Blue Witch

Screen Test

Haven't had much time for blog-writing, let alone blog-reading, this week, and I haven't found anything at all amusing, so no MBWLA this week.

Many thanks to everyone who made suggestions, in the comments and by email, to help with my broken LCD camera screen problem. Mr BW ordered the part yesterday lunchtime and it turned up this morning, which is impressive (from Seme NEDIS - they do spare parts for most domestic appliances). Over eighty quid though - bloody con (Mr BW reckons the part cost about £10 to actually make).

Mr BW is now in the process of taking my beloved camera apart. He's taking pics with his camera (the one he won just before the FOTCR) in case it all goes 'orribly wrong... so I'll put up a step-by-step guide to changing a Sony DSCP12 screen. Either how to do it, or how not to do it, depending on how it comes out...

Update: Phew. All done. 10 minute job. No springy-outy parts, no surprises and no disasters. I got a bit worried when I was sent off to get some double sided tape, and I still don't know quite where that disappeared to, but, it didn't tax Mr BW's skills, although it would have taxed mine. I don't mind human operations, but technical ones make me feel queasy. Where things complex and mechancial are concerned, I faint.

Camera with broken screen (black star in lower left corner).

Carefully remove the 4 tiny screws (2 top, 2 bottom).

Remove the back from the camera.

Remove the clip to separate the screen from the backlight. Pull out the contact ribbon.

Insert the new LCD and reattach the contact ribbon.

Clean the back of the screen (with a microfibre cloth or lens tissue) and clip it back into place.

Switch the camera back on to check the screen is working.

Replace the 4 tiny screws.

Breathe a sigh of relief and wonder how that tiny component could possibly break so easily and cost £82.40 just for the replacement part.

Feel grateful that you've saved well over £100 on the price of a repair by Sony (which would probably take weeks).

No post today

I've been busy.
I think that's a record round here.

*deletes paragraph of expletives*

Does anyone know:

(a) If LCD screens on Sony digital cameras can be replaced? (it's a DSCP12)
(b) Anywhere where you can buy the parts?
(c) Anywhere reliable that does repairs (other than a Sony service centre)?

I dropped the ******* thing, from waist height, in its case, onto a carpeted floor, this afternoon and the screen has gone, making it virtually useless (although it has a viewfinder, that has a quite different field of view, and all the displays are on-screen).

We do have accidental damage cover on our household insurance, but, with a £100 excess (and, no doubt, consequent premium hike next year), a repair might be preferable.

All I can find on a quick search is replacement mobile phone LCD screens (suggesting screens are replaceable), and American repair companies...

Thoughts for the day

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

- Rita Rudner

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

- Marcel Proust

All of which means that we steel people are having a day off today in celebration of 11 years.
11 years at 11 o'clock.
Only we were in a different time zone then (5 hours behind I think - but 11 years at 4 o'clock has less of a ring about it).

Those of you in Das Kapital today, look out for low-flying broomsticks :)

Catch 'em young

I was just going into Small Local Town Sainsbury's earlier and a little boy of maybe 3 or 4 ran towards me, shouting, "Look, look, I've got £20!"

Other people were giving him weird looks and a wide berth, but, always one to encourage children in matters financial, I said, "Have you sweetheart - how's that then?"

"Look, look, over there!" he cried, and ran towards the coin-counting machine, where his harassed mum, with toddler in a pushchair, was waiting for the payout. I went with him to see.

"Sorry," she muttered, "he's so excited, he couldn't wait to see how much his piggy bank would come to."

"Great to see him saving," I said, "but why did you get him to put it in the machine rather than helping him sort it, count it out, bag it up and take it to the bank?"

She looked at me in a studied way. "What's the point?" she said, "when these machines do it for you!" Small child interrupted, "Is £20 a lot?"

"That's the point," I said, "your son has no idea of the concept or value of money. If you'd turned the counting into a fun activity, sorting, then piling up the coins, working out which small coins were worth which higher value coins, he'd now have some idea of what £20 is."

"That's all too much hassle," she said, "the machine does it all for you. I haven't got time to muck about like that!"

"£20, £20," the little boy was chanting to passers by. "Yes, and you'd now have nearer £21.50 if your mum had helped you count it out," I couldn't help myself saying.

"What?" said mum. I pointed to the notice on the machine which clearly said that 7.5% of the total value of coins thrown in would be taken as commission. "That's not £1.50!" she said. "Isn't it?" I smiled. "It is?" I could almost hear the cogs whirring in her head. "That's bloody daylight robbery of a little boy!"

I shook my head sadly. Partly due to her reframing events to her advantage, but also because she clearly had no idea that 7.5% of £20 was £1.50. I bet she has the same problem with understanding the interest charged on her credit cards...

I got home and there was a message on the answerphone asking if I'd contribute to the village church-run parenting course. I suspect I may just say yes. To bring balance. It's not God these young mums need, it's some basic common sense ideas for beneficial activities...

Thought for the day

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important.

- Natalie Goldberg

Technical question

Just looking through my referral logs, I am staggered to find that 28% of my visitors are now coming from search engines (that's up from 15% a year ago), and that, of those, a significant proportion are coming from Google images.

Now, thanks to a recent nifty bit of code from NiC, and some more clever dressmaking from Tailor BW, people can no longer hotlink to my images and steal my bandwidth.

But - I'm just thinking - can anyone tell me - do the search bots use the name of the file in the [src], or the [alt] or [title] description when they crawl through looking for pictures? Or maybe all of them? I'm just considering ways of reducing the numbers coming in looking for images to purloin...

'Free' Dalek poster

Buy the Radio Times this week and next week and send off the coupon with 60p for postage. A1, full-colour, double sided.

The new Daleks are going to be 'chunkier' than the old ones apparently. Diet is obviously causing Dalek spread too...

Anyone want the tokens?

Witch on the warpath

This morning I have a consumer issue to sort out.

Had this consumer issue been handled by the company in question in a timely manner, it would have cost them about £10 in parts, plus 2 visits from their specialist repairer, to rectify.

As it is, although they don't know it yet, it's now going to cost them £849, plus transport, to replace the item (at retail prices - so obviously a bit less than that, although an extra visit from their specialist repairer, who lives on the other side of the country, will be needed).

Those of you who like my tales of eventual Witchy Triumph over large companies might find something here to amuse you later.

The specialist repairer, to whom I shall be breaking this good news, will be here soon.

*fits courage chip*
*fits sharp teeth*
*does spell*

Update, 10.55am: It's not a good idea for him to be 25 minutes late already, without calling to apologise and give me some idea of when he will be here, now is it? Ah well, advantage BW, I'd say :)

Update, 11.45am: Well, he's just gone. He finally turned up at 11. The conversation after I answered the door went like this:

Specialist Repairer (SR): Hello again BW!

BW: Hello, do come in... (pauses, waiting for apology for lateness, none comes)

BW: Did you have 11 in your diary, because I had 10.30 in mine?

SR: Erm no, you're right, I'm late.

BW: Yes, I thought so. I'm usually right. I'll tell you something else I was right about - that problem that hadn't spread when you originally came out on 4th January - well, it's spread now. So, let's just have a look, and as soon as you've agreed that the whole thing needs replacing, I'll make you a nice cup of coffee and you can get on with replacing the parts in the base that took 4 months to get to you from Large Company, so causing this problem.

SR: (takes one look) Yep, you're right again BW. It does need replacing.

BW: That's the correct response SR. Now, I'll make that coffee. (smiles bewitchingly)

(5 minutes later, takes coffee to SR working in bedroom)

SR: Nearly done!

BW: Erm... I hate to say this, but... those bits you've just replaced - well, they're not straight...

SR: (takes one look) Yep, you're right again BW. They'll still work OK though...

BW: (looks witheringly at SR and raises eyebrows very slowly)

SR: Ah - no, just kidding, I'll move them.

BW: Correct response again SR. Right, now, about this replacement... how long will that take?

SR: Well, I'll be emailing my report tonight... and then it's down to them.

BW: That's not an answer to my question though... Given that sending a few spare parts to you for you to come out and fit took nearly 4 months, and that it's now 7 months since my first letter of complaint, I'm going to push you to be more exact... or rather, push you to push them to do things quickly.

SR: Which would be fine except that I'm not going to be working for them for much longer because I'm sick of all the customers complaining at me... every house I walk into...

BW: Have I complained at you? No. I've made several comments about the ineptitude of Large Company, but I haven't complained at you... in fact, I've been quite sympathetic, in the circumstances.

SR: No, I didn't mean you...

BW: Look, I'd really like to be sympathetic, but, given your position as a self-employed specialist, one of only 3 in the country you told me last time you were here, in your position, I'm afraid I wouldn't let them muck me around like that.

SR: I can imagine that.

BW: So I can expect the replacement item when?

SR: Soon, I hope...

BW: Me too... By the way, I took your mobile phone number off 1471 when you rang for directions when you made the appointment for today. And I have your home number from when you originally rang me, when you arranged to come out to see me in January. You may want to bear that in mind...

SR: (looks concerned, then laughs) You should be on telly you should, telling people how to complain, you're good!

BW: Hmmm. (pauses for effect) Just make sure that you make it clear to Large Company that I won't tolerate any more delays, will you?

SR: Or you'll be ringing me up... yep... right, loud and clear BW. Thanks for the coffee... bye...

Thought for the day

One is left with the horrible feeling now that war settles nothing; that to win a war is as disastrous as to lose one.

- Agatha Christie

Today's lifestyle choices are the growth industries of the future...

• Joint replacements (over-exercising)
• Body sculpting (under-exercising)
• Liver transplants (over-drinking)
• Chiropractic/physiotherapy (over-computing)
• Tattoo removal (over-optimism)

What've I missed?

Thought for the day

The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice.

- Doug Larson

This is what we made today

My wrists are now totally knackered (do not ever, under any circumstances, attempt any sort of large wi11ow weaving if you have RSI; I thought I'd get away with it, but I didn't), the muscles in my right forearm ache, my shoulders ache, I'm covered in mucky dust from standing in a field working on these projects all day, and we're both totally exhausted.

And don't ask how we got all this lot in the car to get it home because I can't explain it. It involved things sticking out of windows and sitting on our shoulders though. We got a bit worried when we saw a couple of police cars, but luckily they were country policemen rather than townie jobsworths, so we just got a look.

I made the large plant support (which is over eight feet tall and large enough for me to stand inside comfortably; planned use, as a cage for climbing beans) and the medium sized one. Mr BW made the flower carrier and the littlest plant support (the latter in the last forty minutes).

It is harder than it looks is all I will say. However, at least we have quite a lot to show for the day.

Crafty Witches

Today, Mr BW and I are off on a course to learn how to weave wi11ow. Dead wi11ow, this time. We've done 1iving wi11ow before, 5 or 6 years ago (and the proof is, sadly and unfortunately, and stumbled upon quite by accident, in this year's RHS handbook, for the one or two of you who will have access to it - and if you publish the pics, there will be spells ;)). We've made Sussex trugs before too.

We enjoy learning 'country skills', and the price of the course is usually more than covered by the value of the actual 'artefacts' you come away with at the end of the day.

Pics later, no doubt, but for the time being, here's another couple of pictures from The Coven Grounds, taken yesterday:

The 83rd Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

3 contenders today. They're on the wrong computer though and Mr BW says we have to do garden jobs before I'm allowed to turn the other one on. Because it's going to rain soon. Because it's the weekend.

9.30pm Update: Well, no rain, but I had to have three and a half hours sleep this afternoon as I am so tired that I'm living on another planet at present, so no time off for good behaviour until now.

So, apologies, particularly to the 3 (at least) of you who are meant to be completing work for your higher degrees , and to the 2 (at least) of you who are meant to be revising for your finals, who've been popping in here repeatedly today. Been there, done that; thank god the internet wasn't invented then. And Courage to all of you. I'll do a spell. Unless you beg me not to ;)

Anyone see "The Election Unspun" on Channel 4 tonight? Some of the country’s leading 'alternative thinking experts' were asked for their solutions to the problems facing Britain today. Pensions, health, law and order, transport, environment... Almost makes posting the rest of the Blue Witch Party Manifesto redundant. Great stuff.

Anyway... Contenders: 2 As and an e today.

Contender 1: Alan:

So in my grey morass of squidgy thought, I'm wondering about the nature of entertainment.

Quickly focusing in on one small part of the morass of media, the BBC was founded to "inform, educate and entertain". Perhaps one could say that the purpose of television these days is to "entrance, appease and anaesthetise". That's if you take the view that television programmes are the stuff that they have to put on to try to make you watch adverts.

Exactly what are adverts though? ;)

Contender 2: (The other) Alan. Busily dieting, and already thinking that there must be easier ways:

I’ve been told that you can lose sometimes up to half a stone in a single day by having colonic irrigation. Now I’m in two minds about this. On the one hand, it means having a hose pipe stuck up my bum and a high powered water jet squirted up inside me, and that’s just plain wrong. Also, I read somewhere that because of where the pipe goes, it can stimulate the prostate gland and cause men to have an erection and sometimes even to spontaneously ejaculate, and that’s wrong on so many levels I can’t even begin. However, on the plus side, it would be blogging gold!

[snip]

In other news, I see that Cardinal Ratzinger is the new Pope. Well that’s just fine and dandy. So now we have a right-wing religious fundamentalist in the White House and a former Hitler Youth Nazi in the Vatican. Those sci-fi novels of a dystopian future that I read as a teenager are not looking so fantastical any more.

I read in the paper that the crowds in St Peter’s Square were not sure if the smoke from the chimney was white or black. Does anyone else think that may have been God saying “No he fucking isn’t my representative on Earth, choose someone else ya bastards!” Why do I have the theme music from The Omen playing in my head?

Contender 3: Purple Pen e (or, more precisely, her son):

Sim has been lugging compost around for me today, and I pointed out to him quite firmly that he was short-changing me by bringing really small barrow-loads. And this is the cheek I get for it:

And the winner is...Sim. Très drôle, so, deux points et un trophée Sim, and tell your maman to get on with her university work quickly so that we can find out more about Colin :) Oh, and tell Uncle Alan that, when he's finished ferreting under my skirts, maman's links appear to be knackered, would you? Ta :)

By the anvil

I thought I'd share another current view of The Coven Grounds.

For most planting, I generally prefer subtle colours such as blues, mauves, whites and pinks.

However, there is one area, centred around an old blacksmith's anvil (picked up cheaply at a farm sale), where hot, bright colours are encouraged.

This is one small section of that area. It's a 3-tier planter. Currently filled with yellow and red tulips and pansies (the yellow mini-narcissi have just finished). The bronze grass stays in the top all year round as a sort-of flame effect, but the planting in the other layers changes with the seasons.

I prefer painting with flowers to painting flowers. Can you tell?

By the pond

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 14

Pensions

The Blue Witch Party cannot understand why the present government keeps telling people that they are not doing enough about saving for their old age, but does precious little to change things.

Those of us with more than one brain cell and even a tenuous grip on matters financial have already worked out that today's OAPs are the last generation that will be able to exist, post-retirement, solely on money from the state (note, I don't say 'live at the standard to which they were previously accustomed', I say 'exist').

