Blue Witch

Blogichef Recipe

How can one get to Tuesday evening and not post a single recipe of one's own in one's own Blogichef recipe venture?

OK - so I'll try your soup and raise you some easy and yummy croutons. In fact, these are so good that, even in tinned soup (and possibly packet), with a bit of cheese, they will detract from the soup sufficiently to make it passable.

Preheat the oven to hot.

Put some olive oil in a large bowl.
When I am in a 'thin' mood I use 2 tbs.
When I am not I use more.

Peel, squash and chop some cloves of garlic, to taste.
I use about half a head, but we're garlicaholics and you may only want one or two.

Cube some slices of bread (about one slice per person).
Plastic bread is fine if you have no option.

Put bread cubes into bowl.
Get your hands in and get it all nicely coated.

Put coated bread cubes on a baking tray (I always use Bakoglide on mine, but on bakewell paper or just on the tray will be absolutely fine), and bake in the oven for around 5-7 minutes, until golden brown.

Serve hot.

You can also make very large ones (cut the crusts off the bread, and either have squares, or cut them round with a pastry cutter), cook them, then put on a slice of goat cheese and return to the oven for 5 minutes. Serve with rocket or some other form of salad. And green tomato jam. But that's a recipe for another time.

We interrupt Blogichef week to bring you...

A demonstration of the mood I'm in today.
No details, just that when the two things I detest most in people (unreliability and lying) occur together, I am likely to get very, very cross. Fortunately Mr BW appears to have been successful in picking up the pieces of this one... but, let's just say, my spells continue.

I tried this weather thingy (via) twice, and despite putting quite different things, it still gave me this. It made me laugh. Which was probably a good thing.

You Are Wind

Strong and overpowering A force to be reckoned with, no one dares cross you You have the power to change everything around you You are best known for: your wrath Your dominant state: commanding

Blogichef Recipe

It seems that Alan has competition for Funny Chef of Blogichef (actually, KW's doing quite a good line in culinary humour today as well...)

Depthmarker Rob emailed me this recipe, saying it is a favorite at Clubspit Jams, costs $8.00 (beer not included) and feeds at least 6.

CROCK POT CHILI

You will need the following:

A crock pot...duh :)

A sixteen ounce can of ranch style beans...or, if not available in your country, pinto beans will do, but i can't gaurantee the flavor... you may end up with ass chili. The juice of the ranch style beans plays an integral part in the flavor of the broth. But go ahead with the regular pinto beans if that's all you've got, just add some chili powder to taste.

1 onion...diced up like a motherfucker... small is what I mean. If you want to look like a fucking yuppy use scallions instead... the green will impress your shallow friends :)

4 cloves garlic, also diced up like the aformentioned onion.

1 lb. of dead mammal of your choice...we use cow, but pig will work too, especially if it's chorizo but that's a whole nother post that involves spanish and I don't speak spanish.

16 oz. (give or take) V-8 juice...depends on how soupy you like your chili.

Brown that dead mammal in a skillet and dump it in the crock pot... add all the other ingredients in whatever order you want... it doesn't matter... it's fucking chili.

Stir... this is important... stir the mixture at least once initially and then every once and a while after it starts bubbling.

Cook until hot.

Serve with cheese to spinkle on top and cold beer to drink.

Yum...

Blogichef Recipe

Thanks to G, occasional commentator and frequent lurker, for this one.

It combines 4 of my favouritest things, that I'd never thought to mix, so I shall be trying it out soon. Maybe as an accompaniment to one of the other recipes. Probably not the soup one though...

This is so easy, it really cannot be called a recipe.
It's a type of salsa / salad.
It's great in summer with spicy food like peri-peri prawns.

Mangoes, diced
Pineapple, diced
Fresh coriander leaves
Pine nuts (sunflower seeds are a cheaper option here in South Africa)

Mix and eat!

The quantities really depend on yourself.
If you don't like the herby flavour, use less coriander.
It would normally be 2 or 3 mangoes, 1 big pineapple, one or two small bunches of coriander and a handful of nuts.

Blogichef Recipe

This Soupe-er recipe comes from Alan, "formerly of the Oddverse parish".

I'm leaving it 'as posted' as he clearly has aspirations to be the entertaining chef of Blogichef week :)
Does it have a particular name Alan?

You will need

One kettle.
One oven-proof dish.
Two hands.
Oven gloves.

And

An Oven!

Optional extras

Stock cubes or vegetable bouillon. Vegetable Bouillon is yummy.
Three cloves of garlic
One head of broccoli
Three courgettes.

