodge covered in bitter paste covered with sugar. Please no.

Party nibbles: Ten years ago your visitors would have been happy with home-made sausage rolls and cheesy pineapple chunks on sticks. Nowadays anything less than filo-wrapped king prawns and spicy nacho cheese flavour bites is social suicide. Beware.

Christmas hamper: If you can't face crowding into Kwik Save on Christmas Eve, why not ring up one of those nice companies who advertise mid-afternoon on Channel 4 and pay over the odds for a selection of not-quite-brand-name foodstuffs instead?

Atkins Diet: No stuffing is allowed, but you are allowed to gorge on turkey, bacon, sausage, more turkey and a thick slab of lard. Dieters are advised that major weight loss may well follow, but generally only following your funeral.

Turkish delight: Delicious, but if an old lady pops out of your wardrobe and offers you some, just say no.

Creme Eggs: only 3 days to go :o)

Drink

The drinks cabinet: You'll need to buy one of everything, just in case. Apart from the wine, which you'll need just in cases. Don't scrimp, otherwise that neighbour with the unexpected rum fixation may never speak to you again.

Advocaat: Yes, sorry, there should even be one bottle of this right at the back of your drinks cabinet, just in case granny gets tipsy and wants a snowball. Maybe she doesn't realise that the bottle contains grape brandy and unpasteurised egg yolks as well as sugar.

Lemonade: No matter how well stocked your drinks cabinet, the one drink that's sure to run out first is the least expensive. Go on, buy six extra bottles this Christmas, it need only cost you a quid.

Champagne: If you're serving this at the start of your Christmas party, buy only the finest. If you're serving this at the end of your Christmas party, you'll get away with Pomagne instead.

Mulled wine: That's proper wine ruined by excessive spice and overheating. Nice though.

The pub: When you get tired of drinking at home, why not go out and drink the same alcohol at twice the price down the pub? The place is sure to be full of other people escaping from their families, so you'll have plenty to talk about.

The club: When you get tired of drinking down the pub, why not go out and drink the same alcohol at four times the price in your local nightclub? The place is sure to be full of other people going out of their minds, so it'll probably remind you of being at home."

Contender 4:Alan

"Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Douglas

Yesterday, I saw the first real Douglas that I've seen since 2001.

We went to Ikea, and despite hanging around in the pick-up area for hours, neither of us picked up anyone.

I bought light bulbs."

Contender 5: I managed not to post on christmas Day. billy didn't :)

"....christmas eve was spent avoiding going into town for any last minute shopping (except for the toilet paper run)...I opened a can of lager at midday, it was then pointed out that I would have to drive carolyn to midnight mass so I had the first of two pints of lager shandy, mmmmmmmm....fortunately the catholic church now has midnight mass early (to avoid the christmas rush) so I drove carolyn to church at 7.30pm...I noticed there were one or two shops open, kissed my wife and asked her a question....but through all this, one thing remained constant - we would not buy each other presents.

[snip]

...I've looked carefully in carolyn's eyes...I've listened really hard every time she has said no...I was sure she was serious, I was positive that when she said no presents she meant no presents...we can't afford them, we have everything we could possibly want - if I bought her a present it would mean I had spent money we didn't really have...and then she got me broadband but made it perfectly clear it was not a present for me but a present for her, so she could talk to her daughter while I was on the computer...through all this one thing remained constant - we would not buy each other presents...

...oh thank fuck for that :^)....carolyn hasn't bought me a present!!!!!!!...I've been really, really worried that at some stage this morning she was going to produce a small token and I was going to be left standing there with nothing to give her back...but she hasn't bought me a present - brilliant!!!!!...I am so relieved...I hadn't bought her anything (true I had a back-up emergency plan) and I would have felt awful if she had bought me some thing...but through all this one thing remained constant - we would not buy each other presents...phew, I can now enjoy christmas, it also means I can go take this ribbon off because it was making it very difficult to piss (must remember not to tie the bow too tight in future) :^)..."

Winner coming later, we've got leftover nut roast and stuffing sandwiches to scoff first.

Later: Despite Ron's warning not to encourage Hans to think he's funny, it's no good, it did make me laugh the most. 2 points Hans, and you can display the trophy on your blog for the week. Oh, you can't can you? :) Despite supposedly working in IT you don't seem to be able to even make your comments work consistently, do you? Maybe Ron will help you if you ask him nicely :)

*Consults updated scoresheet in sidebar*

Oooh, billy, at last, looks like Witchy's giving you a late christmas pressie :)

Clean up after christmas

Free washing tablets from Ariel (the 'new' ones with 'QuickWash action' no less :) from here.

Don't give them your real details for goodness sake... (well, OK, give them your real address, or you won't get them, will you, be sensible now, but not anything else).

The best part of christmas

Bubble wrap.

Definitely bubble wrap.

Drives Mr BW mad.

Addendum to the earlier one

On the BBC lunchtime news earlier, they were stopping people in the street to find out how many didn't know the origin of the term "Boxing Day".

I began my earlier post with my take on the name of the day; in the full knowledge of why it was so-called.

However - given the evidence from the news, in case you don't know:

"December 26th is the Feast of Saint Stephen and the British call the this day after Christmas "Boxing Day." It is when most families give gifts, also known as a "Christmas Boxes," in the form of money or food to tradespeople, such as milkmen or postmen or others who have served them during the year. This custom is unique to Great Britain. Traditionally, it was on December 26th that the alms boxes in English churches were opened and their contents distributed to the poor. It was also the day when indentured servants were given the day off to celebrate with their families. Thus, it became traditional for working people to open their "Christmas Boxes" on December 26th. The ancient roots of the Boxing Day custom are unknown." (from here, a good site listing christmas customs from around the world).

Here at The Coven I see little point in giving christmas tips. The normal postman never gets here before lunchtime and rarely ever on Saturdays (I'd give Mark the Thursday Relief a tip, only I'd sooner pay in kind ;), except that I'm rarely here on Thursdays now), delivered milk is 55p per pint (so we don't have it), the dustmen manage to drop bits every week, even though everything is sealed into black bags, and you can't get papers delivered out here for love nor money.

Do you still give people christmas tips?
And, if so, what do you give?

Boxing Day

So-called because the recycling box at The Coven overfloweth.

The one thing I always hate about the day after is that the nice pile of presents under the tree has gone, to be replaced by a pile of, "Hmm, very nice but what the hell am I going to do with that?" s.

Ha - but this year is different! We didn't open all our presents yesterday, so we still have some to do!

And we didn't watch rubbish TV either (note the contradictions as you proceed down the page :)).

Instead we watched the tape of our first 6 months at The Coven, eight and a half years ago now. How did we have the energy to do eveything we did then? Wasn't Mr BW's haircut awful? And haven't we come a long way? Mr BW informs me that we have 54 hours of home-movie tapes from the past 11 years. Who needs TV when you can laugh at yourselves? (and we are very funny, even if I say so myself). The worrying thing is that, several times yesterday, seeing something about to happen on the tape, one or other of us said something, that, seconds later, the taped past-person repeated... Deja vu indeed.

The best game, though, was seeing how many times we could insert the words "corgi", "dead corgi" or similar into the Queen's Speech :)
(if you want to have a go, a recorded version of the speech is here)

And, hey, I've noted who visited yesterday. I know you see. There were 81 (or 103, depending which counter I look at) of you. 81 (or 103) visitors on December 25th? You cannot be serious :)

And I'll take the red cursor trail "Have a BWitched christmas" text off if/when I remember how, cos I know it's messing up the page...

Talking of red trails... Mr BW has woken up this morning with arms, tummy and chest covered in red blotches. Now, my first thought was that it is an allergy to whatever we had for dessert yesterday (ie whatever we did between the first episode of East Enders and the second episode, which roughly equates to the time between main course and pudding) (oh The Joy of Sex not having kids or visitors ;), but then I realised that the major areas of basting haven't got a red blotch in sight, so I am concluding that it is chicken pox or german measles or some such other delight.

Bang goes my butler service for the rest of christmas week. Shit :)

christmas card

To You All,

It's lovely, it's downloadable here.

(it's 483KB, so will take over a minute on non-broadband, and it is an exe file, but it is guaranteed virus-free and guaranteed to delight all children and the child in you :)

With love,
BW and Mr BW xxx

BW's christmas message

OK, so I'm a dumdum, I know it doesn't work in Netscape or Mozilla and that it's weird in IE, but I don't care. It's the thought that counts! You hear Ron? :)

Thanks to Angel Mark (I've promoted him for christmas) for grabbing the original code when I couldn't (although I've used a different one as that one wouldn't work at all).

And remember, if it all gets too much for you over the festive season, and they or it are getting to you, imagine yourself inside a protective plastic bubble. Visualise it flowing all over your body, but make sure you seal it under your feet or you will have leakages. Once in your bubble, no-one can harm you.

And - have a good one - BW and Mr BW will be here at The Coven, on our own, as we like it, doing exactly what we like, when we like, and *ing the rest of the world :)

Guess the christmas song

Bored at work?

Can't face stuffing the turkey? (ah - a (true) funny - 11 year old child I was working with yesterday was making up clues for the words in a christmas crossword he was constructing from scratch. For 'stuffing' he suggested, "You put it in your bird". Hmmm, I thought ;))

Sick of mince pies?

Try these instead:

1. Bleached Yule
2. Castaneous-coloured Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time:2400 hrs - Weather:Cloudless
6. Loyal Followers Advance
7. Far Off in a Feeder
8. Array the Corridor
9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

(these aren't original either, and neither do I know where they originate).

Maximum of two per person until midday, then it's a free-for-all.

Deck the Halls (PC style)

Deck the halls with boughs of non-endangered plant species
Fa la la la la, la la la la
'Tis the season to be self-actualizing,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Don we now our alternate-lifestyle apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Toll the ancient non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday carol
Fa la la la la, la la la la

See the blazing log of non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday-non-endangered wood before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Play the harp without unnecessary brutality and join the chorus
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Sing we emotionally stable in a collective group effort,
Fa la la la la la la la la
Heedless of the weather patterns despite the effects of global warming,
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Fast away the mature year passes
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hail the new year without any implicit ageism, ye persons
Fa la la la la la la la la
Dance in a non-hierarchical manner in merry measure,
Fa la la la la la la la la
While I tell of non-materialistic, non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la

(Source unknown but it took me a bloody long time to remove all the forward arrows :))

(original words here, just in case you want to compare them)

Thought for the day

Exactly *what* are you planning to do with all that extra food you're going to buy today, eh?

All that last-minute, just in case....

Nah, you don't really need it, do you? :)

Urgent plea

Mr BW is going round singing, "It's christmas eve in the morning."

*Please* help me.

What do you hate about christmas?

Back to the bah humbug then.

Just because I've got me santa hat on, there's no need to think that I like it :)

DG hates prefers not to have to eat Sprouts:

"There's never any room on a packed festive platter to push these tiny balls of concentrated cabbage to one side."

BW loves sprouts. The only veg worth eating when it's been cooked since August (that's a Sarah Kennedy / Terry Wogan one I think).

Hans hates wrapping presents:

"Over the next 12 months I'm decided to invent a present wrapping machine, you just throw the present into the top funnel choose the paper design and press GO, it drops out all cleverly wrapped, I reckon I'd make a fortune."

Put me down for one dear. I hate wrapping presents.

What do you hate most about christmas?

*Goes off whistling, "Commercial con, commercial con, hypocrisy, hypocrisy."*

We are 11

Today is 11 years exactly since Mr BW and I met for the first time.

Today is 11 years since I learnt what unconditional love was.

Thank you Mr BW for caring enough to believe in me through the bad times.

And for helping me believe in myself.

I couldn't do it without you.

Snow globe

Shaken not stirred.

Worth waiting the few seconds for it to load if you're not on broadband.

Re: Yesterday afternoon's little guess my favourite christmas record challenge (a few posts down now)

It's totally amazing me how many of us share similar favourites.

And the ones we're picking are not the usual favourites either.

Just tracking back a couple of recent visitors, I found a beautifully written post. For anyone who thinks it's about time that things got better for them - go and read this (the "Today is the last day of my year" one - in true Blogger style, the link isn't pointing to the correct place).

Your future is in your hands.

Last minute present idea

Ideal gift for someone who enjoys wine (or you if you think getting corks out of bottles is too much effort but you prefer better wines than those that come in screwtop bottles):

Connoisseur Corkscrew, from the barcraft range here. Dreadful webpage - it's the pop-up called "KCBCCONTWO".

We bought one of these for ourselves last week (part of our mammoth spending spree on my birthday) in Robert Sayle (the John Lewis in Cambridge). £24.99 and worth every penny. There's a telephone number for the company on the 'contact us' page if you want one and are not near a JL - they only sell to the trade, but presumably could tell you your nearest stockist.

Gets corks out of bottle in 3 seconds fast. And the cork comes out of the opener just as easily and quickly. It's like those bottle openers they use in wine bars, but you don't need to attach it to a surface.

Highly tested at The Coven already and highly recommended.

It even comes with a spare 'worm screw' (their words, not mine, so no funny comments please ;)

Thought for the day

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

- Flora Whittemore

My favourite christmas record is....

(as just guessed by NiC (well done!))

I Believe in Father Christmas, by Greg Lake

They said there'll be snow at Christmas,
They said there'll be peace on earth,
But instead it just kept on raining,
A veil of tears for the Virgin birth.

I remember one Christmas morning,
The Winter's light and a distant choir,
And the peal of a bell and that Christmas tree smell,
And eyes full of tinsel and fire.