Fact. In future, there will simply not be enough money being paid into the National Insurance pot by those working, to pay a livable pension to those of us born in the 1960s and onwards.

Legislation is only just being put into place to protect the investments of those in company pension schemes if companies fold. Why?

Why does the government not pay back, at a guaranteed rate, differentially to pensioners according to what they have invested in the pension pot? Then there might be some incentive to people in their 20s and 30s to start saving for their futures rather than spending every penny they earn (correction, in many cases, more than every penny they earn).

There will always be some kind of safety net to protect those who haven't saved for their post-work period. Consequently, there are currently many people around who cannot see the point in saving.

But WHY should those of us who do not spend recklessly in the present, thereby investing in our futures, also have to subsidise those who are spending recklessly?

Make no mistake, that is what it will come down to. There is no possible way that it won't. Most people cannot physically go on working forever. If people have no income, someone will have to provide for them. That 'someone' is the state - or, rather, taxes generated from the income-earning population.

The Blue Witch Party will therefore introduce a compulsory pension scheme, along the model of the Australian scheme. Weaknesses in this scheme have been pointed out, but they are not insurmountable.

The Blue Witch Party will require all workers to pay 10% of their gross earnings into a central pension scheme. Interim arrangements will be set up to cover those curently paying into other acceptable future savings vehicles. The current National Insurance scheme will be abolished.

The Blue Witch Party appreciates that lots of pension companies who currently offer a myriad of highly complex, confusing, and often poor Value, products will not like this move. The Blue Witch Party says tough. They've made far too much profit for far too long out of people's naivety and trust in poor 'financial advice'.

The return from workers' 10% investments will be at a guaranteed, known from the outset, level, and proportional to the amount invested. This will ensure that workers know exactly what they will receive on retirement, and can make other saving/investment plans if they do not feel that this sum will meet their needs.

The Blue Witch Party firmly believes that the current 'pensions crisis' is caused by most people just not understanding their future predicament. There is far too much complexity, speculation, jargon and not enough hard fact. Most of those people who are saving for their future simply do not understand their investments, and have no idea of the eventual value of their pay-out. Undoubtedly it suits the pensions industry to perpetuate this. Undoubtedly the next government has to make a stand.

Thought for the day

The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.

- George Bernard Shaw

Security - don't bank on it

I was tired this morning after a long day in London yesterday that involved getting up at 6 so we could get to Epping in time to get a car parking space (the lack of adequate parking at tube and train stations is something The Blue Witch Party will address).

Only Mr BW could manage to attend a whole day course that was meant for commercial lawyers specialising in opening up business markets in the Far East and bluff his way through it (although he is in business development, he isn't a lawyer). I've told him to read the course details/pre-requisites carefully next time :) However he said it was very useful. He also said a few rude things about lawyers that I can't repeat ;)

Because I was still tired and bleary-eyed when I opened the post earlier, I managed to do a signature on my new cheque guarantee/Switch card that looks nothing like my signature.

I rang the bank to ask them to send me another one.

I was most surprised to be told, "Oh, don't worry about it. If you do have any problems, let us know, and we'll send you one then. It really won't be a problem though, no-one ever really bothers about whether the signatures match."

Granted, we now have chip and pin, but you don't chip and pin a cheque transaction...

Needless to say, I will be getting another card, in 5-10 working days :)

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 13

Nutrition and Exercise: Further Announcement (Adult Nutrition)

CONSULTATION PHASE

The Blue Witch Party's previously announced policy on Children's Nutrition is here. This focused on providing education to develop good eating habits from the start (incidentally, I noticed in a discarded paper on the tube yesterday that Jamie Oliver is now doing quick and easy recipes in the Daily Mail).

The Blue Witch Party believed it had its policy on adult nutrition all worked out.

It was simply going to require manufacturers to colour-code all food packaging using an extension of the 'traffic light scheme' already being talked about, and tax the 'naughty' foods very heavily, while leaving unprocessed food, such as basic fruit and vegetables tax-free. And, to support this, there would be a multi-media programme of basic nutritional education and cookery demonstrations, and the spin-offs from the children's nutritional programme (although the planned children's TV advertising campaign was scrapped when a focus group of teenagers pointed out that attempting to get young people to pester their parents to stop eating fried foods using the slogan: "Kids - stop your parents from dying - don't let them eat chips!" was never going to work ;))

Then it read this article (and do read it, it's sobering). We undervalue food because it is cheap. As a consequence, we over-buy, so we over-eat, and a fifth of the food we purchase in supermarkets goes straight into the bin. (Aside - not at The Coven it doesn't. What we can't eat, the hens eat, and recycle into nice fertiliser which acts as an accelerant for the compost heap where all the garden waste goes. I cannot remember the last time we put any food product into the rubbish destined for landfill - and there are people around blogland who will confirm that I've even been known to take home remnants of meals for the hens ;))

And then a leaflet from Farm Foods (purveyors of frozen foods of the cheapest and nastiest kind - and, my goodness, wouldn't that girl's finger gesture pull you in? ;)) fell through The Coven Letterbox with the post yesterday.

Food of doubtful nutritional value at giveaway prices, just as the Independent article had said. Dismayed I was, absolutely dismayed.

How our bodies feel, act, and last, depends to a very large extent on the fuel we put into them.

Improving the fuel people will choose to eat depends to a very large part on education (see previous children's nutrition policy).

But, people can only buy what the retailers choose to supply, and retailers are increasingly price-driven.

The Blue Witch Party believes that:

• Good eating habits need to be encouraged.
• Healthy eating is about balance and moderation.
• Yo-yo dieting and crazy diets that omit important food groups are not sensible.
• The need for synthetic food supplements, minerals and vitamins could become redundant if people fuelled their bodies better.

But:

How do we stop people eating junk?

How do we get people to eat more healthily?

The Blue Witch Party needs your ideas!

The crazier the better, because, from seemingly daft ideas come really innovative solutions.

Thought for the day

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising?

Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.

- Vilhjalmur Stefansson (1879 - 1962)

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 12

Environmental Issues:
Responsibility of Individuals (Recycling)

I say to the person who arrived here the other day from a MSN search: Blue bag recycling is NOT a joke. The search engine you were using however - well, that is a joke.

Come The Blue World, a German style recycling scheme will be adopted. If you are found to have recyclable items in your "rubbish destined for landfill" (hereafter referred to as RDFL), you will be fined. Heavily. You will be charged by weight for collection of RDFL. Don't ask me how that will work if you live in a block of flats, because I have no idea. Some states in the US make it work, so I'm jolly sure that we can.

All recycling will be collected from the kerbside, so there will be no excuse whatsoever for people who claim that recycling is too much effort. To minimise the storage space required (and do away with another favourite excuse for not participating), recycling bins will be towers of crates in different shades of Blue. One colour for each category. The tower will have a central pole through one corner, so that individual crates can rotate out for ease of filling. Improvement of current facilities for recycling the different sorts of plastics, and batteries, will be a priority.

The safe disposal/recycling of PVC is a huge problem for the future. Floorings, window frames, and pipes all have a finite life. In the UK, it appears this issue is being swept under the carpet. The Blue Witch Party will sort it out. Somehow.

The Wombles will be re-introduced to spearhead the campaign to make recycling sexy (or retro-sexy, depending on your age).

There will be TV programmes to encourage creative re-uses of 'junk', and national challenges to reward those who re-use others' cast-offs.

A central 'skip' area in each neighbourhood will have a 'bring and take' section. What you no longer want may be just what someone else is looking for. This will spoil the fun of those of us who already play the exciting game of 'rescue treasures from skips', but, it's all in the interests of a better world.