Heat the oven to 140 degrees or whatever that is in your country. Boil the kettle and make up 2 pints of stock in the oven-proof casserole.

Prepare the vegetables. I like to do this by giving them a stern talking to. Then I cut them up a bit. Broccoli gets cut in to quarters, courgettes similarly into quarters. Garlic gets peeled. That's about it. Eight seconds of preparation.

Put the vegetables in to the stock, bring to the boil, cover, and then pop in to the oven.

Now comes the tough bit, and why this isn't really quick, although it is cheap and easy. Leave it in the oven for three hours.

Yes, I know, three hours! You could be in Leeds by then! But I don't recommend it. Find something to do, like going for a curry.

Three hours later, take the soup out of the oven, and blend it using your preferred method. I like to use Antony Worrall Thomson, but my analyst is helping me through that.

What you're left with is, frankly, wonderful. Assuming that you've made it properly, and given how easy it is, it's incredibly hard to believe that anyone could muck it up. Even I made it beautifully.

Eat.

If you want, sprinkle blue cheese on it. Not if you don't.

I've got some in the freezer at home, and I'm now hearing it singing to me. Oddly, it is singing in Tom Baker's voice.

Blogichef Recipe

Here's a great way to spice up baked beans that birdman left in the comments last week.

Drop of olive oil in a saucepan.
Add slices of garlic to taste.
Cook slightly.
Pour in a can of Heinz Baked Beans.
Stir in big pinches of coriander powder; ginger; and cayenne.
Sprinkle with fresh chopped chives.
Serve hot on wholewheat toast.
Cheap, tasty, not fattening, nutritious and filling.

Blogichef progress report

Why is it that every time I take it into my head to attempt to a co-operative blog-stunt, something unexpected comes along to thwart my best intentions?

Thank you to the seven of you who have sent recipes that I've not yet managed to get posted... just as soon as I have sorted some mega-large problems of a dis-constructive nature, I'll get onto it.

My cauldron has been red hot - but, unfortunately, with spells for unhelpful people, not cooking. Let's just say that Property Development will not be high on my priority list as a future choice for a change of career...

Some great 'quick, cheap and easy' recipes have already been posted (index currently in the comments box under the post that I'm keeping on top until Friday) - lovely to see so many people participating - and hopefully there will be more as the week goes on.

Thought for the day

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you want and let the food fight it out inside.

- Mark Twain

Blogichef Project

The comments box below is for general comments or queries.

Blogichef Recipe

Thanks to lurker and occasional commentator Chris for this first recipe.

Can't wait to try it as we have half a garage full of red onions (a Value buy from a local organic producer) and some manky rocket braving the cold under a cold frame, and we always have Parmesan in the fridge.

Chris' Roasted Red Onion, Rocket and Parmesan Salad

This salad is made with slightly charred oven-roasted red onions, which are then marinated in olive oil and lime juice and layered with rocket leaves and flakes of parmesan. A truly wonderful combination.

Serves 4

8 medium red onions
2 oz (50 g) rocket (or mixed green salad leaves)
2 oz (50 g) parmesan, flaked (using a potato peeler)
4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 fat clove garlic
juice 1 lime
salt and freshly milled black pepper

Pre-heat the oven to gas mark 6, 400°F (200°C).

First of all, peel and cut each onion in half then into approximately 3/4 inch (2 cm) sections, and arrange these in a single layer on a lightly oiled baking sheet. Use 2 tablespoons of the olive oil to brush the surface of the slices, then season them with salt and pepper and place on a high shelf in the oven for 25-30 minutes, until they are beginning to look toasted at the edges and feel tender when pierced with a skewer.

Meanwhile make the dressing: using a pestle and mortar crush the garlic with 1 teaspoon of salt until you have a smooth creamy paste. Whisk in the lime juice, 2 tablespoons of oil and a good grinding of black pepper.

As soon as the onions are ready, remove them from the oven and, using a palette knife, transfer them to a bowl. Pour the dressing over while they are still warm, tossing them around to coat well with dressing. Leave them on one side until they're quite cool.

To assemble the salad, arrange the ingredients in layers, first a layer of rocket leaves, then onions and then flakes of Parmesan, sprinkling with dressing as you go. Continue like this, finishing off with a layer of Parmesan, and serve with ciabatta warm from the oven.

Chris says that he usually adds some olives as well.

Thought for the day

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

- George Bernard Shaw

Blogichef

Starting tomorrow, and running until Friday...

An attempt to compile a blog recipe book of as many different bloggers' (and blog readers') favourite tried and tested, quick, cheap, and easy recipes as possible.

The sort of thing that you can make in not much more than the time it takes to microwave a ready-meal, for a fraction of the price.

The idea is to post your favourite recipe(s) on your blog (with or without pictures and costings), then nip over and post the recipe title and URL into a comment box that I shall keep at the top all week. Periodically (depending on how many recipes get added) I shall make the comment box into a separate page and link it from the sidebar as a permanent 'Blogichef Cookbook ' index for everyone's future reference.

I'm happy to post non-bloggers'/lurkers' recipes here, and these can be emailed to me at any time up to Friday. I'll happily post them under any name you ask me to (or just anonymously, if you want).

Thank you to everyone who suggested titles for this venture - sorry to seem ungrateful and use one that eventually came to me. I want to keep it as an open thing that anyone can post to, and while I'm happy to co-ordinate it, I don't want it to be obviously tied to me. I like the 'Blogichef' title because it is a cross between Masterchef (currently fun viewing each weekday evening!) and Little Chef (happy childhood memories of cherry pancakes when I used to go out to visit clients with Daddy BW, but how do they make all the places smell identically of burnt fat?) and has an 'I' in it (Blog-I-Chef) because I believe that anyone can cook, just as anyone can blog.

I've *coughs* 'borrowed' two possible logos from the internet - I prefer the one that moves magically, but I don't like the green outer background. It's a gif, and I don't know if it's possible to change the background to transparent?

Any help would be welcome.. Otherwise we'll use the other one.

As not everyone has server space from where they can pull images, in order to make the chef's hat generally available, does anyone have any free-to-them picture space where it could be uploaded for people to pull it from if they can't host the image themselves? Offers in the comments please and we can sort it out before tomorrow.

Any other ideas welcome - I'm only making it up as I go along!
And please spread the word.

Update: Many thanks to terreus for uncolouring the image. We now have a magic logo!

RSPB Birdwatch 2006

Today we are being good nature-friendly BWs and Birdwatching.

Took me ages to find the record form on the site as whoever designed it decided to put it only on one page (not the front page) and made it look as if it were an advert (placed on RHS, in a different style to the rest of the site).

But why is there no box for D'Oves? There's one for collared doves, one for feral pigeons and one for woodpigeons. Discrimination! (for the record, I think there are currently 14 and 3 babies - anyone want to adopt a few? :))

Update: Copy and pasted from the results submission form (which the RSPB have now sensibly moved onto lots of their pages, great spell BW :)) these are the birds we saw in the garden between 10.40 and 11.40am.

Common species

Blackbird 2
Blue tit 5
Carrion crow 2
Chaffinch 2
Coal tit 1
Collared dove 2
Great tit 3
House sparrow 2
Jackdaw 1
Magpie 1
Robin 2
Rook 1
Wren 1

Less common species

Jay 1

We saw lots more crows fly over too, but apparently they don't count. We usually also have greenfinches, starlings, woodpigeons and long-tailed tits. I'm also rather dubious about whether the wren was actually seen today. I had been moaning about the absence of the birds we usually have, and, shortly after, Mr BW claimed he saw the usual wren from the kitchen window. Hmmm. 400,000 people took part last year. It would make a lot of difference if everyone doing it cheated by just one bird, wouldn't it?

You can do it for one hour at any time today or tomorrow, and you can watch and count in a park if you haven't got a garden. We've never actually done it since we've lived here, although I do remember doing it a few times when I was a Small Witch, but, with the sun shining, it was quite fun.

Food for thought

Oh good, lots of support for a recipe week next week registered while I've been in London :) (thank you all, more details anon, still time to sign up below - and thanks for the 'lurkers' recipes' that have already been sent to my larder).

Spent the day watching taxi drivers run into bollards in the middle of the road for no good reason (junction of Horse Guards and The Mall if anyone is interested), arguing with FCO Officials (and winning - job well done, Blue Hat ;)), viewing a wonderful Kurt Jacks0n exhibition at Messums, collecting some research references from the UL library, and buying lots of lovely art materials ('Chinese' in Chinatown, where they were preparing for tomorrow and 'normal' in a place recommended by Value dave who kindly entertained me at lunchtime in the bowels of his workplace - it had something to do with his dog (ooh, it's the Year of the Dog too, how spooky) ostensibly having sent me the first spam email I've ever received into my highly restricted work email address in the 7 years it's existed).

Can anyone come up with a catchy title for next week's recipe week?

Blog post titles usually just run out of my mouse, but I'm absolutely stumped on this one. Somehow my 'working title' of "Quick, Cheap, