Blue Witch

Blogland is more complicated than life

My apologies to anyone who has come over here recently and been mystified by what has been going on.

One of my biggest hates is having information and no pegs to hang it from. I could write a long post of explanation, but I'm not going to.

Attempting to adopt a totally dispassionate social anthropological stance, the best conceptual explanation / image that I have come up with for blogland is of an infinite series of interlocking Venn Diagrams, on many different levels and in several dimensions, including invisible ones. The invisible ones being extra-blogular real-life and cyber- relationships.

If one superimposes that image onto the one I described on Friday, whereby the development of blogs and blogland can be seen in the same terms as the development of physical geographic communities, I hope that you are now totally baffled.

What I'm trying to say is that there are no easy answers.

It's time for a lid to be put on what has happened, and for a line to be drawn under it.
The issues have been raised.
Hopefully everyone has learnt from it.
I know I have.

I shall not be commenting, posting, or reading further on the issue.

Normal service will be resumed soon.

The 42nd Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

I'm not posting one today, out of respect for the not insignificant number of us who are feeling, let's say, confused and upset by evolutionary processes. I understand only too well what is going on; at this moment in time I just don't know how to handle it. And I'm never one to duck an issue.

So, instead I will give you the dual-purpose Qantas sick bag. Which made me laugh lots a couple of weeks ago.
Unfortunately, I can't get the white writing on the red, half way down on the left (which is the funny bit), sharp enough to be read at low resolution - but, it says, "Please take this bag with you and pass on to family or friends if you are unable to use."

Position Statement

With everything that has been going on around and about in corners of this little corner of blogland in the past 24 hours, I really want to finish a post I started a while ago that I was going to put up on my blogday back on January 4th.

It's about the development of blogs and blogland being like the development of physical geographic communities. There's lots of analogies: initial settlements around waterholes, leading to the establishment of neighbourhoods, composed of buildings of differential size and composition, then the building of important buildings such as places to worship, places to be entertained, places to replenish one's stocks of physical and spiritual commodities. Then, along come more people and new towns are established, and with new towns come all sorts of encumbent problems, which require a whole new set of solutions... And so it goes on.

But, I really can't be bothered to put in the effort to finish it.
I can't even be bothered to look out my first draft, which was actually rather excellent, even if I do say it myself, and may be almost publish-ready.

I'm feeling very disenchanted.

You see, since I've been back from my trip, I've been very aware of changes in tone in many quarters. And, in my opinion, not for the better I might add. Certain of my favourite bloggers are not posting in the way, or with the same regularity as they previously have. The two events may or may not be connected. It may just be the time of year. Or something else entirely.

But, it's made me very uncomfortable, and, as some of you will have seen, I attempted to get a few issues on the table, within the context in which they had been raised, last night. The fall-out that there has been today may become legendary.

Go and read what Elsie has to say on the subject (particularly the last paragraph). It exactly sums up my feelings, much more cogently than I could have.

Elsie and I shared a view on Belle de Jour from the outset. We've both blogged and commented on it. Regular readers of BW will know that I make no secret of my disgust (and I've chosen that word carefully) at the way in which The Guardian choosing Belle de Jour as its winner this year has tarnished the image of serious, real, bloggers.

Earlier this week I got proof of my feeling. I was talking to a therapist friend of mine about an idea I've been working on for a while in my head. The use of blogging as a therapeutic tool for youngsters with particular problems. My belief is that voice recognition software is now so good that anyone can blog if they can speak. I won't go into the idea in detail now as it's unimportant to the point I am trying to make. I asked her what, if anything, she knew about blogging. She said to me, "Oh yes, I read about that in the paper. It's all about sex isn't it?"

The final insult has just been delivered by my stats. This afternoon someone ended up here having done a Google search on related:belledejour. For some reason I am the 21st of the 21 returns.

And, I'd just like to repeat something I said elsewhere earlier, for the benefit of those who didn't see it. I've never felt the need to make this sort of statement before, because I've always believed that most people who choose to visit here regularly will understand it. But, as I was accused of hiding behind a persona, I'd just like to be clear.

"Yes, I have a 'persona' of a BW. I hope that [anyone who actually knows me] will confirm that I am very similar to that person in real life. The only reason that I don't use my real name or post identifying pictures is that I can't, for professional reasons. Blogging is my outlet, my sanity, to the work I do that can be very emotionally draining, and disturbing. My clients do not need to have access to that. And nor do my family and friends. I hope that you can respect that."

Actually, right now I feel as I felt last summer when someone who will remain nameless made me feel that my blog wasn't a safe place to say what I wanted to say. I feel, once again, as if all my confidence in blogging has been ripped right out of my heart.

I know there are errors in this post. I just don't feel like fixing them.

PAYG is a rip-off

Nothing like a little push to get me peering into my Value Files to help you save money...

DG mentioned today that I'd probably have "something to say" on the subject of mobile phone pricing. And I do! By chance, yesterday's lunchtime e-mail from Motley Fool (a financially-based website, with discussion boards on every possible financial subject, as well as practically every other subject under the sun) contained a report by Jane Mack (one of their staff writers) entitled, "Pay-As-You-Go Callers Ripped Off".

It's the sort of article I'd have written, if I could have been bothered. It deals with one of my favourite hobby horses, Complexity Theory. I believe, strongly, that most companies deliberately make 'things' so complicated that people won't understand them. If people don't understand, they won't question whether they are getting a good deal or could get a better deal elsewhere, so will buy overpriced goods and services, so putting money into the senior managers' performance bonuses and into the shareholders bank accounts.

I'll reproduce the article in full.

Why, Oh, Why, do businesses have to complicate matters for their paying customers so much? Much as I welcome having a choice, I hate it when there's too much to choose from.

Take mobile phones for example. Quite apart from the innumerable types, styles and prices of phones on offer, you've also got to evaluate your usage regarding phone calls, text messages or sending those picture thingies in order to decipher whether a contract or Pay-As-You-Go system provides better value for money.