Oh - and there will be Blue Witch Party Awards for champion recyclers. Probably BW Blue fleeces made out of all those recycled plastic bottles (largely because I want a new one and currently can't find one anywhere, so I shall commission a bulk supply to ensure Value).

Thought for the day

Know thyself? If I knew myself I would run away.

- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 11

Environmental Issues: The Responsibility of Retailers

The Blue Witch Party will require all retailers to match the lead set by The Co-op who "recognise that all commercial activity has an impact on the environment," but "are determined to measure and to minimise the adverse effects of our activities while positively contributing to environmental improvement." (There is lots of excellent information on their website about their policies and practices - including only using green electricity, recycling, waste handling, labelling, packaging, social accountability, environmental impact, fairtrade - but sadly they don't index individual pages, and the search facility doesn't bring up details of most of the information that can be found by clicking around.)

Each year, the UK grocery industry uses enough carrier bags to carpet the planet twice. These bags take 100 years or longer to degrade.

The first of the major UK supermarket chains to introduce 100% degradable carrier bags in all stores was The Co-op, closely followed by Somerfield.

Degradable carrier bags start to decompose after about 18 months. These carrier bags are still oil based, but contain an additive which makes them degrade in a specified timescale (which can be anything from a couple of months to 5 years). The bags can be reused and are just as strong as conventional plastic bags.

The use of degradable packaging will help reduce the amount of waste going into landfill, reduce greenhouse gases and also help reduce the amount of litter affecting wildlife and the environment in general.

More about totally degradable packaging here.

The Blue Witch Party believes that all packaging should be either degradable or recyclable. The technology is there to do it, but the goodwill and responsibility from most retailers is not.

Why?
Because initially it is more expensive.
More expensive = reduced profits for greedy shareholders.

The Blue Witch Party says, you cannot put a price on the future. You can't have jam today and jam tomorrow if what you are doing to produce jam today kills the trees that grow the fruit for the future.

Jam grows on trees? Now there's something that would surprise some people.

Art Class: Session 20

Here are last week's daffodils.
Pencil drawing first, then watercolour.
Again about 4 times actual size.
Again not something I'm pleased with (you can tell because I'm only donating 2KB of bandwidth to each of them!).

Art Class: Session 19

Just realised that I had a pile of artwork waiting to be scanned.
I probably didn't hurry myself to do it as I wasn't at all pleased with any of it. However, I did say that I'd put up everything I did, and I'm a Witch of my word, so...

Watercolour pansies. About 4 times life-size.

I used to think that I'd enjoy detailed painting of flowers - maybe even botanical painting. But I've found that I don't. I suspect because I keep thinking: "What is the point? I can take a much better digital image of this than I will ever be able to paint." Once I can't see the point in something any more, that little switch in my brain is very hard to tip back in the other direction.

Thought for the day

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

- Mark Twain

Accounting

Regular readers will know that I have little respect for Tesco. Their customer service is appalling, and their ruthless and aggressive business practices make me angry.

I will only buy things in Tesco if there is absolutely no choice (and, let's face it, the more people shop in Tesco, the less choice their will be in the future).

Nice to see that someone has started a blog "to present the bigger picture of what Tescos are doing, and their effects on our society."

And if you buy meat in Tesco - well, you won't be wanting to read this.

Thought for the day

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

- Lily Tomlin

The Dead D'Ove Sketch

The Coven
BW & Mr BW go up to the D'Ovecote.

Mr BW: 'Ere I 'aven't seen furry feet the incomer fantail D'Ove lately.

BW: He's been sitting on his eggs for ages.

Mr BW: But I haven't seen him flying about

BW: They must be nearly ready to hatch - if they haven't already.

Mr BW: Let's have a look shall we?

(pulls nearby chair up to D'Ovecote and stands on it)

Mr BW: I wish to complain about this D'Ove what flew in not three weeks ago to this very Coven.

BW: Oh yes, the, uh, the fluffy footed fantail. What's, uh... What's wrong with it?

Mr BW: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, BW. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

BW: No, no, 'e's uh,... he's resting.

Mr BW: Look, BW, I know a dead D'Ove when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

BW: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! On his eggs. Remarkable bird, the fluffy footed fantail, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr BW: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

BW: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting on 'is eggs!

Mr BW: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!

(shouting at the D'Ovecote)

Mr BW: 'Ello, Mister Furry Feet! I've got some nice maize for you if you show...

(BW hits the D'Ovecote)

BW: There, he moved!

Mr BW: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the D'Ovecote!

BW: I never!!

Mr BW: Yes, you did!

BW: I never, never did anything...

Mr BW: (yelling and hitting the D'Ovecote repeatedly) 'ELLO FLUFFY FEET!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes D'Ove out of D'Ovecote and thumps its head on the ground. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr BW: Now that's what I call a dead D'Ove.

BW: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr BW: STUNNED?!?

BW: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Fluffy footed fantails stun easily, Mr BW.

Mr BW: Um...now look...now look, BW, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That D'Ove is definitely deceased, and when it flew in not three weeks ago, you assured me that its genetic material would be good for The Coven flock.

BW: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for its previous D'Ovecote.

Mr BW: PININ' for his previous D'Ovecote?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he die on his eggs just as they were about to hatch?

BW: I dunno - very sad that, best bury him in The Coven Orchard eh?

Mr BW: Yeah. 'E's passed on! This D'Ove is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!

THIS IS AN EX-D'Ove!!

Wake up it's a beautiful morning

Threw back the bedroom curtains and what did I spy?

A beautifully-marked glossy-feathered coal tit with a beak full of The Ginger Familiar's discarded fur hopping around the pots of spring bulbs just outside the window.

Even the wild birds have learnt to recycle what The Coven inhabitants no longer require.

The 82nd Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside. As does Mr BW. So that's where we went today. Now, on with the awards.

For all sorts of reasons, some good, but most less so, I haven't felt like writing about much recently. I considered disappearing in a puff of blue smoke, but decided that disappearing is currently far too trendy to be something I could do. And I'm fairly sure that if I stop, then I won't come back.

So, I decided to start playing about with some ideas of the sort that frequently kick about in my mind, and see where I got to.

The sort of ideas that most people would immediately dismiss as unworkable come very easily to me. Most people who can come up with wacky suggestions can't then shape them into something workable. One of my greatest strengths has always been the ability to make the apparently impossibly unworkable work. Synectics-type stuff (aside - does anyone else know about synectics - or used the approach?).

Anyway - what started off as a bit of fun seems to have gone down comparatively well. mike's summation made me laugh - particularly his response to my comment:

9. The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: an ongoing series which ranges from the brilliant to the bonkers and back again, but which is never anything less than challenging/thought-provoking/carefully conceived.

***************************

Who are you calling bonkers mike?
I'm deadly serious.
Well... maybe shooting employers who exploit people was going a bit too far, but.... ;)

And "carefully conceived?" *chuckles*
Wait till you see The Blue Witch Party's stance on Nutrition :)

***************************

Hello? Blue sashes for tourists? Cars which bio-degrade when you spray them with blue paint?

Now then mike, and everyone else who thinks I'm barking...

I'll show you election bonkers!

As I got told off by several people for setting off company profanity alarms with the MBWLA last week, I'll just give a few very edited snippets of Da Goldfish's even more alternative manifesto:

Mm? What? No, **** off, I’m asleep. What? A General Election? Oh my ****ing duck. That time already? How boring. Guess I’d better write about it or something.

Why? Well, the American blogs I read all bored me senseless with their election shit last year, so I thought I might return the favour. Also, I am a most political fishy, oh yes!

Ban everything!

Ban cardigans!

Ban expensive pro5titutes who still aren’t any good!

Ban soup that is too hot and burns your mouth when you’re trying to read a book at the same time and thus not paying attention!

Ban women who don’t fancy me!

Crime

Easy – legalise murder. That’ll sort the wheat from the chaff. Murder is a fine old British tradition, traduced by the mimsy-whimpering of successive ‘modernist’ governments. What is the Englishman who cannot slice his neighbour’s jugular open with a pair of rusty shears, simply because his eyes were too close together?

An Englishman with his very heart ripped out, that’s what! Vote Goldfish, and I will return to the men and women of this fair country the divine right of bloody homicide.

And, oh yes – I specified “Englishman” because the Scots and the Welsh have their own parliaments now, so they can **** off out of it, and while they’re at it, get their Celtic snouts out of our trough. We thrashed ‘em once, we can do it again!

Transport

I will ban all speed cameras, speed limits, road humps and “traffic calming” measures. People should be allowed to go as fast as they like! Who cares if a few thousand hapless pedestrians are mashed up every year? They should have been in cars anyway.

Taxes

Oh, moan moan moan moan moan. That’s all people do about taxes, is moan. Specifically that they are paying too much and everybody else in the country isn’t paying enough. What do you expect this ****ing country to run on, cobwebs and fairy-farts?

Here’s my idea. To my mind it’s the obligatory nature of taxes that get so many people’s backs up. So how about this:

Voluntary donation!

Genius, yes? If your local services are shit, it’s YOUR fault! No more blaming the government, which will be me! You want extra dustbin collections, better schools, more satisfying ora1 sex? Phone up the Goldfish Party hotline and pledge, pledge, pledge!

The Economy

Oh, boring, boring, boring. Dull. Who cares?

OK then. Under the Goldfish Party the economy will boom and everyone will be rich. I have no idea how I am going to do this (I never was very good at maths) but neither does anyone else! Only Da Goldfish is man enough to admit it!

Vote Goldfish!

Quite by accident, I found out where Call Centre Confidential has gone to. That made me laugh too. One or two long-term readers may remember why ;) (but there are no points for that one).

In an attempt to encourage Goldie to drop out of the race and so not split the Blogger Vote, he can have this week's 2 points and trophy :)

Bad dog Rover

Is it just me, or has Patricia Hewitt been studying at the Margaret Thatcher School of Enunciation and Empathy?

A different generation

The Nice Ladies are an endless source of amusement.
They don't mean to be, they just are.

Take yesterday afternoon, for example.
Several of them were round here, for a 'Craft Afternoon' (tea, nice biccies, gossip, and the pretension of doing artfully creative things).

One Nice Lady, who is very keen on needlecraft, started talking about what should be done with all her buttons and material scraps when she was no longer with us.

"Some of my buttons are very rare," she said. "Perhaps the V&A might be interested?" "And as for my bitty bag, well... who might be interested in that?"

I laughed. They asked me to explain. I couldn't.

You couldn't make it up.

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 10

Nutrition and Exercise: Initial Announcement

The Blue Witch Party believes that the previously announced move to individuals holding their own medical records will go some way towards encouraging people to feel in control of their own health.

There is a direct link between nutrition and health.
The Blue Witch Party believes that most people are unaware of just how strong this link is.

The Blue Witch Party has already taken measures to begin to change this situation.

Jamie's School Dinners has been an unqualified success.
As Gert pointed out, "One in four parents who watched Jamie Oliver's TV campaign for better school dinners has ditched junk food."

You may also have noticed that BBC Gardeners' World have started encouraging everyone, no matter where they live, to grow some of their own food. Vegetables and salads in containers is another of my spells that has come to fruition :) Even if it's only mustard and cress on the windowsill, it's a start. From small acorns grow large oaks.

The Blue Witch Party believes that the seeds for future health are grown from birth. What parents feed their children in the first three years of life has a major long-term effect on their children's future diet, and consequently health.

Many parents feel that the best nutritional value for their children is thoughtfully provided in small glass jars by friendly altruistic manufacturers who have the best interests of children and parents at heart. It isn't.

Many parents, faced with the new challenge of a young baby, are overwhelemed by the desire to 'be a good parent' and 'get it right'. They are scared that feeding something they have made themselves to their young child will in some way harm it. It won't.

The Blue Witch Party will ban most pre-prepared baby foodstuffs. It will ban sweets, chocolate, cakes and sweet biscuits from the diets of children under 4. It will ban all fast-food advertising.

Research shows that dietary preferences are set at a very young age. If children do not develop a 'sweet tooth', or penchant for processed fat-filled food, at an early age, they are likely to grow into healthier adults.

Cooking for young children is very easy. Fun, free, cookery demonstrations will be held in every area. Blenders and simple recipe folders will be issued to every new parent at post-natal nutrition classes, which will be run alongside the existing programme of baby checks.

This parental education programme will be supported by TV programmes, magazine and newspaper articles (in all publications), in-store cookery demonstrations in shops and supermarkets, and internet information.

Programmes of study for all subjects in schools will be linked to practical education in fundamental matters, such as nutrition. Children will be taught to budget (maths), how to shop and buy wisely (geography, and maths), how to evaluate advertising, packaging and other media messages (English), and to cook from scratch (science, and food technology) from an early age.

Competitions and contests will be run to promote the healthy eating message. Children will be encouraged to educate and coerce their parents into better dietary habits.

Further announcements on measures to improve nutrition for adults will follow.

The *real* original version

A secret supporter has provided this:

Thought for the day

The lust of power is not rooted in strength, but in weakness.

- Erich Fromm

What is it?

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 9

Transport: Further Announcement

The Blue Witch Party will require all cars to be capable of at least 40mpg within the first year of its Blue World. All cars will be phased out within 5 years.

In their place will be an innovative system of 'Modules'.

Each person will be entitled to purchase one Module. The price paid for the Module will depend on the results of a computer-administered test that will calculate how much you need a car compared to how much you want a car. Local availability of public transport will be a major factor in the calculation. Therefore, those residing in areas with good public transport will find that Modules are very, very, expensive.

Each Module will be powered by a sustainable energy source (solar power, wind power etc). It will be made of recycled materials and will be biodegradable when sprayed with Blue Vanishing Liquid at the end of its useful life.

Modules will be capable of 'docking' together to form larger modules. This will allow families or groups to combine together for shared journeys.

Modules will only be allowed to be operated individually by those over 17 and under 80 years of age.

Modules, or combinations of modules, will run on KITT-style technology. There will therefore be no accidents, no speeding, no road rage and no idiotic driving.

All modules can be customised to meet the needs of their occupants. All will be soundproofed and air-conditioned. The Blue Witch Party does not want to hear either your choice of 'music' or your children.

Add-on modules for use when transporting large items, or carrying extra luggage, will be available for hire.

Make your own Blue Witch Party Logo

Something to keep Alan who is already "deeply bored" with the election, busy :)

Instructions are here or here if the first link has run out of downloads (1.8MB file) (yeah I know, unlikely, but... :)).

The instructions are stolen from a friend of a friend (who bought a kit), in true Value Witch stylee. You need to cut a hole the shape of the flower out of a piece of card, and then use the card with the hole as the medium onto which to stick the paper strips. I used Pritt stick rather than bits of sellotape, and trimmed off some of the excess paper when I'd finished, to reduce the bulk. I used an A5 piece of card, folded in half, and used 'portrait'.

It looks complicated, but is very, very easy. Anyone from the age of about 8 who enjoys crafty things could have fun with this technique. There are loads of other free patterns available on the net. Try here for example.

As well as the insides of envelopes, you could use bits of old wrapping paper, paper bags, or strips of colour from magazines.

A nice prize will be awarded for the best one - either posted en blog or posted to me; no digitally altered variants of my original will be accepted (honey store's safe methinks ;))

(thanks to Douglas and Clair for info and offers of help for making PDFs - I suddenly remembered the place mike was using for large file downloads last week and am trying it out - but I may have loaded the wrong file - one that isn't a true jpg - let me know if so)

Thought for the day

Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

For whom should you vote?

For The Blue Witch Party of course!!

But apparently below is what I should vote...

Not too sure about how far I agree with its summation of my views, as it derives its data from the rank-ordering of a set of 23 statements on areas which "highlight issues where party policies differ most starkly" and it tells you not to put too many 'strongly' opinions... but...
(Via Merialc who also somehow managed to get UKIP scoring more highly than Lab or Con, which reassured me slightly - it will be interesting to see what the committed Cons and Labs amongst you get.)

Your expected outcome:

Your actual outcome:

Labour -32
Conservative -21
	Liberal Democrat 27
	UK Independence Party 14
	Green 41

"The Green Party, which is of course strong on environmental issues, takes a strong position on welfare issues, but was firmly against the war in Iraq. Other key concerns are cannabis, where the party takes a liberal line, and foxhunting, which unsurprisingly the Greens are firmly against."

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For?

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 8

Transport: Initial Announcement

All unecessarily large personal transport vehicles will be seized by The Blue Witch Party and recycled to further the aims of the transport policy.

Metals will be melted down and made into bicycles which will be painted in BW Blue.

In the first phase, 50,000,000 bicycles will be made from the Land Cruisers seized in cities. Each UK citizen will be given an electronic token that will release a bicycle from a designated parking spot. These will be situated in a convenient place outside every front door, and on every lampost and telegraph pole. Bicycles should be used and then parked. Bicycle Wardens (the majority of whom will be redundant former large car salesmen) will redistribute bicycles as necessary to ensure smooth journeys.

Tyres will be reprocessed into that nice springy surface you get in kids' playgrounds. Pavements will be resurfaced with this lovely bouncy material as this will encourage people to walk more.

Use of cars for journeys of less than half a mile will be banned, except in exceptional circumstances.

All children will be required to get to school using their own energy (the Nutrition and Exercise Policy will have more detils on this). Safe use of roller skates, non-powered scooters, and the like will be encouraged. A network of safe and protected routes to schools will be constructed.

The Tufty Club will be revived, both as as a road safety initiative, an environmental initiative, and as a traffic school, which drivers who are involved in road incidents or accidents will be required to attend.

The Green Cross Code Man will also be revived. Appropriately, he will have Darth Vader style blue lightsabres with which to send dangerous, inconsiderate, and speeding motorists to traffic school (well, OK, Luke Skywalker Blue ones, but that wouldn't link to the GxM so well, now would it? And you'll note that The Blue Witch Party have already exhausted the supply of Blue lightsabres).

Within a year of taking Power, The Blue Party will require all cars to be capable of at least 40mpg. Road tax will be abolished and the loss of revenue will be compensated for with an additional surcharge on fuel. Those who drive most miles will pay most money. Then there's an incentive for people to cut down their journeys.

Within 2 years, the first modular cars will appear. This will be the backbone of The Blue Witch Party Transport Policy.

Further announcements on this, and on the future of trains, tubes, and aeroplanes, will be made in due course.

Oooops

And long may 34sp believe that the outage earlier was due to "a major networking failure... related to a core piece of networking equipment."

It wasn't.

I have to admit that it was my spells again.

Sorry.

Whilst I'm very good at simple ones, the more complex ones, like the one to help Blogger get better, seem to go a bit awry sometimes. Related things start to be affected.

Either that or it was the only way Bliar could find of stopping my election campaign; I was becoming far too much of a threat to him.

Great new angle on the Charles and Camilla thing from one of the OAPs at art this morning. She reckons that Camilla is really a drag queen. The more you think about it, the more it makes sense :)

She didn't like it when I took that line of thinking to its logical conclusion. She said that it was "disrespectful" of me to suggest that meant Charles was gay. She didn't seem to understand that she started it. *shrugs*

And I've just discovered that Clear Blue Dave Junior finally arrived on Sunday afternoon! Congratulations to Dave, but many congratulations to L - 9lbs 15oz! I think we now need to come up with an appropriate blogname for him...

Here's one I took earlier

Unfortunately I can't remember what this paticular unusual variety is called.
It's in the D'Ove garden.

We made a new patio in an hour tonight.
For the hens.

I convinced a local-ish paving slab manufacturer to sell me 12 slabs for £15 this afternoon. He wanted £20 but I told him that wasn't enough of a discount for cash and he agreed. I then proceeded to empty the contents of my purse, and the car park money from the car, onto his desk. It came to £14.88. He let me off another 12p. We already had some sand and some weed-control membrane, so that was a bit of a bargain.

I did laugh though. All round the site there were nice looking young men, with muscles, shovelling sand, cleaning moulds, and pouring concrete. The man who collected the money lived in a portacabin. He didn't appear to partake of manual work. But, behind his office was an old exercise bike and a weight bench.

Cosmetic Surgery

Mr BW and I unfortunately half-caught the gory programme "All New Cosmetic Surgery Live" on Five last night.

How we laughed.

Luckily neither of us has issues with desiring the perfect body. I'd go as far as to say that those wanting plastic surgery would be better off spending their money on getting their mind into a place where they are happy with who they are. However, each to his own poison.

But - it got us thinking.
Who now looks the worst after all their operations?

Michael Jackson and Kate O'Mara have to be high on the list...

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 7

Immigration

The current 150,000 net annual influx of foreigners to our shores is unnacceptable and unsustainable.

The Blue Witch Party will introduce a 'one in, one out' system. As a UK citizen emigrates, so a citizen of that same country will be allowed to come in.

There will be two ways of arranging this.

Direct exchanges, mutually agreed between two individuals, is the preferred route, and systems will be set up to cater for this need. People wishing to enter or leave will be allocated to a 'education/skill/initiative level' and only allowed to arrange exchanges with people of a similar or higher 'education/skill/initiative' level. The skills drain needs to be stopped.

Indirect exchanges, where a waiting list system will operate, again based on the 'education/skill/initiative level'.

Initial entry to the UK will be granted for a 5 year period. Dependent on an immigrant's contribution to society within that 5 years, individuals will be either allowed to stay indefinitely, given another 5 years to prove themselves, or deported. Anyone who commits a criminal offence will be automatically deported.

Entry to the UK will be dependent on full health checks and having sufficient funds to guarantee independence, or a guarantee of sponsorship from a UK citizen. Pretty much like the systems that pertain to UK citizens wishing to emigrate to most other developed countries then.

The Blue Witch Party will work with the governments of other countries to secure agreed worldwide policies on the management of asylum seekers. There will be set annual limits on the numbers of asylum seekers that will be accepted into the UK. The terms of The Geneva Convention, drawn up in the late 1940s, need to be reviewed.

Asylum seekers will no longer be given priority for housing or other benefits of UK citizenship, and will be allocated to work projects on entry to this country (because, contrary to what the Daily Mail, the BNP and UKIP would have you believe, The Blue Witch Party suspects that asylum seekers would actually prefer to have a way of supporting themselves, and making a useful contribution to their adoptive country). These work projects will pay a minimum of the national minimum wage. Any employers currently employing asylum seekers on wages less than this will be shot. The Blue Witch Party will not tolerate exploitation.

Temporary Immigration (ie tourism)

The Blue Witch Party welcomes tourists to our shores. They will be required to wear BW Blue sashes and electronic tags throughout their stays, in order to easily identify them (for 'marketing purposes') and to ensure that they do not outstay their welcome.

There will be separate queues at points of entry to ensure that incoming nationals of other countries are treated as UK citizens are treated on arrival in their countries. Americans, in particular, can expect to spend at least 3 hours queuing, and to be photographed, fingerprinted, and to have to provide blood and urine samples. Australians will have to throw all their foodstuffs into a bin, and Nigerians should expect to give monetary 'presents' to immigration officials (these will be donated to aid charities working within the countries in question).

Thought for the day

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

- Dr. Seuss

The Blue Witch Party Logo

Guess the weight of the baby

I suspect that Clear Blue Dave's not going to give us the good news until a few more people have tried to guess the weight...

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 6

Recognising Effort

The Blue Witch Party is very aware that many things that occur within our society do so due to the tireless, and often unappreciated and unthanked, efforts of volunteers.

Most clubs and societies exist because people are willing to give up their time to serve on organising committees. Many activities for young people, such as youth clubs, sports coaching, and the Scout and Guide movements are staffed by volunteers (a fact that parents often seem to forget I've noticed). Meals on wheels, hospital transport, Citizens' Advice Bureaux, victim support, special constables, local councillors, school governors, charity fund-raising and advice-lines, environmental managment, adult literacy schemes, shopping or gardening for an elderly neighbour - none of these would exist without unpaid support from individuals.

The Blue Witch Party believes that our society would be a better place if more people played an active part in it. If people feel involved in their local communities, they will respect them, and their fellow inhabitants, more.

The Blue Witch Party is painfully aware that many people claim they "do not have time" to volunteer for anything. The Blue Witch Party notes that these same people can find time to sit at home and surf the net, watch TV, and play computer games, or to go out and get drunk.

To encourage people to find time for worthwhile causes and projects that will develop and maintain community and social responsibility, so reducing lawlessness, anti-social behaviour, and vandalism (amongst other things), The Blue Witch Party will reward all volunteers with extra tax allowances, on an hour-for-hour basis.

Legal question

A few weeks ago I bought a flashy expensive item (nearly £300 worth), in a shop in London. I'd had my eye on it for a year or so, and finally decided that I could justify the expenditure (well, actually, I'd told Mr BW I wanted one for the new Rest Room but shuddered at the non-Value of it, and he told me to buy it anyway, so I did). It was bulky, although not particularly heavy, and they preferred to despatch it to me (for free) from their factory in another part of the country. A delivery date and time was agreed.

After three unexplained failed delivery dates, and a lot of phone calls, the item finally arrived, a week after the date initally promised. When I unpacked it, it was badly scratched.

Some more phone calls later, and they agreed to despatch another one (on an express delivery - I was pretty pissed off by then), and to collect the damaged one on an agreed date and time the week after. Don't ask why they couldn't deliver and collect at the same time; I can only assume it's because common sense isn't their thing.

The collection date came and went, but the package is still sitting in my hall because no-one turned up to pick it up. They seem to have forgotten all about it, and I just cannot be bothered to ring them again.

I know the legal postition for unsolicited goods - you can keep them (since 1st November 2000 you don't even have to give the supplier the opportunity to collect them as you did previously!).

But, I can't find any information about return of faulty replaced goods. As I see it, I agreed a collection date with the supplier, and they failed to honour it, or contact me to make alternative arrangements. With all the hassle I've already had, I really don't see why I should chase around after them any more. I'm tempted to put the box in The Coven Attic and forget about it until either (a) they remember, or (b) the original item goes wrong so the damaged one can become 'spares'.

Does anyone know the actual legal position in my circumstances?

Thought for the day

Let everyone think we are a bunch of disorganized lunatics. It works in our favour.

- Nikola Koljevic

What tree are you?

You Are A Fig Tree

You are very independent and strong minded. A hard worker when you want to be, you play hard too. You are honest and loyal. You hate contradiction or arguments. You love life, and you live for your friends, children, and animals. A great sense of humour, artistic talent, and intelligence are all gifts you possess.

Did you know?

Rhubarb is actually a vegetable.

You can make it less tart by adding the juice of a lemon to every two pounds of stewed fruit before you sweeten it with sugar or honey (don't ask me why, but the citric acid somehow works to neutralise the oxalic acid in the rhubarb).

Spinach also contains oxalic acid.

No-one who has read and commented here today has a clue about the insides of used white envelopes (go on... go and check... ).

Today I found out all of these things.

Recycling

Recently I have developed an interest in used white envelopes.

What can you tell me about them?

What the Shakespeare?

I trust that you all enjoyed my little demonstration of The Blue Power on Dr Who tonight.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
*cackles evilly*

The 81st Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Coming later. First we have to go and empty the burnable wood out of a skip - one of the Nice Ladies is having a huge timber-framed extension built on her thatched cottage and this eagle-eyed Conservationist Witch considers that the offcut bits of 6 be 2 are better in her log burner than in landfill...

Later (5.30pm): Well that took a bit longer than planned. Firewood moving, polite socialising (and woohoo (or however you spell it), we've now been invited to the local social event of the summer :)), pond plant planting, then we had to have some home grown/made pumpkin and sorrel soup to warm up (how can the weather go from a tropical 23 degrees last weekend to 4 degrees plus biting windchill this weekend?), then we had to plant some more seeds and pot on some baby seedlings (actually, they're not seedlings of babies, they're cucumbers and tomatoes), then Mr BW wanted to turn off the leccy to change a 2 gang socket into a 3 gang socket so that I could stick the laptop powercord into the nearest plug to my chair rather than keep tripping over it as it trailed from the socket on the other side of the room.

Anyway. You don't want to know all that... You want to know about the MBWLA.

3 contenders this week. There were more funny things that I saw, and had I read them towards the end of the week, when my mood improved from what it has been the past couple of weeks (probably mainly due to the fact that Black Beauty - the black motorcycle broom - is back on the road and enjoying some *coughs* sport with the local expensive sportscar owners), then I'm sure there may have been more contenders, as they may have met the criteria for inclusion of making me laugh out loud. However.

Contender 1: Depthmarker Rob. I started trying to cut bits out of this as I try not to lift the whole of long posts, but I decided that it needs to be read in its entirety, so I'm hoping Rob won't mind. As his son is getting married today, I suspect that by the time he reads this, he may not be in a fit state to care ;) Those of you who dislike Shrublet and the way things are going over there and don't read Rob regularly should - he provides some great commentary, in his own inimitable, and highly entertaining, style, on 'the American dream' (sic) :)

ALTERNATE HELLS

While I regard myself as a spiritual person, I am not a religious one. Having had negative experiences with organized religion on the few attempts I've had occasion to try to get involved...mainly that they were all, hands down, a bunch of hypocrites. I decided along time ago that I could indulge any vice and/or sin to my black little hearts content without the spectre of that god I pretended to believe in ruining it for me with the knowledge of the burning hell that awaits.

It has worked pretty well so far.

But the increasing focus on god and religion in US politics, the governments tampering with our morality in the name of god is really scary. Then the Schiavo thing. Then the pope died. And lets not forget that little war over in Iraq and Afghanistan which could be characterized as a crusade if you think about it that way.

Evangelical hootenanny disguised as spreading democracy. At the rate Bush and company are going, we might see "The first church of republican jesus and the democratic way" centers popping up in a couple of years.

The increasing attempts at legislating "morality" here in Texas and across the country is frightening to me. The latest here is a law that would punish high schools for allowing cheerleaders to perform in "sexually suggestive ways" or some such shit. The author of this law says the country is looking to Texas to set the standard. I think the rest of the country is laughing at us. To me this is religio-insanity, and, impossible to enforce in any meaningful non arbitrary way.

Example:(my mindset) Pelvic swiveling/thrusts are an integral part of dance, and by coincidence, look an awful lot like intercourse. (religio-nut mindset) It's sex...SEX...SEX!!!! If we don't put a stop to this sex right away all of our cheerleaders will contract aids, get pregnant and simultaneously be victimized by internet pedophile trolls...and get hooked on crack.

It's been a long time since I was in the same circles as cheerleaders (high school to be exact) but even back then in the stone age, most cheerleaders talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk...sure, there were rumors and the occasional cheerleader that doubled as a slut. But cheerleading itself didn't lead to unabated sin and debauchery. If it did, I would have been there, with bells on.

Anyhoo... This long winded intro brings me to a thought I had today. What if they ( religio-nuts ) are right? Or, what if they finally convince the vast majority of us secular sinner types that they are right ?

Whatever the case, latter or former, we are all going to hell. Except the people currently in power, they are going to heaven. Why heaven? If you can actually reconcile and couple the division of church and state it stands to reason that god can be bought off if the price is right.

And then I thought, what exactly is hell?

Or more to the point, what happens when I die?

I've thought about this a lot. And I've come up with several alternate versions of hell.

Hell V.1 : You are simply "rebooted" and life starts over exactly like it did the first time, you encounter the same situations and choices. You know how it's going to end since you've been here before, but kind of like the game Riven, you are provided clues that will allow you to alter the course of your life. Of course, V.1 locks up, a lot.

Hell V.2 : There's nothing but fire and brimstone and your world looks like a set off the original Star Trek. It's really fucking hot and people scream all the time, except for sunday. Sunday is BBQ day. But at the end of the day, the screaming begins again. Why? All that fire and brimstone burned the BBQ and you hate hot dogs with that black leathery skin.

Hell V.3 : Baptist hell... is filled with naked women and bottles of booze. The bottles are full of holes, but the women aren't. I know this is an old joke, but when I heard it as a kid the imagery stuck and I wondered how horrible this kind of hell would be. When I got old enough, the thought of not being able to drink or fuck was the embodiment of hell.

Hell V.4 : You get to watch your life unfold from birth to death on endless repeat, seen from the perspective of people that hated you and your family, complete with color commentary.

Hell V.5 : You are reborn as Michael Jackson.

Contender 2: dr D's comment to my assurance that, come The Blue World, our medical records will not be implanted under our skin as e would like:

"There will be *no* implants.
We're not dogs."

Try telling that to Jordan

Contender 3: timothy's April 6th post (which appears not to be linkable) in which he details "6 Things that stick out as being important for me to remember or to share. I forget." Number 4 was "The most excellent Oddverse rules for being blogger or blogreader" and concluded with the phrase:

I like blogging but it's good to remember - Sometimes you're the pumpkin and sometimes you're the knife."

And... the winner of this week's 2 points and the 81st Trophy... is Rob. I've poured some champagne into it for you all Rob, hope you've had a really great day (unless the wedding is later than I thought, and you get to read this before you go, in which case, read that in the future tense) :)

*draws breath* Wow, there were a lot of long sentences in there today, weren't there? :)

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 5

Call Centres

Come The Blue World, all companies wishing to engage in business in the UK will be required to locate their customer support personnel within the UK.

Those companies who have already outsourced operations to foreign climes will be required to set up alternative fair-trade employment projects for the people who will be made redundant. Not that they did that to their UK-based staff when they moved their operation abroad, but, hey ho. These projects will be funded by seizing and liquidating all share options of the Boards of Directors of the companies in question. That'll learn 'em ;)

0870- and 09- numbers will be banned.

A comprehensive training scheme, based on The Blue Witch Expected Standards of Customer Care will be set up. All call centre staff will be required to gain this qualification. Suggestions for the curriculum of this course will be welcomed.

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 4

Health - Key Headlines

The Blue Witch Party believes that the only way to get the majority of people to take better care of themselves is through education.

Health education relies on the availability of accurate and up-to-date facts about the state of one's own health.

An annual 'MOT' will become compulsory (isn't it ironic that current legislation insists on them for cars, but makes no provision for humans to be checked?).

People need to feel that they are in control of their health and that what they do directly impinges on it. While records continue to be (often 'secretly') held by medical professionals, who are often wrongly perceived as all-poweful (if not omnipotent), people will continue to feel disempowered, and that their health is not within their control. It is.

Individuals will hold their own health records. This system already works well for maternity records. Only when an individual's personally-held electronic health record card is placed into a health service provider's reader will full details be available to the treating practitioner. This will stop Mrs Jones, your next door neighbour, who works as a cleaner in your local GPs, nosing into your health records and telling Mrs Smith, your other neighbour, about them.

Electronic health records will be readable on home PCs (oh, OK, and on Macs). Individuals will also be able to keep 'health diaries', 'fitness and exercise records' and other information of their choice, on them.

Those treatments currently referred to as 'alternative' will be publically funded, and regulated, and given equal credibility. Different things work for different people, and The Blue Witch Party believes that people should have the right to choose their form of treatment. Not everyone believes that the pharmaceutical giants know best, or can be trusted.

The NHS is a dinosaur money-devouring joke and will be abolished. Further details of the replacement system will be announced soon.

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 3

The Electoral System:

Suffrage: The current system in this country is unfair. The BW Party will allow anyone over 18 who pays tax in this country to vote. You deserve to have a part in choosing who you allow to decide how the money you 'donate' to the government is spent.

Anyone who is not a permanent UK resident will not be entitled to vote. If you don't live here you don't have a full enough picture of what goes on to be entitled to express your opinion on which party will best meet your needs. This is particularly true if you are an expat now residing in The Land of George Bush (at present British citizens are entitled to vote provided that they have been on a UK Electoral Register during the past 15 years).

Voting will be made compulsory. People who do not vote will lose, amongst other things, all their tax allowances. The BW Party is tired of people absolving themselves of responsibility by not voting, and then endlessly moaning about whichever Party is in Power.

The current 'first-past-the-post' system, which currently makes many people feel disenfranchised and want to spoil their ballot papers, will be replaced with a form of Proportional Representation. Voters will be required to rank order all the candidates on their ballot paper, and points will be awarded for each placing on each paper.

Thought for the day

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry.

- T. S. Eliot

The Blue Witch Party Election Manifesto: Part 3

Today - The BW Party's stance on personal taxation.

The tax system in this country is currently far too complicated for anyone to understand. This is deliberately done to allow accountants to live in the style to which they have become accustomed, and to ensure that most people who can't afford to pay accountants can never actually claim all the allowances to which they are entitled.

The BW Party will simplify the system, and remove the need for allowances, complicated tax credits and benefits.

Every individual permanently residing in the UK will have a personal tax allowance of £10,000. This includes children.

Income tax due will be calculated on a per household basis, and all personal tax allowances within a household will be pooled for tax purposes.

Therefore, people who choose to stay at home to look after children or other dependents, or who choose not to work, or to work only part-time (so not using all their personal allowance) will be able to have their personal allowance transferred to someone within the household who does work. Giving tranferable-to-people-of-working-age tax allowances to children will obviate the need for child tax credit, child benefit and all the other miriad of benefits and allowances that cost nearly as much to administer as they are worth.

Now, people over 80 who are married may not like this. They currently have personal tax allowances of over £13,000 a year (yes, you heard correctly - while the rest of us only have £4,895 in 2005/6, they still benefit from married person's allowance of £5,905 (in fact - so does anyone born before 06.04.1935 - the rest of us lost this allowance years ago), in addition to their age-inflated personal allowance of £7,220).

The BW Party says TOUGH. The BW Party is heartily sick of pensioners going on and on about how the country owes them and how hard up they are. What they're getting out of the system now is a lot more than the working aged people of today will get when they retire (that is, if they ever can ever afford to). Currently there are 27 OAPs for every 100 people aged 20-64. By 2050 there will be 48 OAPs for every 100. Frightening, eh?

Tax rates will be simplified too.<