Blue Witch

The real issue

Being Value Witch, I can't say I disagree with Steve's sentiments about the prices of tickets for the Acorn Antiques Musical which officially opens tonight (and there are still tickets available, so others must also have agreed...). Although I understand they did 'cave in' a bit to public dismay by turning the dress rehearsals into £20 a pop preview shows (actually, that just makes it a whole lot worse, doesn't it?)

However, I think that the real issue in theatre and concert ticket prices is something else. It's how much it actually costs to buy a ticket of a particular face value.

Following a study carried out last summer, the Office of Fair Trading has reported (on 26th January) that,

"Though most consumers are happy with the services provided by ticket agents... consumers suffer from a lack of clear price information, unclear contracts, and some mis-selling by secondary agents."

The OFT have now proposed tighter rules governing ticket agencies to make pricing and conditions clearer. They want:

* all adverts to include the face value of tickets as well as the price the agency is selling them for;

* all adverts to include details of where the tickets can be bought at face value;

* all price details to be written in a clear and readable way; and

* terms and conditions about cancellations and other changes to be written more clearly, and be displayed more prominently (particularly on websites).

According to the OFT, ticket information should answer five questions.

* What is the face value of the ticket and how much will I pay in total including additional fees such as booking fees, transaction charges and postage?

* Can I get a ticket elsewhere - will I get it cheaper by shopping around or going direct to the box office?

* How will I receive my tickets and what happens if they don't arrive?

* Will I get a refund, including additional fees, if the event is cancelled, changed or I cannot go?

* Where is the seat and does it have a restricted view?

As an example of the current situation:

I've been looking for tickets for the Beautiful South's open-air concert in Thetford Forest on 10th June. Face value £24.

The tickets are only available through a limited number of primary ticket agencies. I shopped around and came up with the following differences in price for buying two tickets with a total face value of £48 (none of the total prices are visible until you get to the final 'pay now' screen):

Aloud.com: Booking fee £2.40 per ticket, and postage £4.70 per order. Total face value price for 2 tickets, £48. Total cost, £57.50.

The same tickets through Ticketmaster, are £54.80, and £57.50 through Gigs and Tours.

That's the real rip-off. Somewhere between £6.80 and £9.50 surcharge on a £48 purchase? That's from 14.17% to 19.79%. Plus, if you only want one ticket, it's a whole lot worse, because of the 'postage charge' of nearly a fiver.

The new rules can't come in fast enough as far as I'm concerned.

But, surely a better way to do it would be to put the actual cost you will pay on the ticket, and let ticket resellers negotiate with the staging company what margin they will allow them (as happens with almost every other commodity)?

Thought for the day

In the midst of winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer.

- Albert Camus

Oh to have a brain...

You may remember that football manager Glenn Hoddle broke through the traditional laws of time by explaining that, "at this moment in time I did not say them things." This week another footballing figure showed that mixed metaphors don't have to abide by the usual principles of the human anatomy. Craig Bellamy spoke of his disappointment with manager Graeme Souness, complaining that he had "gone behind my back right in front of my face".

- via The Plain English Campaign's weekly e-newsmail

Quackers, Part 2

Or, Mr BW continues to learn you Duck

Lessons continue. Worryingly I am still trying to get to grips with Page 1 Lesson 1 and we seem to be on Week 3, so the omens are not looking good right now for an impressive patter next time I visit the Land of the Rising Sun.

This week we have mainly been doing phonetics. I said before that duck is tonal. It is actually quite close to musical. We sounded like a weird group of religious nutters chanting for 3 hours, now repeat after me: "oooooo...... eeeeeeee........ baaaaaa......... paaaaaa.............. daaaaaaaa.......... zweeeeeeee........" You get the idea.

I am still trying to find a font that includes all the tones on the letters. Apparently it is not really correct to write 'ba2' (remember that is the second or rising tone), it should be written 'bá'. This one came from Times New Roman (and is probably French in origin), but the first tone is indicated by a flat line over the letter and this does not appear to be anywhere. Anyone got any ideas? (Ed's Note: Mr BW doesn't know about html, and pointing him to a page of code for Chinese tones might prove to be the final straw - I've already placed my size 8.5/9 right in the middle of some wet paint on the stairs today, which serves him right, because he washed my fossil collection, including some that were in dried mud, so dissolved... ).

Strangely there are no 'small' words in Duck, like 'a'. So 'I am a Business Manager,' becomes 'I am Business Manager'. This might help explain why, when speaking English, Oriental people miss out these words, appearing to speak very abruptly when they are in fact just doing a literal translation and do not understand the need for little words that get in the way.

So when your friendly waiter at Won Kei's plonks a menu in front of you and demands: 'Wot you want?', he is really saying, 'Excuse me Sir/Madam but may I take your order if it is convenient?'...or perhaps not.

Today's phrase is: Wo Shi Mang (transl: I am busy, pron: Wow she Mung)

Today’s quiz is: 'Kekoukele' is the pinyin translation for a common Western brand. Any idea? (and try not to Google it, take a stab au natural). Answer tomorrow.

That was another post from Mr BW

The 76th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Contenders coming later - the MBWLA files are on the wrong PC again - plus, one of the pond pumps needs its bearing replaced,the hens need cleaning out, and the rats need, um, inspecting.

For now I'll share the thing that's been making me laugh since I heard it on Johnnie Walker's Business News on R2 last night... Daewoo cars have rebranded as Chevrolet. I've just driven past the Daewoo garage in Local Small Town (that's only been open a few weeks anyway), and noticed that they've completely redone the facade overnight. And there's a banner proclaiming, "Now it's a Chevrolet!"

Somehow, all I can think of is that "We owe it to that old '05 Daewoo" doesn't have the right kind of ring about it.

OK, so that's one pair of new curtains ordered from a very nice Local Shop for Local Witches (15% discount), one new anglepoise-type brass floor lamp bought from the Local Light Shop for Local Witches next door to the Local Curtain Shop (half the price of the one that I tried to order on the net that anyway isn't in stock until the first week in March), new rhubarb and garlic bought and planted (hurrah, I finally found some on the Local Market for Local Witches), and seville oranges pressure cooking ready for marmalade making, so now I can get round to coding the MBWLA file. There are 4 contenders, and some bonus points.

Contender 1: Captain Kirkham, a brand new blog I've discovered this week that's made me go 'wow' for a change, rather than *yawn*, and I think many of us suffer from what she describes (actually, that said ‘he’ until just now, because I incorrectly assumed ‘she’ was a ‘he’ until I read yesterday’s entry when I checked the link just now, oops, sorry, must have been the latent Trekkie in me) . It was going seriously well, until I got to the 4th para.

For those that need to know, I am embarking on studying towards an AS Level in Philosophy and my little brain is jumping for joy. After a few years as a 'professional', my grey matter feels as if it is starting to atrophe through lack of use. The study towards being a 'professional' was briefly diverting, but now that I have settled in... same old, same old. The Brain is Bored. My conversation seems to be consist more and more of the state of the Underground, and the soft furnishings in my flat and less and less 'what's it all about then...'.

I have erudite, intelligent and interesting friends, but the balance of my discussions with them sometimes seems to be tipping towards pension and travel arrangements. Partly this is because I know them, and their views, well - so maybe it takes a new thing happening in the world to bring out new conversation. It is a kind of laziness on my part; a taking for granted, a comfortableness with the certain and well known, a resting on my life-laurels.

I also take responsibility for my being less likely to leap into confrontation, by which I mean that I don't now rush into debates that I anticipate might be heated. An explanation could be (not sure about this one) that my aforementioned 'profession' is demanding, pretty long hours and not infrequently stressful. Debate takes mental effort and sometimes I don't have any mental effort left after a long day. This is a vicious circle of boredom - I work, I come home mentally tired but not mentally stimulated, I want to relax, I get bored, I go to work without any mental-energy jumpstart.

This is of course a description of the worst - I love my friends and my other half and we can all talk and talk till the hind legs have fallen off all the furniture (no donkeys in London) - life and the world have been covered many times over. The world has been put to rights so many times that I don't know why everything hasn't been sorted out by now. Tsk.

Really this is about me and my wanting to push myself onwards. I want to start the circle in a virtuous direction. It is not so much about the qualification (though that would be nice) but about the learning. And it is totally under my own control (eek).

Contender 2: Da Goldfish is reborn after having to take his old site down due to work related problems. Apparently he's putting it all back up elsewhere, but in the meantime, looking for a publishing deal. Yeah, right, you and just about everyone else except me, it seems...

You hear me, publishers? A book! A book of Da Goldfish! Come on, this is the chance you’ve been waiting for! 100,000 words of fun, frolics and filth! Wit, wisdom and wanking!

Never mind boring old pretend whore Belle Du Jour (“Today I baked some delightful apple scones, made some herbal tea and thought about Voltaire – in the afternoon a bloke paid to piss in my hair”) Da Goldfish is the real deal, and what’s more, publishers – most of it is CORRECTLY SPELLED. Even the made-up words.

So batch me up in little paper oblongs and stick me on the front counter in Waterstones, and watch those sales figures skyrocket!!!

Don't ask Waterstone's to stock it when you get it mind Goldie, they fire bloggers. Shocking.

And, while I remember, for those of you who've not seen it, this review of BdJ's crap made me laugh. It's exactly what I'd love to have written myself. (link via James thanks)

Contender 3: Colin:

About me

I just wrote a substantial 'about me' post, because it suddenly dawned on me that there are newcomers here that know almost nothing about me, despite having told so much about themselves.

The problem is, I wrote it on my laptop which is now turned off, and when I went to post it Blogger had a hissy fit.

And now I've lost my nerve. So I present below, for now, an abbreviated version of what I wrote.

'My real name isn't Colin Cowpat. That's a made up name.'

Thanks.

Contender 4: Colin (for whom MBWLA points are like buses – none for ages and then 2 come along at once):

Users are scum

It's 8.17 in the ante meridian, and *already* I'm having a bad day.

In the words of Blackadder (although you'd be amazed at just how much shit you can get into by innocently quoting Blackadder), my life is 'strewn with cowpats from the devils own satanic herd'.

If you can't use a fucking computer, if you can't follow simple instructions, If you're perplexed that you've started to download soapytitwank.mpg from your mates and 'it seems to be taking ages', if 'the screen just went funny' and you didn't do anything honestly, if you're in a hotel in Madrid and you asked the fucking cleaner to reconfigure your network settings and now it 'doesn't seem to work', if you think you know better until you've lost your precious PowerPoint presentation which is *so colourful* and uses so many cool animations and transitions that it can induce Photosensitive epilepsy then today, to be perfectly honest, you can piss off.

Phone the number, take a ticket and I'll see you within the 2 working days I am contractually obliged to do so. If you mention 'customer focus' to me I will happily bury your job under 17 other more important ones that may or may not be fictional.

Or, you can trade your machine in for an etch-a-sketch more comensurate with your mental faculties.

And I've lost my pen. Again.

And another thing. Why do some people send emails ALL IN UPPER CASE? IT MIGHT NOT HAVE OCCURED TO THEM THAT THIS IS THE TEXTUAL EQUIVALENT OF SHOUTING, BUT DO THEY REALLY SIT THERE AND THINK 'AH FUCK IT, I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE CAPS LOCK ON, I THINK IT ADDS GRAVITAS TO THE ESSENTIAL EMAIL I'M ABOUT TO SEND TO THE POPULATION OF THE ENTIRE WORLD ABOUT HAVING FOUND 15 P BY THE FUCKING COFFEE MACHINE.'

And the winner is... Colin. I'll have to leave you to guess why ;)

And bonus points for contributions to yesterday’s “Degree of Blue Witchedness Quiz” to Dave, Harriet, MrD, NiC, and billy. I handed you all, on a plate, an opportunity to get some points and most of you couldn't think of anything to write about. Or were scared of me spells. I'm not sure which. Actually, billy can have 2 points, because he came nearest to the obvious ones :)

Friday Fun

This search string came in yesterday... "to see if you are a witch for free online".

Never one to knowingly disappoint the punters, I wonder what questions we can come up with to determine people's degree of Blue Witchedness?

I suggest 3 answers for each question, being worth 0, 1 or 2 points.

For example:

Do you do spells to one day procure a certain adorable 4 legged canine called Edward?

1. Yes (2 points)
2. I would if I could do spells (1 point)
3. Who's Edward? (0 points)

Go on... this is your chance ;)

Art Class: Session 12

Here are last week's forgotten images.

Chalk on A3 size black sugar paper (the rough texture 'absorbs' the chalk), and the same shiny metallic kitchen utensils that I did in pencil the previous week, with the omission of the impossible draining spoon, and the addition of the ladle and the melon baller (which was a challenge, that I didn't really get right, as it has a half-satin and half-shiny handle, which caused the light to bounce differently). Erm, so... correction, that's one of the shiny items from week 11, plus two new ones...

I found chalk a very frustrating and not very satisfying medium. It's too quick, and there's no opportunity to be 'fussy' or to correct errors. A perfectionist's nightmare.

(Oops, I may have reduced the resolution of those too far...)

Thought for the day

If we cannot end our differences at least we can make the world safe for diversity.

- John F Kennedy

Art Class: Session 13

Yesterday's class was a bit of a disappointment as, between sessions, the tutor had changed her mind about what we were going to do.

She decided that, as some of the old dears who've been going along for years are getting a bit despondent when they see what some of us newbies are turning out, we'd all do a guided, step-by-step, use-lots-of-techniques, seascape, in the style of Robert Tilling.

Now, the two useful things that useless art tutor from last year taught us were how to do washes, and how to mix an infinite number of shades of one colour. So Good Friend BW and I were bored. When we're bored we don't paint well, because we sit and put the world to rights instead of concentrating.

As you'll notice, the paper (despite being 140lbs) also buckled as I hadn't stretched it, as I wasn't expecting to be doing layered thin washes.

And, oops, I've just realised I haven't posted last week's chalk on black paper efforts yet. Because they were large and had to be photographed rather than scanned and I've only been able to get back into the Inner Coven, which is the only place I download and resize digital images, recently.

And - ah - yes, I realised the other day when looking at some of Harriet's wonderful art that turned out to be A1 size, when I'd thought it to be much smaller, that I need to specify size. Today's is 14" x 10".

Proud

Stuff the Bloggies (fatally flawed as a concept IMHO, and more so this year because of the poor design of the voting form), Google Canada says I'm the 13th greatest witch of all time (out of over 3 million) :)

Thought for the day

There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.

- Salvador Dali (1904 - 1989)

Drapery

Having nearly finished the "Skim the ceiling to get rid of the nasty artex in the entrance hall/hall/stairs, repaint the walls and wood panelling, and the dark wood stairs that have annoyed BW for the last nearly 10 years as they make everything look too dark and too small" Project (which has already taken 6 bags of plaster and nearly 20 litres of paint - wow - what a lot of house space we must have lost - have you ever wondered how many times you'd have to repaint your walls before you have no living space at all left? No? Well, I have...), I decided to start looking for new curtains for the front entrance (door and window).

I don't have either the time or inclination to make them just now (the Rest Room Project wore out my Need to Sew), and nothing ready-made will fit, or meet my exacting standards for Value and Insulation.

Nearly 10 years ago, when we first moved in, I had some wonderful curtains made by a company called Econermine (they were very reasonably priced, had thick baffle inter-linings, and were beautifully made, although Parcel Farce lost the first ones and I remember having a shouty argument with them over the details of how the replacement would be effected, which I never would now, as one learns tricks about effectively dealing with such situations, over time). As a Squirrel Witch, I still had the original brochure, samples and receipts in my filing system, but, sadly, the phone number is now unobtainable.

Some Witchy Googling found that the company still exists, but operates under a different name. I eagerly clicked their website to find this.

Well, it made me laugh anyway.

Earlier, I played the heating oil game again - works every time. Saved £50 just by telling a small lie about a competitor's price.

And I just saw another rat. I'm beginning to wonder if there's some extra significance there....

Signs of Spring at The Coven

Yes, we have mini irises:

And catkins:

And rats:

See how they've tunnelled under the quails enclosure to get to the (suspended) feeder? And then they've gone back underground and made a hole out in one of the raised fruit trees. Neither we, nor the Rat Man who came round yesterday, can see where they're getting in, but it seems they're tunnelling from somewhere, under the electric netting that surrounds the Coven Orchard, up into the quail, and thence onward to the raised bed.

The Rat Man informed me that he didn't have any of the super-strength poison blocks (that look like dishwasher tablets) that he used last time (they killed the nasty beasts in 24 hours - well, I assume they did as the rats were never seen again). "Oh, great, EU rules, I suspect?" I said. "No, actually, someone in Environmenta1 Services ordered the wrong ones and was too embarrassed to send them back. So, we're stuck with them. We've got 3 huge tubs to use and they're absolutely useless. So, I'll see you next week, when they haven't worked."

