Blue Witch

Going Cheep

Mr BW's egg piercing wasn't successful.

He gave up chucking the D'Oves nest twigs back over into the field behind The Coven from whence they'd been gathered as he found that they could collect faster than he could decollect.

So, in the absence of contraception for D'Oves, recent attempts to limit the D'Ove population expansion have focused on making holes in their eggs. We thought they hadn't noticed, but one pair must have sneakily got rid of the pierced ones and substituted some new ones as 2 baby D'Oves hatched yesterday afternoon in a snow flurry.

And, before you worry, the D'Oves trust us and are quite used to us handling their young (although this is the first time we've managed to snap them quite so tiny). Don't try this at home with wild birds!

It looks like the ploppy black tail with the injured leg may have been recycled (possibly by The Ginger Familiar) as s/he hasn't been around for a couple of days. So we probably now have 10 rather than 11. Still far too many. Anyone want some D'Oves?

She's glad that Edward's gone...

The Witch Guide to Getting Carpet Laid

The last phase of Coven Smooth Ceiling, Change of Room Use, Re-Decorate and Re-Carpet Project is today. Thankfully.

This project started way back in October, but seems to have been going on for years. Mr BW has done a brilliant job of making, wiring, renovating and painting things.

Yesterday we moved all the furniture out of the hall, the New Rest Room and the lounge. They might have bad backs this morning as a result of the helping they were made to do before I'd release their dog back to them. Thanks boys :)

Last night we moved most of the old carpet out. At 6.30 this morning we moved the rest of the carpet out (some via the window as the old hessian backing was so crispy dry that it wouldn't bend round corners). Mr BW then glued various new wires to the inside of the gripper so that they didn't get dragged from the edge. Mr BW loves playing with his glue-gun. Even at 7am.

After Mr BW went to work I spent two hours cleaning the felt underlay with the Dyson's 3" brush (Dysons suck so hard that it would just have ripped the felt to pieces to use it in 'push-along mode'). Filled the cylinder twice it did. Amazing what dirt had got through the carpet in the 9 and a half years since it was laid, especially considering that it has been vacuumed at least once a week, and we never wear shoes on it.

The carpet fitters were booked (way back in mid-January) for 'first call' this morning. Given that there are 56 square metres of carpet to fit, I expected them to turn up by around 10am (they do the main cutting in their depot before they come out, and it's a bit of a fiddle because, being a Value Witch, I'd worked it out so that there were only about 5 square centimetres spare in the whole lot).

At 11am I rang up to ask where they were. "Oh, he's off sick today Mrs BW." I said nothing. "Hello? Are you still there Mrs BW?" the man on the phone asked. "Yes, I'm still here, I was just expecting you to say something else." "Erm, right Mrs BW. I, erm... can see if I can get someone there later." "Like, in the next 30 minutes, as I'm going out later, and this was booked for first call, and no-one had the courtesy to ring me to say there was a problem. Oh - and if you can't get anyone here today, you'd best find us a hotel reservation at your expense for tonight, as we curently have the contents of the lounge in the kitchen, the contents of the spare bedroom in our bedroom, mostly on top of our bed, and the contents of the hall in the bathroom. And we don't do cheap hotels. So - I'll leave it with you, shall I?"

Needless to say, a carpet fitter turned up at 11.25am. About 60, reeking of cigarettes, and with skin that tells of a lifetime of nicotine and alcohol abuse. The sort of person you really wouldn't trust if you met him. Took one look and said, "You'll have to 'elp me lug the carpet in luv, they should 'ave sent two people." "Yes," I agreed, "they should have. There were meant to be two fitters here first call. As you can hear, I am ill, I am feeling very weak, and I have a bad shoulder. I have no intention of 'lugging' my carpet in myself. Strangely, that is why I employed you. So, I need you to get on the phone and get them to send someone else around to help you get it in." "Can I borrow your phone?" "Is there a problem with yours then? No, I thought not. I'll leave you to it then."

The Manager from the carpet shop just turned up to help get the carpet in. I sat upstairs in my Inner Coven and listened to them struggle. As he went, I heard him say to the fitter, "Make sure you do a good job. She's fussy, and I don't want her on the phone moaning later."

Nice to be understood :)

He's nearly done the Rest Room already, and it looks brilliant. At least I got the colour for that right (and thank you to Darren for being the first of about 20 people to agree with me that the colour for the hall curtains is wrong).

Thought for the day

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Edward Jumps to satisfy a search

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=what+is+the+distance+between+edward%27s+step+in+the+triple+jump&spell=1

He's gone...

I've had to release the spell.
Edward's gone back to London.
But he will return.
I'm spelling on it :)

Interestingly, The Ginger Familiar, who's made herself very scarce the last couple of weeks, was back on the doorstep by the time Edward and his Daddies had pulled out of the drive... Intelligent creatures, cats :)

In tests, one Witch said her borrowed Dog preferred it

for next part of Thinking

http://intheaquarium.blogspot.com/2005/01/whats-happyblue-witch-started.html 25th Januaury

Whats Happy?

Blue Witch started something. She asked us what makes us angry. We all wrote our answers into her comments box. Some of the responses I thought would indeed make me angry, others merely irritated. Then she asked us what makes us happy.

Anger I can easily identify with its tight throat, seering heat and flashes. Its a very physical emotion. It feels primative - a thing we needed as part of our survival skills toolkit (blurgh educational lingo) when we were stoneage. Stubbing your toe, looking for something you can't find when you need to leave the house, loosing a long piece of writing because the computer crashes, frustrations at stupidity and other's lack of understanding, injustice both personally and at large, my own failures and stupidity. Easy things to identify with a set of physical responses.

Happiness on the other hand is sort of intangible. Is it supposed to be an overarching feeling that is with you all the time, only interrupted by other emotions from time to time, or is it something that touches you once in a while?

There are little things that make me happy frequently every day (first blossom of spring, growing things, good times, funny people, flirting, success, the sky etc etc) but I'm not sure my blank state of mind is happy. There was a time when I was a kid when I thought my blank state of mind and my natural face (unaltered by any emotion) had a mouth with upturned corners. I can't remember exactly when but a long time ago I realised that it wasn't like that anymore. But I don't feel unhappy. I'm not depressed (I know this because there was a time after my mother died when I certainly was as miserable as I have ever been, almost all the time). I have drive and optimism and enthusiasm to keep going on. Am I happy? People often tell me they just want to be happy. But if we can't pinpoint what being happy means how will we know when we are? Or maybe we have to build into our day enough of those moments of happiness that we feel happy overall.
*********

Happiness is a term that might best be defined in the negative - it's what you feel when your mind is reasonably free of worries, annoyances, doubts, and so on.
Peter | Email | Homepage | 01.25.05 - 7:27 pm | #

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Happiness is also transient, like the seasons, our natural rhythmns dictate that. Sometimes you are happy just because you are.
Legomen | Email | Homepage | 01.25.05 - 8:22 pm | #

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Wonderful that you're keeping the interest alive in the series when I'm not able to make the time it needs to take it onto the next stage right now, thanks
Blue Witch | Email | Homepage | 01.26.05 - 6:44 pm | #

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Although I know when I am happy I don't think I can come up with a definition of the word happiness. Webster's defines it as "a state of well-being and contentment" or "a pleasurable satisfaction."

I prefer this definition:

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
-Mahatma Gandhi
la peregrina | Email | Homepage | 01.26.05 - 9:39 pm | #

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I thought it posed really interesting questions - because so much of our lives are spent striving for happiness but in a way unsure of the goalposts. I like Gandhi's definition - it links in with things which are more tangible.