As it happens the vast majority of mobile users (70% of them - 36m people) use PAYG and you'd think, on the face of it, that PAYG would be simply priced, wouldn't you? Not likely. It all depends on whether you're phoning 1) a landline, 1) a mobile on the same network as you 3) a mobile that operates via a rival network, 4) a foreign country and 5) if calling abroad, which country you're calling.

Oh, and don't forget the differing peak and off-peak rates and the fact that there may be a minimum charges regardless of length of call.

Not surprisingly, according to a new report, nearly half of PAYG users haven't a clue about how much they're paying for their calls because of all these different and confusing price structures. The research claims that PAYG customers are being ripped off to the tune of £573 million a year by having to pay an average of 60% more for their calls than contract users.

Equally unsurprising is that the report has come from the video mobile network company, 3, who have a new product to launch. It's aimed at frequent PAYG users who typically spend £15 or more on top-up vouchers each month. The new scheme will charge 'one simple tariff' for all voice calls to any network at any time of the day in the UK.

Even here though, you've got to choose what sort of top-up voucher you want - either 100 minutes for £15, 500 minutes for £25 or 750 minutes for £35. Apparently you'll get three times as many minutes on the phone from your £25 voucher as you would with a rival network's £25 voucher. However, the vouchers only last for 30 days so whichever one you buy you've got to spend it before the month is up. In other words, use it or lose it.

As I said, why do companies have to make things so complicated?

Whether you're currently on contract or on a PAYG scheme, the Consumers' Association has a price comparison calculator which might help you decide whether there's a better deal to switch to. On your behalf, it'll check out 5 networks, 13 providers and 300 different tariffs!

The Which? link mentioned at the end there says that "a recent Which? Survey found that 45% of adult prepay customers could save money by switching to a contract. And almost all of the 100 Which? members on current contract tariffs that we looked at could save, on average, £80 a year. But 70% of adult mobile phone users - 22 million people - have never even considered changing deals.... The research has found that mobile phone shops often give biased and poor tariff advice and steer people towards expensive tariffs.... This level of confusion is shown by the fact that 43 per cent of contract customers in our survey either didn't know what tariff they were on or couldn't estimate their monthly bill."

And, just a reminder, that, for low and medium mobile phone users, I still think that the best deal is the one that I described last June. Provided that you don't make a lot of long cross-network calls. But, as ever, do your own research: use the Which? comparison site.

Update: I've just used that site and it doesn't even mention the tariff I recommend, which is cheaper than any of those that they do. I wonder why? Interesting...

Thought for the day

Life is like a library owned by an author. In it are a few books, which he wrote himself, but most of them were written for him.

- Harry Emerson Fosdick

Dilemma

In my work, the thing I excel at is opening people's minds to what they could achieve, rather than creating an illusion of being helpful by offering complex explanations for why they can't. Lateral thinking, problem solving, enabling, inspiring. My magic works with teachers, parents, kids. Even other professionals. People tell me I'm good at it. Sometimes (depending on my state of mind at the time) I even believe them. What I do makes a difference (I hate that expression), it changes lives. But it's not enough for me.

I am becoming increasingly disenchanted. I love the face-to-face work with people. I hate the associated paperwork. No matter which way I look at it, there's no solution to that. I've always hated it, even when I had a full-time secretary (actually, once I had 1.3 secretaries all to myself, and they used to work flat-out to keep up with my requirements). You can usually tell when I have lots of paperwork to do as it's generally the days when I write most here :)

But, what to do instead? I've been doing what I do now for nearly 16 years. Since leaving university I've spent my entire working life in education. I know my field inside out. I have an extensive network of acquaintances who I can rely on to answer anything I can't. I have respect. People trust me. I like both those things.

I've done the "What Color (sic) is Your Parachute" book, that seems to work for everyone else, umpteen times now. It always comes out the same. Something creative. And yes, I can do creative. Arty, crafty, designy, displayey, gardeny; all things I enjoy and can do to a good standard. But, there's no motivation for me to do any more of any of these than I do already as I wouldn't have anywhere to put any of the products. So, I'd need to find a market. With the concept of 'market' comes all the things that, as I get older, I increasingly despise, and do my best of avoid: the 3Cs: Commercialism, Capitalism, Consumerism.

And, the sort of money that I'd earn doing any of these things full-time is a fraction of what I can currently earn in just one day. So, there's no financial motivation. In fact, there's no need for me to work at all. Because of the way I manage our finances and play offset games with banks' money at 0%, we can live more than comfortably on just Mr BW's salary. So, the only motivation I have to work is to get the mortgage paid off more quickly. Every time I do a day's work, that's another 0.4% off the outstanding mortgage. That is my only motivation.

So, I carry on doing it. Only enjoying the bit when I am outside The Coven, doing what I do best, working with people in their own environment.

Sometimes I just think I want it all. Most people would be more than content with the lot I've got. But, I'm a perfectionist and an idealist. I doubt I'll ever be truly happy. And I doubt that I'll ever accept that it's OK for it to be how it is. Because it isn't. And it's troubling me.

Out of the mouths of babes

True story, reported to me by a headteacher yesterday.

Little girl (not quite 5) (to class teacher): Mummy and daddy are coming to pick me up tonight!

Classteacher: That's nice, is that mummy's new (*searches for right word*) friend?

Little girl: Yes, but he's not her boyfriend, he's just the man she sleeps with. (pause) And he puts up shelves.

Thought for the day

Not only is there no God, try getting a plumber on the weekend.

- Woody Allen

Magic too far

There's another in the series of places/things to identify immediately below this. However, I've just noticed that when loading the page the text isn't always there. And, more bizarrely, when moving between windows the text disappears. So, if the text isn't there, scroll down and up again and it should be.

Who, what, where, why, how?

Where's this?

Can you think of a good caption?

One liners

We were talking to a friend last night about excellent put downs, and concluded that Karen from Will & Grace does a good line in them.

I reckoned that there must be a compendium of her best lines somewhere on the net, but I've failed to find it. We couldn't even think of terribly many between us. We managed:

"I would do it, but I don't want to." (Mr BW is just waiting for the right meeting / occasion to use that one).