They sold me a dream of Christmas,
They sold me a silent night,
They told me a fairy story,
'Til I believed in the Israelite.

And I believed in Father Christmas,
And I looked to the sky with excited eyes,
Then I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn,
And I saw him and through his disguise.

I wish you a hopeful Christmas,
I wish you a brave New Year,
All anguish, pain and sadness,
Leave your heart and let your road be clear.

They said there'd be snow at Christmas,
They said there'd be peace on earth,
Hallelujah! Noel!, be it Heaven or Hell,
The Christmas we get, we deserve.

Christmas challenge

Let's try to cheer up a bit.

Right - you can all try to guess my favourite christmas record of all time.

She's gone

And I don't think she'll be back for a long time. I can't say that I'm not glad either.

Last time she carried on as she did this morning (10 years ago, minus 6 days) it was 3 and a half years before she spoke to us again.

Then she stormed off in a huff because Mr BW and I had decided to get married. As far as we've ever been able to ascertain, she didn't think that Mr BW was good enough for me and us choosing to get married abroad meant that she couldn't be in control.

This time it was because I have chosen not to buy christmas presents for my brother and his son (Golden Boy and Golden Grandchild (the only thing that she ever wanted from me that I didn't give her)), because my brother never bothers to buy us any, nor says thank you for those we send.

Apparently, I "have no idea how hard he works, you and Mr BW wouldn't know how to work that hard" (no?) and I "don't know how little money he has got" (yet he can afford to buy a $650K house overlooking SF Bay, and to run a truck, a saloon car and 3 motorbikes, including a Harley and a Blackbird) or "how little time" (at least, no time to send me a birthday card, other than a 2MB attachment to an email that caused half my work mail to bounce last Wednesday, or to buy me a 40th birthday present - and he's had a year to get that).

To those comments I replied, in the quietest, calmest voice I have (normally reserved for the most serious of work situations), "I'm sorry that nothing I've ever done has been good enough for you", to which she snorted, "That's not fair!", and I responded, again in my quiet, measured professional-only tones, "It's how I feel. Something you've never understood."

At that, she stormed out of the house, slamming the front door so hard that a picture fell off the wall (luckily not breaking).

Dad came back in (he'd been waiting for her in the car, ready to leave), hugged me (something he's only ever done about 3 times before) and told me he'd had enough of her too. He also told me, for the first time ever that he loved me and was proud of me. That meant a lot. No doubt he'll get her Silent Treatment for the whole of christmas now.

I wasn't going to write about how I feel about her here, in case she ever finds BW. Now, I'm going to write exactly what I think and send her the bloody URL.

I hate my mother.
There, I've said it.

I'm calm, I'm resigned to it, I've had 41 years of practice, and I've finally come out and said it. I don't actually know of a stronger word than hate. If I did, I'd use it.

Now, it's all water off a duck's back.

As a small child I didn't understand why I was never shown the love and affection that my friends were.

As an adolescent I never understood why she was never proud of me, or anything I achieved.

I now know and accept that it's not me, and it's not my fault. But it's taken me a long time to break through the incredibly low self-confidence and self-esteem that I developed as a consequence of being brought up in that way.

And isn't it outrageous that she's looked right through all the bags of presents from us to other people that happened to be in a corner of the room where they were sleeping? Still, I should be used to it. She always did it when I was living at home, so why shouldn't she do it now? Last time they were here when I wasn't, I put notes saying things like "There's nothing for you here!" in some of my drawers. She just never gets the hint.

No wonder that her three sisters won't speak to her any more, that her own mother refused to have her near her (or even speak to her) when she was dying, and that she's fallen out with all her neighbours.

I just feel sorry for my Dad.
How, or why, he puts up with her I do not know.

Snow joke

Alarm clock: Diddley doo, diddley doo, diddley doo.

Mr BW: *Jumps out of bed faster than has ever been seen, particularly on a Monday morning, runs to window, pulls back currtains*

BW: *Noise of protest*

Mr BW: Whew! No snow. Thank god.

15 minutes later.
BW and Mr BW are sat eating breakfast.
BW feels fine, despite yesterday evening's need for calming medicine in large quantities.
Mummy BW enters the room looking for coffee.

BW: I'm going out to have my hair cut at 10, Alison will be here to clean at 12.30pm and the snow is coming at any time.

Mr BW: It's got as far as Norwich overnight.

Mummy BW: Oh.

Mr BW: It's 8 inches deep...

Mummy BW: Ah!! I'll go and tell your father, we may have to leave earlier than planned....

*Mummy BW exits*

BW: Planned by who? Excellent creative use of BBC weather forecast Mr BW, extra chocolate for you tonight :)

Thought for the day

If you've forgotten to send your christmas cards, you've missed the first class posting date (it was Saturday), but special delivery is still operating (last posting date tomorrow). Nearly £4 a card though....

Trying

Friend Mummy BW: So, Mummy and Daddy BW, it looks very much like it's going to snow. I suppose you'll have to stay with Blue Witch and Mr Blue Witch for christmas if it does?

Mr BW: If it snows we have a contingency plan. We've arranged to hire a snow plough to drive in front of them all the way back to the West Country where they live.

Friend Mummy BW/ Husband Friend Mummy BW / Mummy BW: *laugh loudly*

Daddy BW: *casts sidelong glance at BW* (he's worked it out)

BW: I don 't know what you all think is so funny, Mr BW is perfectly serious!

We get home.

I grab the half bottle of wine left over from last night from the fridge, tuck it under the long jacket I'm wearing and head upstairs to my Inner Coven.

"Just got a few things to do dear. Back in a while."

Now to drink my calming medicine. I haven't drunk wine out of a bottle for years. There hasn't been such a crisis, therefore such a need for years....

I'll reward Mr BW for his efforts with a bar of white chocolate with smarties in it after they've gone home tomorrow. 18 hours to go.

Much as I love snow, if it arrives tonight I shan't be a Happy Witch.

And I wish I had a normal mother, like Mr BW's.

Thought for the day

How many years do you get for matricide?

Bearing in mind 41 years of severe provocation, particularly over the last 45 hours?

I reckon others would help me hide the body...
Ah - there's an idea... pork joints going cheap for christmas anyone? :)

Off to see Schoolfriend Mummy BW near Felixstowe today. Amazingly they still know each other. Even more amazingly they still like each other. Oddballs both though. I'll see if I can pick up some tips on how to handle Mummy BW.

Grrrr.

The 35th Weekly Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

What's happened in blogland this week? Maybe everybody is overtaken with christmas preparations or SAD or office parties/hangovers or is in mourning for 'those we have lost' (not that their ghosts don't keep coming back, mind... and long may that continue :), or in moaning for The Guardian's prostitution of blogging.

So, there are only 2 contenders.

Contender 1: Invisible Stranger

"At this time of year, when most people I know are celebrating the birth of someone they don't believe in, I tend to get given bottles of champagne. These not-so-wise men bringing me these gifts hope it will make me believe in them this coming year, and push some lucrative business their way.

Well, I've news for you, my generous and scheming little dears: the Zanussi is already bursting with Moët, meaning there's hardly any room for the partridge, pear-tree and poppers and, besides, I can't stand the stuff. So much for the Ab Fab party life then. Excuse me while I shuffle off for a nice cup of Horlicks."

Contender 2: Tim, in the comments under my post about the most affluent people sending the tackiest nastiest christmas cards:

"I always try to send Oxfam cards, to assuage my guilty feelings of over indulgence. I also try to use ones with D'oves on, more as a peaceful image rather than any Witchy reasoning.

My aunt, who is 80 something, always always always sends a CND Snowman card. I think she bought a gross of them some years back. She's a bit of a ValueAunt."

Ooooh, yippee! My birthday present from Alan of a box-making kit works :) Thanks Alan! Now, if we could just get the snow sorted out before everybody in blogland except me has some... (imitation being the most sincere form of flattery, of course :)

Winner coming later, when I've worked out how to reverse a spell that I only thought about doing. I asked Agony Uncle Dave whether I should turn Mummy BW into a frog. I only thought about it and this morning she has woken up croaking :)

Later: The winner is Nigel. Well done Mr Stranger, 2 more points. I'll update the scoresheet (now permanently resident on the sidebar) later :)

The afternoon's entertainment for Mummy and Daddy BW has been provided by me and Mr BW trying to work out how to use my new phone. They have been creased up listening to us. I wanted to play Cranium, which I have had for a whole year and not played, but Mummy BW took one look at the instructions, saw that it involved modelling clay, and a general knowledge card picked at random said, "True or false: a decapitated cockroach can live for a week" and decided it was unsuitable for her participation. The last laugh, however, is on Mr BW as Mummy BW has hidden the remnants of a 600g box of chocs that he was given last weekend, while we were out cleaning out the hens. I now remember why we always have christmas on our own. Sigh. What is an intra-family civil war called?

Digestives

I only have one sort of biscuit in the house. It's not that I don't like other sorts, but that I'd scoff a whole packet of anything other than digestives. Digestives I can manage to keep to one at a time, and two in cases of dire stress. I once had three and felt ill afterwards.

They must be McVitie's of course. Nothing else will do, even for cheesecake bases. Actually, on the subject of cheese, as emergency substitutes for cheese biscuits, they are also very good. Not that I eat cheese with biscuits, why waste the calories - I could have more cheese instead for the same energy value! The energy value is written on my heart (so that it doesn't get writen round my waist) - 73 calories per biscuit.

When I was 18 or 19 I spent part of a student summer temping with Manpower. I only applied to them as I liked their logo (at that time) and they paid slightly better than other agencies, and provided free transport to some of the industrial estates. Having typing skills, and with retail experience (I'd worked in WH Smith and M&S (Lingerie Department, in case you're at all interested)), I was rarely without work. However, one particular Monday morning I turned up to find nothing in my usual line. There was a job as a 'general assistant' in the factory that did McVitie's R&D. I was warned that this might mean sweeping the floor, but, once I'd had it agreed that it would be paid at the same rate as I got for office work, I took it. I was never fussy about what I did to earn a crust, and I'm still not. As long as it's fairly legal and well-paid, I will turn my hand to it. Jill of all trades me.

Well, I hopped on the mini-bus and was duly deposited outside the factory gates. As predicted, I was handed a broom and told to get sweeping the piles of cheesy puffs (but before the nasty sick-smelling 'cheese' was shot blasted onto them) that had accumulated on the floor when the blowy puffy machine broke down. By lunchtme on that day I was thoroughly sick of polysterene snake look-alikes and had sussed the place out. I had seen other opportunities for myself than pushing broom for the rest of that week. In the canteen at lunchtime I arranged to sit next to someone who looked as if they might be one of the senior bods.

Presto, the next day I was assisting with trials on the new digestive recipe. And all good stuff it was that went in them. I was very impressed. And surprised. Me and my stopwatch and accurate time recording (to 2 decimal places) could well be responsible for the consistent quality of the product you eat today :)

Anyway, to get back to the point.

McVitie's are now doing lemon and ginger digestive biscuits. As they were on special offer, I bought a packet. I don't know if I like them. They're a bit too different to digestives to actually be rated on the same scale. Although each biscuit is one calorie less thant he standard ones. Somehow. Meaning that if I ate them rather than standard ones I could eat an extra biscuit every 72nd biscuit for the same energy value. Value Witch me :)

Has anyone else tried these? What is it that they remind me of? I don't eat enough biscuits of other sorts to know, but it is definitely another sort of biscuit.

And as for dunking biscuits (which they were talking about on BBC Breakfast this morning). No, no, no, no, no. Disgusting habit :(

By the way, Mummy BW hasn't moaned about anything yet - and she's been here for over an hour now. Watch this space :)

Infamy

Nice to see 'hadrian' from The Guardian popping in about an hour ago to see me slate their 'Awards' :)

And Emily's Mummy found me too. I must have had a premonition when I wrote the para on the end of my anti-award rant below. She sent mail - but hasn't worked out BW or MrBW yet though.

Ron's nicked me snow. And mine's turned to sleet, so I've had the gritters back to stop the storm for the time being. I don't know why there are page errors - they arrived sometime between 10pm and 5am, well before I started fiddling with the template, I hasten to add. Honestly Mr Couturier, honestly.

And Mummy and Daddy BW are arriving for the weekend in a couple of hours. So I must fly...

Weather warning

I've been spelling hard* cos I'm jealous of certain people who have guaranteed snow for the festive season.

Therefore, there may be flurries of snow here at The Coven from time to time over the next couple of weeks.

On such occasions it will be in order for warm hats, gloves and scarves to be donned and snowballs to be thrown in the comments. Snowballs may only contain christmas cracker type jokes and no stones. Joke containing snowballs need to be wrapped appropriately:

eg %%%SNOWBALL%%%

Snow showers will be very intermittent.
See if you can catch them!

There will be points for the person who throws the most snowballs. Maximum of one per person per snowstorm.

* aka, nagging my couturier :)

Thought for the day

Listening is a multidimensional process.

Reflections on Thursday

What a weird day in blogland.

I wasn't going to say anything about the Guardian Best Blog Awards as regulars here will know that I am totally and utterly against anything that smacks of competition in the blogworld. Life is so full of it; I don't feel that we need to extend it into something that many of us do for fun, for relaxation, for escapism, for an outlet, for a way of expressing ourselves, *insert your own reason for blogging here* etc etc.

However, I was thinking, while I was out and about wearing down The Blue Broomstick's new tyres, this afternoon. I got crosser and crosser the more I thought about it. And now I'm going to have a rant.

How on earth can a heap of shit like that supposed call-girl's blog that has been going since October 23rd (just 8 short weeks) be judged the best written UK weblog?

What's a blog? By the Guardian's own definition (03.07.02), "A weblog is, literally, a 'log' of the web - a diary-style site, in which the author (a weblogger, or 'blogger') links to other web pages he or she finds interesting." Something with links. Is there a single link in her (or his?) text? Is there hell. It's just cheap sensationalism. Free porn. Or something. It really says something, I think, when such rubbish can beat sensible blogs, like... well, like several on my sidebar. There isn't even a list of all the blogs who entered. And why does The Guardian think that it is a good idea to lure people (including, presumably children and the easily offended) to read stories, that, quite frankly, I could have made up? Well, certainly others on my sidebar could have made up. I actually wonder whether it's all a stunt to send up the weblog awards. They deserve to be.

WTF were the judges on? Scaryduck was one of the panel for that section apparently, and said in DG's comments that it wasn't his choice.

Another of the 'winners' appears to be only a part-time blogger. A post every week or so. Do what?

Then there is Elsie, who has felt so pressured to 'perform' on her blog that she's pulled it (or, rather, "officially retired" it (isn't that what they do to Beanies? - I only know because of Mr BW's liking for them. Ooops, I promised not to mention that; oh well, anything for a cheap gag :) ). Sad to see her go, but, even though I've met her but once, and for only about an hour, the blog wasn't the real Elsie, and I, for one, am glad that she's had the courage to stop dancing to demand, for her own sake.

Then there is Ron, threatening similar. A victim of his own comments methinks. As the first person in this corner of the blogworld to discover Ron, I had the privilege of reading him before he even added comments. Different his views may be to many other bloggers, but that is what I like about him.

While I understand where Ron and Elsie are coming from, I won't ever allow that to happen to BW. It's my blog, and I am in control (as ever :)). I've gone out of my way to ensure that no-one I know in real life who is not themself a blogger, with the sole exception of Mr BW, and Mr Wizz, know about BW. If that position ever changes, then BW will disappear in a puff of blue smoke. Yes, I took a risk the other day by posting a link to a children's book that one of Mr BW's friends had written, and yes, as I expected, I'm now getting (lots of) Google hits on that search, so no doubt I will be found. But, she is Mr BW's friend first and foremost, and not local to here, and has no link to any of mine, so even if I'm found, that will be OK. I blog for me. I don't want the real-life pressure on me. So if I ever go, you'll understand why.

/ Rant. For now.

Does anyone agree with me? I've not had much time to look round blogland today, but I haven't seen anyone else say what I've dared say about 'The Awards'. Surely I'm not the only one who thinks this?

Trials and tribulations

I am completely technically incapable. It is now proved beyond all doubt, reasonable or otherwise.

I've been trying to find a way to get pictures from my new phone to my PC.

After much searching on the net, I gave up and rang Sagem and a nice Frenchman sold me a USB/IR lead at a very reasonable price, but since then one of Ron's lurkers has found me some info on the Palm website so I can do it via my Palm too (link inserted so I don't lose it...).

So, I downloaded the driver. I HotSyncd my Palm. It is installed. But, I cannot make it do anything. I can't even find any help on the subject...

I can't even find a ring tone that sounds like a phone. A frog, yes. A hen, yes. A bird, yes. A cat, yes. All those are bloody stupid as I have all those at The Coven and it will be too confusing. Big Ben, yes. A zebedee noise, yes. A foghorn, yes. Carmen, yes. About 20 other ice cream van type noises, yes. But a phone? No. And I'm buggered if I'm going to pay £2.95 to download a proper 'phone noise'.

I'm about to throw the whole lot through the window. Mr BW can pick it up and sort it out when he gets home.

On second thoughts, as I can't make it turn off vibrate either (even though I've found the right menu), I'll just stick it down my knickers and spend the rest of the afternoon ringing myself up from another line ;) Aaaaah, I am so frustrated.

Google D'Oves

Ever wondered how Google manages to come up with such great results
and so quickly?

All is explained on this official Google information web-page...

It's true, it's true, it must be, it's an official Google page!

So that's where my 5th D'Ove went. And maybe the 4th one too (there's only been 3 for the past couple of days). All in a good cause :)

Thought for the day

Today is the latest posting date for second class mail.

*sighs contentedly and looks smug*

Thanks to MrBW's encouragement, all ours went off at the beginning of last week :) We also have the tree and all our minimal decorations up, the received cards up (unheard of before christmas Eve usually), have all the presents bought and all but the final few that we purchased yesterday wrapped up. Mincemeat for mince pies and christmas puddings made ages ago, all but the very last bits of shopping have been bought.

Never have we been so prepared.

BUT

Never have I had such a mountain of work paperwork to clear before christmas. Right, best get on with it.

Witchday +1

Thank you all for your Witchday Wishes. Special mention to LaP who successfully reframed a lifetime of me being p*d off about having a birthday eight days before christmas in one line: "You know they put all those pretty lights up early just for you!" I suppose it could have been worse - I was due on christmas day...

I now have a new phone. I will blog the saga when I have more time, because it is a perfect tale of a large company failing to keep a long-standing customer happy (through stupidly inflexible 'systems') while offering huge enticements to win new customers, and of attempted pressure selling by little men on commission. At this moment my new phone sits by my side and I can honestly say that if it rings I haven't the faintest idea how to answer it. Or how to make it ring like a phone rather than a chart single. Still, Mr BW is happy as it came with a free singing and flashing bouncy ball (sings a variety of annoying carols) and a free snow globe "Insert your own picture here". And as soon as I work out where to get an infrared USB port (or whether it will beam to my Palm which will then HotSync to dowload the pictures) I will experiment. Oh, and the December Which guide to mobile phones has my new phone incorrectly represented in the tick boxes. Says it has bluetooth and it hasn't. Tut, tut Which, Witchy says you're slipping :)

Managed to spend *coughs* the best part of *coughs again* yesterday. And we didn't even manage to find the new phone system for The Coven that we required... Grand tour of the country from Costco at Lakeside (yes, we got caught up in the mess caused by the closure of the A13 for three-quarters of an hour) to Cambridge (so where were the christmas lights then Cambridge? And the usual crowds?), and back to a local town for a very nice Thai-style meal with koi swimming at the side of our table (they were very happy and healthy, although it has to be said that the restaurant hasn't been open that long so I will be keeping an eye on them, and the number to the RSPCA handy :) One complaint to the restaurant - in the UK it is illegal to add 10% service charge to a bill automatically if it is not clearly stated on the menu, and even more shady to then present a credit card chitty with a 'gratuity' box and the amount left blank. No, no, no, no, no.

And I didn't turn on my PC for almost 23 hours. Is that a record?

Today is my Witchday

Mr BW has decided that I have been working too hard recently so is taking me out for the day.

So, that's a new mobile phone for me, four new tyres for the blue broomstick, a new cordless phone system for The Coven and...

Why...

... do the most affluent people we know send us the cheapest, nastiest, christmas cards?

I may be Value Witch, but I do have standards. And 4p cards are really the pits.

More phones

Oh dear.

Witchy's got the "I wants".

Doesn't happen very often. About once a year. But, when it does, it is unstoppable.

But, I have just realised that my need to replace my mini-digital camera (which broke last summer) and my need for a new handset could be sorted in one go if I got a camera phone. I always said that I didn't want one... but now I've looked at a couple, I do.

I do not want to leave Orange, and I do not want to change tariff, as I think it's the cheapest for my needs (I blogged it here). Plus I don't want PAYG, or a hugely-expensive monthly contract (my monthly contract never costs me more than £3-4 at present (often it's only 40 or 50p, so costs them more than that to send out and direct debit my bank account, but that's all part of the fun!), because I don't make many outgoing calls, and that price-match plan only charges for calls.

So, I'm now looking for the cheapest SIM-free (or cheaply unlocakable) deal on a decent camera phone. Preferably one that will bluetooth to my PC to download images. And that has voice-activated dialling. Damo, damn you for mentioning the Sony T610 (replacement to the T68i which several people I know are very happy with)! Cheapest SIM-free (that I could find in 5 minutes) on that is £216.99, but they are out of stock. And I don't need something that 'good'. Cheapest Orange contract on that is £25pm, which is £300, so it's cheaper to buy the phone outright, rather than take the contract for 12 months then revert to my existing tariff (I'm trying to think of all the Value options!).

Info from Witchy sources suggests that Tesco are doing £25 off a selection of phones at present. Either get the discount in-store by spending £25 and take the phone away, or order off the net and wait a couple of days. The phones are locked and they want £30 to unlock... BUT it's a top-up price (rather than an unlock price) and you can use the £30 credit and the phone is auto-unlocked. Tesco Mobile prices seem OK - 20p per minute at all times, to all kinds of phone (including cross-network mobile), 10p for a text message. And you can transfer your existing number FOC, if you want.

So, I could buy a Siemens MC60 for £99.99, top it up with £30, get it unlocked, and stick my existing SIM-card in it. Then I have the possibility of 2 networks in case I'm in an area of poor coverage (which I often am). And, if I could be botherd to keep swapping the SIM-cards, I could use the £30 credit for outgoing calls. And you might get some pictures (the reason I posted few before was because the page loaded too slowly for me, even without pics; but, now that Little BT Man has sorted out my connection and Little Computer Man has sorted out my PC, there is hope... Go on, talk me into it :)

And, anyone with a cameraphone - can you say what sort, pros and cons and whether you'd buy it again? Ta.

Christmas Gift Ideas Part 4: for People who already have Everything

Several years ago Mummy & Daddy BW moved house. When they did so they discarded as much as they could of a lifetime of clutter. Their philosophy was, "If we don't do it now, you'll be doing it later." And that's true - as my brother lives in California, it would fall completely to us. And they know that I am a worse hoarder than Mummy BW and that there isn't room at The Coven for all the things I'd want to keep 'just in case' or 'because I can't bear to throw it away because it reminds me of..."

So - we reached an agreement. No useless christmas presents. Only edible ones and subscription ones. So, Mummy BW gets an annual subscription to the RHS and Daddy BW gets an annual subscription to National Geographic. They enjoy those every month throughout the year, and are reminded of us every time a new issue drops through the letterbox (plus they get free entry to many gardens through the RHS). And it's no hassle for us as it is all paid by direct debit, automatically. Of course they get little edible presents too (usually things that we have made ourselves, which they value more than things we could buy as we have spent time on them).

Similar presents would be a subscription to any magazine, English Heritage or The National Trust.

I still think that the best present I have ever been given is a lifetime's membership to the National Trust. If you happen to get an inheritance, or an unexpected bonus or windfall, think about it. A lifetime of free outings for you and a contribution to saving the UK's most beautiful places (do use the Gift Aid option and they can reclaim the tax and you can offset it against your tax bill if you are a higher rate taxpayer).

Thought for the day

Quality time is balanced time.

Help!

When I work a 12 hour day, without a break, like today, the last thing I want to find at the end of it is that my bloody phone handset is knackered.

I suppose I shouldn't be so cross, as I've had a mobile phone for 11 years now and only ever had 4 handsets, but...

In The Beginning, I knew absolutely everything about every network, package, handset etc etc. Now I know *nothing* about handsets at all, and actually only want one that will allow me to make and receive calls. That is it. Forget all the gadgets and gizmos, I want functionality.

I'm quite happy with my current package (the Orange EQ Virgin one that I've mentioned before) and network (Orange), and I need to keep my exisiting number.

So, all I need is a new handset. Preferably one that is voice activated.

Orange themselves tell me I can have either a Nokia 3510i or 5210 (I think those were the numbers anyway) tomorrow for £119. Methinks there is probably a cheaper option, but I haven't got any spare time at the moment to look around.

Any ideas - or advice on handsets?

Christmas Gift Ideas Part 3: for Children

I cannot bear the plethora of tacky, pointless, plasticy, badly constructed, playthings that are manufactured these days.

Two places that sell excellent, good value, educational toys that kids love are:

1. The Happy Puzzle Company

2. Orchard Toys

Will Santa visit you?

Apply here.

If you want to print it off you'll find the download button at the bottom for a .pdf file.

Thought for the day

Love and Peace are beings who live as possibiities in us.

- Mary Caroline Richards

Staples

Since November 2000 I have used nearly 5000 No 56 26/6 (desk stapler size) staples. They cost me 64p + VAT. I must remember to get some more.

They've got the bastard!

Saddam Hussein captured.

There might be some justice in the world yet...

Thought for the day

Goodness is stronger than evil
Love is stronger than hate
Light is stronger than darkness
Life is stronger than death

- Bishop Desmond Tutu

Cheese Shop

If I were only allowed to eat one food for the rest of my life it would be cheese. Yes, I know that it wouldn't be a very long life if I exclusively ate something with such high fat, but, if I were only only allowed to eat one thing, I wouldn't care anyway.

There are some wonderful cheeses around, even in the supermarkets, at the moment. The white stilton with mango and ginger is particuarly recommended. Although I wish that the white stilton with lemon peel would reappear around here.

On Friday I was delighted to find that a very Selfridges-Food-Hall-type deli had opened in a town about 10 miles away from The Coven. And that they had some Vacherin Mont d'Or in stock. It's years since I've had that - probably last time I was somewhere with a decent cheese shop, like Totnes, Harrogate or Ludlow.

Vacherin Mont d'Or is "An uncooked soft cheese made from cow's milk. The mountain farmers from the Haut Doubs make this cheese from Montbéliard cow's milk as soon as the cows come in from the pastures in early Autumn. They continue to produce the cheese until 31st March. It is left to mature in the cellar and the final ripening stage takes place in a spruce wood box, where the cheese is kept for at least 3 weeks. This gives the crust a slight smell of resin. It is light in colour, soft and creamy.
It is usually eaten at the end of a meal with white or red wine from the Arbois or the Jura. It can also be eaten with a spoon, or served hot on boiled potatoes." Don't tempt me :)

Legend has it that the cold Alpine winters made it impossible to deliver milk, so this ultra creamy, runny cheese was made with the milk instead. It was so runny that a band of spruce was placed around it to prevent the rind from cracking.

Vacherin now has an AOC designation (French Government's regulation to protect the names of regional products), but the Swiss can also produce Vacherin Mont D'or due to a legal mix-up. No comment :)

Another cheesophile blogger described the Vacherin experience: "The rind was a light beige, dusted with a fine velvety white mold. It bulged voluptuously in luscious and supple ripples and folds, and the spruce band gave a pleasant, cedar-like aroma. After letting it come to room temperature, I cut off the rind, and dug in with a spoon. It was so runny that I was certain that if I tipped the box to the side, the pate would flow out like a calm river. It tasted fruity, nutty and milky, with a slight tang, but the balsam strip smoothed out the tang with its woodsy flavor."

The Vacherin we scoffed last night was a section from a large one (brie-like in shape). The two I have ordered for christmas are going to come in their own little wooden boxes I'm told. I've already been advised to leave it out of the fridge and to break the rind and scoop it out with a teaspoon onto suitable biscuits (we had some very nice wheat thins with fennel seeds last night). However, I'm fairly sure that more than one teaspoonful will be going straight into my mouth. Undoubtedly the best way to eat it :)

And don't even start me on Cornish Yarg... or Village Green hard goats' cheese...

The 34th Weekly Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

There are 5 contenders this week. And, good grief! For once I haven't had to resort to comments for giggles either!

Contender 1: DG started my week off with a chuckle:

"The government is considering giving 16 year olds the vote. According to ITV viewers, the Record Of The Year 2003 is Mandy by Westlife. I think the latter is all the evidence needed to stop the former."

Contender 2: When I'd finished feeling numb over mike leaving blogworld, his last line was actually very funny:

P.P.S. Yes, I know that there aren’t any links in any of the above. Fuck off, I’m dead. Now go outside and look at the fucking flowers.

Amazing how often his ghost has reappeared in various places though. Spectre's finding it hard to leave it all behind :)

There was another funnier bit.
But, under duress, it got edited.
Hope you saw it :)

And thanks for the thought mike, it was sweet of you, the Gang of Three appreciated it, but, as we all knew, it was never going to work.

Contender 3: Poor Steve. Invaded by aliens. Or something ;)

"Fucked off in a "what's the point" kind of way. ***** came home last night trailing mum & auntie [pat, probably - the lower classes always have an auntie pat], and twelve bags of shopping from Sinsbury's - about six months worth of food that will languish in our fridge for two weeks before he throws it out. Meanwhile, I can't get to my Chicken Korma. He then left the oven on all night, and when I went to tick him off about it found him in bed with a gaydar stray - WHO WASN'T THERE WHEN I WENT TO BED."

Contender 4: NiC is trying very hard to have some competitions. He'd like some entries. So go and try them out. While you're there, see if this makes you laugh as much as it made me laugh.

Contender 5:Why, oh why, did Web User magazine (print version) edit out the best line from DG's submission to their 12 Weblogs of christmas feature?

"Piles of grinning Santas on newsagents' floors herald the birth of the double issue Radio Times, that essential entertainment guide to the 14 days of Christmas. Can you spot where Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is hiding this year? Grab a pen, grab the family and plan your festive viewing, even though you know you'll all end up playing some interminable board game instead, missing that great film, that hour-long sitcom and that utterly crucial soap episode. Ah, if only anyone knew how to set the video. But don't worry, because they always repeat these Christmas specials in August anyway."

Winners, to this, and the Updating Your Links Draw, coming later. First, we have to admire the christmas tree, lights and cards that Mr BW put up yesterday, and prepare for an invasion of women.

Later: The Women have Invaded and have picked the winners of the Updated Links Points.

1st prize: 3 points to e
2nd prize: 2 points to Moi
3rd prize: 1 point to La P

*Thinks* Shit. Sending honey to the US or Canada is going to be expensive. D'Ove power can't get that far...

Thanks to everyone who has updated their links already. And friendly nudges to those of you who haven't.

This weeks' MBWLA winner is.... 2-Agas mike. 2 points and The Trophy. But, sadly mike, you are still 3 points short of a honetary prize. However, my understanding is that honey has been found in Egyptian tombs and still been edible. I therefore conclude that dead people don't eat honey, although if you are still trapped in purgatory, presumably you could still post the odd post or odd comment which might make me laugh? :)

And why have I had numerous search hits for "blue guilty" today? It took me a while to realise that there was a group called that. My conscience was troubling me...

If you haven't already done it, you now have 4 and a bit hours to change your links to BW and stick your name in the comments box a few post down to be in the "Draw for Updating your BW Link" - results will be announced with the MBWLA tomorrow.

Oh, and go and click the easyJet 25p to Whizz Kids link a few more times, will you? It's raising £1,000 a day for disadvantaged kids.

Christmas Gift Ideas Part 2: for Cooks

I'm very fussy about the gadgets I allow in my kitchen. Few meet my requirements for functionality, dishwasherability and ease of use.

One that I would not be without, and that I would recommend as a gift for any keen cook who doesn't already have one, is a Microplane.

Reading the guff on the website, I discovered that these hand-held graters were originally:

"Developed for the woodshop... "

*Thinks* best watch out next time Mr Wizz comes round or he'll be nicking them for his wood turning :)

"...perfected for the kitchen. With patented cutting edges originally designed for shaving wood, the 35000 series Microplane® graters were created to meet the demand for a better kitchen grater. The graters are dishwasher-safe and feature surgical-grade stainless steel blades available in five unique blade styles, clear plastic frames and ergonomic handles available in a red or black."

I have 2 of this sort (they are easily available in this country eg Lakeland do them, as do most good kitchen shops), a medium and an extra coarse (with blue handles, of course), and two more that are completely stainless steel that MrBW found when he was in the US.

They will grate through anything easily - even Parmesan, fresh ginger, nutmeg or chocolate, and, if you are daft enough to grate your finger/knuckles, the edge is so sharp that it's about 15 minutes before you feel the pain!

They're not cheap - around £17.95 each - but would be one of my 5 desert island kitchen implements. And, oooh, look, Delia agrees with me I've just found :)

Problems at The Coven

*Wipes sticky creamy mess off keyboard. Brushes crumbs off sheets (of paper)*

I have a note from my ISP,

"Dear Mrs BW, please note that as of yesterday spam has been outlawed."