Y'know things like - why do I work? Because I want to be productive and do something for the greater good of society and be successful and recognised for that success etc. This makes me happy (some of the time).
harriet | Email | Homepage | 01.26.05 - 10:50 pm | #

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Name:

Message from Edward to Darren & dave:

"I'm going to lay on my back and kick my legs in the air and whine and growl and I'm not going home tomorrow. So there Daddies."

Pictures for the post below

Emergency Ward 10

Mr BW and I are very ill.
We have the nasty sore throat/ cold/ general tiredness and weakness bug that is going around.

Edward is playing nurse.

This consists on jumping on us at high velocity (a paw with all his projectile weight on it in the boob or the balls is very painful, believe us) wherever we happen to be positioned at the moment he feels the need to attend to us, and then licking our faces.

The Rat Man had to visit again earlier as we have another outbreak of vermin in the hens. We flipped a coin to decide who had to get dressed and deal with him. Mr BW won. Or lost, depending how you look at it. Mr Rat Man left his bucket of poison blocks. We were sorely tempted to keep them and use them on our enemies. In the eventuality, I rang the council and asked them to contact him and get him to return to collect the equipment he'd left behind. "What equipment?" asked the receptionist. "Erm... a bucket!" I said, not wanting to get him into trouble by saying he'd been careless with his posion.

The snow we woke up to has all gone again. Edward had to have another shower as he got messy playing in the snow. Silly dog. We'll miss him when he goes home on Sunday.

And we have a D'Ove with a poorly leg. He caught it in the drainage channel on the feeding shelf yesterday. I'm not desperately upset as it is one of the 'ploppy black tails' as I call them. I only like the pure white D'Oves. Mr BW says I'm racist. I'm not sure that racist is a term that applies to D'Ove fancying.

Today is "Work Your Proper Hours Day"

Across the UK, employees did unpaid overtime worth £23 billion in 2004. This is an average of £4,650 per employee. If they had done all their unpaid overtime at the beginning of the year, they would have worked until now, February 25th, for free.

Today the TUC is urging everyone to only work their contracted hours to remind employers how much they rely on goodwill and loyalty from their staff.

Until comparatively recently, when he took on a new role, Mr BW used to work around 10 hours a week more than his contractual hours, plus those unavoidable extra hours worked when travelling abroad on business. Now he does around half an hour a day, or maybe 3 a week (plus time abroad). The difference, from my point of view, is very obvious. He is more relaxed, much less stressed, looks better, and is sleeping better. And he says he is getting just as much done in a day.

How many hours more than your contractual time do you work every week? (and, if you want to work out how much this is worth to your employer, there's a calculator here)

Thoughts for the day

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve through not dying.

- Woody Allen

The biggest mistake we could ever make in our lives is to think we work for anybody but ourselves.

- Brian Tracy

How much is that phone call really costing you?

Thanks to Elsie for providing this link which gives the prices of all non-geographic numbers.

Too good to leave in a comments box.

While the prices are for BT, it is usually the case that other companies actually charge more for calling specialist numbers.

Value Witch says - look up numbers on saynoto0870 to get geographic numbers for many premium rate numbers, and join 18866.com for 1p phone calls of unlimited length, to all UK geographic numbers, at all times (and cheaper calls to mobile and international numbers).

Cheaper Motorcyle Insurance

AVOID Adrian Flux brokers.

I shan't go into the details as I will then be too easily identifiable to them. But their business practices are not up to Witchy standards. I suspect that they manage to return cheaper quotes than other brokers by, shall we say, 'sharp practices' when quoting...

I haven't used a broker for years (I always buy direct) and I now know why.

Also, they offer 'free' legal cover (the main reason I went with them) - but, when your written documentation comes through, there is no mention of it. When you query this they say, "Ah - we only issue a policy number when you need to claim." I've made them put this in writing to me, just in case. But, a most peculiar way of doing business I feel (and I am wondering whether the legal assistance company they are subcontracting to know about this?).

Anyone arriving here in future via Google - if you want more info, just email.

The search for the most dreadful corporate website

My nomination:

www.royalmail.com

Not only do you have to register to check a postcode (something that should be freely and easily available, as, if written on an envelope by a sender it surely makes their business more efficient and reduces their costs?), but there are also so many broken links and things that don't work that it is unbelievable.

For example - if you try to report an item of first class post undelivered 17 days after it was sent (sorry Pob, billy and Ron got theirs and they all went in the same post... but wait - you did say you wanted arsenic flavour - maybe the sniffer dogs saved you? ;)), a message comes up saying that you have to wait 15 days before an item is considered lost. We're now at 17 days...

It was a real effort to find a phone number on the website to ring up (and, to my horror, in passing, I found that the postcode finder number is now an 09... number so costs 50p a pop!) - but, thanks to saynoto0870.com, I do now have a geographic number to save having to use an expensive 0845- or 0870- number. I'll just jot it down so I know where it is next time I want it:

Royal Mail Customer Service (Residential): 01752 387112

So - any challengers for worse corporate websites than Royal Mail's?

Value Witch

Very cheap memory cards and card readers here. All with free delivery!

For example:

Smart Media card reader 99p (very bottom, right)
32MB Sandisk SD card £2.99
256MB CF card £14.40
128MB USB 2.0 flash drive £9.77

Be quick - they won't be there for long...

Thought for the day

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.

Then life would begin.

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time. And remember that time waits for no one!

So stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you are divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again and decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy!

Happiness is a journey, not a destination."

- Father Alfred D' Souza

Wholefood

We've just been spring cleaning all the glass storage jars that contain the beans, lentils, and rices at The Coven (rices? or rice? well, there's more than one type - brown, basmati, long-grain, wild, pudding, and thai). I swear that some of those jars haven't been dishwasher washed for 6 or 7 years. They're bright and shiny again! I can now see why some people move house every couple of years - it's to make sure that they don't get so accustomed to seeing things on a shelf that they forget to wash them all, en masse.

Anyway - I've discovered a pack of quinoa that I bought for some recipe or other that I can now no longer locate.

There are plenty of recipes on a Google search - but has anyone any personal experience with this product - good ideas on cooking it to make it edible/palatable etc etc? If not, the hens get it... :) (they've already enjoyed some 20 year old gram flour and some 11 year old couscous after all).

Slow down, you move too fast...

Yesterday I heard 2 very interesting things

One - that eBay sales are keeping many rural village post offices open. The Post Mistress (she's definitely one of those, whatever the official current preferred title is) of the nearest one to The Coven (2 miles away) told me that there are 4 active eBay sellers locally who between them are posting hundreds of packages every week.

Two - that it's a really bad idea to buy white or brown goods online from companies whose normal High Street presence doesn't involve selling goods like these. Someone in my art group who works for a local independent electrical retailer told me that Tesco's online electrical retail (and Sainsbury's etc etc equivalent) are only resellers - they don't actually keep stocks of the large white and brown goods they sell, and they place orders on a sale-by-sale basis. Therefore delivery times quoted on-line cannot be guaranteed - just what you need when your cooker/ fridge/ washing machine has broken down...

I'm told that even companies who sell on the High Street as well as on the net often run different systems for the 2 channels, so something that can be available in-store isn't necessarily available from the net. A case of cheapest isn't always the best Value.

We now use a local independent electrical store for all goods of this sort. If we order by 5pm one night, it's delivered and installed by their own skilled and experienced team for free next morning, and they will take away the old appliance for free too. They are very competitive on price, and have been known to offer further discounts to demanding Witches :)

Thought for the day

The problem with the global village is all the global village idiots.