Rather annoying, but, never mind, I like Rat Man. He's your salt-of-the-earth country type. In a previous era he'd have been a gardener on a large estate, and still retains all of his deference to people he considers his better. Or that wear Blue Pointy Hats ;) He calls me "Mrs Blue Witch, Ma'am." If he wore a cap, he'd doff it. If he had any hair left at the front, he'd tug it, I'm sure.

Mr BW informs me that he's gone off porridge now; he wants Passion Pots for breakfast tomorrow. They make Malteser Cheesecake ones and Flake ones. Or something. I just know that Sainsbury's aren't going to have them in stock. Even if they do ;)

Oats

dave and us BWs all had porridge for breakfast today (we couldn't have our normal mango and melon as they were too hard).

A discussion ensued which has got me thinking.

How do you make porridge?

I use one cup of rolled oats, 3 of water, and microwave until done (about half an hour if your microwave is as antique as ours). Slop into a bowl with milk in the bottom, add brown sugar to colour the milk and honey to make it taste yummy.

Dissociation

And just when I thought I'd have time to write up the long-delayed "Thinking" series properly, I've suddenly got unexpectedly swamped with work.

Now, I promised myself that this year I would be sensible, and not put myself in an impossible postion work-wise again, and spend more time doing arty things... and, and, and...

Yes, having a laptop on a wireless network has helped a lot (although I am a bit worried about what the wireless waves might be doing to my brain, particularly as I'm getting loads of search engine hits for strings such as "health effects of wireless connectivity", so others must be concerned too, and, in my experience, there ain't no smoke without fire), as it's given me a lot more flexibility in how and when I work, but it can also be annoying, as the Economy Witch and Environmental Witch in me refuse to have the Inner Coven main PC switched on too, so I often find myself running up and down stairs to switch it on when I need to print things or need to pull things from files on the wrong machine. I think it's like having 2 houses - the things you want are always in the other one.

And I can't scamper up the stairs at present as they have been painted. Well, actually, I could step carefully up there, but I'd need to be sure I'd only tread on the alternate stairs with a pink post-it with a tick and 'OK' in thick black marker pen on them (those were the ones painted on Sunday rather than last night). And I can't be sure I could do that at the moment with my eyes in the state they are.

I'm having huge problems getting used to having one eye for seeing far away and one for close-up work. As I move from looking in the distance to reading position, I experience my perceptual system shifting from left to right, and it takes a few seconds for the focus to sharpen (a bit like looking at digital images on a camera screen - well, on Sony cameras anyway). Very disorientating, but I've been told I've got to persevere for the rest of this week. We'll see.

Daft question (and I suspect I know the answer as it seems impossible) - is there any way of getting a laptop on a wireless network to print to a printer (it's actually an HP G55 Officejet which is undoubtedly the best bit of computer kit I have ever bought, sadly now obsolete) that is attached to a main PC with a USB cable, when the main PC is switched off?

Blimey, I'm rambling more than usual today!

Back to the original topic - why the next part of "Thinking" isn't appearing today as planned - because of all this extra work I'm doing... you see, the prospect of earning in one day over a third of what Mr BW takes home in a month, for doing something easy-peasy (albeit extremely non-stimulating and tedious) and paying off another 1.5% of the outstanding mortgage is too great a temptation for a Value Witch. As is working on a Saturday for considerably more than normal rate. Or doing some work in a university that no-one else wants to do for much more than they previously told me they were not prepared to pay. God I'm so shallow sometimes.

Right, must get on, because I need to get a report done before the rat man cometh to kill the rats that are plaguing the hens and quails.

Oh - ah - but - while I'm here, does anyone know anywhere I can get a tasteful floor-standing angle-poise-type sewing/reading light that would be suitable for a quite-traditional style country cottagey type lounge? I need to improve the lighting so I can see well enough to do anything useful in there after dark. Thanks.

Thought for the day

evolovevolovevolove

- timothy

Spy phones

Birdman's post today on satellites being used to ensure farmers are earning their EU subsidies (no bad thing methinks) reminded me of a buried 'draft' post that I've been meaning to post. So, I've dug it out.

In local Small Town a couple of weeks ago, I saw Nokia 3310 'spyphones' for sale. A quick Google on returning home revealed that there are lots of them available, and this is what they do:

" This is an unlocked Nokia 3310 GSM mobile phone. Ready to take any sim card. It has an extra feature that once activated it becomes a “Spy Phone”. It appears to be switched off and non functional. However the “Spy Phone” is a fully operational sensitive audio device. The modified GSM software is used to transmit any sounds the phone can pick up - using ANY network in the world (except USA).

What this means is that you now have a wireless audio transmitter with an infinite range - you can listen to the phone from ANY telephone, mobile or fixed line, by simply dialling the phone telephone number.

Extremely sensitive, the "Spy Phone" has not been modified by the addition of a PC board, and no illegal modification has been made. In fact the “Spy Phone” is 100% completely legal.

Usage Suggestions

• The spy phone owner activates the spy phone and leaves the meeting room, (claiming a toilet break, for instance), calls the spy phone and listens to the ongoing conversation. On return the owners negotiating positions may change dramatically, and definitely have the upper hand.

• You may suspect your partner is having an affair, simply put the phone in Spy Mode and leave your phone anywhere you like in the house and go to work. Then call up whenever you want to listen in.

• Finding out Gossip in the workplace or at home when you are away.

• Listen to what is going on in the other room, in case you are missing out on something.

FAQs

Q : What is the coverage area / range of the phone ?

A : The coverage area will be the same as any other standard mobile phones, it Depends on the coverage provided by your local network phone company. As for the range while on the Spy mode - you can call it from anywhere in the world.

Q : Which cellular company can activate the Spy Phone ?

A : As long as the phone has a signal it that country, you can call it. That is basically anywhere except USA

Q : How sensitive is the microphone and how far from the phone can I hear ?

A : The microphone is a heightened microphone that is used to make a normal conversation located in the mouth piece of the phone. Though the microphone is very sensitive there is no way to know how far can you hear, the general rule is that you can hear the same as if someone "forgot" to press the END button on the keypad.

Q : Can the Spy Phone be used for an everyday use as a mobile phone ?

A : Yes, you can call and receive calls just like any other mobile phones, it will ring normally and perform according to the original manufacturer specifications.

Q : Can you tell by holding the phone that it is a "spy phone" ?

A : No, there is no way to tell by holding it or using the Spy Phone that it has an "Extra feature" , it looks and feels just like a standard ordinary mobile phone. "

£125 from here.

Cheaper on my local market.

Now everyone can have 'Witchy Powers'.

You have been warned.

I want snow

It's promised, and I want it NOW.

We haven't had any since well before the FOTCR™, it's not fair.

The house stinks of paint, again, because we've been painting all weekend, and I want an excuse to get away from the work I've been doing for the half of the weekend when I wasn't painting, and go out and frolick/take photos. That could be interesting as I can't actually get dressed as it's glacial in the bedroom as we had to sleep with the bedroom windows wide open so I didn't get a headache again. My leftover night-time drink was 9 degrees this morning when I prodded it with my temperature probe, so that was the room temperature.

Who's got snow? Sent it this way will you?

Post-its

Lovely little free download of an electronic Post-it program from 3M (the original manufacturers of those non-stick sticky notes) here.

Plaster your desktop, toolbars, and documents with virtual Post-its.

Witchy likes :)

Thought for the day

I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.

- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756 - 1791)

Quackers, Part 1

Or, Mr BW learns you Duck

BW has convinced me to write a sort of diary covering my rise through a nodding acquaintance with Duck to full blown proficiency in ordering 2 of number 17 please at the local Chinese restaurant.

Depending on how I go this may be a weekly review of my lesson, or it may degenerate into a once in a while summary. We will see.

So, to the beginning, why am I doing this to myself?

Well, we are opening an office in China, and I am running it from the UK, so I thought it a good idea if I learnt more than, 'Good morning and thank you.' (Ed's note: There'll be none of that dear, or there will be spells ;)) Combine that with a subsidised course from those nice people at the EU (26 weeks of 4 hours - 104 hours - of language tuition for £35), and I was in.

We started the first lesson with one hour of form filling for the wonderful EU system and then began.

One of the other students looked up 'languages' on 'NVQ requirements' or similar, and found that most languages require 400-500 hours tuition to reach reasonable proficiency, whereas Duck requires 1700 hours. Now this may or may not be a made up number, but since it fits my argument that this is bloody difficult, then I will present it to you as hard fact (don't spend hours checking it because it is of no consequence anyway). As we are doing approximately 100 hours (Ed's note: or 104, as you said above dear), we therefore concluded that we are all knackered before we start, but never mind, onwards and upwards.

Our tutor is a very pleasant Chinese lady with a reasonable grasp of English (handy that).

She gave us all a folder, a book, a cassette for the folder, and a CD for the book. Confusion reigns should you mix the two up and try to listen to the CD with the folder.

She then explained that we would be learning Pinyin, the method used in schools to teach children.

The idea is that this indicates pronunciation using western letters. The reality is that there are few western letters that truly translate into Chinese sounds. I will give you an example:

Xin is Duck for 'new': to pronounce X place the front of the tongue behind the lower front teeth near the hard palate then let the air pass through the channel between the front of the tongue and the hard palate, rather like whistling through the lower teeth. It sounds a bit like Zwee (I think) Got that? Well, wait until you try Q.

Moving on. We are told that Duck is a tonal language. There are 5 tones. 4 of which are indicated below, the fifth is a neutral tone (I have not quite worked out what the difference is between neutral and tone 1).

As you can see, simply changing the tone of Ma changes its meaning from 'mother' to 'you fuc*wit', so it is advisable to know what you are saying before opening your mouth. Apparently it is also used at the end of a sentence to indicate a question. So you might find yourself saying, "How are you fuc*wit?" rather than "How are you mum?" if you are not careful. And Ma can also mean 'hemp/linen' or 'horsey/goaty thing'. Confused? You try sitting there every week.

In Pinyin, the tone is indicated by a number after the word, 1 being tone 1, the flat high tone. Or it can be indicated by a line above the letter.

Anyway, I think that is about enough for the moment, more next week.

By the way, I accept no liability for the accuracy or otherwise of what I say here, if you happen to be Chinese please don't burst my bubble of belief that I might be learning something (I already did that on Friday morning by trying to say "Nice to see you!" to my Chinese man who's currently in the UK being orientated, and received a blank response).

This week’s phrase is:

Ni3 Hao3 (literal translation: 'You how?', actual meaning 'Hello', to someone you know well; pronounced: 'knee how').

I'll be testing you on all this next time.

This post from Mr BW

The 75th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

How to frustrate a Witch with 2 computers:

Have this week's MBWLA file on the main PC, situated upstairs in the Inner Coven.

Have the 'Duck Part 1' file, emailed by Mr BW yesterday, on the laptop downstairs, but the scanned image to accompany that post on the PC upstairs.

Have the main PC turned off so that files can't be accessed from the laptop.

Allow Mr BW to paint the stairs so that laptop and PC cannot talk, and hence nothing can be posted.

Is that a good enough excuse for the late posting? :)

This week there are 5 contenders. Some from last week, when I was disinclined to post, and some from this week, when it took more than normal to make me laugh.

Contender 1: dr D:

Fag end of the law

Italy bans public smoking.

Yeah right - those Italians are really going to obey that one.

Next: Pope appoints lesbian nun as successor.

Contender 2: Dave:

Nobel Prize, perhaps?

I made a startling discovery last night. One that could amaze physicists across the world.

This year is the 100th anniversary of Einstein's Theory of Relativity, which shows that time slows as you near the speed of light, and it is fitting, therefore, that my discovery should expand a little upon that most famous of papers.

In a nutshell, my new addendum to Einstein's work is this:

"The closer you are in relation to a pregnant woman, the slower time becomes."

The only difference between them is that in my case, you actually notice that time is running slowly whereas in Einstein's you don't. It is therefore clear that time only slows down around you, leaving you completely unaffected.

My proof is taken from my own senses. I mean, nine months has never passed so slowly before, I swear. Further, I am certain that the following nine months, once I am no longer in close proximity to a pregnant woman, will pass much faster than I would expect and, indeed, want. What further proof do you need?

As I said to him, the moral of this tale is that one shouldn't get near a pregnant woman. But, therein lies the paradox, of course ;)

Contender 3: Mr D:

Superfluous recommendation

Trouble-shooting tip in a VCR manual..

* Check your cock before setting the Automatic Timer Record.

(and remember to wash your hands afterwards!)

Contender 4: Harriet: And I swear this has absolutely no personal relevance. Except *coughs* that I had a similar teacher at school too.

Techniques for Tights-Wearers with Hairy Legs

Explained to me by my good sister in Dundee (where its so cold you really need the extra layer of insulation the hairs give you).

1. You must choose your tights with care - they need to be opaque (as
opposed to sheer) and of a high enough denier (thickness of the fabric) for the hairs not to show through. You really don't want the Mrs Brown (old deputy head of my secondary school) look of long trapped hairs in 10 denier tights, nosiree. I would say you are looking for 40 denier or greater.

Contender 5: A discussion started in Witho's comments yesterday about what you call trousers that are too short. In her post she said that in her youth, in East London, they were called 'jack-ups'. Others said they were 'half-masts' (which is also the expression I'd use). Rad said:

Sorry wivvers, I grew up around the same area at the same time as you and we never used to say 'jack ups'

We'd more likely have said oi c*nt sort yer trahsers aht!

Not sure why I censored meself there.

That's probably only funny if you've ever worked in schools in that area, as I have. And, if you know overly short trousers as 'jack-ups', please, do say as Witho's worried that she's mis-remembering.

One point to all of you, but 2 points to this 2 weeks' winner, who is... Harriet.

Thinking, Part 4

Thanks for all the great contributions to Part 1 and Part 2. I'll be coming back to them sometime next week. Still time to add yours if you haven't already.

Last preparatory question:

How many words that name a feeling can we come up with?

(as many as you like in a comment box today)

Thinking, Part 3

I'm reposting an early post (March 15th, 2003) on personal values for the first part of today's ongoing series, as it's very relevant to what I'll be getting onto next week (if you haven't all got bored by then ;)). This was the old learning that I found very useful as background/foundation to the new conceptualisation I shall be describing in later parts of this series.

Some of you may have seen it before, but even if you looked at it previously, in view of what's coming next week, it would be useful to have another think about it now. Don't be put off by my original "print off 6 copies of the questionnaire and do it with someone else"... you can equally well print off one copy (from here) and spend 10 or 15 minutes filling it in for yourself (instructions in the reproduced post below).

Personal construct psychology is so interesting. I have found it useful, both as a way to understanding the differences in how I understand the world and how others do, and in my work with children and young people.

Personal construct psychology is a constructivist system of psychology developed by George Kelly and expounded in his two-volume work: "Principles of Personal Construct Psychology" (New York: Norton, 1955). Kelly was a clinical psychologist and educator, and the primary impact of his work initially was in psychotherapy and education. However, PCP presents a complete psychological system, and it has come to be widely used in management studies, knowledge modelling in artificial intelligence, and in a wide range of other disciplines.

Kelly was a keen geometer with experience in navigation and an interest in multi-dimensional geometry. When he came to formalise his theory he took as his model Euclid's Elements and axiomatized personal construct psychology as a fundamental postulate together with eleven corollaries, terming the primitives involves elements and constructs.

Kelly's "fundamental postulate" for personal construct psychology was that:

"A person's processes are psychologically channelized by the way in which he anticipates events." (Kelly, 1955, p.46)

He saw all people as "personal scientists" in anticipating the world. His first corollary, the construction corollary, states:

"A person anticipates events by construing their replications." (p.50)

This emphasis on the role in behaviour of a view to the future is what distinguishes Kelly's approach to psychology. He saw people as driven by the need to cope with coming events in the world and all other aspects of behaviour as deriving from this:

"A person's processes, psychologically speaking, slip into the grooves which are cut out by the mechanisms he adopts for realizing his objectives." (p.49)

These grooves provide templates for construing events which he termed "personal constructs":

"Man looks at his world through transparent templets which he creates and then attempts to fit over the realities of which the world is composed." (pp.8-9) "Constructs are used for predictions of things to come, and the world keeps on rolling on and revealing these predictions to be either correct or misleading. This fact provides the basis for the revision of constructs and, eventually, of whole construct systems." (p.14)

Kelly's clinical approach was based on "constructive alternativism", on encouraging the client to develop alternative constructs systems through which to construe life events.