Spam? Spam? There's not much spam in lime cheesecake!

However, that's the last time I try sending lime cheesecake as an attachment. It bounced. Spectacularly. Sorry, if you want some you'll now have to make your own. The recipe is below. It is very simple.

Mr BW is at home today, using up holiday he can't carry over, and getting on my nerves and in my way doing all sorts of useful jobs so that I can get on with the important things in life, like blogging :)

Seriously though, there is to be an invasion of Mr BW's friends for the weekend, and apparently a 7 month pregnant woman has to sleep in my bed tomorrow night. Apparently not with Mr BW. Hmmmm.

Google is doing me proud. Since I was found on Wednesday late morning, this New Dress is already number 39 for "Blue Witch" (out of 721,000), old site still number one and two. Why do I care so much about that? Considering that I like being Anonymous Witch, I should hate it. Nothing about me ever made any sense. Don't look for a reason. I don't :)

Against my better judgment, the christmas tree has just come into The Coven. It's been sitting in a bucket of water outside the workshop for the past week or so. It's been wrapped up in one of those white nets, and it's exactly the same height as Mr BW (6'3"), and looks so much like him in his outdoor scruffy clothes (old green fleece, covered with white paint from some past painting job) that I've been talking to it every time I've gone past.

Talking to christmas trees, whatever next?
Anything is possible, watch this space.

BTW, if you're new round here, thanks for dropping by, and do say "Hi" in the comments. I remember when I first started reading blogs I used to want to say things sometimes and then feel inhibited as (some sites) seemed a bit cliquey and it felt like it would be an intrustion. The banter is all part of it. The more you join in, the more you get out of it. A bit like life, really. Damn, there goes another TFTD...

Thought for the day

"Blogging is like smack. But with less needles."

- Ron

I considered editing this, but decided to leave it in all its Northern simplicity :)

For those who are not aware (lucky things), please note that the last line refers to an ongoing situation with which Ron and I are both happy comfortable. Well, I am anyway :)

What is your favourite christmas carol?

Mine is Once in Royal David's City.
The clean words ;)

Forgive me Planet Earth for I have sinned...

...it was very foggy and dark and I had four lime cheesecake passengers on the seats and I needed to empty my glass into the recycling bin on the way to the Nice Ladies christmas Party last night and they'd changed the bins from the ones where you put one bottle at a time into the hole to the ones where you lift the lid and the bulbs in the lights were out (probably removed by the people next door who don't want the bottle bank situated where it is) and I was late and, and, and.... *shakes nervously* I am sorry I tipped all the glass into the green bin which means a few clear ones got in with the green ones and maybe a brown one or two but it was the green bin and not the clear bin I did think about that and I'm sure it won't make much difference by the time it's melted down unless you intended that lot for crushing into those nasty decorative glass chips you buy at tacky garden centres in which case I am really really sorry but as penance I did rescue all the glass bottles from the bin at the end of the NLCP last night and got someone else to take them to the recycling bin on their way home rather than have them all go into landfill.

Please forgive me Planet Earth, I have recycled every other recyclable thing possible for years and years.

If I ask my nice readers to recycle all the envelopes and stamps from their christmas cards, please can I be forgiven? I'll even find out which charities still collect used stamps (gone are the days when Blue Peter wanted stampts - now they want hard cash, don't they?) and post the details.

There's a whole lime cheesecake left over in my fridge.
The Nice Ladies wanted smaller portions than I'd catered for.
You're in luck, email me if you want some.

And all the recipe sheets went, so I know what lots of local families will be eating this christmas. Perhaps I'll write an article about it for the Parish Magazine.

Christmas Gift Ideas Part 1: for Girls

If you're still stuck for gift ideas, I'll post a few ideas over the next few days. All tried and tested by me. So you know they'll be good :)

Today, I'd like to recommend a recently published book written by a friend of Mr BW's, Liz Kessler. She is a writer and journalist, and teaches writing (as well as many other things). It's her first book, and it's excellent (it must be, because when I got my copy, I sat down and read it from coover to cover without a break, and I'm not a great reader of fiction). Before it was even published, she already had a deal for a second book (due out next year), and the world-wide rights, and audio rights, had been sold.
The next JKR? You read it here first folks!

It's called "The Tail of Emily Windsnap", and the
Berkshire Library Service said this about it:

"Emily lives on a houseboat but strangely has never been allowed to learn how to swim. At her new school she suddenly has the chance to learn. As she dives in she is suddenly aware that her legs are getting heavy and in their place she has a mermaid's tail. As she secretly explores the new under-water world around her home, she enters the world of merfolk. Here she begins to question her own history - did her father really walk out on her? What happens when humans and merfolk meet and worse still fall in love? As she uncovers the truth, Emily must set her parents free from Neptune's wrath.

This title quickly draws the reader into a new and interesting watery world. A pacey gripping read appropriate for KS2 and lower KS3 readers."

Another review on a family website said:

The Tail of Emily Windsnap by Liz Kessler is an adventure about a girl who learns her family secrets. She braves Neptune’s wrath to unite her mother and father. This is a magical fantasy that is exciting and highly original.

Here's what the publisher (I suspect) said:

"Emily lives on a boat, but her mother has always been oddly anxious to keep her out of the water, and it is only when she has her first school swimming lesson that she discovers it is her natural element. It hardly surprises her to find that as soon as she gets into the sea, she grows a tail. Now Emily dives under water to explore a glorious world of fishes, coral, shipwrecks and, of course, mermaids. She finds a best friend another mermaid. She learns how her mother fell in love with a merman, how her father was snatched away when Emily was a baby, and how her mother's memory was blocked by an agent of the merfolk. And in an unexpected and exciting denouement she reunites the family at last. This enchanting fantasy, with its vivid scenes of a brilliantly realized underwater world, tells the story of a delightful and wholly believable girl. Strongly plotted, it deals with universal themes of families, friendship, love and justice all handled with a lightness of touch and an assurance that marks Liz Kessler out as a highly accomplished writer."

Recommended for children with a reading age of 7-11 I'd say. More a girls' story I'd suspect, but boys might read their sisters' copies if their mates weren't looking :)

It's particularly good Value (£7.99 for a hardback - Ha! So it looks like it cost more, always a Value Buying Point :)) and the dustcover is beautiful.

And, in the spirit of my BW says Boycot Amazon this christmas campaign, here's the link to Bookbrain. Liz is out and about doing signings and publicity too, so you may catch her at a bookshop or event near you.

(Hello Liz, when you get here (she doesn't know about BW yet) - and I reckon that's a free copy of your next one that you owe me, yes? :) )

Thought for the day

Eagles come in all shapes and sizes, but you will recognise them chiefly by their attitudes.

- Charles Prestwich Scott