- P Ginsparg

Bad dog

Today is the only day in the 16 days that we have Edward that I had to go out to do some work. I left at 11.15am. I got back at 5.15pm. Significantly less time than he is normally left on his own every weekday then. I even left the TV on for him for company.

Guess what? He's pulled all the edges off his nice wicker basket. I don't think his Daddies are going to be too pleased...

And now he's whining because I told him he was a bad dog. Well, OK, I'll admit that I shouted it at him. Loudly.

Where is Edward?

Edward and BW went for a long walk yesterday afternoon.
Where?

(NB The answer is not "In a field", and the clues are in the picture)

Thought for the day

The truth knocks on the door and you say,"Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away.

- Robert M. Pirsig

Question

What do you think people lie about most?

And I don't mean small things, like how much they weigh/drink/smoke etc, how much they spent on x, or trivial personal things, like how many valentines cards they got...

Washing Edward

Oh dear.
What a weekend.
If it could have gone wrong, it did.

Edward even started turning Blue.
And then we realised he's been 'helping' with the painting.

He was beginning to smell really doggy too.
Nasty.

So Mr BW took Edward in the shower with him last night.

Hopefully he'll recover soon...

Thought for the day

If you don't like what's going on, you're the producer, rewrite the script.

- Iyanla Vanzant

Edward birdwatching in a local nature reserve yesterday

We'll make a calm, quiet, country dog of him yet...

The 79th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Mr BW and Edward are busy re-painting the kitchen/dining area/utility, where the ceilings were skimmed on Wednesday (hurray, the Remove the Nasty Artex Project is finally complete). Edward (who Mr BW has renamed 'Wagalot' for some reason) is apparently not helping.

The MBWLA may be some time...

Sunday 8:30am: And more time still...
Things are breaking and blowing up round here with a frequency that defies the laws of statistics... got to get it all sorted out...

Well Red

I was talking to Edward's Daddies the other day about red Smarties being coloured by red beetles (cochineal). This colour goes under the number E120. They were rather surprised I think.

Today, the news is full of the problems with another red colourant, a chilli powder, Sudan 1, that was banned within the EU 2 years ago. Apparently Premier Foods managed to buy a duff batch (I wonder how cheap that was...?), and used it in Worcester sauce which has been used in many other products, such as soups, sauces and ready meals.

It's taken me ages to get into the website as people are no doubt panicking (in the circumstances, you'd think that they could have put a few more coins in the meter, wouldn't you?) - but, now in, I see that there are a staggerinng 359 food items that contain contaminated product (including items from all major supermarkets - most of them meat products).

Blimey - I've got two tins of one of the (vegetarian) products in my cupboard (first time I've bought that particular product too!). They're going back...

I hardly think that the tiny quantities in those are going to kill me though. I really find such scares utterly ridiculous, compared with the risk from, for example, high-fat foods.

Mr BW Learns you Duck: Part 4

(Publication of this post has been slightly delayed as a small dog ate it)

It’s a little strange this post as I am sitting in an airport in Italy, having come here for the day, with 3 hours to kill before my flight home. Having just read through my 'Duck' homework for this week I was inspired to write my next post on where I am up to.

Well, it is certainly a challenge (as if that is a surprise), although I am starting to understand a few key questions and phrases. So, as long as everyone I meet has read the same book as me, we can have a perfectly good conversation exchanging names and whether or not we are well (most responses appear to involve either being fine or having a cold, a 'ganmao').

What is becoming clear is that Chinese is a relatively straight-talking language. There is little room for flowery nicenesses. You do not ask politely for something; you just say, 'I want.......'.

For example BW might say, ‘Wo Yao Edward’ (pron: Wow Yaw Edward; lit trans: 'I want Edward'.

In fact she might now say, 'Wo You Edward' (pron: Wow Yoow; lit transl: 'I have Edward' :))

Luckily for us, there is also no verb conjugation. There is none of the chanting of, 'I am, you are' etc as I so fondly recall from my French lessons at school. It is, 'I am, you am, we am' etc etc (Eds note: which is anyway the local dialect in the area of The Coven, although not at The Coven).

We also have to get used to some fairly odd ways of asking questions. It is one thing to learn a Chinese pronunciation for a word; it is another to know which ones form the question you want to ask.

Illustrating all of these points:

If you want to ask someone what country they come from, you ask:

Ni shi nar ren (pron: ne shi na grren)
Literal translation: 'You are where person?'

The answer is:

Wo shi (country, e.g. England) ren
Literal translation: 'I am England person.'

Note that 'shi' remains unchanged whether it is 'are' or 'am'.

We have also been introduced to the delights of 'measure words'. Apart from the fact that they change depending on the noun they relate to, I am totally confused by them. More of that another time.

So today's questions:

1. We did Coca Cola (Kekoukele) a couple of weeks ago. What does the Chinese word actually mean?

2. Which Western fast food outlet is known as Bi Sheng Ke with a literal translation of 'Must win customers?'

That was another quackers post from Mr BW.

Thought for the day

"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

- Trina Paulus

Getting one's own back on banks

I love my offset mortgage.
As regular readers know.

It just keeps getting better and better.

Several years ago, when I first started playing the 0% balance transfer game, to put money borrowed from credit cards through introductory offers at 0% interest into the offset account, and so reduce the interest payments on our mortgage, both Mr BW and I were offered credit cards by our offset account provider. We got an account each, with a total credit limit of £46,000 (for some reason I've never fathomed, mine was higher than Mr BW's, depsite him being the one in full-time employment).

I waved my magic wand and presto, a puff of Blue smoke later, the £46,000 vanished off onto another card, to be promptly transferred back into the offset mortgage account. So, they were lending us £46K at 0% for 6 months, and we were offsetting their money against their mortgage loan to us at 5.something%. That's undoubtedly the best stunt I've pulled so far.

I still use my credit card with them to channel balance transfers from other cards with 0% offers that I get back into the offset account (they will transfer positive balances on their credit card into their cheque accounts). But, after the initial 6 month 0% promotion, I got Mr BW to cancel his (there's usually no point in keeping a card open after the 0% period has expired, and if you have too many cards open it looks bad on credit checks, and reduces the initial credit limits that you will be offered on new accounts).

A couple of weeks ago, offset mortgage provider sent Mr BW another pre-approved application for one of their credit cards. I got him to sign it in the requiste place and sent it off. While this time they've only given a credit limit of £10K, that money is now safely channelled into our offset account via an Egg card (Egg allow you to transfer positive balances on their card into any other bank or credit account without charge).

That little trick will save us £590 in interest (the equivalent of £720 that I'd need to earn before tax) over the next 6 months. Oh - and to celebrate, they've also sent us 6 free bottles of wine. *raises glass to dumb bank*

Actually, I lie a bit, as I've currently got so much borrowed money at 0% that I've got more than I need to cover our outstanding mortgage, and I've got 2 cash ISA's full (roll on April 6th when I can shelter another £6K from the taxman), and a high-interest account doing very nicely (but sadly contributing 22% of its interest yield to the economy). Too easy. I have a suspicion that I'm probably the most successful stoozer in the country. Glad I'm good at something. Why work when you can stooze?

Hmmm - I've just thought of something - I think I might take the money out of the taxable account and put it into premium bonds (I've just discovered you can even buy them on-line now). Whilst I won't make any money in interest, it isn't costing me anything, and I might just be lucky (all I've ever won so far on the small holding I've had since I was given them as a child is £25, so it's about time ERNIE smiled on me...). I don't usually endorse any form of gambling, but at least with this, you don't lose your stake money.

A list of some of the 0% deals on offer is here. With one exception (an early convert ;)), I doubt whether any of my readers would feel confident in playing with £100K's worth of someone else's money in the way I do, but you can start small.

If you've currently got a credit card with a balance that you're unable to pay off in full, and are paying interest on, apply for a new card with the longest possible 0% period (9 months minimum) and balance transfer it. But DON'T use this new card for new spending too (the reason for that is here). Either use your original card (and pay it off in full every month), or, if your credit rating is good enough to apply for another card, get a credit card that offers cashback on every purchase. Last year we got nearly £600 back from our normal spending (using AmEx Platinum which pays 2%, and, where AmEx isn't accepted, More Th>n, which pays 0.8%) (I hasten to add that Mr BW puts business expenditure on the cards too, and that we pay by card for everything possible).

I reckon that last year, my games with credit cards saved me nearly £8,000. Put another way, that's well over £10,000 that I'd have to earn. Now I've got the game so refined that I spend maybe an hour a month on it. 12 hours a year for a £10,000 'salary'. Makes you think, eh? :)

Edward lnk Blot

One of my spelling pupils remarked that is was cute that Edward had a picture of himself on his back.

I think it looks like Pointy-Haired Boss from Dilbert.

What does his Ror5chach pattern suggest to you?
(That's him guarding the stairs down from my Inner Coven, where he's taken to sitting while I'm working - I've tried being kind and providing a nice soft rug, but he just moves somewhere else every time I put it down.)

Thought for the day

I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.

- Rudyard Kipling

VD

Hairdresser BW made me laugh yesterday.
Or, more correctly, her solicitor did.

Hairdresser BW is going thorugh a very acrimonious split with her husband. As I've known both of them for many years, I have a unique view on proceedings.

She is one of the most sensible parents I know, but, sadly her husband isn't. At 34, he's been having an affair with a 17 year old he works with. And claiming, that, although they're living in a tiny one-bedroom flat, with only a small double bed, she's not his girlfriend, and neither are they sleeping together.

The children (5 and 8) keep coming home from visits to Daddy with all sorts of tales of carrying on between him and his Girlfriend-Who-Isn't. Tales which the children have recounted to me on several occasions, so it's not just hearsay.

Hairdresser BW was advised against citing 'adultery' as grounds for divorce as it would slow proceedings down as he'd be likely to contest it. So instead she's gone the 'unreasonable behaviour' route. "Well, he's still breathing, isn't he?" she quipped.

She's been pushing her solicitor to hurry up and get the divorce papers served. Her solicitor has been telling her, "All in good time."

On Monday, Hairdresser BW finally understood the delay.

Solicitor Hairdresser BW (female) took a bundle of first-class mail home with her on Friday night rather than allow her secretary to post it as normal.

In order that she could post it herself on Saturday so that it would arrive chez several of her female clients' soon-to-be-ex's on Monday.

Superb I thought. Classic.

Edward's entertainment for the day has arrived

Phase 4, the final phase, of The Grand Ceiling Skimming Project (AKA Remove the Nasty Artex) has started. At 7.55am this morning, Mr Plasterer and his Infamous Mate (I won't go into that again, but some of you may recall...) arrived.

The entire contents of the kitchen, dining area and utility are curently in the lounge, hall and new Rest Room (against my better judgment, but, needs must).

The Inner Coven is also a complete sty as, with everything that's been going on, I haven't had a chance to do much filing since it was completely sorted with assistance from Mr BW over the FOTCR™.

A small dog has finally worked out how to get up the stairs to The Inner Coven and is running up and down, excitedly trying to 'help'... Luckily The Plasterers seem to like him, and he them.

Thought for the day

The higher up you go, the more mistakes you are allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of them, it's considered to be your style.

- Fred Astaire

Show some emotion...

Edward, my spelled dog, might be unhappy.
I can't tell.
His tail wags, but his face is expressionless.
Mr BW has decided that dogs can't look happy, or look unhappy, they just 'look', because their faces are made that way.
But, I like people to tell me when they're unhappy.
And Edward can't.
He can't even purr.

Although he has done a lot of barking today. I'd never heard him bark before today. It was the D'Oves fault. He was out in The Coven Grounds and they decided to do an aerobatic display for him. Showing off they were. Gliding and turning in the wind. Only - once he started barking, they decided to take the piss and dive bomb him. He was jumping in the air, trying to catch them, but he didn't stand a chance. I've told Blanche (the original Mummy D'Ove) off. I'm sure that it will have absolutely no effect.

Edward definitely prefers the chicken flavour food to the beef flavour food that he's been supplied with, and he hates the green ones in both. Always leaves them until last. Closer examination of the packet revealed that the green ones contain 'vegetables'. He also dislikes irons and vacuum cleaners. And looks distinctly hopeful every time I open a packet of anything, or start chopping anything up. I'm drawing no conclusions.

Dogs really are dim aren't they?
All my animals are brighter.
With the possible exception of the fish in the pond.
I said possible exception :)

He's currently snoozing/drooling/snoring on Mr BW's lap.
Bless.

Travel

Last week, one of the Nice Ladies talked to us about her travels around the world, which started in l947. Her photos of Heathrow in 1947 (the year after it opened) were quite amazing, and her reminiscences made me realise just how how much of an adventure getting from A to B was, until comparatively recently.

I've always thought that this lady was incredibly well travelled. But, when she said that she'd visited 29 countires in total, I was rather surprised at how low the number was, and I spent the rest of the talk mentally making a list, and counting on my fingers.

Living with Mr BW, who's been to all sorts of places in every corner of the globe at his company's expense, I certainly wouldn't think of myself as 'well travelled', but, when I started counting up, I got to 30.

I've just cross-referenced my list against a list of official countries, and had the total reduced to 28 (I'd counted England, Ireland, Wales and Scotland as separate countries).

I also found a list of world countries, and of European countries by GDP when I was looking for that list. Interesting.

How many countries have you visisted?

Thought for the day

Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.

- Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)

Small dog update

Edward is in the doghouse.

Despite having been taken outside 3 times before 3pm today, he still decided to wee on the floor while I was busy working upstairs. He was up in the Inner Coven with me for a while, but then got bored and went and sat in his basket by the Aga.

Did he wee on any of the nearly 60 square metres of carpet that are being replaced in 2 weeks time (it's all 10 years old and co-incidentally was due to be replaced when my spell to capture Edward suddenly worked)? No.

Did he wee on any of the tiled or wooden floors that probably total another 50 square metres? No.

He weed in the middle, yes the middle, of the brand new pale cream carpet in our bedroom, where we've forbidden him from going anyway. Where, until now, he hasn't dared venture.

Thank heavens for Google, the professional-type carpet washing machine we bought a few years ago, and always having copious quantities of kitchen roll, carpet shampoo, white vinegar and baking soda in the house...

That was quite definitely an act of defiance.

No doggie treats for you tonight Edward.
And I just took him for a silent mile walk.
Grrrr.

Odd post

Now, as I mentioned on Friday, an odd letter fell through The Coven Letterbox.

I don't have a PDF maker, so the quality is rather poor, and to make it large enough to read, I've put it up here, rather than put it on the page. The address does exist (in fact, I've looked at an aerial image via multimap), but I've blanked out part of it. Because I'm kind like that. And Google has no interesting info on either the name or the address.

Now, what do you think?

Thought for the day

All, everything that I understand,
I understand only because I love.

- Leo Tolstoy

Weak ending

We're quite exhausted. It feels as if we've been followed about all weekend by a small dog.

Ah - yes - we have, haven't we?!

Omnipresent. That's the word. Faster than greased lightning.

He even managed - somehow - to sneak into the loo behind me. And to get through a closed door to stare at me in the bath.

Dogs just can't amuse themselves can they? Every single second they need entertaining.

And how are you supposed to tell when they're happy? At least cats purr. Dogs seem to wag their tails at the slightest thing.

He even licks plates - when he thinks you're not looking, when you put them down when you've finished eating. Hmmm... wonder if he does that at home?

He doesn't seem to like the sound of steam from irons or laptop fans.
Oh, the stories one can make up about why...

But he is lovely. Well, we think so. Although it seems that The Ginger Familiar and the D'Oves beg to differ. They're plotting. I dread to think what might happen tomorrow...

Tip-toe through the snowdrops

Edward thoroughly enjoyed his walk in the country yesterday.

You could almost play 'spot the dog' with this pic, couldn't you?

As you can see, Edward is really missing his Daddies...

Green energy

STOCK IDEAS
Energise Your Portfolio

By Tim Beyers (TMFMileHigh)
February 2, 2005

If conversation and consternation over renewable energy translated into action, we'd be a wind-powered society by now. We're not.

According to a Web site produced by the Union of Concerned Scientists, America's utilities were using renewable energy sources to generate only 2% of their electricity as of May 2004. With the delays and disappointments, it doesn't sound like a field ripe for investment, right? Wrong.

There are dozens of signs that massive markets are being created to develop cheap renewable energy sources. The list includes all the typical suspects, including tax credits, new state initiatives, and investments by huge companies such as General Electric. Now you can add pop culture references.

Two weeks ago, NBC's The West Wing dedicated an entire episode called "King Corn" to the debate over the usefulness of ethanol as a fuel additive. In advance of the Iowa caucus, the candidates for president to replace Martin Sheen's Jed Bartlet gave their views on the subject in front of the Iowa Corn Growers' Expo. (Corn is used to make ethanol.)

Call me crazy, but I think primetime references like these are a sure signal that advances in this area are starting to make national hay, leaving in their wake opportunities for investors with the guts to get in early.

What is it?
The best explanation of renewable energy I've seen comes, not surprisingly, from the National Renewable Energy Laboratory (NREL) in Golden, Colo. It says:

The United States currently relies heavily on coal, oil, and natural gas for its energy. Fossil fuels are nonrenewable, that is, they draw on finite resources that will eventually dwindle, becoming too expensive or too environmentally damaging to retrieve. In contrast, renewable energy resources -- such as wind and solar energy -- are constantly replenished and will never run out.

While renewable energy is typically clean and better for the environment, it isn't cheap. An estimate from the website Solarbuzz reports that solar energy, for example, can cost anywhere from 10 cents to 40 cents per kilowatt hour (kWh). And that low end typically can't be achieved without major government incentives. By contrast, William Baxter, one of the directors of the Tennessee Valley Authority, says his facilities generate electricity for 4.5 cents per kWh using coal and 6 cents per kWh using natural gas.

So what's the fuss?
There's no denying it: We're still likely to be mining, refining, and burning this stuff long after you and I are long gone. So why on earth take a chance on renewable energy?

Simple: As these finite resources become scarcer, they get pricier. Consider coal, for example. Estimates show our coal reserves could last anywhere from 50 to 250 years, but demand is creeping ever upward. That means today's prices of $50 a ton could rise to $70 or $80 per ton in only a few short years, if not sooner. No wonder Fool contributor Bill Paul sees major investing possibilities in the stuff this year.

But this same scenario is equally bullish for investing in renewable sources. The primary inhibitor to mass adoption of renewable energy has been cost. The cheaper it gets relative to the fossilized alternatives, the more likely it will become widely available. So as coal prices skyrocket, as oil hovers near $50 a barrel, and as the surplus that has conspired to keep natural gas prices low evaporates, it's worth asking: Where will our cheap energy come from 5, 10, and 20 years from now? And how can we, as investors, profit? Let's examine three potential sources.

A nice suntan
The sun is a nearly infinite energy resource. In fact, it supplies more energy than the entire world uses in a year. Really. It's just that harnessing those UV rays isn't economically feasible -- unless, of course, you're wearing a swimsuit and sporting a heavy dose of Hawaiian Tropic. That's why Solarbuzz estimates that solar energy production accounts for less than 0.01% of global energy demand.

Creating solar power requires solar cells that use material similar to that in computer chips to absorb photons and knock loose electrons, which in turn produces electricity. This has come to be known as the photovoltaic (PV) effect. Cells are arranged in PV panels and can be deployed individually or in huge systems used by utilities.

The good news for investors is that utilities are increasingly turning to solar power as an alternative. Solarbuzz reports that demand has grown roughly 25% annually over the past 15 years.

So, where are the investing possibilities? Interestingly, four companies account for more than 50% of the market for solar cells: Sharp; Kyocera (NYSE: KYO); BP Solar, a division of BP (LSE: BP.); and Shell Solar, a division of Shell (LSE: SHEL). Sharp is the world's largest supplier of solar panels, most of which are delivered in its home country of Japan.

Surprisingly, there are also several start-ups dealing in solar power. A cursory check for growing revenues and positive net cash reveals a company we've profiled here before, Evergreen Solar (Nasdaq: ESLR), as a possible long-term winner.

Full of hot air
Of all the available renewable energy sources, hydrogen just might have the worst reputation. And it's no wonder. You remember the Hindenburg, right? But it's a bad rap.

Hydrogen is the simplest and most abundant element in the universe. Fuel cells capture the chemical energy it generates to create electricity, and with no fiery explosions involved in the process. Nope, instead of smog-producing smoke, fuel cell-powered autos would emit nothing more than distilled water. No wonder the president made fuel cells a cornerstone of his 2003 State of the Union address.

Since then, the Feds have promised $1.2 billion to create renewable energy sources based on hydrogen. That's a major commitment that has attracted equally major interest from private enterprises. More than 1,000 companies had been involved in creating hydrogen fuel cells by the end of 2003, and growth continues unabated. According to researcher Freedonia Group, the total fuel cell market will reach $1.1 billion by 2008. BCC Research estimates more than 25% annual growth in portable hydrogen fuel cells.

Fortunately for investors, many of the companies pushing hydrogen-based products are public, but many are also early in their development. That's primarily a function of the nascent nature of the market and the costs involved in creating fuel cell alternatives. For example, prototype fuel-cell powered autos created by Honda (NYSE: HMC) and Toyota (NYSE: TM) could fetch $100,000 or more today. Prices are expected to come down dramatically in the next five years, creating a mass market from which today's fuel cell pioneers would see enormous benefits. Among the list of the more promising are Ballard Power (Nasdaq: BLDP), Distributed Energy Systems (Nasdaq: DESC), FuelCell Energy (Nasdaq: FCEL), Hydrogenics (Nasdaq: HYGS), and Plug Power (Nasdaq: PLUG).

Breaking wind
Wind is the most likely renewable energy source to achieve mass adoption soon because it's relatively cheap. With tax credits, wind costs between 3 and 4 cents per kWh, making it a cost-competitive alternative to generating electricity using coal or natural gas. No wonder estimates from the European Wind Energy Association say the global market could reach $150 billion by 2012. That would equal a more than 1,500% increase from $9 billion in 2003, the last full year for which wind market statistics are available.

Even if that estimate proves aggressive, local efforts to make utilities more dependent on renewable energy are sure to aid growth. Consider my home state of Colorado, for example. Last November voters approved Amendment 37, which stipulates that state utilities must generate or purchase 3% of their available electric power from renewable energy sources beginning in 2007. The requirement rises to 10% by 2015.