"What's it all about? Oh wait, I don't give a crap!"

"Gosh, I'm almost on the verge of not disliking you!"

How many others can we come up with?

Thought for the day

The one important thing that I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous.

- Margot Fonteyn

Frying tonight?

I've just realised that it's Shrove Tuesday.

And I remember I posted an excellent recipe for batter last year, when I used to write decent posts.

So, here it is again:

Blue Witch's Best Beer Batter Recipe
(enough for at least a dozen pancakes)

Place 4oz (100g) self-raising flour (if you've only got plain flour it will do, but self-raising gives a puffier texture) in a large bowl. Make a well (dip) in the centre of the flour. Beat up 1 egg in a cup or jug with a fork. Tip it into the flour. Measure out 1/2 pint (300ml) of beer (lager or bitter, it doesn't matter). Using an electric whisk if you have one (if not, a hand whisk, a wooden spoon or even a fork will do) start to mix the egg into the flour. As soon as it stops being all gooey, add 1 tbs of oil and keep beating. Then add about a quarter of the beer and mix again. If it goes a bit lumpy, don't give up, keep mixing, it will go smooth. Then add another quarter of the beer, beat again, and repeat until all the beer is mixed in. If the worst comes to the worst you can always push the lot through a sieve which will remove any lumps, but, if you add the liquid bit by bit it shouldn't happen. It's best if you can leave the batter to stand for 20-30 minutes before using it, but it will be OK to use it straight away if you can't wait.

Hints:

1. It's fine to use last night's flat beer, provided that you can be sure it is only beer left in the can, glass or bottle ;)

2. It is best to use a very hot frying pan and a tiny drop of oil, swirled round over the entire base of the pan and then tip away the excess (or heat the pan + oil until very hot then wipe the excess round with a piece of kitchen roll, or an old handkerchief, if you must ;) Ladle (or pour) in the batter, swirl it round very rapidly and immediately tip out the excess that doesn't set. That's the easiest way of getting a thin, even coating.

3. Tossing is all in the wrist action ;) The inexperienced of you may prefer to flip your pancakes over using a spatula or by slipping them out of the pan onto a dinner plate (so that the cooked side rests on the plate) and then inverting the plate over the pan so the pancake falls back in onto its raw side. Actually, that sounds more complicated and potentially more messy than launching the half-cooked pancake into the air and hoping for the best. If it sticks to the ceiling or falls on the floor you can always drown your sorrows by drinking the rest of the beer I suppose.

I wonder if I can get away with reposting last year's archive again on a day-by-day basis?

Who, what, where, why, how?

Which of my regular visitors/commentators has posted a wonderful piece that answers all my questions about the Sydney Opera House? Thank you to... who?
Update: Yes, Elsie's got this one too... twas drD.

And, how many tiles are there on the roof?

Coven Life

I was just going to bed last night, blundering about in the semi-darkness having taken out my contact lenses and not having had the foresight to locate my glasses, when what should I hear on the bedroom TV, that MrBW had fallen asleep watching, but an article on camels. Something to do with the Middle East Big Brother, but I couldn't hear what as I didn't have my eyes in. Somehow I need my visual abilities working in order to hear. Am I the only one?

This morning I was awoken from my slumbers by Mr BW.

Mr BW: Come quick BW, look, there's a pheasant on top of the greenhouse with one of the D'Oves!

Me: *bleugh...* Oh damn, it'll break the glass! And look, there's another 6 or 7 of them eating from the grass garden below the D'Ove Cote! *wails* They'll eat all the shoots of my bulbs, oh doooo something!

Mr BW: *runs out of back door, down gravel path, waving arms about, shouting* Shoo! Shoo!

That's funnier if you know that he was shaving at the time and had no clothes on. And that it was 1 degree with a semi-hard frost.

It's just started to snow here, and it's cold enough for it to lay...

Who, what, where, why, how?

This orchid is in the VIP Orchid Garden in Singapore.
After whom is it named?

Not a brilliant pic, but I don't want to make it too easy. And, it's very funny. And I haven't got a better pic, although I'll have a go at playing with parts of it later :)

Later: Well done to Elsie for guessing it's the Margaret Thatcher Orchid. Don't you just love the twisted petals and royalesque colourway? :) And won't you just love it when I've been on a weekend Photoshop course in a month's time and can manage to play with images properly? :)

Thought for the day

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

- Mark Twain

One spell at a time

I knew that the man who called me an "allegedly self-aware camel" (hmmmm, yes, I rather liked that :)) this morning had gone off in another hissy fit for a good reason. I just can't keep all those spells on the boil at once, can I?

Mr 2-Agas is threatening a come-back if we answer all of his questions correctly. Oh how precious excellent :)

Why...

.. are there people called April, May, June and even Jan, but none (that I've ever heard of at least) called after any of the other months of the year?

Who, what, where, why, how?

Well done to drD for (almost) getting the last one. It's still open for the necessary slight correction...

Here's number 3, which I'd already uploaded when I visited BignJuicyVille to see what he'd been up to (spooky).

What is this?

As before, partial guesses welcome and I may even add clues with my answers to them (remember all these places are places we visited on our recent trip).

Who, what, where, why, how?

Number 2 then.
Hopefully this one is more difficult than the last...which lasted 22 minutes precisely.

What's this?

Again, partial guesses welcome. I may even say yes or no to questions.

Who, what, where, why, how?

The Coven is full of orchids (Singapore airport, very cheap, last ages, therefore qualify as a Value Product), The Coven Grounds are full of snow, and my hard drive is full of pictures just dying for exposure.

So... what's this?

Partial guesses welcome. I may even say yes or no to questions.

Update: That one was too easy, wasn't it? 22 minutes for a correct answer. Well done G.

Recycling

Haven't had a whinge on this subject for ages, so, here we go.

The Governement produced a Waste Strategy 2000, in response to EU directives. There are very stringent, legislatively set, targets to be met for recycling materials. Defra figures for the UK for 2004-8 are here.

It is already generally accepted that the UK will fail to meet these targets. For example, The Environmental Services Association, a UK waste trade association, has calculated that if action isn’t taken, the country will fall short of its 2015 target to recover two-thirds of municipal wate by 11 million tonnes. The target to recycle or compost a third of all household waste will fall short by five million tonnes.

"According to calculations by ESA, by 2015 local authorities will have recovered 27 million tonnes of waste. But at the present rate of recovery, the UK will only be able to recapture 16 million tonnes of waste. A similar shortfall will occur for recycled and composted household waste, with a projected seven million tonnes predicted to be processed by 2015 at the current rate of waste growth, compared with targets of 12 million."

I last spoke to the Recycling Officer at my local council just before christmas. I'm still very concerned that there are no local facilities to dispose of batteries (particularly the rechargeable sort which it specifically says on the packaging should not be put into landfill). Her view was that the public would not accept progress with recycling initiatives at a faster rate than was currently underway. My view was somewhat different, and we had to agree to disagree, although I felt that she actually agreed with me and was merely spouting the official line, which, as far as I can see, has a lot to do with money and little to do with what the public may or may not be prepared to do with their waste. And nothing to do with what's best for the planet.

Currently, the UK sends about 80% of its municipal solid waste to landfill, while Denmark sends 80% of its waste to resource reuse technologies. If they can do it why can't we?

On a trip through Heathrow airport last year, I was pleased to note that there were separate bins for paper, plastic, and cans. These seem to have disappeared now? It would be so easy for there to be either divided bins or separate bins for different sorts of refuse in public places. Like these that we spotted in Hong Kong:

I think that the guard's presence by the bins is a coincidence; however, whatever it takes... :)

Could you be doing more to recycle, either at home, or at work, or by trying to influence others' habits?

Thought for the day

It is sometimes frightening to trust intuition. It is always disastrous not to trust it.

Give a little bit...

There's a song that always amuses me. Johnny Cash's "One piece at a time." All about knocking off a car from a production line by carrying it out gradually, in bits, in a lunchbox. Blue collar crime at its best.

So, in response to popular Northern demand, I've decided to continue my series of partial shots. Here's my foot:

Or this, if you prefer. Only that's me and Mr BW. Near Uluru. And I've got a jar of that wonderful red sand (only it came from near the hotel, not from in the National Park where the Aborigines' tales threaten nasty things if you steal their geology).

Thought for the day

Random drugs testing in schools.

But, what a vehicle for Mr B Liar (do you know, this little anagram has only just dawned on me. Slow or what?) to choose to announce it...

A needle in a haystack

Mr BW has been busy transferring to my PC all our holiday pictures from the various camera and camcorder memory sticks, and from the CDs we had them downloaded to while away.

There seem to be around *coughs* 1600 of them. 2MB each. I am currently looking for the one that I promised NiC yesterday. I am having trouble. I also seem to have filled up my hard drive...

I have found at least a dozen that I am *really* pleased with. Mostly geology, flowers and dinners.

The 41st Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

This week there are 4 now 5 contenders.

Sorry, I'm a bit late getting it up today because we've already moved the cluckers onto The Coven Lawn from The Coven Orchard, where they'd turned the grass into a bog while we were away. It was only 2 degrees when we started at 07.15 and although it took only about 45 minutes to move their ark (with them in it) and then the electric netting which makes their large enclosure, it took another 2 hours to go back to bed and get warm again.

Contender 1: Elsie, who wondered how long it would take people to notice (you have, haven't you?). One minute after she'd posted, comments went as follows:

Was that quick enough?
diamond geezer | Email | Homepage | 02.16.04 - 9:39 am | #

*strokes chin thoughtfully* that was mighty quick DG but considering you had access to the BW files while she was away, perhaps there is an element of cheating?
Elsie | Email | Homepage | 02.16.04 - 9:41 am | #

I didn't have access to those BW files. All my own work. Well, OK, yours...
diamond geezer | Email | Homepage | 02.16.04 - 9:47 am | #

*ties a polo to a piece of string to see if DG is lying*

*gives up and eats the polo (and string)*
Elsie | Email | Homepage | 02.16.04 - 9:48 am | #

...oh, and I'd lurve to know what tracking device dg is using - not sure technorati works that fast for me :^)...
billy | Email | Homepage | 02.16.04 - 9:54 am | #

DG owns the internet.
Elsie | Email | Homepage | 02.16.04 - 9:55 am | #

Contender 2: Ian:

...I am not commenting today as yesterday's comment seemed to upset people...
...so I would be obliged if you would delete this comment before anyone takes offense :^)...
billy | Email | Homepage | 02.17.04 - 12:51 pm | #

Billy, who did you upset?
Witho | Email | Homepage | 02.17.04 - 1:16 pm | #

I assume Billy is referring to his comparison to 'The Office'.
Bollocks to them all Billy - they're probably jealous because I was assigned the role of David Brent.
Probably.
Ian | Email | Homepage | 02.17.04 - 1:32 pm | #

never upset me billy.
Hans | Email | Homepage | 02.17.04 - 1:36 pm | #

That's not what you were saying to me last night Hans.

By the way, what does 'this is in strict confidence' mean ?
Ian | Email | Homepage | 02.17.04 - 1:41 pm | #

Contender 3: Vaughan: (First MBWLA point ever (I think, without checking))

Discord and harmony: the remix

If you're an '80s music fan who is growing weary of compilations of Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, Wham, Thompson Twins, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Blue Rondo a la Turk and Haysi Fantayzee, you'll no doubt be absolutely thrilled to know that there's a new 3-CD boxed set available featuring the greatest 1980s pop icon of them all. Yes, it's the collected speeches of Margaret Thatcher.

Bloody hell, come back Flock of Seagulls - all is forgiven.

Contender 4 is dave.