There are many techniques for enabling people to elicit their personal constructs. Most of these are complex and time-consuming, and require guidance from a skilled practitioner. Several years ago, Mr BW went on a "Managing Personal Growth" course on which he was given a questionnaire on "Personal Values" that was clearly based in PCP. The person running the course had obtained it from 'somewhere', but couldn't remember 'where', and I have repeatedly failed to track down its original source. So, I use it, but hate not being able to acknowledge the author. As a simple way of getting to a person's core beliefs, I have used this extensively, with adults, and with adolescents and their parents, and have invariably found it helpful in providing 'food for thought' and usually some new avenues of thinking/discussion. I reproduce it here, in case it is of interest to anyone.

Instructions for use:

Print off 6 copies.

Make sure you have a good couple of hours to spare, where you won't be interrupted. Bear in mind there are no right and wrong answers. Just answer truthfully.

Fill in several versions (firstly, tick the 5 that are most representative of the person you are filling it in about, and then the 5 that are least
representative, then rank order each set of ticks, 1-5):


You should fill it in on:

(a) you on you.
(b) you on the most important person in your life.
(c) you on someone you don't like much but have in your life (you may also want to do it on/with more of the significant people in your life).


Your "most important person" (MIP) should fill it in on:

(a) themself.
(b) on you.
(c) on someone they don't like much but have in their life (doesn't have to be the same person as yours).


Then, compare and contrast the pairs, with the MIP, in this order:

- You on you with them on them.
- You on you with them on you.
- You on them with them on them.
- Unliked with unliked.

Obviously, see how perceptions vary, and note similarities and differences.

Set the rules first - no recriminations, accept the insights for what they are etc.

Underlying theory - lots!! - but the salient points are that everyone's actions/beliefs are governed and guided by their personal values (PVs). To understand yourself, and those around you, you need to understand what drives them (their PVs).

I've often been surprised how those people who I thought I knew really well are unable to identify my PVs and how wrong I've sometimes been about theirs. I guess that leads onto something else I have come to realise recently - check that others have understood what you have tried to tell them. Others interpret things in different ways and may not have heard what you are saying. Sometimes you think you have said something and they haven't heard what you have been saying.

But, at the same time...

Always say what you mean, at the time you mean it. It's too late if you leave it. I remember what a very good friend of mine said to me after his father died. He said, "Mike and the Mechanics summed it up in 'The Living Years'." I didn't understand what he meant (beyond the obvious message) for a long time.



If you try this out, I'd be interested in any observations/feedback you may have.

Thought for the day

Do what's right for you, as long as it don't hurt no one.

— Elvis Presley

Thinking, Part 2

(Read Part 1 of this developing series, just below, first, if you haven't already)

2nd introductory question:

What makes you happy, and why?

(as before, only one thing per comment, please, but no limit on number of comments/things)

Thinking, Part 1

I've been thinking about doing a little series on something for a while. Well, 4 months of 'a while' to be precise. I've not started it, because it's never felt that the time is right, other things I wanted to post got in the way, and I couldn't think of a good enough way to present it.

The last few days has given me an idea for a way into it.

I think that the success of this is going to depend on the number of people contributing, because it's a sort of learning-through-unfolding-levels-of-experience thingy, and it will make no sense without lots of input. If you've never commented before, here's your opportunity. If you don't want to use your real name and details, just adopt a nom de keyboard and make up an email address.

So, let's have a try.

This is the first of a couple of introductory questions that we'll return to later in the series.

What makes you angry, and why?

(and can you just put one thing in each comment box please, for simplicity later)

Thought for the day

I think, therefore I am.

- Descartes

I don't think, therefore I'm not.

- Katagiri Roshi

Has it all been wasted time?

Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

---

Hanging question

When I was a Small Witch, we had a separate toilet and bathroom. The toilet was only ever called the 'loo'. It had that micro-thin polysterene-like warm-feel wallpaper on the wall (was it called Novamura?). It was very easy to mark this, just by touching it with something sharp. It was therefore bloody stupid to hang the loo roll on the holder with the paper falling from the back of the roll, and against the wall. If you were in a hurry, your fingernails always bumped into the wallpaper and dented it.

However, despite me repeatedly pointing out the folly of her hanging style, Mummy BW was adamant that that was the 'proper' way to do it. In fact, so sure was she that it was 'the nice way' to hang it, that she used to change rolls hanging the other way round at every opportunity. Yes, even in other people's houses.

One of the joys of leaving home was that I could hang my toilet paper the sensible way, with the free end hanging off the front of the roll, and away from the wall.

However, not everyone agrees that this is the best way. It's something I notice in bathrooms.

Which way do you hang yours?

Thought for the day

Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.

- Oscar Wilde

My eyes are dim I cannot see

I've been feeling dreadful since Saturday when we started painting. I put it down to the paint. Even co-codamol couldn't shift the nagging pain pounding right in the middle of my head. I have felt sick and exhausted. And dizzy. And totally unable to concentrate on anything. But I put that down to the over-medication. It was so bad last night that I had to go to bed at 7pm, as I couldn't put one foot in front of the other, pick up a cup, or string three words together coherently.

I went to see the optometrist earlier. A man for whom I have the upmost regard and respect as, had he not correctly diagnosed my detaching retina 4 and a half years ago, I would now be blind in my left eye.

He likes seeing me, as my eyesight problems challenge his professional skills, and I always get a 45 minute appointment rather than his usual 30 minutes (yes, this is a small, independent practice, not your usual high street production line where you're lucky if you get 10 minutes). Not bad considering that all he gets for his time is the standard NHS fee (my eyesight is so poor that I qualify for free eye tests).

The good news is that my left eye (the one that had the detached retina) has not changed in the year since I last saw him. The bad news is that my right eye has got nearly a dioptre worse short-sightedly, the astigmatism has done an about-turn, and my eye has also begun its aged descent into long-sightedness. Making my eyesight now totally uncorrectable with contact lenses. And it's long been unable to be completely corrected with glasses. Plus, I hate wearing glasses. No-one has invented glasses that suit me.

I'd noticed the long-sightedness creeping up. For a couple of months now, I've been finding it harder and harder to read labels on food packets. I can no longer thread needles (I used to be a world expert at that). I've also stopped driving in the dark unless I absolutely have to, as I don't feel that I can see well enough out of my left eye at night (due to the holes in my visual field caused by damage to my rods where my retina was lasered and frozen back together) to judge width accurately.

As my left eye is dominant (I'm a bit unusual for a right-handed person), that leads on distance vision. My right eye, being non-dominant, leads on near-vision. As my right eye has gone wonky (technical term that), my brain has been struggling to cope with the changes, particularly when I am taxing it by doing close work, such as reading, working at a computer screen, or sewing. Which I've done lots of recently. Hence the headaches. So I'm told, anyway.

They don't make contact lenses that can correct my right eye, due to the extreme prescription now required. So, my optician (a contact lens specialist who has been fitting lenses since they first came out) has suggested that the best compromise is correcting my right eye for near-vision and leaving my left eye as it is, for distance vision. He says it's what my brain is doing anyway.

He's ordering in the special lenses for a trial.

I have a feeling that the headaches might just be going to get an awful lot worse... but I don't appear to have a whole lot of choice.

The way things are going, it's a good job I'm used to using voice-recognition software. I may just have to investigate text reading programs rather more throughly too. I always knew there was a reason that visual problems became one of my specialist areas of professional knowledge. Witchy pre-planning...

Assistive technology a-plenty there may be, but it's fucking annoying for someone like me who gets most of their pleasure in life through the visual sense. Art, craft, gardening, cooking... all are going to become progressively more and more difficult. Facing that at 42 rather than 70-odd is not funny.

Art Class: Session 11

Yesterday's subject was 'shiny kitchen utensils'. The medium was pencil.

I was pleased with the second drawing I did, of a zester (an item which at least half the 14 people present had never seen, which I found most odd as it's one of my favourite gadgets).

However, the first item I did, a draining spoon, drove me to distraction. Not only did the shadows on the silver metal keep altering, but the holes kept moving. And they weren't regularly spaced to start with. It nearly went in the bin. Several times. But, as I said I'd post everything I did at the art class...

Well... the handle's OK, I suppose...

Next week we have to take the same items again to repeat the exercise using white chalk on black paper. Strangely, that spoon is going to disappear somewhere in the next few days.

Interestingly, I picked up a Staedtler Noris HB (a writing pencil) to draw the spoon, but resorted to my normal Venus HB (a good quality drawing pencil) for the zester. The phrase 'bad workmen and tools' may have something going for it after all.

Electric shock

The end of DIY electrics in the UK has come.

Out of 42 million electrical jobs carried out in the home in 2003, only a third of them involved a qualified electrician. On average 10 people die each year and about 750 are seriously injured in accidents involving unsafe electrical installations in the home. Faulty installations were also the cause of nearly 2,500 house fires in 2003.

New regulations, introduced on 1st January, mean that all significant electrical work carried out in the home now has to be undertaken by a qualified electrician or checked by local authority building inspectors. And you'll need a certificate to prove the work has been carried out properly - otherwise you could have trouble selling your home, face higher insurance premiums as well as a fine of up to £5,000.

The regulations apply to all new circuits in the home and any additions or alterations to existing circuits in kitchens, bathrooms and outdoors. General repairs and maintenance (such as replacing plugs and switches) - outside these three key areas - are not subject to the new laws.

To get an idea of the cost for having DIY works inspected, I've just rung my local council and spoken to the Senior Building Control Officer (BCO), pretending that I was enquiring about getting a new outside electrical circuit that Mr BW was about to install certified (don't panic dear, it's not something I have planned for you for this weekend ;)).

I was told that I'd first have to get a qualified electrician to inspect and test the installation and provide a letter that I'd have to send in. A BCO from the council would then visit to inspect it and issue the certificate. The minimum charge for the BCO's visit (which covers electrical work to a value of £2000), is £100, plus VAT (£117.50). I pointed out that the middle step was not in the official regulations, and he said that maybe, in time, they'd employ a qualified electrical inspector, but, that, as they currently didn't, that's what it would cost. I asked what he thought I'd pay for an electrician to inspect such an installation, and he told me, "About the same as we'd charge I'd expect."

The full rules are here.

And, if you're wondering how they can regulate this - my guess is that it will become harder and harder to buy electrical parts unless you're a registered electrician. The Building Control Officer that I spoke to told me that electrical wiring colours were in the process of changing again. I asked why. He said, "To give an idea of when work was carried out." Or, presumably, to stop competent DIY-ers.

Yes, electricity is dangerous.

Yes, we need regulation to stop cowboy electricians (and builders... and other tradesmen).

But, I'd like to know the breakdown of the accident statistics by DIY-er/qualified electrician/unqualified electrician.

And, I don't think that competent DIY-ers should be charged £235 to have anything more than a change of plug or switch inspected. In my experience, competent DIY-ers know their limitations.

Electricians are like hens teeth round here anyway (note to Darren and other townies - hens don't have teeth as such ;)). If everyone now has to use them for every minor job, because it's not economical for them to DIY due to the inspection fees, then where are all the extra electricians needed going to appear from? (I suspect the answer to that is probably Eastern Europe, to which I make absolutely no comment).

Thought for the day

The first thing you learn in life is you're a fool. The last thing you learn is you're the same fool. Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain consciousness.

- Ray Bradbury

Catch phraseology

I'm always interested in how new words enter the English language. Except, that is, if they enter via the American language, in which case I try very hard to be totally uninterested in them.

Comments boxes are an interesting place to spot new examples.

As is Mr BW's office.

He reported the following to me:

Scene: Video-conference room
Cast: Senior managers waiting for important international link
Assumed knowledge: The person booking the video-conference gets given the key to the drinks machine; in this instance it is the Director

Director (turning up in an untimely manner): Sorry I'm late people - now before we dial-in, who'd like what to drink?

Mr BW: White tea please

Colleague 1: Black coffee

Colleague 2: Hot chocolate, ta

Colleague 3: Coffee

Colleague 4: Bitty!

Mr BW, Colleagues 1, 2 and 3: *collapse laughing*

Director: What???? (I don't think he has a TV)

I'm currently rather keen on the phrase "Computer says no!" from the same show.

Phrases from the past that I knowingly use are "42" (as an answer to everything unknown but vaguely numerical), "I've got a cunning plan!" (usually when I've had a half-idea that I want someone else to run with, but don't want to expend the effort developing), and "This is a local [whatever] for local people!" (strange as I never really liked Hitchhikers Guide or Black Adder or League of Gentlemen, although Mr BW does).

What other phrases from popular TV shows can you think of that have slipped into common parlance?

Thought for the day

The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.

- Daniel Webster (1782 - 1852)

End of the day round up

I've just been to a lovely art demonstration. Acrylics used as watercolours - slip, slap, slop, how much will you sell that for? £450. Not bad for an hour and a half's work, and you got paid £200 for the dem. Excellent, must keep practising.

My excessively cynical mood of the last couple of days may have lifted (despite the false impression that may have been given by the above). It may also have something to do with the fact that the headache that I've had since Saturday morning has finally subsided. Which means that I can have a nice glass of red wine again. Happy Witch :)

I've not been watching Celebrity Big Brother - so, can someone tell me why Germaine has walked (Mr BW heard it on the news)? Did she miss her D'Oves too much? Or was it that she, like me, had never heard of any of the other contestants (except the racing man from C4)?

And, who can point me to the 'best' (worst?) picture of Jackie 'The Bride of Frankenstein'? (I can't help what Mr BW watches when I'm out - an ageing ??year old new contestant, mother of Sylvester Stallone and ex mother-in-law of Brigitte Nielsen (she's only 41 he says, although she looks 15 years older, "Not like you lovely BW" (*thinks* "Ah, you want sex tonight dear then?" ;)). Who? say I).

Something to think/ask about...

I've just commented to Alan something I meant to post last week, when I first heard it. I thought I'd repeat it here, as it might be an interesting question to pose in appropriate quarters, if you work for a large employer.

I was talking to a Nice Lady friend who is county chair of a large national children's organisation and she told me that her organisation has lost a lot of funding this month from large companies transferring their giving to the tsunami appeal, away from their normal good causes (such as hers).

The theory of this charity is that large companies want the high-profile publicity of being seen to give generously to the disaster fund, when, in fact, they're just redistributing money already earmarked for good causes.

Do you know if the money your employer is donating to the disaster fund is 'new' money or money which is coming out of their normal 'charity donations' budget?

The repercussions of this diverted money could be disasterous for some of our small local charities... and, presumably, individuals' donations as well as company ones might be affected, as both have limited resources for distribution.

A note to carnivores...

I rarely think about the inhumanity that is murdering animals for food, because it upsets me to so do. I've not eaten meat since I was 8, and long ago gave up the good crusade of trying to convince others of its cruelty.

Intensive farming is barbaric, and it is unnecessary. But, I don't have the energy to fight for its abolition. It's a hopeless cause. While people want cheap meat, it has to be produced cheaply. I'd sooner concentrate my efforts on areas of life where I can make a difference, so I do my bit by growing as much of my food as I can myself (well, with Mr BW's help...), and encouraging others to so similarly, on whatever scale is possible for them, and by encouraging people, at an individual level, to eat more healthily.

Just every now and then I come across something (in this case, in The Times, via Birdman) that I'm convinced more people should have brought firmly into their consciousnesses.

"MCDONALD’S is trialling the use of gas chambers that it claims may be a more humane way to kill the 10m chickens needed each year for its McNuggets and other ranges in Britain.

The multinational has been criticised by animal welfare groups for its present method in which chickens have their throats cut after being stunned in baths of electrified water.

The new technique, where the chickens are knocked out by nitrogen and argon mixed with carbon dioxide, is said to ensure they are dead before their throats are cut.

[snip]

Under the existing methods, chickens are loaded into lorries, ferried to a slaughterhouse, unloaded by hand and then shackled upside down to a moving belt. This repeated handling by humans is known to distress the birds and, along with the shackling, often results in broken bones and other injuries.

Next, the belt is meant to drag the birds’ heads through a bath of electrified water but many chickens lift their heads clear — and so remain alive when their throats are cut by the next machine.

A slaughterman should spot those still conscious. However, Peta alleges that many birds are bleeding but still conscious when they are plunged into boiling hot water to help their feathers come off more easily.

Gassing, known as controlled atmosphere killing (CAK), involves moving a container of chickens from a lorry directly into a giant gas chamber. The birds die in minutes and suffer minimal handling."

Anyone for a Chicken McSalad?
Or how about giving your kids Chicken McNuggets for tea?
Just think about how the poor birds died as you munch into it, won't you?

I'm off to hug my nine hens now.

Thought for the day

The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings....
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become.

- The Dhammapada

Witch cat

This afternoon's child informed me excitedly that he'd just got a new kitten. A tabby. And called it 'Blue'. I'm not sure whether to be pleased, or scared at the vicarious transferable effectiveness of my spells.

Paint

Now, here's Mr BW in his painting cloths.

No, that's not a typo. There are better garments in the textile recycling bag awaiting collection outside the front gate. There's a tear in the front of the leg, a tear in the back of the leg, no button, the zip's gone and there's almost no stitching holding the two legs together (that was modelled, but I wasn't quick enough to snap it, and besides, I'd hate the pic to end up somewhere that I wouldn't like. Because it might. If you get my drift ;)).

The worst thing is that he even wore these designer items when Edward visited us yesterday (ha, my spells are beginning to work; give it a few more weeks, and that dog will be mine :))

I look like a ghost this morning. White as a sheet. And totally exhausted. I've had a headache since Saturday evening that nothing will shift. It's paint. I know it is. Gets to me every time, but it's not usually this bad. Once the carpet fitter has been (hmmm - that was meant to be first call - and it's half nine already...), I think I'll have to go for a long walk somewhere, get some fresh air.

Thought for the day

The weather is like the government; always in the wrong.

- Jerome K Jerome

Jerry Springer - singing out of key

Totally agree with Pat who said:

I can't get rid of the nagging thought that if 'that opera' was blasphemous to any religion other than Christianity it would be pulled from the BBC schedules.

One only has to look at what happened in Birmingham recently, when Sikh protests caused a play to be pulled by Birmingham Rep.

Political correctness doesn't apply to the indigenous population it seems. As ever. How different to how things are in many other countries where people who choose to go there to live have to fit in with the recipient culture.

But, what a complete and utter load of over-hyped rubbish the 'Opera' was!
In fact, it was so bad that I kept falling asleep.
Some of the scenes had potential - but as 3 or 4 minutes, not 10 or 15.

Maybe it worked better on the stage?

Short-sighted

Quite by chance, but in the usual spookily synchronistic BW way, on Tuesday, I discovered why John Lewis customer service has gone downhill rapidly in the last couple of years, as bungle and I discovered in November.

An ex-employee at a very senior level visited me, in another capacity, and we got on to discussing good and bad customer service, as you do. Well, as I do ;)

Apparently JL used to have a unique budget heading, 'Goodwill', which was used to keep customers with genuine and reasonable grievances with past purchases happy.

Then, one day, that got subsumed into the 'Advertising' budget.

Shortly after, my visitor, the one-time employee, left their employ. Not a co-incidence.

Now they prefer to spend the 'Goodwill' money on glossy advert campaigns (run by greedy PR companies) that wash right over the majority of their potential customers' (Nice Ladies tend not to consume advertising you see), rather than keeping their exisiting customers happy. JL, you seem to have forgotten the old maxim that a happy customer tells one person and an unhappy one 20 (has anyone ever seen the orignal research on that btw? Was there any? Or is it urban myth?)

So many companies treat existing customers badly. I'll single out financial institutions and mobile phone companies in particular. So many of them offer amazing deals to new customers, but aren't concerned to retain their existing customers. Presumably safe in the knowledge that most people can't be bothered to change providers. What is it they say? People are more likely to get divorced than change their current account?

The 74th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Yes we have funnies today!

But no, not yet, because my file of them is on the main PC, which is not on, so I can't pull the file from it to post. And I'm not permitted to turn it on.

...because of the small matter of about 10 litres of paint that needs to be evenly smeared around the walls of our bedroom today. And apparently Mr BW's physio has forbidden painting above shoulder height. Because that's what initially set off his shoulder problem that she's been treating for the last few weeks.

Bought all the paint yesterday (Value day at Homebase)- slightly different colours to before as Dulux have discontinued them, painted patches on the wall last night, decided the new colours just wouldn't do this morning, and have now rung the little local shop that supplies all the local painters and decorators and am going to pick up remixed pots of same now.

Is it sad wanting to repaint walls exactly the same colour you've had them for the past 8 years?

Later... much, much paint later (and 3 trips to the paint shop, as 'Applejack' has stupidly been re-used as a paint name by Dulux. I wanted 'Applejack' and the man mixed me 'Apple Jack' which was a nasty yellow-green and not a nice just off-white-pale-green.

Anyway, this week there are 3 contenders, each the winner of one BW honey point (only 10 needed for a sweet prize, if and when I ever get round to updating the score-sheet):

Contender 1:Dino Features (aka 'Somewhat Pissed Off With Witches Again' at the mo’ it seems ;)) in the comments under: this post of NiC’s about spooky synchronicity, and me proving my Witchy Powers once again… I managed to comment that it was about time he got home from his FOTCR™ in NZ at exactly the time he did.

#1 Jan 03 2005, 10:22 am

Just call it Witchy intuition :)

...HNY to all the Planarchists.

Blue Witch [homepage]

#2 Jan 03 2005, 10:24 am

Now I've doubly spooked myself, just noticed the expression Somewhat used below that I somehow picked up...

Blue Witch [homepage]

#4 Jan 03 2005, 10:39 am

Heh heh, you may be a witch, Witchy, but I can do mind control. Look into the eyes, the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into the eyes...

Somewhat [email] [homepage]

#5 Jan 03 2005, 01:17 pm

Heh, heh Somewhat..... now there's two of you. So glad to be back home in (Little) Britain with all the sorceresses!

NiC [email] [homepage]

Contender 2:dave's description of his FOTCR™ (determined to get maximum Value from that phrase ;))

We watched telly, ate far too much, took bracing walks on the prom, watched telly, entertained my Mum and Dad, ate some more, watched telly, got electrocuted, fell asleep during the ‘must-see’telly, opened gifts, applied lotions and potions and scents, visited loved ones in hospital, watched telly, failed to spend Christmas money in the sales so ate the telly and watched some food.

Contender 3: mike who seems intent on attempting to educate all his readers with a top 90 of last year's best singles. Only I couldn't stand the pace. As he noticed.

An exhausted Blue Witch commented:

"*sobs dramatically*

Look, look, look...

I can't keep up, and when I do try to read, I don't understand a word.

Any chance you could post non-2004 music posts (or paras in posts) in a different colour font, for the benefit of Witches who are rather keener on punk (of the first time round) and Springsteen than they are on the whatever the genre may be known as for the next 10 minutes that they have these days? ;)

(I may or may not be joking :))"

Anything to oblige. For the benefit of BW, and any other ladies of a certain age whose musical tastes fossilised in the late 1970s, I have now marked - and will continue to mark - all post titles in the "Singles Of The Year" series containing significant portions of non-musical content with the handy acronym (NMC). For I am nothing if not eager to retain the largest readership possible please.

And the winner is... mike. For that, and all the everything that went after ;)
That one's going to run and run methinks... :)

Why?

Apparently I have a reputation for going against the commonly-held view.

I make quiet time for myself. Because I've learnt the hard way that I need it. I believe that everyone needs it. It's just that some of them haven't yet noticed the wake-up messages on the wall because they're buying big-time into the continually-hyped media-portrayal of what life's all about. I've got news for them. It's not. But, if they think that swallowing some more prescription (or non-prescription) drugs will make it all feel better, then, why not? (I'll leave that one for another time though ;))

So, here goes.

Why are so many what-I-stereotypically-term 'Daily Mail Mentality' people feeling so sorry for people in the tsunami-hit area?

Why have they compassion and money for these people when they are only too keen to uncomprehendingly vote UKIP or BNP and bemoan the number of 'scroungers' and 'asylum seekers' we have here?

Is it the excellent emotionally high-pitched job the media have done?

Is it the fact that many have spent happy holiday times in these far-flung places, so feel a connection and some understanding of the local people there? They can picture the scene, and so feel personal involvement, beyond the coverage they see on the news?

But - 8,000 people in the world die of AIDS every day, and at least 6 million children under 5 die every year in developing countries of malnutrition (that's as many under 5s dying in a fortnight as people in total that have been killed in the tsunami).

More people die in wars and civil conflict every year than have died in the tsunami area.

Somewhere between 15 and 18 thousand civilians have been killed by us and the Americans in Iraq, so far.

800 million people in our world do not have access to sufficient food to meet their needs.

Why are they forgotten?

Them, and countless other people dying in circumstances that most people in this country would, I suspect, think were unacceptable in this day and age. Except that many of them don't know about them.

If only most people in our so-called developed country were aware of the situations in the rest of the world or ever bothered to think about them.

Those who are conveniently forgotten by the media, and (largely) by Governments of the developed world, every day.

Those who are often exploited by developed nations as sources of cheap labour. Profit for greedy capatalists and eager over-consumers who don't give a damn except when it's stuffed wall-to-wall down their throats by their darling media.

The reaction to recent events has shown me just how little many of the Daily-Mail-Mentality set actually know about the world. The worst thing, for me, is that, now their eyes have been opened a little, they are trying to judge within their own frameworks of understanding. On a dispassionate level, I can understand this. It's the only reference point they have. Sadly.

But, as I was discussing with a Nice Lady friend the other night, we shouldn't judge people in less-'developed' countries, or their way of life, by our standards.

They know no different to what they've always had. The vast majority are immune to the effects of the media and advertising, as they aren't exposed to them, and it's only when people (outsiders, Westerners) tell people in such places what they're 'missing' (in their opinion) that they become aware of it. Ignorance is sometimes bliss. The Western world doesn't have all the answers. Or even many of the answers.

In fact, we could learn a lot from the way of life and being in many so-called 'poor countries'

Is it really any wonder that some countries are refusing Western aid, brought by people who frequently know more about Neighbours than about their neighbours? Who'd want to contaminate their ideals and beliefs with those of countries who generally value the latest news on the ever-increasing size of Jordan's breasts more highly than human life in 80% of the rest of the world?

I hate the media and the simplistic low-nutrition diet it usually feeds us. Does it show?

(And yes, I know I am myself being a very Overly-Simplistic Witch, but I'm trying to make a point)

Thought for the day

The multitude of books is making us ignorant.

- Voltaire (1694-1778)

Tralalalaalaaaa

Oh what a weird day this is turning into.

Earlier I had to look at the top of my own blog to work out what day it was.

Trying to keep out of Mr Plasterer's way and do some work, sitting scrunched up in the Coven Lounge, surrounded by mounds of paperwork and sheaves of stationery and writing implements of every colour (Witches have colour codes for work notes you see) that would otherwise be tidily stored out of sight in particular places in my newly decluttered Inner Coven, I decided to take a little break and stroll around blogland.

Finding many of my usual haunts vacant or depressing, I hustled on over to chez Diva, to find some sort of modern music count-down underway of which I had absolutely no comprehension. Pleading for sanity in a comments box, I suddenly found that I'd started something...

Now I'm being blasted down memory lane by events here. Was it really nearly 2 years ago that I declared war on a certain term?

Wasn't I so much more overtly controversial in those days?
I was, wasn't I?

Elevating comments

Further to my encouragement yesterday to those still using BT for phone calls to think again, Mr BW has just commented below that post something I didn't know:

"I also heard yesterday that BT were sneaking in a price increase by changing the definition of daytime. It now starts from 6am rather than 8am. So anyone trying to make their usual 5.5p per hour call at 7am will suddenly find themselves paying 3p/min. Worst case, if you try to use your full hour, it's a 3172% increase."

It will happen from 16th February, apparently. And I sincerely hope he's got his maths correct - there's too much wet plaster between me and a calculator to check it, and I just know someone will...

And yeah, I know that at least 3 of my regulars work for BT, but, hey, I have a Value Tradition to uphold :)

Together we can save the planet

Great recycling post from DG today.

I especially like the link to a message board where individuals upgrading computer hardware can recycle their unwanted items to good causes. How many times have you put computer stuff in the bin/landfill because you didn't know what to do with it?

And the one to find the nearest recycling facility to any area.

Recycling posts - why not? I recycle every other single thing I can ;)

More Value Savings

If you haven't shopped with M&S online before (or you're sneaky), here's a link that could give you 20% off (£10 off a shop of at least £50). Ends 10th January.

There are bargains to be had on the site, often way below the prices in the high street shops. Some are very limited availability, but the site does give the real-time stock situation.

Great thing with M&S online is that you can take things you don't like back to their stores if it's easier. And, if you find something you want in the shop shop, but not in your size, note the stock number (on the back of the label) and put it into the website to see if it's available.

Yes, I'm in my blue and white mood at the moment :)

Probably because it's easier than thinking of proper stuff to post as Mr Plasterer is on Day 2 of Phase 3 of the re-skimming project and currently slopping pink custard all over my stairs (there's more on the stair treads than on the ceiling at the last look...)

Thought for the day

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.

- William H. Mauldin

More Value Phones

Just spreading the news about 18866's 1p per call phone tarrifs (see next post down if you haven't already) at a Nice Ladies Committee Meeting, I discovered that none of them knew about the 'say no to 0870' website.

I don't think I've pointed it out here before either.

Many people don't realise that 0870 numbers are non-geographic numbers, often used by mail-order or customer service companies (amongst others) who get a cut of the often 10p per minute (or even more, depending on your provider) call price.

Inclusive minutes on mobiles and landlines rarely cover 0870 numbers either, so, if you call a particular 0870 number frequently, or call a company who keep you in a queuing system for a long time (it pays them to, after all), it is worth checking on this website whether there is a geographic alternative that you can call for 1p per call. As a bonus, you often get through more quickly on the geographic number. For some reason ;)

Value Witch on the phone

My narrowband internet subscription used to cost £15 a month and came with £15 of free anytime, any network calls included. Which usually just-about covered the calls I make.

If I was ever in danger of running over towards the end of a month, I'd use the free call allowance that BT used to give with standard lines. But, BT stopped that last year, effectively putting the line-rental price up to people in rural areas who have no choice but to use BT for their line provision, but sagely choose to buy calltime elsewhere. Along with many other people, I tried to complain about this to Ofcom, but they proved they had no teeth.

Since December, when I finally managed to get NThelL to cease the narrowband subscription, I've been amassing larger-than-I'd-like phone bills using BT. Not Value.

I've now researched the cheap calls market and can confidently proclaim that you cannot better this deal for making calls from UK landlines.

call18866.co.uk charge 1p per call at any time to any UK geographic destination and good-value rates to international and mobile destinations.

Usually when something seems too good to be true it is.
This one is for real.

It has been recommended by Martin the Money-Saving Expert (and if there are any problems with it in future you can be sure that a money journalist with spots on Radio 2, Channel 4 and in the papers will be very well-placed to fix them :)), and I've successfully set it up and used it. It does means prefixing numbers with 18866, but this can be programmed into most phones (and I'm used to prefixing with 1263 for NThelL anyway). Martin reckons a medium-use family will save £200 a year using 18866.

There are no hidden charges, no minimum membership period, and it's 1p per call to landlines, at all times. Calls are charged monthly to your credit card. Sign up now (their server is OK at the moment but can be frustrating in the evenings when lots of people are trying to sign up).

(Note - to give you some idea of the savings to be made... BT's minimum connection charge on any call, even a quick one, is 5p. BT's evening/weekend call charge is 5.5p for the first hour, then 1p a minute, unless you redial. BT's daytime rates are 3p per minute. 18866 charge 1p per call at anytime).

And, you can register any number to your account. So, if you have elderly relatives who worry about using the phone because of the perceived expense (phones were expensive when they were invented, after all ;)), you could set it up to pay for their calls too, and programme family numbers, prefixed with 18866, into their phone for them.

The Coven is in chaos

I'm stressed.

We had to camp out in The Rest Room last night, together with all our toiletries and changes of clothing for the rest of the week. The wardrobe doors in our bedroom have been masking taped shut, and floors everywhere have been covered in impenetrable plastic sheeting.

You see, Phase 3 of the re-skim the nasty artexed-nearly-10-years-ago-when-everyone-artexed-rather-than-skimmed ceilings has started this morning. That's our bedroom, the hall, the stairs to my Inner Coven and the cloakroom.

The only room that is unaffected by the huge amount of furniture removal that has taken place is my Inner Coven (and only because it's upstairs). But, alas, I cannot work in there as Mr Plasterer is slapping and banging the ceiling below and singing loudly, out of tune. Currently 'Monday, Monday'. I'm not very musical and neither do I have perfect pitch, but I know a wrong note when I hear one. And I know it's Wednesday.

Luckily Mr Plasterer Mate (the one, some of you may remember, who had difficulty Pointing Percy Accurately last time they were here) isn't assisting on this occasion.

The story Mr Plasterer told me when he arrived was that Mr Plasterer Mate had had "difficulty putting the right numbers in the right boxes on the right forms for the Government, so has gone into Project Management for another builder who specialises in large extensions on large houses for large fees" (someone who can't keep good records doing major-build PM? *sighs*).

The story I heard from Cleaner BW (whose husband is a builder friend of Mr Plasterer) is that they all had a falling out at a FOTCR™ meal as Mr Plasterer Mate doctored some party-poppers with pepper and left them on the table for the next party. This tale was unknowingly collaborated by Hairdresser BW who told me an 'amazing tale of stupidity' about