The amendment is expected to benefit wind power firms the most because, well, we've got an awfully windy state. Plus, Colorado has a number of ranchers who could theoretically lease portions of their land to install wind turbines. If that sounds like a far-fetched idea, consider that the next 20 years is expected to bring more construction of power-generating facilities than in the prior century.

There are lots of good reasons to be enthusiastic about wind power, but sadly there are precious few public companies in the field. Instead, GE has proven to be the dominant supplier of wind turbines. But there are smaller alternatives, including power distributor AES (NYSE: AES), which earlier this month made large investments in wind power projects in Texas, and U.S. Wind Farming, a penny stock on the pink sheets that owns majority interests in wind-generating power cooperatives in rural areas. Both could be promising, but risk abounds. For example, U.S. Wind Farming is still working on its audit and a complete set of financial statements is not yet available at its website. That makes buying shares in the company an act of faith more than an investment at this point.

Renewable profits?
Let's close with a caveat: Each of the small-cap companies mentioned here carry enormous risks because the markets we've covered are still in their formative stages. And they could remain there for years to come. So, tread carefully.

But also remember not to let Wall Street worrywarts squash a sound thesis when it appears. Will the price of oil and coal rise over time? Undoubtedly. Will the cost of renewable sources come down over that same period? Absolutely. Will there be money made by investing in the stocks of renewable energy pioneers? Yes, huge sums, in fact. It's just that there's no crystal ball capable of divining winners.

The Stock Ideas series consists of articles initially published on our US site, Fool.com.

http://www.fool.co.uk/stockideas/2005/si050202.htm

The 78th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Oh hell. Having whined all night for his missing daddies, our newly spelled dog, Edward (see post just below), has now escaped. Got to go and find him first...

The next bit is in magic ink, readable if highlighted by everyone except Darren and dave, who will, no doubt, be checking in from the airport:

Actually, he tried it on by whining for about 10 minutes after we'd gone to bed. Given that his own nice comfy basket was right next to the Aga (every Aga needs a dog), we ignored him and he soon gave up and went to sleep. At his old home he was allowed to sleep on the bed, dave said, "Between my legs." "Too much information!" I thought.

Mr BW is currently minding him in the garden. I've just heard, "You can't come in until you've had a number 2!" Still feeling very nervious new parents. Although we're very used to animals, neither of us has ever had a dog before. Can you tell?

This week the Award really belongs to many of the people who've contributed ideas to DG's annual birthday spending challenge ongoing series. However, as I've been made to sign the Offical DG Secrets Act (in Witchy Blood), I cannot share the details of what I'm finding so funny, so I'll have to give this week's Award (2 points and a Trophy) to the only other person who's made me laugh this week... the newly made-over drD, for another of his excellent image/captions.

And the special "BW Award for possibly the best Value advertising budget spend of all time" goes to B&Q. I still can't believe that there are people around who think that they did it out of the kindness of their greedy corporate hearts for the good of yachting kind.

Spelling Test: 10/10, Blue Star

Finally, that dog is now mine :)

I always said I'd get him, didn't I?

The original version of my dog-napping spell was getting nowhere, so, after the Blue Moon BlogBQ at the end of July when I met the adorable Edward in the flesh fur for the first time, I changed tack.

I decided to do spells on his daddies instead. Inspired that.

Darren wasn't too much of a problem. I just implanted some relevant pictures deep into his cerebral matter (please don't ask, Mr BW doesn't know I have pics like that ;)), which kept him so happy that he would quite happily have handed over Edward months ago.

dave, on the other hand, proved more of a problem. Eventually I worked out the key to his heart - roller coasters. So, after a lot of trial and error, I finally got the spell right to implant the idea that he'd like to go on holiday.

I was very cunning, because I carefuly spelled out the details so that they coincided with Mummy dave and Daddy dave being a long way away from home, so there was absolutely no chance of them being in a position to Edward-sit.

Even so, 6 and a half months that new spell has taken me. All sorts of things I've had to sacrifice. I even had to enlist Mr BW's help.

Sad thing is, they think Edward's going back to them when they get back :)

*cackles evilly*

We'll see. Possession is 9/10 of the law, after all :)

16 days I've got to straighten that poor canine out.
16 days.

Will it be enough?
Watch this space...

My bad mood is worsening...

In the post came a letter from a total nutter from West Yorkshire. Obviously someone who'd obtained a jar of BW Special while on holiday in these parts, possibly at the end of last July, and decided not to take his meds yesterday, but to write to us at the address on the label instead. Some plan about showing experimental propaganda films to buzzers, but needing help to lure them into his small cinema... I may post it later.

I'm doing a great line in conquering customer 'service' idiots today. Best line so far, "I'm really not interested in your problems. I just need you to solve the one you've created for me. Now. Is that understood?" Delivered in slow icy tones in my best schoolteacherly voice it's done the trick already. I always admired the way Mummy BW managed to get things done in these kind of situations... I think I may just have got to the age and level of contempt for 'systems' that allows me to do it too.

We have two phone lines. The second used to be the computer line before we had broadband. It's the number I use for forms where they want a number but I don't want to give one. Keeps them happy, and I know I need never answer that line. Over the last couple of days it's kept ringing. I've ignored it. It's just rung again, and I happened to be sitting right next to it this time. I picked it up, shouted, "FUCK OFF" as loudly as I could into the receiver, and slammed it down.

Very out of character, but something I've always wanted to do. Most therapeutic :)

Yap, yap, yap

I woke in a pool of sweat with something going "pant pant" and yapping in my ear. Twas Mr BW.

The Ginger Familiar is having serious doubts about him too. He gave her some cat treats and went "woof" in a menacing rather than dogged way. She ate the treats, gave him a look of cattempt and promptly disappeared.

Either my long-running spell of procurement is going very badly wrong, or it's about to come to fruition. The signs are all there :)

I'm in a bad mood.

I picked up my lovely new curtains, made-to-measure, at huge expense, for the hall yesterday afternoon.
They are lovely.
Very lovely.

But I'm not pleased with them.
Because they're the wrong bloody colour to go with the new paintwork.
They're neutral 'flat' colour and the paint is neutral 'neutral' on the walls and neutral 'warm' on the panelling.

Either the sample from the shop is a different colour shade to what has turned up, or the panelling changed colour considerably between the first and second coats.

This is the first time I've ever got colour wrong.
Ever.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
Except maybe salvage the linings to use for another pair...

Anyone want a pair of curtains - left one 6 inches longer than the right one?

And - as if that wasn't bad enough... also arrived yesterday, little head cushions for our newish old people's recliner chairs (in for a penny in for a pound we decided, if we're going to be 'old', let's do it thoroughly). I considered buying the material and making them, but there was so little difference in price between buying the fabric and getting them ready made that I had them made. 5 weeks I've waited for them. And they've managed to make them from a very different shade of the same fabric, and they have put light beige zips into dark navy fabric. You can see the zip tags from across the room. Even Mr BW said they looked dreadful.. So it must be very bad.

I have a list of people I'm going to ring and shout at this morning.

Thought for the day

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

- Snoopy

Yawn

I shall be deducting BW points for blog mentions of a certain topic in the news today btw. I'm bored with the subject already ;)

Art Class: Session 14

This week we had to do tiny people (these are about double their true size). The top ones were drawn on cartridge paper and then painted in watercolour using sepia colour paint, and the bottom ones were painted straight onto watercolour paper using light red. The 'people' came from pictures in the local newspaper.

Apparently we needed to practice doing tiny people for when we want to put them into landscapes. "But, there are never going to be any people in my landscapes!" I protested. "Yes," added good Friend BW, "BW wouldn't ever ruin anything natural by putting people in it." Too bloody right.