It's more than my blog is worth to say more than that whatever it was that made me laugh was awfully predictive of the subject of most of my posts yesterday. If you saw it, you'll know to what I refer, I am sure. If you didn't, don't worry yourself about it ;)

Late entrant from his today's post, because I'm feeling kindly disposed towards the North atm: Ron:

Readers may recall my distress at having lost Volume 1 of The Superior Persons Book of Words, from which I pluck obscure and amusing terminology for my own personal edification.

Well, a last minute need to fix my watch strap yesterday required me to get into my toolbox and lo and behold! There it was. How or why I had managed to put my book in my toolbox I’ll never know.

And... the winner just has to be Elsie. Welcome back. The excellent blue lips swung it. However, your points will be removed if you dare to leave us again dear :)

And Hans - I'm keeping note of your comments. They are most, erm, revealing ;)

A real picture of me

Stop the emails, please, the picture of me (taken by Elsie) referred to below is here (8th pic down).

So, now you know :)

*Considers carefully*

Can I be bothered to finish the post I started earlier, before I started talking camels with Steve?

No.

Oh well...

I give up

Now, I know that, in my Antipodean absence, there was a picture of me posted somewhere in blog world. That was entirely with my blessing and permission. Hell, I even posed for it. Some of you may have seen it.

Unfortunately, someone has now posted a picture of me, entirely without my blessing and permission. Thanks Steve, now they'll all know what I *really* look like. Sigh.

Thought for the day

Beware of spiritual bankruptcy.

Today I...

Had to work for the first time in nearly a month.

Saw a man nude. And it wasn't MrBW. Students in college halls with ground-floor rooms really shouldn't open their curtains when they are excited. I smiled. He ducked down quickly. I hoped that he wasn't one of the students I was there to see. Luckily he wasn't.

Got asked out on a date for the first time in x years. x is a number known to me, but not known to MrBW, so it has to remain a secret. That was weird. Don't all men automatically check fingers for rings before asking? I was tempted, especially since MrBW admitted in my comments yesterday that he prefers chocolate to sex. Well, I think that's what he said. I'm still trying to think up a suitable test ;) Any ideas?

Had my professional ego massaged by 3 different people. That was nice.

Bought 2 new pull-outy rails to hang tea towels from as one of the ones I bought 20 years ago has broken. Was disgusted that they cost £15 each as the original ones only cost £2.99 each. I remember buying them well.

Was disturbed that 2 office blocks and a block of flats have sprung up on what were empty spaces in a nearby town since I last went past a month ago.

Rip-off Britain

It usually costs me around £40 (depending on the value of Sainsbury's coupon I have) to fill up Blue Broomstick's diesel fuel tank (for the nice Americans amongst you, that's around US$70 at the current exchange rate).

The hire car we had for three days whilst in Queensland (as the weather and jellyfish were so bad that we couldn't beach or dive) had the same size tank (50 litres). We three quarters filled it, to replace the fuel we'd used, before returning it. It cost less than £10. So, it is roughly AU$ for GBP in price. So, vehicle fuel is four times more expensive here than in Australia.

A couple of years ago I went out to Las Vegas with Mr BW. While he was working at his exhibition, I went out riding in the desert with a friend and her friend. We stopped for fuel and it cost me less to fill up all three motorbike tanks than it cost me to fuel my own bike at home. And all three bikes were over 1000 cc, so had bigger tanks than my bike at home. Aside: The one I was lent was an 1100cc Harley-esque-stylee Moto Guzzi. That might impress dave :) It scared hell out of me.

I've noticed that petrol and diesel around here have gone up again while we were away. At its cheapest, petrol is now 75.9 ppl and diesel 77.9ppl. I thought I'd do a quick survey around the country (ies), to compare prices. It'll be a bit difficult due to the differing measures and currencies, but no doubt we'll muddle through.

In the comments, could you give your local price of petrol and diesel (if you know them), together with your rough location?

Winners

Forgot to mention that Gert was the winner of the MBWLA bonus point offered last week for correctly guessing that it was "The Straits Times" newspaper in Singapore that amused me. Well done Gert.

And the new home of the koala from yesterday's 'guess the mileage competition' will be with Julia. Congratultions Julia, and can you email me an address to send it to please. And let me know whether you'd like beige or grey fur and red or blue (for beige) or green or yellow (for grey) jacket? We reckon that our actual mileage covered (using airlines estimates of each journey) was 23,000 miles. She guessed 23,125 which was the nearest. And no discussion will be entered into Elsie or LaP (or anyone else). So there :)

As Julia's son was 6 yesterday, it seems very fitting. Careful where you let him grip it, won't you? ;)

Thought for the day

"Because of the growth of e-mail and voicemail and instant communications, there's a lot of growth in stress."

- Muktesh Pant, Reebok International's chief marketing officer, who has recently quit to start a yoga-related business in India and the US

Did you know...

... that 'thongs' to Australians are flip flops?

You've got till tomorrow morning, early, to enter the koala mileage game btw.

Competition time

As I seem to have a surfeit of small koalas, one shall shortly be on its way to the person who manages to most nearly correctly guess how many miles Mr BW and I flew during our recent absence from the country.

All the clues you need are in previous posts.
If you can be bothered :)
If not, just guess.

Us magic things stick together when travelling

See post and comments below. Oh, and the mouseover text :)

Have wand will travel

I now have the positive proof/definitive confirmation that I need in order to share suspicion 8 from Monday, "I have worked out why blogland got in such a mess in my absence, and why the weather in Queensland was so bad."

Twas because, like water down plugholes, things work the opposite way round in the Southern Hemisphere. So, the more I, for example, did spells to stop Ron getting wound up by his commentators and closing RW3, and the more I did spells to stop the low pressure causing the cyclone/rain over Queensland, the worse things got.

