Blue Witch

Nasty germs

A virus in someone's computer has managed to spoof parasite-laden email from the e-address of another website that I co-ordinate.

In the last 24 hours I've had over 500 bounced, failed, and returned emails and numerous snotty messages to me from people who don't understand how viruses work.

Realising what had happened, I've now got them all auto-funnelling into a separate in-box, which I'm just deleting every now and then (occasionally looking to see if there's anything good caught up in it, which of course there isn't).

Just had a charming email from one unhappy recipient with no virus protection who informs me that he is going to charge me for his time sorting it out and asking for a postal address so his solicitor can serve papers on me. As if. Hit delete.

Why are people quite happy to pay upwards of £15 per month for an internet connection, but not prepared to get (what can be free) virus protection and keep it up-to-date?

*sighs*

Another 4 have come in while I've been dictating this post...

Feeling the force

Blogland's going to be busy today.

Far too many Londoners are 'working from home' rather than walking to work, and trying to emulate those of us who always work from home. *whistles innocently*

My Nice Ladies doing the Tuesday evening Amateur Witchcraft Course that I'm running are scaring hell out of me. They are being far too successful at finding long-lost objects. I have competition.

Late last night one rang me to say she'd found £100 of lost vouchers where suggested, and another just rang to say that she'd found a crucial work file (lost months ago) exactly where someone else predicted it to be during last evening's session. The latter started going on about Witches and jokingly asked me what colour I thought I was... I choked back 'Blue' just in time and quickly pointed out that 'witch' comes from 'wych' meaning 'path' (or 'flexible', or 'bend', or 'port', depending which source you trust). You want direction? Just ask.

It's strangely comforting, though, to suddenly find that others are as totally mesmerised by this energy-thing as I have been since I did the course back in October.

Is it just me, or are Blogger powered sites (and especially Blogger comments) frequently coming up with 'page not found' errors the first time you click? And is Updated UK Weblogs giving updated returns on pages that haven't been? (maybe conencted to whatever's going on at Blogger?)

Now, off to finish the hand-outs for this afternoon's Witchly Pursuit session. It's sorting out health and allergy problems today, so if anyone wants to risk requesting a spell....

Seeing the light

All the best people have hyphens.

They need them.

mike has stopped being troubled by recent events and seen the error of his ways.

He's back with a hyphen.

Mind you, how he's stopping himself naming and shaming the HCFH (Hosting Company From Hell) who pulled the plug on his old site on a technicality (show me the person who hasn't got a 'borrowed' something on their server), after he complained about their over-charging, I just don't know.

After all, as it said in The Observer on Sunday:

Moaning has more impact when it has a huge audience.

Making your voice heard online also helps other consumers. Shoppers increasingly use the web to research purchases in the high street. Your opinion may help others to make an informed choice.

As the traditional sales maxim goes, if you have a good experience of a company you'll tell two or three others, but if you have a bad experience you'll tell 10. Thanks to the web you can potentially tell millions - and when brands listen, it can bring improvements that benefit everyone.

Welcome to your new home mike.

And, if you don't want to name and shame yourself, due to possible, erm, repercussions, I'm sure there are others around who'd happily do it on your behalf... I reckon we could get a complete Google Top 50 on that if everyone played along and we all cross-linked...

Oh yes, BW likes getting the consumer message across.

Just for good measure I'll do a spell too ;)

Thought for the day

I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.

- Oscar Wilde

Middle-age spread

While housekeeping the photo files on my PC the other night (ie tidying them all up nicely because I keep downloading bits all over the place and not copying them to CD or erasing the memory sticks, I'm an Untidy Witch sometimes), Mr BW happened to notice that if one zoomed in on the image of Steve Redgrave carrying the Olympic Flame, one could see that he was either pregnant or becoming rather portly.
Other than cropping the photo and adjusting the levels and size, it has not been altered in any way, promise.

Sandwiched

I feel really ill.

I've just been reading billy who shares his favourite sandwich recipe:

...butter two slices of bread, pick up marmite jar, read label that says "spread thinly", laugh like dick dastardly, spread marmite thickly, open jar of blackcurrant jam, spread thickly over the marmite, cut small cubes of cheese, place like islands in a dark storm tossed ocean, put other slice on top, eat :^)...

I'm not terribly partial to sandwiches as I try not to eat too much bread because I don't like how it makes me feel. Having (briefly) been one of the original sandwich makers for M&S when they introduced pre-made sandwiches into the UK back in the early 80s (I was a student in London at the time, and their flagship store made the sandwiches nearby), I'm also less than partial to shop-produced sandwiches as I know what happens during their manufacture, shall we say).

But, if I do fancy a sandwich it's likely to be egg mayonnaise (made to Mr BW's secret recipe) or something like brie and grape. Certainly nothing like billy's 'creation'... (I almost need to try that out to convince myself it's not nice though, so he's nearly won me over...).

What's your favourite sandwich?

Another question

How does the Diary Room Duty 'Big Brother' stop him/herself laughing at some of the things that are said/done in there?

Oh, and here's the new contestant, Becki's (stage name BB Seddiki) personal website... (supposedly bisexual *yawn*).

Nah, I'm not interested either ;)

Thought for the day

If only one could have two lives: the first in which to make one's mistakes... and the second in which to profit by them.

- D H Lawrence

Oh fuck

The BBC have got hold of the story of Saturday's escapade at The Olympic Torch Concert in The Mall. I'll never live this down. And suppose Mummy BW sees it....

Questions, questions

Today I offer you the opportunity to find out everything you ever wanted to know but have never got round to asking or are too lazy to Google.

Put your questions in the comments box and hope that someone knows the answer. Oh, and if you know any answers it would help smooth the process along, wouldn't it? ;)

I'll start with my list of the ones that immediately come to mind (I'll add more later when I think of them):

1. What does 'T9' (as in predictive text) actually mean?
2. Why does my hair, which is short on top and usually stands up in a jaunty sort of manner at home, go flat whenever I go to London?
3. Can you still buy stamp hinges and do people still use them?
4. How do you sex D'Oves?
5. Why do the normal keyboard letter combinations for eg French accents not work in comments boxes?

Update: if you'd rather guess the questions to the answers... go and visit Dave, now back from his unexpected mini-break.

Thought for the day

Believing in our hearts that who we are is enough is the key to a more balanced and satisfying life.

- Ellen Sue Stern

The Sting

Time's precious at The Coven at weekends.
There is so much to do in The Coven Grounds at this time of year.

So it came to pass that at around 2pm the choice was sex or look at the bees. The bees won. We couldn't have the little darlings swarming because of lack of attention due to our carnal desires, after all.

All went well, and an hour later we'd determined that they were all doing fine.

I was just picking strawberries and raspberries for tea, having removed my protective veil, when one nasty girl came and stung me on the temple. The right side of my face has now swollen to Elephant Man proportions and is totally numb and immovable. Hmmm.... cheap botox...

*considers the possibilities*

Any takers? :)

The Truth about yesterday's London Olympic Torch Concert

Working on the principle that it's always better to admit to the truth rather than let the tablogs uncover it, it's here ;)
(But do read my post below this one too, for, erm, balance...)

He's nicked all me best lines!
[*edits out joke about backstage, James Brown, Elsie and lines, you had to be there....* ;)]

All I've got left to add is that Princess Anne sounded a little horse hoarse during her speech.

And Recycling Witch was pleased because we got 2 free rain macs (that we didn't use as we had gone suitably clothed) which can be used for making cloches for the cucumbers. I was warned against untying the knot and recycling the blown-up condom being kicked around the floor, though ;)

The one thing that struck me was how white and 40+ the audience was. And how people appeared not to be able to read. 'No under 8s' and 'no umbrellas' it said on the back of the ticket... how many pushchairs and umbrellas did I see?

Could have done with a bit more sun and a bit more music, but Nadia (Mr mal, renamed as he turned up with only 2 cigarettes for the afternoon, and Big Brother on the gate refused to let him out to get any more) and Mr Piggy provided excellent alternative entertainment.

Now, don't you wish you'd taken advantage of my free ticket offer earlier in the week? :)

Update: Just found, DG explains what it was really all about...

I've seen the light

I'm totally exhausted, having just got back, having nearly not got there at all as I woke up with a violent headache, took 2 co-codamol with cranberry juice and was then violently sick.

So, all I'll say for now is, Queenie had buggered off for the weekend (and who can blame her), and don't believe everything you might read about the afternoon's escapades elsewhere ;)

The 57th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Today there are 3 contenders.

Contender 1: DG's share offer, in which I was never ever going to participate, having learnt greatly from the great MONI share debacle, came to an abrupt end on Thursday night when he suspended shares.

Vaughan came along and commented:

Hello. I'm from the official receivers.
Vaughan | Email | Homepage | 06.24.04 - 11:04 pm | #

Contender 2: My post on toilet paper in the Big Brother house generated quite a response, didn't it? Lots of memories of hard Izal medicated toilet paper. I smiled at a lot of the comments, but I laughed at Elsie:

We had that hard paper toilet roll. My Mother actually complained about it, said it wasn't appropriate for young developing girls to be using such a product.

Contender 3: e asked "Since so many of you expressed surprise after hearing my voice (audioblog), I would really, really, love to know what you were expecting- don't worry, I won't get upset, but I am very intrigued."

Pob commented

Actually, I wasn't that surprised at all.

Blog: Well educated : Voice: well educated

I would have liked to have heard you say 'fuck' though. Just got a thing for well-spoken women saying that. I understand that your raison d'etre is not necessarily to provide me with sexual gratification, but you could just take pity on me.

Pob | Email | Homepage | 25.06.04 - 5:07 pm | #

Winner is Pob.

War Plant

I didn't say anything about the revelation about Donald Rumsfeld and torture and Iraq the other day. I was just too totally and utterly sickened and revolted that I didn't want to put enough conscious processing effort into the issue to produce a post that could convey even a tiny part of what I felt.

This says it all though. Truly brilliant. A must see.

I wonder, are there attrocities like Abu Ghraib prison in Baghdad, and like Guantanamo Bay in Cuba, where the British are blatantly abusing human rights in this way?

I'll bet there are. BUT I think that there would be much more of an outcry from the British people if our Government were thought to be condoning such practices (eg look what happened over the Queen's Lancashires affair).

Why aren't the American people making more fuss about the situations in Cuba (particularly - after all, it's been going on for several years now) and Iraq? Where are the protests? Or don't they care (that could be a rhetorical question)?

No negative equity guaranteed mortgage

As predicted by one yours truly BW in a conversation with a friend about 2 weeks ago :)

Details not finalised, but they must be near if they are issuing press releases.

Hang out the flags

Continuing on from my previous posts on flags of St George...

I have it on good authority from an estate agent friend of mine*, that there is a new index of the social desirability of an area.

It's called The Flag Index.

Basically, the more England flags that are hanging from house windows, or from cars parked in the area, the less you'd want to live there.

I understand that this Index works best in smaller towns and more rural areas away from metropolitan conurbations.

It is also expected that the index will be seasonally adjusted.

* OK, I'm lying, I don't have any friends who are estate agents, because estate agents don't have friends do they? :)

Value Witch

BW: *rings bank* I'd like to pay £9,825.84 to credit card x next week. And £3,987.93 to credit card y.

Operator: *sharp intake of breath* *laughs* You've been using your cards well! Hope you've bought some nice things!

BW: No, you don't understand! Cards aren't for buying things. They're for 0% balance transfer offers. Get a new card, do a balance transfer of the maximum amount allowed into your offset mortgage account. Wait until the introductory offer 0% period is about to end. Repay the money. Close the card account. Apply for another new card with a 0% introductory offer.

Operator: That's really clever! I've heard that people do that, but I haven't spoken to one before. I'm quite new here. You must save loads of money.

BW: Yes, I do. Bit of a hobby of mine actually, playing systems.

Operator: Are you one of those money guru people who writes articles and stuff?

BW: Weeeelll... Maybe. Just maybe.

BW: *rings new credit card company who kindly provided new card with 0% introductory offer until August 2005 that arrived yesterday* I'd like to do a balance transfer at your introductory 0% rate please...

Just to give you some kind of idea of the sort of savings I make - with the 2 balance transfers I repaid today, we saved almost £550 in mortgage interest over the nine months of the 0% offer by putting the money borrowed at 0% into our offset mortgage account. I have 4 other similar amounts at 0% currently offsetting.

Most people don't get rich by working to earn money. But, you can get richer by playing with loopholes in financial systems.

Home alone

Never leave your PC unattended for 24 hours.
It can't be trusted.

Even when switched off, it plays with itself and decides to lose all your VRS files.
Even the backups.
Somehow.
No viruses detected.
Not good.
Not good at all.

The headset/microphone went wrong on Monday night.
And now this.
It's a sign.
But of what I have no idea.

Little Computer Man to the rescue.
Hopefully...

Thought for the day

If you walk towards the sun you leave the shadows behind.

- Indian Proverb

Bog off

I'm bored with Big Brother now. I mean, at least half of last night's update was concerned with toilet roll. Well, I think it was, I fell asleep during it, having woken up for it. If you see what I mean.

Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think that 2 loo rolls a day between 10 people who never go out is over-consumption. I've just checked. My variety, (bought in bulk in Costco when they are on offer, which makes them much cheaper than even nasty thin Value, which I'd never buy anyway as it's nasty and thin, so not Value at all) has 192 sheets per roll. That's 38.4 sheets per Big Brotherer, per day, and presumably girls use more compared to boys. Except for Jason. But I'm not going to get into that ;). Hmmm, that actually sounds quite a lot when you work it out, after all....

Mr BW and I use about 4 or 5 rolls a week between us, but I'm here probably 70% of the time. And I'm not known for using both sides.

I'm sure that you use more if you have more than one loo too. No logic there, but I'm convinced it's true.

And do you crumple or fold? You can't think about that one, and get the right answer. You have to make an effort to notice what you do when you do it.

I used to think I crumpled, but I actually fold. I'm sure it comes from that nasty medicated hard paper toilet roll we had when I was at primary school (red writing, NOW WASH YOUR HANDS PLEASE, remember that?) that never worked and always left you with wet hands that you really wouldn't want not to wash. *shudders at the memory*

Did you know, you can still buy that hard loo roll? And people do! When Mummy and Daddy BW moved when they retired, one of the loos in their new residence had two loo roll holders, side-by-side. One had soft paper, for her, and the other had hard paper, for him. Mummy BW thought that was very funny, and left it when they redecorated. Now perhaps you understand what she is like? :)

And how I hate that slogan for my brand, "love your bum". Hate it, hate it, hate it. I saw it on the packet and moaned to Mr BW who told me it was on the TV adverts too. Shows me, yet again, how much I notice advertising.

Shall I or shan't I?

Mr BW has gone off to Bristol in my blue broomstick today which leaves me very frustrated as I need to go out too. There's 700 cc of power and a turbocharger between the black and the blue broomsticks. I must remember to be patient.

I've been keeping a watch on a personalised numberplate I fancy for the other, faster, black broomstick (my bike). It had been snapped up by one of those expensive auction sites, but this morning it has reappeared at DVLA.

It's nothing posey, as I hate posey plates. It's just cute. And so me. In fact I swore I'd never buy a personal plate, but my bike is now over five and there are people I know who'd refuse to ride with girlie bikers Witches on what they perceive as 'old bikes' as it's not good for their street cred (yes, I know, I know, slate me for being shallow and not resisting...the comments box below is all yours ;)).

Mr BW got a nice bonus yesterday for being a hard working Mr BW. I think I may be spending part of it later... £250 of it, in fact (there, see, you can tell it's not a posey one from the price). That'll learn him for nicking my blue broomstick for the day... :)

Thought for the day

The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past.

- Robertson Davies "A Voice from the Attic", 1960

Forces

I've had a very spooky day.
Even by my standards.
I'm still trying to sort it out in my mind.
Perhaps I shouldn't be running Amateur Witchcraft classes for the Nice Ladies...

By the way, if you want to know where Troubled mike (he's homeless, so I can't link) is, and haven't tracked him down, here's the story. Truly dreadful customer service.

And I'll reiterate my previous tip on buying domain names cheaply when I have a mo' to find the post link. Whoever you buy through, ALWAYS make sure you're going to get a Nominet Certificate of Ownership in your hot mit. Do not buy domain names through a 3rd party. It's expensive and you have absolutely no control.

Update: Can't find the post, I know I wrote it...

Anyway, for now, BW recommends UKReg for registering domain names. As recommended to me by my friendly Mr Wiz, who has been registering domains since the beginning of internet time. Cheap (the more you buy the cheaper they get), Value, and neither of us has ever had a problem with them. Lots of third-party resellers register domains through them.

And, BW tip: you can buy a .co.uk domain name for £2.95 per year and just use it as a personal e-mail address that will forward to your main account (you get 50 free e-mail forwarders with each domain name), or you could use it as a website forwarder (tired of having a Blogger address? £2.95 per year and you can have your own domain name that instantly autoforwards. But, if you're going to do it, please will you do it soon because I'm going to finally get round to updating my blogroll for the first time in 7 months in the next few days).

Animal Magic

I hated Animal Magic with Johnny Morris (aside - I didn't know he'd been dead 5 years) when I was a Small Witch. I thought it was absolutely stupid how he talked to animals. And the rubbish he came out with!

How one's perceptions change over time.

Now, I do it myself all the time. I can always tell when one of my children, as I like to call them, is even slightly unwell, just by watching them, and how they react to me.

Mr BW only condescends to have discourse with two animals, The Ginger Familiar, and anything of an equine persuasion. Oh, and nice dogs. Ah, and sheep. But it would be best if we didn't get into that. Really, believe me, it would ;)

Mr BW's favourite animals are donkeys (aside - no, we're not having one of those, cute as they are, Mr BW, sorry). He has this theory that all horses really wish to be donkeys, but that only a few of them have been allowed. When he sees a horse, he always asks it if it wants to be a donk. Of course, he says they always admit that they do to him. And who am I to disagree? :) I've never quite worked out his fascination with donks, which makes him cross (sorry, that was dreadful, it sort of slipped out accidentally:)).

Mr BW's second favourite animals are alpacas. I seem to recall that e shares this passion. Mr BW says that he likes them because they have 'teddy bear faces'. (aside - OMG I've just found they're related to llamas. There's a blog for another day, remind me if I ever get blogstipated, won't you?)

Anyway, my favourite animals (and this may surprise you) are pigs.

There's a long and complicated explanation, that I don't want to get into now, but which involves The Witching Hour, copious amounts of alcohol, the threat of six agricultural students not passing their courses, an unavailable vet, and me, at the tender age of 18, playing my usual sensible role "well someone's got to do something and if you lot who are supposed to know what you're doing are just going to stand there swaying stupidly singing rugby songs rather than rolling up your sleeves then I'll have to get on with it" and acting as midwife in the midst of the birthing crisis. And so it was that, after nearly an hour of delving into a sow's nether regions, I became Mummy Two to 11 adorable Gloucester Old Spot piglets and two dead ones. And the course tutor never found out that they'd skived their livestock duties to go to the pub. Although I, of course, never let them forget it, and never had to buy a drink again. (Ooops, I said I wasn't going to get into the story, didn't I? I might as well have told it properly...)

What's your favourite animal, and why?

Thought for the day

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.

- Lyndon B. Johnson

Competition Time!

Busy and frustrating times, no post all day. Must be a first.

Right, my spells have been too successful, and I now have another 2 tickets for the London Olympic Torch concert this coming Saturday (4 - 8.30pm in The Mall) that arrived today. I have failed miserably to give them away to any deserving soul that I know personally.

I have it on good authority that in addition to the artists listed on the programme (James Brown, Ozzy & Kelly Osborne, Will Young, Jamelia, Emma Bunton and McFly - and yes, Mr BW did have to explain to me who some of those are, don't laugh), Rod Stewart will be playing, and that there may be a surprise in store :)

So, anyone who wants the opportunity to go can complete the following slogan in the most apt and original way: I love BW because... just put their names in the comment box before 2pm tomorrow and I'll have a draw if there's more than one taker.

Update: Mr Piggy accidentally got caught up in my spell that resulted in over-supply, and also has a spare ticket to give away that he has kindly donated to the draw. Therefore, 3 tickets up for grabs now. Just say how many you're after when commenting.

Thought for the day

Spider weaves the web of fate for those who get caught in her web... this is similar to humans who get caught in the web of the illusion in the physical world, and never see beyond the horizon into the other dimensions

- Jamie Sams

It pays to complain

Here at The Coven we have a strict policy of not doing new business with companies who have moved their call centres out to India.

Where we have an existing positive relationship with a company who then moves its customer interactions operations overseas, we have more of a dilemma.

From time to time, when it is good Value, we buy wine for everyday glugging from an Italian wine company. A few months ago they outsourced ordering to India.

If it was anything financial, on discovering a time-lag and far-away voice on the end of the telephone line, I would immediately have moved our business elsewhere, making very sure that the directors of the company knew why. But, for wine, as it's not usually a high-value or a high-need-to-communicate-at-an-advanced-level transaction, I decided to wait and see how things progressed. But, since that time I have made Mr BW place orders as I find such strained, slow interactions frustrating and annoying, to say the least.

For the first time ever, we recently had some red wine in very poor condition from this company. BW (MW honorary, self-bestowed, by virtue of volume consumed over the years) diagnosed secondary fermentation in the bottle.

I rang to complain.
I could not get the operative in India to understand me.
He gave me another number to call.
The number he gave me to call did not exist.

I found another number on their website, and rang it.
I could not get that operative, also in India, to understand me.

Nor could I get him to understand the other phrases I tried: "Boss", "Manager", "Supervisor", "Anyone who speaks English".

Eventually I found another number, and the person (also in India) got someone from England to call me back.

She was apologetic and obviously spent her days dealing with middle-class, standard-English, non-Hindu, -speaking customers who were annoyed at their inability to be understood by the company's operatives overseas. Well-trained in not being drawn into criticising her employer's policies, she none-the-less agreed to send me a free case of wine as recompense.

Which may have been a short-term result for me, but also a short-sighted gesture to the failings of the bigger issue here for them.

Will they ever learn? What will it take?

Summertime Blues

Tis the longest day and the shortest night today.
The Summer Solstice.

The word 'Solstice' comes from the Latin for 'sun stands still', as, for several days each side of today the sun apears to maintain the same noon-time position in the sky.

It might be Midsummer Night, but the air in the early morning and late evening is incredibly autumnal at the moment. I can't ever remember it being like this at this time of year before.

I had 11 hours sleep last night. Recharging my batteries for the second section of summer. So I missed both the actual Solstice that occurred at 00.56am and the sun rising at around 04.45am. Not much of a Witch, me.

Thought for the day

The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life, which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.

- Henry David Thoreau

Our Timotei Field

Hot off the camera, as we've just been out to pick more elderflowers, as requested by Pat below. And yes, it is about to rain...

Honey

I'll put up a picture sequence of how you get honey out of these boxes into these buckets later in the week.

For now I want to leave you with this thought.

Because extracting honey is a hot and sticky affair, and you can't have any doors or windows open (or bees would be drawn in by the smell and would be a nuisance), I always (unless we have 'helpers') dress in the coolest, easily washable, clothes I have - a freshly laundered, short-sleeved, knee-length, light cotton nightie, with, I hasten to add, a pair of cotton knickers underneath.

Yesterday, with both hands covered in stickiness and occupied cutting the wax capping from the top of the honeycomb, a lump of wax containing honey flew onto my leg and started running down in a nasty tickly way. I looked forlornly at Mr BW. He was standing with another full frame in his hands ready to hand to me, and also could do nothing. But still the warm honey mess was tickling.

I held up my leg. "Lick it off for me, there's a dear, before it makes even more of a mess."

He point blankly refused.

Now, feeling that this was a very un-husbandly thing to do, and because honey trickling down one's leg is a most unpleasant feeling, I attempted to coax him. "Oh come on, I can think of lots of people who'd probably love to lick honey off my leg...."

I can't begin to tell you the names he mentioned... ;)

The 56th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Later...when we've finished extracting honey... and when I've recovered from the shock of getting tickets for the Olympic Torch Concert next weekend :) (it was one of my website entries that did it - and my ticket numbers are below 3,000 so it was probably one of my early entries too).

It's later.
Much later, because we got finished in ultra-quick time thanks to Mr BW's preparatory efforts last night, so we went off to some more Open Gardens. Some beautiful gardens, but, alas, no new ideas. It does annoy me how people under-value things though, particularly when the money is being raised for good causes. Tea, scone, cream, strawberry jam, fresh strawberries, and a large piece of home-made cake all for - £1.25. Daft. Double that would still have been good Value.

Mr BW reckons we have around 350lbs of honey and that it took about 9.5 BW Hours in total from start to finish (including washing the floor 6 times to get rid of the stickiness). e's guess of 347lbs and 8 hours and 43 minutes was therefore the nearest. Rather spookily close actually.

It's been a funny old week in blogland. Lots of summertime blues, low energy and hayfever around. Not too much to make me laugh out loud. In fact, only one thing.

Alan was threatening to tell tales about his friends in response to a comment reminder that undesirable effects are due to ageing.
e, sensing what was coming suggested:

I guess I haven't told you about the new and unexpectedly appalling ways in which Friends Reunited may be used... *shudders*

So, 2 points and a MBWLA Trophy, and a BW Blue Star for being right on the honey front to e this week. (by the way, BW Blue Stars are a new award, awarded randomly, if and when I feel like it).

I think that that is e's first MBWLA win? And, bloody 'ell, she's now got 9 points. Thank goodness she'll be back on our shores soon. The postage to Canada would not be a Value Item!

And, many thanks to Alan, there is now a clever little spell that automatically adds each week's winner to the sidebar. Now, all I need is a spell to automatically update the Scoresheet (which I've just noticed hasn't been updated since week 48, ooops, later)...

Field Life

The field behind The Coven looks exactly like the meadow in the 80s Timotei adverts at the moment.

It's meant to be a field of grass for seed, surrounded by a wide headland of set-aside, but it's all gone horribly wrong (my spells are stronger than Mr Farmer's chemicals :)) and it's full of meadow flowers and poppies.

Lovely.

Am I the only one who remembers those adverts?

More Friday Questions

We have to extract lots of honey from lots of supers (the boxes containing wax comb where the bees store the honey) this weekend.

Question A: How much honey, in imperial pounds, will we get? (if you're a thorough reader you may have an advantage here... ;))

Question B: How long, in hours and minutes, will it take us?

Answers when I know myself....

Friday Question

Which weighs more - a pound of feathers or a pound of gold?

Thought for the day

To keep a lamp burning we have to keep putting oil in it.

- Mother Teresa

Handedness/Turning Survey Results

Many thanks to the 50 people who completed this survey last week.

My interest in this subject came from an academic research paper by 4 Swiss researchers published in Behavioral Neuroscience last year. In a study involving 93 people, they found a strong statistical connection between handedness and cerebral dopamine asymmetries.

"Do what?" I hear you say.
It is complicated, but I will try to explain. Bear with me.

Across cultures, humans have a strong right-hand preference, reportedly manifest for at least the past 5000 years. In other primates, handedness ('pawedness') is equally distributed. No-one understands the preponderance of, or reason for, human right-handedness, and it has not been found to be related to any motor or cognitive behaviour, other than measures of fine-finger dexterity.

Years ago, it was thought that there was a connection between handedness and language, but current research suggests that right-handers and about 70% of left-handers utilise the left brain for speech.

The results of the 2003 Swiss study overwhelmingly showed that people spontaneously turn towards the side opposite to the preferred hand (ie right handers spontaneoulsy turn anti-clockwise, or left and left-handers spontaneously turn clockwise or right).

Other research has shown that an exception to this occurs in people with asymmetric Parkinson's Disease, who (it is believed) have an abnormal imbalance of the neurochemical/neurotransitter dopamine between the two sides of the brain.

The results of the BW study show that the Swiss finding is true for only 42% of respondents (results for the proportion of left and right handers were identical):

36% of respondents were right-handers turning anti-clockwise.
50% of respondents were right-handers turning clockwise.
8% of respondents were left-handers turning clockwise.
6% of respondents were left-handers turning anti-clockwise.

Therefore, I conclude that:

Either:

1. The original study got it wrong, and/or

2. This study got it wrong, perhaps because lots of respondents have digital watches so cannot tell clockwise from anti-clockwise (;)), and/or

3. Any right-handed clockwise rotating, or left-handed anti-clockwise rotating, respondents (that is 58% of the total) have dopamine imbalances in their brains (and, presumably, if one believes the results of previous studies, are more susceptible to asymmetric Parkinson's Disease, or possibly schizophenia - where unusual dopamine levels are also often found).

Whatever, I think we've just proved that no-one is any further forward in working out why there are more right-handed humans than there are left-handed humans, and that most research is completely flawed/pointless :)

Did anyone read all of that? And can I have an honorary blogland doctorate for that outstanding piece of interpretation? :)

Half

It's my half birthday and I haven't had any cards or presents.

Thought for the day

Older women can afford to agree that femininity is a charade, a matter of colored hair, ecru lace and whalebones, the kind of slap and tat that transvestites are in love with, and no more.

- Germaine Greer

Blue Witchery

Two excellent Introductory Witchcraft sessions last night and this afternoon. I'd forgotten how much I like putting together courses on things that I enjoy, for people who choose to learn what I'm sharing.

15 more budding local disciples now :)

And not one of them had difficulty with this :)

*floats off in blue haze of content*

Damn, that was short lived.

I only got to the bottom of the stairs.

Mr BW is having problems fixing that pesky loo. He's now exchanged the wrong inner cistern gubbins he got yesterday for the correct ones. I think the haze was bloo rather than blue, and there's now water pissing out of the overflow...

Independent Financial Advisers

I've slated them before on here.

I'll undoubtedly do it again.

Now my personal experience of that industry (and that of, without exception, everyone I have ever spoken to about the subject) is supported by the findings of a year-long undercover investigation by Which?.

As reported by The Motley Fool, Which? uncovered poor advice and questionable sales tactics.

Posing as first-time buyers who were single, under 35 and with no children, they approached financial advisers working for banks, building societies and estate agents to test the advice given on insurance products sold with a mortgage. Overall, it was 'misleading and lacking in care' and would have resulted in people being under or over-insured, or buying unnecessary products they couldn't really afford.

Which? says that only one out of 39 advisers gave acceptable advice, asking enough questions and making the right recommendations. The rest either recommended life cover, critical illness or income protection products that weren't suitable, didn't explain how they worked or didn't ask the right questions to establish what insurance cover was really needed.

Since the Which? report was issued last week, the Financial Services Authority have fined another 3 firms a total of £450,000 for giving poor or misleading advice. And these were firms that charged people for advice, rather than just sold products to people on commission (which is the usual 'excuse' for poor advice - "The poor advisor only sold the product giving the most commission so that they could afford to eat". To which I say, bollocks. They were greedy. AND the industry should not have set itself up to allow this sort of poor practice).

I was shocked by Somewhat's revelation last weekend that IFAs only need "to pass several exams which are approximately GCSE level" to see a client on their own. Which, I presume, explains how Michelle from BB5 manages to be a Mortgage Advisor...

Advice on the biggest investments that most people will ever make (a home and a pension fund) is being left in the hands of people who only have to be professionally qualified to GCSE equivalent standard. Why?

And people are paying for this advice (either directly, or through commission), not realising just how little training the person advising them is required to have had. Why?

And IFAs do not have to be regulated by the Financial Services Authority (meaning that if they do give you bad advice, you have no come-back). Why?

My advice: do your own research, wise up on money matters. A great place to start is here. And if you do use an IFA, do check out their qualifications and professional registrations. And, given the Which? study's findings, and my own personal experiences, I'd ask to see the certificates rather than take their word for it too...

/rant

Question

Yesterday the penultimate phrases in my "Why..." post at 9:15am was:

Why... has the Seagull that I searched high and low for turned out exactly like my Wedding Day?

It took until 7.42pm before Ruth enquired about the connection.

It intrigues me that no-one asked before.

It's nothing to do with me wearing feathers on my wedding day, or an album by a neo-punk rock band, which have been the suggestions so far.

What am I on about?

Thought for the day

Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines.

- Leroy 'Satchel' Paige

Hang out the flags

I've just been on a 72 mile round trip.

I counted 232 England flags on the way.

Actually, I cheated a bit because I gave myself 2 points for an article of England clothing, and 5 points for a back shelf flag, as well as 1 point per flag hanging on for grim life to its car.

Could replace CNPS as the most pointless activity when travelling. Probably a weeny bit safer too.

And aren't some of those flags tattered and grubby already?

Why...

... when I arrange to run an Amateur Witchcraft Course for 14 Nice Ladies, and split them into two equal groups (an evening one and an afternoon one), do some of them then decide that they can't keep to the day they originally asked to attend, so that I end up with a group of 9 and a group of 5?

... did Mr BW start fixing the cloakroom cistern on Saturday afternoon, half an hour after the plumbers' merchant shut, even though I told him not to? There's currently a washer made out of 2 thicknesses of old bicycle inner tube, joined with superglue, between me and a flood... He got back from a trip to Lincoln yesterday too late to get a new part. His passing comment, before he left for work this morning, was, "Don't use the small loo today, it's started leaking again, but it will hang on as long as you don't use it." And I have 9 Nice Ladies here this evening, and I don't want them using the loo in the bathroom because I don't want to have to clean the bathroom as I employ a cleaner to do that, but she comes on a Thursday and it's messy today, whereas the cloakroom is fine. Apart from the dangerous loo.

... when I posted a requested link to a parliamentary report to an email educational forum at 9pm last night are at least 10 of the 716 members of the list still going on about not being able to find the information from Google now? Worrying that some of the country's leading educationalists can't use a search engine or check their in-boxes.

... has the Seagull that I searched high and low for turned out exactly like my Wedding Day?

... does everything take me so much longer than it used to?

Thought for the day

I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex.

- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

Hello. I am a new variety of box. I was only born this afternoon. I hope you enjoy looking at me.

BW says hello too, but she's too busy working to say hello to you herself. She said to thank my daddy for her.

Mr BW is making elderflower champagne and elderflower cordial.

But boxes don't need to drink, so I presume that the BWs intend to drink them.

Today I am

• Finishing writing the course in Amateur Witchcraft (that starts tomorrow) for 14 of the Nice Ladies (Aim: To have the whole village under my control, haha :)).

• Finishing writing a report that should have been done about a month ago.

• Trying not to distract myself.

Thought for the day

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

- Oscar Wilde

Day out

The only thing I like doing more than being in The Coven Grounds at this time of year is going out, looking around other people's gardens, then coming home and smiling happily and smugly. Other's gardening problems somehow put one's own into perspective (eg we found that everyone else has just as many aphids as we do, which is about ten times as many as we'd like/usually have).

Today we went round 20 open gardens in a very nice rural village. A glorious day, but, despite slopping on the suncream, my shoulders are still a bit red. We had tea and a slice of honey and spice cake in one garden, tea and scones, jam and clotted cream and lemon drizzle cake in another, sorbet ice creams in another, bought 6 plants (including a water lily), and still had change from £15. A true Value day out.

Which nearly made up for the fact that Mr BW bought a new Stihl chain saw that cost £280 on the way. I suppose we did get 20% off... (does that surprise you? :))

The Ginger Familiar joined us for dinner outside tonight. She crunched the grey mouse that she arrived with while we sipped chilled white wine, then ate her own fur for dessert while we had rhubarb fool made with rhubarb from the garden, our own honey, and low-fat Greek yoghurt.

Trouble at T'Coven

7.45pm: BW and Mr BW sit down to dinner, outside, where the setting sun is beginning to make the sky look pretty, D'Oves are doing their evening flying practice/display and the Ginger Familiar is being Ginger and Familiar with Mr BW's feet (as only a foot fetishist cat can).

Buzzy Bee: (approaches Mr BW, buzzing insistently)

Mr BW: Go away bee, stop beeing annoying.

Buzzy Bee: (approaches BW, buzzing insistently)

BW: Go away bee, stop beeing annoying.

Buzzy Bee: (circles BW several times in a menacing fashion)

Mr BW: Is that bee annoying you BW?

BW: No, she's trying to tell me something, I just know. What's the matter little bee?

Buzzy Bee: (whispers to BW, carefully ensuring that Mr BW doesn't overhear)

BW: Oh, your sisters are beeing naughty, and you think we should know?

Buzzy Bee: (whispers some more)

BW: You think we should go and see? Yes, OK, later. Maybe.

Buzzy Bee: (flies off happily)

Mr BW: Oh BW, really, you and your talking to bees, it gets better and better, it really does!!

Half an hour later, BW is in the middle of mowing the lawn while Mr BW is strimming the orchard.

Mr BW: (limps by in the direction of the house) My foot hurts!

BW: How many times have I told you not to strim wearing flip-flops, eh? That's a commercial brushcutter you're using there, you must wear proper footwear... Oh - is your foot OK by the way?

Mr BW: No! And anyway, I haven't strimmed my foot, I trod in the middle of a small sw@rm of bees hanging low on the blackcurrant bush.

BW: See, I speak good bee, that bee at dinner time told me her sisters were misbehaving and we should go and see!

Mr BW: Yeees, BW....

I daren't tell him that I've been doing spells to lure spare sw@rms of bees into The Coven Grounds as I thought we needed some more...he'll never believe me :)

The 55th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Until 19 minutes to 5 yesterday afternoon, I had failed to find anything funny enough to laugh out loud at all week (apart from one comment from Elsie, which, sadly, had to be disqualified for various reasons that I don't care to go into, because if I did there wouldn't be any point in having disqualified her in the first place, would there? ;))

Did a quick spell, as I hate to disappoint, then along came Ray, correctly summing up an ongoing comments banter, split over several posts, between me, Mr Piggy, Steve, e, and Colin:

*flashes showcase full of BW/e campaign medals*

You'll learn eventually Mr Piggy.... :-)

Posted by Ray at June 11, 2004 04:41 PM

Lest we forget ;)

On behalf of both e and me (I only put that cos it sounded nice, I know it's not grammatically correct), I'd just like to say that that admission from Ray is more than worth the 2 points and this week's trophy :)

And, do you ever wish you could put your consecutive searchers in touch with each other? This person with this person for example ;)

Thanks to everyone who has already completed the BW turning/handedness survey down a few posts from here, (and if you haven't, would you mind doing so now, please?). Results next week.

Endowment mis-selling complaints

Yes, it is worth complaining if you have mortgage endowments.

Information from here is interesting, and includes these facts:

The FSA said that a total of 452,200 complaints had been made about endowment mis-selling up to the end of March, an increase of 71,400 on the total of 380,800 at the end of December 2003.

FSA action has resulted in 24 firms paying or setting aside £673.5m to compensate 430,000 consumers. With further compensation payments of £358m made by other firms this results in total redress paid to consumers (or set aside to be paid) of around £1bn.

We have 4 policies between us, dating from the late 80s and very early 90s (don't ask, just accept that almost everyone bought them at the time, and that I'm only so financially astute now as I've learnt the hard way to do my own research, and not to blindly believe the sales lies spun by so-called financial professionals/ experts).

I've just had notification that one of my complaints has been upheld and they have made me a compensation offer that is double the current surrender value of the policy (which, in reality, restores me to the postion I would be in had I taken a repayment mortgage instead).

When all the hoo-ha about this issue first started I looked at the information available from the FSA, looked at the paperwork I had, and decided that it was a lot of effort for potentially little gain. Additionally, two of our 4 policies were taken out before 1988 when the FSA rules came into force (pre-1988 endowments (mis-)sold directly by banks and building societies are the only ones that stand any chance).

However, Mr BW's sister successfully complained about the promises made when her policy was sold, and, as her position was very similar to ours, we decided to have a go.

I suppose that we've spent probably 30 hours between us, so far, completing all the ongoing paperwork and searching out all the relevant supporting information. But, we've quite enjoyed doing it, and realising how much more worldly wise we are now than we were 17 years ago.

Yippee!!

Observations

The Presiding Officer told me yesterday that...

1. There are 327 registered voters that use my polling station.

2. Usually around one third of them vote.

3. I am the only person to get two votes.

4. Six people have postal votes.

5. The paper used for the European elections was not recycled paper.

6. The polling booths had been reduced from two double units to one double unit.

So... two people are paid to sit in a tiny church hall for 15 hours each. Even if they are only paid minimum wage, it is costing over £2 (in staff costs and hall rental alone) to elicit each vote. Great use of my taxes.

And... I thought that all polling stations now had to be accessible to the disabled? Why then, did Grandmother Mr BW find no ramp up the steps of her local polling station (in the LB of Redbridge), no-one on hand to assist her, and no means of summoning help? Not amusing when, at 91, with very restricted mobility, she had made the effort to get in her buggy and turn up.

And... what happens if you turn up to vote to discover that a clerical error has been made and you've been marked on the list as having already voted? Or that someone has impersonated you and already voted on your behalf? A great opportunity for unscrupulous members of extremist parties in low turnout areas to hike their vote, I'd suggest. Or aren't members of those parties bright enough to work that out?

And... I've worked out that the number of England flags flying from a car is in inverse proportion to (a) the driving abilites, and (b) the number of brain cells of the owner of the vehicle.

Be quick

Want free tickets for the Olympic torch concert, featuring Rod Stewart, Ozzy Osbourne and James Brown, in The Mall on 26th June?

There are 70,000 tickets being allocated by ballot (in pairs).

Either visit here or call 090 11 12 13 14 (call costs maximum 25p from a landline) before noon today.

I could have posted this earlier in the week, but I didn't because I wanted a better chance of winning. Nasty Witch :)

Thought for the day

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

- Ronald Reagan

Survey

Do participate, even if you don't normally comment, or have arrived from a search engine.

Stand up, put your hands by your sides, close your eyes and turn around.

Which way did you turn?

Please put the answer (clockwise or anti-clockwise), and whether you are predominately right- or left- handed, in the comments.

And please encourage as many people as possible to complete this survey - I'll explain the science in a couple of days.

Thought for the day

Tonight we are going to see Mr BW's 91 year old Grandmother.
When she was born, in 1913, universal suffrage was just a dream. Women were second class citizens in many ways. Only men occupying land or property with an annual rateable value of at least £10 could vote (24% of adults).

Honour what her Mother's generation did for democracy in this country and make the effort to vote today. Your effort will be nothing compared with theirs.

It is only 86 years since all men, and women over the age of 30, were accorded the right to vote.

It is only 35 years since the voting age was reduced to 18.

A brief summary of the history of the right to vote in Britain here.

Voting rights

Thanks to Pewari who, in between changing nappies, has brought to my attention that the BBC have a summary of all the European Elections manifestos. Very interesting, and not always what I'd surmised from reading the leaflets pushed through The Coven Letterbox. Interesting that the only party who bothered to knock on my door were the BNP. Needless to say, his IQ was about 90 (I'm being charitable here) and he got an interesting time from me.

And, also on that site, is the opportunity to get a complete list of all candidates standing in your area before you go to the polling station. So, here's my choice. Currently, of an electorate of 4,170,840, represented by 7 seats there are:

4 Conservatives (42.75% of the poll)
2 Labour (25.15%)
1 Lib Dem (11.95%)
1 UKIP (8.89%)
0 Green (just missed with 6.17%)

Let's see if we can change things tomorrow...

Moon Landings - The True Story

It started in the comments below...

Now, by kind hosting from Dino Features Somewhat (oops, I'd better be nice to her today or she'll take it down :)), I can now reveal to you something that I have had difficulty keeping to myself since it came into my possession, from a secret, undisclosable, but disgruntled, source within NASA, a couple of years ago now.

I love those mooon conspiracy theory programmes on TV.
There was another one on quite recently.
All that theorising.
All that conjecture.
All those weirdoes who devote their lives to the subject.

But, it's now no longer necessary.

BW, in conjunction with Somewhat's Bandwidth, can now proudly bring you:

The definitive, irrefutable, truth about the moon landings.

(It's a 1.27MB mpg download, and, as my connection is only running at 38,600bps again, it took one hell of a spell to get it to Somewhat by email for uploading, so enjoy it!!).

Question

This has been bemusing me.

Can anyone explain why the Blogger Button now says:

rather than "Powered by Blogger"?

Communication Issues

NThelL have a major hardware failure that is currently severely disrupting e-mail (webmail included). I can only access one of my accounts at present (and not the BW one, or the one my work email goes into). Peaceful day then... *bored already* :(

Update: It's all back up and running hobbling along as normal. I got all excited about the number of comments that appeared. Briefly. Right, luncheon meat sandwiches today then :(

Where does it all go?

Every year, in addition to the 3 or 4 cubic metres of our own garden compost that we make (for use as soil conditioner), I buy probably about 1000 litres of 'manufactured' compost for growing seeds, and filling pots, hanging baskets and tubs. Since we've been here, we've probably bought close to 100,000 litres of compost (that's close to 22,000 imperial gallons).

I try to be as environmentally friendly as possible, but sometimes I just can't get anything that doesn't contain peat.

Gardening Which? have just tested peat-free composts and found the best of them to be the J Arthur Bower's one. However, I've not found that to be available around here.

The present government-set target is that at least 40 per cent of compost and soil conditioners sold in the UK should be peat free by 2005, and at least 90% by 2010. Apparently in 2001 we were already at 36% peat-free, so one can safely assume that we've exceeded the 40% already.

But, my question is, as we recycle all bought-in compost via The Coven Compost Recycling Heaps, or straight onto the vegetable garden, where does all the volume go every year? It would need one hell of a lot of earthworms to digest that sort of quantity, and the beds and borders aren't getting any fuller. It's a mystery to me.

I've previously mentioned the garden products that CPL do. Good value (especially on multi-buys) and free home delivery (to most areas). Useless website (so I'm not linking it), better to call 0800 328 6693 and get them to send you a leaflet.

Thought for the day

It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project.

Napoleon Hill

Geographically challenged

I'd had a 3 minute telephone conversation with someone earlier before I realised that he was talking about a place in Africa not Wales. The place in question was Gabon.

I'm trying to excuse my ignorance by saying that I did have a fan on in the background, the country does only have a population of 1.3 million, and the word does have Celtic connections. Oh, that's Gaban. Right.

But, I got the job, so it's not a problem :)

Venus

Updates at the foot of this post.

As-it-happens commentary (and lots of facts) on The Transit of Venus here. As-it-happens images here (link borrowed from DG (he's got lots, he can spare it :)).

We've already seen it at The Coven, thanks to a sheet of oxy-acetylene welding shield glass and the exposure turned right down on a digitial camera/video camera. What a pity Mr BW was late for work :)

*adds another momentous astronomical experience to memory banks* *wonders what all the others were*

I know it started with a lunar eclipse when I was very little (that totally captivated me and sold my soul to the astrological gods for all time), progressed through man landing on the moon (I was not quite 7 at the time), all the other manned Apollo mission, then Skylab (I still have the scrapbook of newspaper cutting I made at the time)... then it gets a bit hazy... Halley's comet, 1999 partial solar eclispe (quite by accident), red Moon recently...

If I knew how to download still pics from the video camera, I'd put one up... Actually *thinks* I might be able to do it by dowloading the memory stick via the digital camera... Or wait until Mr BW gets home to capture a video frame.

And why is the word 'Venus' inextricably linked in my mind with a Sex Pistols song from the late 70s that starts, "Twas on the good ship Venus, my... [edited]" ;)

10 am Update: Looking at the TV coverage and various pics on the net, I think the most amazing thing is how different it looks from different countries. Now, I know that shouldn't surprise me that much, but it does. At The Coven, at 07.30 am (when we first looked), it was at a position about 28 minutes past the hour.

And there was special music composed for the last Transit in 1882. How times change in terms of what our culture considers important...

10.30 am Update: Venus is now still quite close to the edge of the sun, but at 20 past (where the 4 would be on a clock face)... (you need number 12 oxy-acetylene welding shield glass to see it by the way - with the 10 I had, you could only see it viewing through a camera too - I've just bought some 12 and it is perfect for the naked eye).

11.55 am Update: It's going right off the edge now, at about 18 minutes past...

12.15 pm Update: It's disappeared from my view. With eyesight like mine, and 93,000,000 miles (give or take), I was never going to see it until 12.23 pm, was I?

I got more and more excited as the morning wore on. For some reason.

*opens celebratory bottle of wine and nice crisps*

Damn, the wine is Chardonnay (not my favourite, most of it is now too tweaked for the pikey palate) and the crisps are past their sell-by date.

*feeds crisps to hens, gets back to work*

Yuck

Just returned from a quick trip into town to post some letters of complaint (Witch on the Warpath, beware).

My outdoor thermometer is currently reading 30 degrees.

I've decided that there is nothing so unappealing as Britain When the Sun Shines.

Spotty faced teenage boys with their school shirts undone revealing puny white chests with spots to match their faces. Young women with huge rolls of flab hanging out over the top of their trousers and under their too-small vest tops. Builders with repulsive beer guts.

Lots of them bright lobster red (have they never heard of skin cancer? - 65,000 cases and 2,000 deaths per year).

No, no, no, no, no.

If you have ever doubted The Power of Witch...

...read the comments thread below the next post down :)

Part 3: Life begins at 40: The Story of The D'Oves

Read Part 1 and Part 2 first, if you haven't already.

And so, the day of my 40th birthday, just before Christmas 2002, dawned. I woke up with the man I love, in the best bedroom, in my favourite inn/restaurant, in my favourite place in the world. I knew (as I'd made it) that I had a silly t-shirt to wear all day (and that Mr BW had a matching one), lunch in a place for which I'd always had a fascination, and 40 helium-filled balloons to let off from my favourite beach in the afternoon (and I don't want any lectures about the environmental impact of that, thank you ;)).

I'd already had my mid-life crisis at 29 ('Too much too young' was always one of my theme tunes), so I was thoroughly looking forward to being 40 to provide me with a modicum of psychological distance from the psychological life experiences that characterised my 30s.

Amongst my presents, on that crisp, sunny, winter morning, I found this.

On Christmas Day, I received, all beautifully wrapped up, this and this.

And if you can't read Word files, you'll never know how the D'Oves got their name. Haha :)

Well... OK... a clue - they told me that that was their name.

And I'll leave Mr BW to explain why he panicked when I said I wanted real doves to go in the dovecote.

Answer

For those confused by/ bemused by/ interested in Friday's blue quiz, despite Alan's best efforts, it took NiC's return from holiday to get the exact answer I was seeking.

I have been severely chastisted by DG for setting a 'desperately obscure question' though. So, well done to eveyone who added to the speculation (which reached 65 comments...not quite a BW record, but certainly in the top 5), but particularly to NiC, who has now ensured that Part 3 of the D'Ove name saga will appear today.

The answer then: Way back, ages ago, last year sometime, I responded to DG's complaints about the state of Bow Road, his local tube station, by promising to do a renovation spell.

Then blue walls started to appear. I commented (24th April), "*Rubs hands* My spell's going well then. The one that has blue walls as a performance indicator."

On 22nd May, as more blue walls were reported to have appeared, I mentioned that "I did tell you that my spell success performance indicator was blue walls."

So, what I was doing in the photo was checking that the walls were, in fact, the shade of BW blue that I had set in the spell. They were a perfect match.

Isn't that amazing, London Underground have adopted BW blue as their company colour? :)

And if you want to follow DG's daily update of the Bow Road Renovation, it's currently appearing in the comments box under this post. If I was a LT Manager, I'd be taking a lot of interest in that...

Thought for the day

Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.

- Jonathan Swift

True Meaning

We all know (I hope) what D-Day means (in case any uneducated peasants arrive, it's the day of the Allied landing in Normandy in France in World War II, June 6th 1944).

Of a group of 22 of us sat around chatting yesterday afternoon, no-one actually knew what the "D" stands for. 12 of those present were children or teenagers at the time.

I've always assumed it meant "Departure Day", and others thought it was "Deliverance Day" or "Decision Day".

However, a quick Google reveals that it doesn't actually mean anything over and above the fact that it's the scheduled start date of a(ny) military operation.

Information from here states:

The terms D-day and H-hour are used for the day and hour on which a combat attack or operation is to be initiated. They designate the day and hour of the operation when the day and hour have not yet been determined, or where secrecy is essential. The letters are derived from the words for which they stand, "D" for the day of the invasion and "H" for the hour operations actually begin. There is but one D-day and one H-hour for all units participating in a given operation. It is unnecessary to state that H-hour is on D-day.

When used in combination with figures and plus or minus signs, these terms indicate the length of time preceding or following a specific action. Thus, H-3 means 3 hours before H-hour, and D+3 means 3 days after D-day. H+75 minutes means H-hour plus 1 hour and 15 minutes.

Planning papers for large-scale operations are made up in detail long before specific dates are set. Thus, orders are issued for the various steps to be carried out on the D-day or H-hour minus or plus a certain number of days, hours, or minutes. At the appropriate time, a subsequent order is issued that states the actual day and times.

June 6th's D-Day's code name was Operation Overlord. But you hardly ever hear it referred to as that, do you?

The farmer of the field behind us is growing a crop of grass for seed. Despite him having sprayed nasty weed-killing chemicals several times in recent weeks, 2 bright red poppies have recently come out. That, together with the white D'Oves feasting on goodness knows what, (largely chemicals I suspect) is a most symbolic sight at the moment.

Life was simpler 60 years ago.
Men called up to fight did it unquestioningly, for the most part.
In a similar position today, I wonder how many people would refuse to go?

I, for one, would.

The 54th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Today, on World Environment Day there are 3 contenders.

Contender 1: Gert wrote about some recent 'naughty doctor' business.

However, the idea of an ultrasound while having sex is at least intriguing.

The best ultrasound I ever had was a penetrative internal one. I could see my ovaries and follicles on the screen looking really rather beautiful

I had to relate a little story.

Reminds me - one of those that I've endured involved the (late 50s) male gynaecologist - (aside - why are they always men?) saying, "Hmm, the probe is really cold, I'll warm it up" and then proceeding to do a bloody good impression of giving it a good wank (am I allowed to say that on here? :))

The female chaperone/nurse and I just collapsed laughing and he really had no idea what we found so funny.

Maybe you had to be there...

Posted by Blue Witch at June 2, 2004 01:37 PM

Gert reprimanded me:

Blue Witch, wank is one of the banned words on madmusings. Maybe I should add to the "I reserve the right to..." with a list of the banned words. Bum I cunt quite remember wank they arse.

Posted by Gert at June 2, 2004 05:09 PM

Shoot me, I'm regressing to Primary School...

Posted by Gert at June 2, 2004 05:10 PM

Sorry, so am I :)

Contender 2: drD. Another in his excellent occasional news story pictorial satririsations.

Contender 3: The new pig on the blog, Mr (JetSet) Piggy. I'm probably going to be the only person who finds (the last sentence of) this funny (but since when has that bothered me? :)) (and it's in the middle of a serious, thoughtful piece about a subject that will ring bells with lots of people I suspect):

The gay 'scene' appears to me to be all about money and sex, or maybe its sex and money, I'm not sure which way round it should be. 'Gay' has become the newest cash cow. And I don't mean in the 'pink pound' kind of sense (which should really be referred to as 'pink debt').

Winner, as normal, coming later. I've got a Golden Wedding celebration to go to first though.

Later: Ooops, that took rather longer than planned. Largely because Mr BW refused to go home until they gave him a piece of chocolate celebration cake in a paper serviette, and I joined in and demanded a take-away golden balloon. Can't remember the last time I ate so much (restaurant lunch then home-made tea). A lovely day, but, I actually feel quite ill now.

Anyway, the winner of today's trophy and an extra point to go with the one that goes to all contestants, is drD. I will admit that the jury was slightly swung by the fact that it is World Environment Day :)

Playing with Google

Let's see...

Ahmed, Dan, Emma, Jason, Kitten, Marco, Michelle, Nadia, Michelle, Stuart, Vanessa, Victor

Big Brother 5, BB5, sex, nude pictures, nude photos, biography, naked, lies

*diverts attention from the fact that she has been told something very interesting about contestant selection for BB5, from a friend of a friend's personal experience, and has been forbidden from blogging it*

Error, BB producers, chucking Kitten out so soon, definite error.

But, do you groan inwardly as much as I do when you load a blog page to see the writer going on about BB? :) And I think this series of BB far surpasses any of the others for entertainment value.

Normal BW service will be resumed shortly. (btw, can anyone define 'normal service' round here, for me? :))

In the meantime, I still need to know the significance of the blue wall/blue clothing comparison shot at Bow Road tube station, in order that the next episode of The D'Ove story can be posted on Monday...

Value Witch Alert

No-one has solved the Friday Blue Puzzle (below) yet, so no Part 3 of The D'Oves Story yet. I did warn you :)

Instead I offer this Value Witch Tip, as consolation.

You all know by now that I love playing interest-free money games to get money at 0% APR to stash in our offset mortgage account, so cutting our monthly mortgage payments to, usually, around the amount of a good night out.

Anyone with a reasonable credit rating can get a new 0% card and use this 0% game to either pay off existing high APR debts, give themselves free extended credit on major purchases, or get actual cash at 0%.

To get actual cash, all you do is balance transfer from your card offering 0% balance tranfers, onto a card clear of debt. The card company you're transferring from don't check that you really have debt on the card you transfer to. The balance transfer money will take a few days to reach the debt-free card (3-10 in my experience). Once it's there, move the money into your current account (ring customer services to check that this card allows you to make free transfers of positive balances into a current account - most of them do, but they don't broadcast it).

Barclaycard have just announced the longest ever 0% credit card. It offers 0% interest for both spending on the card and any debts moved to the card until 1 August 2005 (14 months - an all time record in the debt credit card industry).

Leaflets have been in Barclays branches since Tuesday (well, they weren't available in London E3 yesterday, although they were in SW3, make your own value judgements, and my application is already in the post :)), and the offer will be available online or by telephone on 14th June.

The maximum balance transfer allowed is £5,000, or 90% of your allocated credit limit, whichever is the higher.

Friday quiz time!

I'm a Happy Witch.

Yesterday, being friendly to someone and engaging in a bit of 'risque banter' got me a year's free access (rather than the free day-ticket to which I was entitled) to a university library where I can now be a pseudo academic to my heart's content. £135 saved and lots of memories scarily resurrected.

It's 20 years this month since I took my first degree finals and spent every hour that they were open in that particular library. There were three of us who shared the sixth floor desks, and, unike most other libraries at that time, it was a slice of tranquility and industriousness, completely silent, with a wonderful musty ancient booky smell to inspire us.

There's something unique, unquantifiable and indescribable about university libraries in our older universities. And I was delighted to find that, apart from the replacement of the card index (a 3 foot long drawer of which I once accidentally caused to tumble from its ill-secured mountings, thereby creating 6 hours of work for a librarian) by a computerised system in 1991, and the installation of a notice outside