Fuel economy labels

From BBC News this morning comes the information that new cars are to be colour-coded for energy efficiency from September this year.

Alistair Darling, Transport Minister, will be announcing the scheme later today.

Labels similar to those attached to fridges, freezers, washing machines, dishwashers, and other white goods will appear in car showrooms from 1st September.

The labels will rate a new vehicle and put it into a group according to the vehicle's carbon dioxide emission figure.

Only electric cars will be in group A. I'm pleased to see that we have a B and a C, and I've already decided that we will only replace the C with a B. Because we feel strongly about this sort of thing. Now, 'all' that we need to do is get the Americans to understand that they're the major emergy bandits/polluters in the world... *shakes head in dismay*

All 42 manufacturers selling in the UK will be participating in this scheme. I'm not sure that I can think of 42 manufacturers though? Let's see how many we can get between us... (without looking them up!)

Thought for the day

People with opinions just go around bothering one another.

- Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

CTF

If you've got a child born after September 1st 2002 (or know someone who has), then the government are sending out your Child Trust Fund voucher soon (the daughter of one of my Nice Lady friends received hers today and Proud Nanna rushed to her phone to ask me what I thought she should do with it. As the parents of the child for whom the voucher is intended have a combined annual income of nearly £160K, I was sorely tempted to say, throw it away and leave the money in the Government's coffers, so they can spend it on Iraq some cause they consider worthy. However, knowing that wouldn't work, as the Government plan to open a stakeholder pension for any child whose parents haven't acted within 12 months, I instead dispensed some Value Witch advice).

This guide to investing the £250-£500 (depending on your income) voucher you will receive may be of interest to you.

I'm beginning to agree with the 'pram-faced girls' who view getting pregnant as being financially advantageous...

Chinese New Year and Firecrackers

The answers to Mr BW's Chinese New Year quiz from yesterday are:

Q: (easy version) - What is the Chinese New Year more commonly called in China (in English)?

A: Spring Festival

Q: (hard version) - Why do the Chinese have firecrackers at New Year?

A: In Chinese, Lunar New Year is called ‘Nian’. Nian, the word for ‘year’ now, was a monster in the ancient Chinese legend. It invaded the village every year, destroying houses, killing people and animals. A new year again, people in village suddenly found that the red colour, the flashing light and cracking sound of burning bamboo can frighten Nian away. People were very happy, they collected as much bamboo and burned them everywhere in the village. Nian was never back to the village. From then on, every lunar new year, people play ‘exploding bamboo’ (the word for ‘firecrackers’ in Chinese) to scare off evil spirits and ghosts, to bid farewell to the old year, and to celebrate the new one.

And 2 more questions for today:

1. (easy version): Why red?

2. (hard version): Why were there queues at Chinese hairdressers yesterday?

Thought for the day

Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.

- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)

Consumer Witch

I've been moaning at financial and retail organisations who give poor service for so long now that it takes a lot to make me happy.

This morning, however, I've scored one small and one large victory.

The large will help lots of people.
The small helps just me.
The large one will be of no personal benefit to me, yet it's the one that pleases me most.

Large first:

A few weeks ago, I had a huge moan at our offset mortgage provider for not paying any interest on credit balances, and not making offset mortgage holders aware of this fact.

In the post this morning we got a letter from them informing us that we had a credit balance in our account (those 0% balance transfers are just too sucessful ;)). "I know!" I thought, "but it's only there until tomorrow. I suppose at least you've listened to what I said to your call-centre manager though."

Half an hour later, totally out of the blue, I had a phone call from the offset mortgage provider's Customer Services Manager (in person), thanking me for bringing the matter of offset credit interest to their attention, and informing me they had acted on my feedback, and would in future be sending out letters to people with credit balances on their accounts. "I know!" I said. "How can you know?" she said. "Because I had such a letter half an hour ago!" "Oh," she replied, "I thought we weren't starting to send those out until next week!" "Interesting," I said, "because the computer's put your name at the bottom and signed it on your behalf..."

And the small victory - getting £65 out of 1KEA for messing us around since October on manufacturing / delivering an item of furniture for the new Rest Room (a refund of the delivery charge, plus the money we would have paid in interest in the time we were kept waiting, if we'd bought the product using their storecard at 12.9% interest). OK, so it took 2 letters, and 2 stamps, but I got what I wanted :)

As I always say, it pays to complain. But do it nicely, as it's much more effective.

Quackers, Part 3

Or, Mr BW learns you a bit more Duck

I am going to cheat a little this week by moving the subject to the Chinese New Year. This is not particularly because we have been learning about it, but more because I am trying to eke out the topics a little further and can use an excuse to write about the New Year to hold some stuff back for next week.

So, to those interesting facts you know you want to be able to pass of as your own during casual drinking fountain chats, when you can do a, "Did you know...":

• Chinese New Year is 9th February. Some celebrations started last weekend.

• The New Year celebrations officially last 3 days but are usually stretched to 15 days with food preparations starting a week before (I have always said you need to get the sprouts on in good time). This year's public holiday in China extends from the 9th to the 15th Febraury.

• The Chinese Lunar New Year is the longest chronological record in history, dating from 2600BC, when the Emperor Huang Ti introduced the first cycle of the zodiac. Like the Western calendar, The Chinese Lunar Calendar is a yearly one, with the start of the lunar year being based on the cycles of the moon. Therefore, because of this cyclical dating, the beginning of the year can fall anywhere between late January and the middle of February. This year it falls on February 9th. A complete cycle takes 60 years and is made up of five cycles of 12 years each.

• The Chinese Lunar Calendar names each of the twelve years after an animal. Legend has it that the Lord Buddha summoned all the animals to come to him before he departed from earth. Only twelve came to bid him farewell and as a reward he named a year after each one in the order they arrived. The Chinese believe the animal ruling the year in which a person is born has a profound influence on personality, saying, "This is the animal that hides in your heart."

• The lunar cycle is about 29.5 days. In order to "catch up" with the solar calendar the Chinese insert an extra month once every few years (seven years out of a 19-year cycle). This is the same as adding an extra day on leap year. Fancy that, a 'leap month'.

This system results in three ways to name a Chinese year:

1. By an animal. The 12 animal names are: Rat Ox Tiger Hare Dragon Snake Horse Sheep Monkey Rooster Dog Boar. So, by this system, year names are repeated every 12 years. This New Year is the Year of the Rooster.

2. By its former name. This New Year is the year of Yiyou. By this system, the Name of the Year is repeated every 60 years.

3. By its number of years. It is Year 4702 by Chinese calendar.

So to all of you:

Today's phrase for you to learn is: Xin Nian Hao (no prizes for guessing that one) Lit: new year good.

Today's quiz (easy version): what is the Chinese New Year more commonly called in China (in English)?

Today's quiz (hard version): why do the Chinese have firecrackers at New Year?

That was another post brought to you from the Chinese pen of Mr BW.

Thought for the day

Have you noticed how, when someone raises an issue that someone else wishes could remain hidden, personal attacks often follow?

Haloscam?

The eagle eyed amongst you may have noticed that tiny Blue squares have appeared over the weekend against some comments on sites using the free Haloscan commenting system.

Checking the 'properties' of said blue boxes shows that they are being 'provided' by www.gravatar.com, who claim they are gravators:

A gravatar, or globally recognized avatar, is quite simply an 80×80 pixel avatar image that follows you from weblog to weblog appearing beside your name when you comment on gravatar enabled sites. Avatars help identify your posts on web forums, so why not on weblogs?

But, I've noticed that if you don't leave an email address, you don't get a blue square, as they can't track you. So, if this sort of invasion of privacy bothers you, then comment without an email address (if Haloscan comment boxes are auto-filled when you go to comment, you'll need to find and delete your Haloscan cookie, which will let you enter your details afresh).