The minute I got back into the Northern Hemisphere, things improved. Ron (and before anyone tells me that he now prefers to be known as Ray, I will say, unequivocally, once and for all, that he will always be Ron to me) stopped sulking and metamorphed again *yawn* ;) Others started blogs, or redesigned so that their blogs became physically blue (e please note - ref your previous comment - that purple is made of red and blue, despite you believing you're immune, you're not, you were a lost cause before you even started :) ), and several long-term spells to make people mentally less blue also seem to be taking effect, finally and thankfully. Come on, I even got a blog out of the biggest phantom in blogland, TD, didn't I? (well spotted that spell, Mr D btw) :)

Real life appears to be seriously getting the way of my blogging at the moment. There are about 30 different things going round in my head that I really want to write about. I need to manufacture more time. I'm considering subcontracting my article links to a certain resident of E3. Not yet suggested it to him. What do you think? He certainly passed the extended practical interview over the last three weeks with flying colours ;)

And, just to prove that it wasn't just my magic that wasn't effective against Qantas (I might stop going on about this by the end of the month year if you're lucky :) ), guess who stood right next to us for the hour and a half that it took for our bags to be moved from the plane hold to the baggage carousel at Heathrow? Answer coming later. I have irrefutable photographic evidence. When I can remember how to download the pictures from my phone into my PC.

Thought for the day

"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!"

- The White Rabbit

What does Qantas stand for?

I need a good phrase for the "Certificate of Achievement" I'm planning to send them as a protest (it has to stand out more than a letter of complaint as they'll no doubt receive many after the QF09 Sin/LHR horror story on Saturday night).

I've managed:

Q uite
A ppalling
N ay
T erribly
A bysmal
S ervice

There has to be better...

And when it's done (which may be a few days as I'm frightfully awfully busy), I will, of course post it here and I shall be asking for linkage - see how quickly we can get it to numbers 1-10 in the searches :)

Oh, and I need the name and address of the Chief Exec too, if anyone's bored...

I'm a camel

No, I haven't got the hump.

Yet.

Surprisingly, I'm still in an extremely good mood, despite the contents of my inbox and several phone conversations yesterday with people I'd sooner not have had to speak to. And one series of emails from someone who only ever speaks to me when he wants something and is always too busy to assist me on the (very rare) occasions when I need something from him. He has now insisted on coming round to discuss his problems with me this afternoon, despite the fact that I told him that I really couldn't see him until later in the week. And he never even bothered to ask me if I'd had a good holiday. I hate people like that.

Anyway, to get back to the point of this, I'm like a camel because I store water and fat in hot climates. Aside - actually, did you know, it's a desert myth that camels store water in their humps? I can't remember when I learnt that, but I must have been very young and I always believed it, unquestioningly. It was only when we went camel riding that I found I had been so misled all those years ago. Thinking about it now it is patently stupid to think that camels store water in their humps, but things taught to you at an early age do tend to have a credibility that information you learn later in life doesn't, don't they?

I always aim to lose half a stone before we go away, otherwise I end up feeling bloated and too large as soon as we get to hotter climes. I usually don't actually put on weight while we are away (unless we happen to go to a place where meals are included, when we both always put on weight, because being Value Witches, you have to get your money's worth don't you? :) ), and this time we were particularly careful about what we ate as we've both noticed that it is becoming harder and harder to lose weight easily once it's gone on. A sign of age I guess. However, I was horrified to get on the scales on our return to find that I had put on eight pounds while we were away. However, this morning I find that I have actually lost nine pounds since Sunday afternoon. Therefore, I conclude I am a camel.

Catching up on all the hours of video we have (mostly in the early hours as the jetlag is still bad - first time I've ever suffered in all the travelling I've done - personally I blame Qantas) we've been in hysterics over the second series of A Place in France - Indian Summer (can't find a single useful link to this new series, sorry) - the new business partner - camper than a World Scout Jamboree, or what? :)

And - please could someone give me a synopsis of the past 3 weeks on Eastenders (preferably someone who watches it, eh? :) ) and of the ER before the one where Pratt acts the martyr (the second in this latest terrestrial series, I think) as the video screwed up? Oh, and could someone explain why Lost in Translation has been so acclaimed? We saw it on the plane home (or rather, tried to as we had bulkheads seats and my pull up console chose not to work for the entire 14 hour flight - one of my more minor complaints against Qantas) and thought it was absolute crap. Just like a foreign language film without subtitles. Ta.

Thought for the day

We are surrounded by mirrors. People are the mirrors in our lives. They reflect our blind spots so we can push beyond our own self-knowledge.

Never ignore what might be a mirror in those who give us grief. It might be a great gift.

(Source: a calendar page a while ago)

Salient points

1. Never, ever, ever, fly Qantas. Never. Ever. Under any circumstances. No doubt I'll rant about this later.

2. Huge thanks to DG for looking after things so excellently in my absence. I shall enjoy looking at all the links he found. I'm actually very tempted to continue to blog by text message... Thanks also to everyone who has continued reading while I was away, and for all the comments. And yes, this should have been first in the list, but the actual number one is very important. Never fly Qantas. Sorry to be repeating myself. And I say this despite the fact that the 'Cabin Service Director' presented me with a very nice (full-size) bottle of champagne that he purloined from first class after my complaints to him at the beginning of the flight. Sorry. I wasn't going to rant about this yet, but...

3. 11" of snail mail awaiting us at The Coven (although 3" was a couple of items I'd ordered from Adlibris). Very little of it junk as we are registered with the Mailing Preference Service. Took me three hours to open and sort, during which time Mr BW managed to unpack and sort the travel bags. My recycling box overfloweth now, as does my septic tank from the nine machine loads of washing.

4. Little Computer Man has done a sterling job rebuilding my PC (just returned to me), and to say it flies (almost as fast as my broom) and is almost inaudible, is an understatement. I have a suspicion that he may read this, despite my best efforts to ensure that he didn't (LCM you really *should* know how to clear all the caches so I can't tell what you've found and been looking at ;) I seem to have almost forgotten how to use a PC though. No bad thing.

5. Almost 500 e-mails (I beat Mr BW by over 200, but then he did task an underling with clearing his), despite having unsubscribed from several of the education forums I read before we left. But over 100 were spam and 14 were viruses.

6. Feeling extremely spaced out - don't know if it's jetlag or too much tea. Tea never tastes the same when you're abroad, even when you take your own tea bags (*shudders at thought of yellow Lipton*), does it? Must be the different milk, and the pathetically small cups provided in hotels I guess. I think I've had 6 large cups already today. Error.

7. The Japanese have replaced the Americans as my most disliked nationality. Apologies to regular American readers, most of whom understand my dislike and who, of course, I exempt from my dislike :) No doubt I'll rant about this later.

8. I have worked out why blogland got in such a mess in my absence, and why the weather in Queensland was so bad. No doubt I'll post about this later, but in the meantime you can guess.

Right, as I probably shan't have time to catch up with you all properly for a couple of days, please provide a brief summary of your exploits in my absence (that is, in the last three weeks - has it really been that long?) so I know where things are up to :)

Do you ever wonder...

Whether flying is safe?

I have no qualms about the machine side of things, but the *people* who are supposed to be managing things constantly leave me shaking my head in disbelief. They couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. And that's putting it politely. Very politely.

Tonight, for example, we were supposed to be leaving Singapore at 23.25 for a 14 hour flight back to the UK, arriving around half past five tomorrow morning. They left it until 5 minutes before we were due to be taking off before deigning to tell us that we weren't. Although I already knew. Witches do, you see.

Apparently the plane's radar's not working - they may have a spare. Which they may, or may not, be able to get fitted. 3 hour delay currently... now possibly going at 2.20am. And there was already a flight cancelled tonight so our flight is already 100% full. Great.

So, there were nearly 500 people crammed into a sweaty gate lounge meant for 250. Half of us had been sitting on the floor for nearly 40 minutes and there were 7 noisy little brats whose parents seemed to be oblivious to the fact that no one else was finding their little darlings antics amusing, and, in fact, could cheerfully strangle the little buggers. Except that this is Singapore, and not the best place to commit that sort of a crime :) Why do people let their kids behave so badly? Still, as MrBW always tells me when I moan, it keeps me in work.

When they told everyone to go away and come back in 3 hours, they also said that they'd issue phone cards to anyone who needed them, or pass messages. So, the only exit (only barely one person wide anyway) then got blocked with people clammering for freebies, stopping the rest of us from getting out. Rather than simply moving the freebie handout point to the other side of the counter, they just carried on, totally oblivious.

I've already had a go at them, so I'm now on a best behaviour warning from Mr BW lest we get bounced :)

Luckily we blagged the lounge again, so I'm on my 8th G&T, and pretty soon I shan't care any more... And at least the internet access is working now - it wasn't earlier when I tried.

Faites vos jeux as to when we will get back.
I'm not holding my breath for leaving tonight, and 2 cancelled flights will take several days to clear...

The 41st Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

This week there are 0 contenders.

Well, no contenders yet anyway, not until you suggest some. BW is flying back to the UK tomorrow (hence her extended VD), arriving all bleary-eyed at a far-flung airport early on Sunday morning. It'll be cold, it'll be dark, it'll be cloudy, and light drizzle is threatened. All a bit of a culture shock after three weeks touring the hotspots of the Eastern hemisphere.

BW is going to need cheering up when she gets home. Can you help?

BW's barely interacted with the internet since late January, so you may have seen some sites she'd find funny that she won't have noticed. Stick a link or two in the comments to help her out when she boots up her computer for the first time and wonders where to start reading. But choose carefully, because you know it's often the strangest things that make her smile.

Or maybe there's something more direct you want to say to BW when she gets home, in which case just write it in the comments anyway. Be polite now, even if you're still insanely jealous of her recent travel itinerary. Ease her back into into normal life, whatever normal life is.

Fire away.

Remote Witch On Her Last Leg: Day 3

Location: Singapore

Touristy day today: trolley bus city tour, glass bottom cablecar to Sentosa (Merlion Vegas/building site), river cruise & Raffles tonight. 32 hour VD tomorrow. I am running out of patience with directionless people on their phones...

Remote Witch On Her Last Leg: Day 2

Location: Singapore

Orchid & bot gdns today :) Too hot and tired to do much else so off to swim in the pool before seafood dinner in a hawker centre.

Local newspaper left outside the door for us this morning made me laugh. Bonus BW point to the first person to guess its name.

Remote Witch On Her Last Leg: Day 1

Location: Singapore

Singapore is definitely a Value Witch city. Large dinner for 2, £9. 25 min taxi from airport, £5. Orchids in the bathroom & an amazing view :)

Remote Witch In Transit

Location: Cairns Airport

BW's now leaving soggy cyclone-due Queensland for MrBW's favourite city, Singapore. We now have +8.8 kilos of baggage but, so far, so good :)

Remote Witch Unwinds Down Under: Day 6

Location: North Queensland

Fishlips - yummy;
night v wet;
Flecker Bot Gdns - I want them;
RFDS - less wait to see a doctor than in the UK;
Cascade Falls - were;
cyclone due - first for 3.5 years.

Remote Witch Unwinds Down Under: Day 5

Location: North Queensland

Sun came out & we wished it hadn't! Did Skyrail rainforest cablecar & Barren Falls - impressive. Lots of kookaburras laughing.

Restaurant review from BW in the comments box - via dave's mobile.

Remote Witch Unwinds Down Under: Day 4

Location: North Queensland

Beautiful coastal rainforest drive to local crafty market at Port Douglas. Fresh sugar cane juice, coconut milk, juiced pineapples & a unique wooden bowl. Then a walk in Mossman Gorge where recent rains have swelled the creek to a torrent.

Remote Witch Unwinds Down Under: Day 3

Location: North Queensland

The Barrier Reef is the most over-rated reef in the world. Discuss. Alternatively, us BWs have been spoilt by past better experiences... 30 knot wind also.

Remote Witch Unwinds Down Under: Day 2

Location: North Queensland

How can I stop the noisy rainforest frogs? They are louder than ducks quacking in my ear & I need to get some sleep as we are up at 6 to go out to The Reef.

Far North Queensland Witch

Well, I can't get in to post as me, but I can get in as DG, so it is me really. Things seem to have changed round here too...

Mr BW decided to watch The Simpsons, so I decided to show my displeasure by using the internet terminal which looks like some sort of 60s jukebox made of wood. And is hard to use. But.

Everywhere we have been, we've heard that the weather has been "abnormal". In Hong Kong it was really cold, in Sydney and Ayers Rock it was 10 degrees C cooler than average for the time of year (still mid 30s, so good for us), and here we're in the middle of a big monsoon that is due to last for at least another 48 hours. They've just said that there was 162mm of rain in the 24 hours to 9am this morning. Unbelievable. Now I know why they call it rainforest! It is also 95% humidity, so, if you take a piece of paper out of the air-conditioned room, it gets soggy in seconds. But, it's still high 20s and the rainforest that this resort is situated in is amazing.

In preparation for our first diving trip to the Barrier Reef tomorrow (yes, dave (can't seem to make the key needed for links work), we're going with your recommendation, and they are picking us up at 7.35am in the morning) Mr BW has been playing with the camera in its marine case in the swimming pool. It is taking amazing pictures. Particularly of me swimming under the water. We won't mention the angles.

Our tree house on stilts has a huge lake under it currently. And there are crocodiles coming down the creek that feeds into the sea. Add those to the box jellyfish and the stories are either (a) better than the aborigine tales at Uluru, or (b) worth keeping out of the sea for.

Right, I'll disappear in a puff of blue smoke again as I want to have a quick scout round and this contraption is hard to use. Hope you're all behaving yourselves :)

Remote Witch Unwinds Down Under: Day 1

Location: North Queensland

Either it's a damn fine "relaxing sounds" tape or we're now in the rainforest. 28 deg at 22:45. Extremely humid - scary tropical storm raging and glorious beach off limits due to nasty jellyfish. Gardens to die for &, as in the Red Centre, there are very few people here. Excellent :)

Here's a challenge for BW - can she write about doing absolutely nothing, for a week?

Remote Witch Down Under: Day 8

Location: Ayers Rock Resort

Harleys at Dawn: BW's secret plan to turn MrBW into a motorcycling BW went well :) I didn't think much of their road positioning, or of riding pillion though.

Quick Bush Tucker lunch of Witchetty Grubs & Honey Ants then it's off to the airport for the next leg of our centipede trip - The Barrier Reef

Your comments welcome - otherwise what on Earth is BW going to read when she gets back?

Remote Witch Down Under: Day 7

Location: Ayers Rock Resort

Afternoon & sunset at Kata Tjuta (The Olgas). Walked the Walpa Gorge between the highest domes (an hour at 35). Sunrise by Harley :)

Remote Witch Down Under: Day 7

Location: Ayers Rock Resort

Aborigine people, their legends & customs are fascinating. Sunrise over Uluru was spectacular. It is 3D and very spiritual.

Remote Witch Down Under: Day 6

Location: Ayers Rock Resort

Astronomy without light pollution is amazing - saw Saturn's rings x128 and the Southern Cross. Excellent sunset and dinner but up again in 5 hours for the sunrise...

Remote Witch Down Under: Day 6

Location: Ayers Rock Resort

cameltours.com.au at noon (how do you steer a camel?) and Sounds Of Silence [dinner.com.au] at sunset. Sky here in the outback bluer than I have ever seen.

Remote Witch Down Under: Day 5

Location: Ayers Rock Resort

Trendily designed eco-&BW-friendly resort. Seeing Uluru was like seeing mtns for the first time; pictures don't do it justice. High 30s but dry heat. +8.5hrs

BW's arrived on the day of Australia's very first scheduled south-north train journey. The train's called the Ghan and it runs from Adelaide through Alice and, as of today, on to Darwin. Previous-visitor drD has all the details here. Somehow I can't see BW going along to waste precious photos on it though.

Remote Witch In Transit

Location: arriving at Alice Springs

Red scenery like aborigne art all the way, truly amazing. The chicken sandwich in the veggie meal had better be worth an upgrade on the next leg!

BW in airport

At the airport again, got into the lounge on a 2 years out of date silver exec club card again. So, free internet access :) I'm not saying that Australian hotels are trying to make money out of guests, but AU$5 for 10 minutes is a bit steep and you weren't worth it ;) (GBP12 per hour). And Mr BW's gruelling schedule does not allow an hour to use an internet cafe...

Just about to add to the world tonnage of unused salt and pepper sachets again, this time on our way to Ayers Rock. Does *anyone* actually use them?

I'm pretty exhausted and my RSI is playing up. I think it was all that eating with chopsticks in Hong Kong. But, I am feeling all cultured-up. Sydney is an amazingly compact city. And what they call "rush hour" is what Londoners would call 2am. I couldn't live in Sydney though. Couldn't cope with being called "mate" or "darling" all the time. Mr BW reckons that the "mate" terminology could be from the journeys over of the original convicts (best not mention the convicts, I did once and I think I got away with it :) settlers, who would have been ships mates. Anyone know whether that is correct?

Right, I need some proper tea and toast while there's the opportunity, so that's it for now. Hope you're all enjoying the lovely English weather. It's high 20s here already and it's only 08.10. It'll be hotter at The Rock and Mr BW charmed the check-in lady to give us seats on the best side for a good view, and away from the wing. Oh, and not notice the 8kg of excess baggage we already have (tis my rock and sand collection) :)

Remote Witch Down Under: Day 4

Location: Blue Mountains

Impressive rock/scenery - Katoomba, 3 Sisters (scenicworld.com.au) - sheer railway, cablecar, rainforest. Blue aliums wild everywhere. Olympic Stadium huge & empty.

Trust a Blue Witch to end up in the Blue Mountains. It looks like a gorgeous location though - check the links. (First signs of grammatical fatigue in this message - I've had to repunctuate and add spaces)

Remote Witch Down Under: Day 4

Location: Blue Mountains

KangaBlue Witches off to the Blue Mountains by hire-broom today. I have already taken almost 400 pictures...