It's a bloody cheek say I.
But, further proof that there's no such thing as a free lunch free commenting system without catches.

BW will be unavailable for a while around 10 this morning while 34sp play with the plesky servers, so, don't panic. I'll be back.

"That dog will be mine"

As someone refused to play ball with my Dog-Napping attempts, Mr BW had to help my spells along, and, Edward came to visit yesterday. He can't drive, so he had to bring along dave and Darren, with whom he currently lodges, but that was OK as it gave me the opportunity to feed them magic soup. Magic soup is very powerful. I won't tell you what goes into it, but you can imagine ;)

So, now that dog can be mine, whenever I choose. I may choose this Friday actually. Watch this space.

While dave was visiting the little boys room (and being paid £2 by one of our h0ney cust0mers who happened to look through the cloakroom window while he was, erm, busy), I B-Witched Edward (left photo), and soon he was comfortably lying in the arms of Mr BW (right photo).

Thought for the day

The important thing is not to stop questioning.

- Albert Einstein

What do we make of this?

http://www.blogwidow.com/cgi/view.cgi/www.blue-witch.co.uk/

Another case of blog theft?

I am not amused.

Dog or duck?

*cackles*

They ate the magic soup.
That dog will be mine :)

The 77th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

There are contenders, I know there are contenders, but can I find the contenders? Can I heck.

Always the way when you're in a rush, isn't it?

Rushing because - shock, horror - I have to work today. It seemed like a good idea when Mr BW was going to see his harem for the weekend. But that got cancelled earlier in the week. So, I'm just leaving him with a long list of jobs and going off to earn the pennies to pay for it all...

So, contenders when I get back.

4pm Update: Or not, depending on whether Mr BW has varnished the stairs leading up to the Inner Coven, where the MBWLA files must be residing on the PC, which is currently switched off, while I was out.

And he did.

So, as soon as the varnish is dry, there will be contenders.

8pm Update: Reviewed today's work, made soup and lemon marmalade. Varnish now dry. But, it's no good. I can't find this week's MBWLA file anywhere. It must be lost in the cyberspace chasm between the laptop and the main PC. Drat and double drat. There were 4 or 5 funnies in it too, but, as is normally the case when I've had a manic week, my memory isn't functioning well, and I honestly can't remember what they were.

So, in the circumstances, if I eventually find it, I'll add it to next week's collection.

As for this week... mike and dave can have 2 points and a trophy apiece for the ongoing dialogue in the comments boxes under mike's posts leading up to the end *sighs with relief ;)* of his epic top 100 singles of 2004 countdown (and I can't link them because I can't get into TD atm for some spell reason).

The dialogue that included me madly cheating in an attempt to guess mike's number one single of 2004 and procure the CD prize that dave wanted, to hang up as bird scarers so I could swap it for Edward.

*cackles, and thinks, that dog will be mine, I've nearly got the spell right now, who needs CDs to 'swop' anyway?"*

The dialogue that probably mystified most people, and eventually led to mike's post that included the best description of me I've read in 25 months of blogging :) The one I'm now using as a tagline (thanks mike :)).

For hereby hangs a tale.

Having been knocked off the top of the leader board some time in the middle of last week, dave requested a slight change to the rules, in order to give himself a second chance at winning make the game more interesting and enjoyable. Being an accomodating kind of guy, I instantly acceded to his request - allowing anyone who was knocked off the top another chance to make a guess.

But ONLY WHEN they were KNOCKED OFF the top.

And NOT WHEN they were STILL AT the top.

Unfortunately, this is the part which dave failed to grasp. And so, when Dry Your Eyes by The Streets put him at the top of the heap, what did he do but attempt to place a third - yes, a THIRD - guess, for Take Me Out, BEFORE being dislodged from pole position?

Having disallowed his guess, it was - of course - still visible in the comments box for all to see. Because I only delete comments in highly exceptional circumstances.

You can probably guess what happened next. Someone else saw the comment - thought "hmm, good guess" - and repeated it as their own.

So, should I have disqualified the guess, or should I have made dave accountable for his mistake and accepted it as valid?

Being a harsh yet fair task-master, I decided upon the latter course of action. Meaning that - of ALL PEOPLE! - the Steve Earle and Bruce Springsteen loving, all-modern-music-is-boring, I-thought-Franz-Ferdinand-was-a-dead-duke, look-dear-can-you-get-a-move-on-because-I'm-fed-up-with-all-this-pop-nonsense, defiantly and resplendently un-trendy Blue Witch now takes over the lead from dave.

This is all very amusing, I must say.

I would just like to set the record straight (pauses while the audience work out that clever joke :)) and point out that I actually thought Franz Ferndinand was a footballer. And that I was enouraged to cheat. However :)

Friday Question

Just in case you don't fancy the picture post below... that entertainment for you cost me £67 I'll have you know, and you won't get another chance to see it again for another 2 years, answer this question insead:

You know you're turning into your parents when...

For starters:

1. You haven't a clue who any of the performers are on TOTP, and think it's all a din anyway. When you do recognise a song, you comment about how the original version in 19** was much better.

2. You tut at the length/skimpiness of teenagers' clothing.

3. You're in bed and asleep by 10pm.

Over to you...

Bad Taste (or, in this case, smell)

Another in my occasional series of hugely revered avoided posts coming up.

You'll remember the last one in the series.
The Operation one?

Well, today, for your viewing pleasure I bring you...

The septic tank emptying picture sequence:

Hover over each picture for an explanation (if the text disappears before you've finished reading, move away and then go back again and it will reappear). Hopefully I've got the spell right so that Mac users can also read it today.

And I did post an explanation a while ago about how septic tanks work. Only I can't seem to find it...

Thought for the day

Problems are actually opportunities with thorns on them.

- Hugh Miller

Temporal distortion

Well, my spells to manufacture time seem to have worked.

*breathes again*

So that's 2 urgent reports finished, proof-read, printed, signed and delivered. The Coven tidied and sorted ready for Cleaner BW. An hour on the phone to various clients. Arrangements made for the septic tank to be emptied tomorrow. The knackered wheel problem sorted (that involved sourcing a wheel rim, and a tyre, from separate places, then getting them collated and fitted to the broomstick), and pictures of the offending portion of defective road (20 miles from The Coven) taken, ready for dispatch with a Witchy Missive to the local Highways Department (I'll post those tomorrow - quite unbelievable). A trip to local town, a trip to Costco and IKEA at Thurrock to return defective items and get some new ones. 170 miles in total. I'm fairly sure that I did some other things too, but my brain is jelly, my limbs don't feel they are connected to the rest of me, and I can't remember them. In short, I've over-done it. Daft Witch.

Several near-misses with idiot drivers (all driving cars with registrations between L and P - draw your own conclusions). I think I've seen more bad driving today than I've seen in the last 6 months. And, with a stupid space-saver spare wheel on the broom, I was forced to keep below 60mph. Frustration of the Wth degree.

A 'Witchy Look' at a group of youths going round the IKEA car park 'leaning' on car bonnets to see how many alarms they could set off (they were about to do mine when they noticed me sitting in the car, in the dark - I just Looked and mouthed, "Don't." One look was enough to stop them, they're probably still trembling ;))

So now I can relax a bit and feed my Inner Witch. Tummy Witch has just had dinner, so Inner Witch can be stroked.

DG told us today that Microsoft's search engine, MSN search has finally formally launched this week.

Guess who is number one (out of 5,675) for a search on "blue witch"?

And, I've just noticed in my stats, number one for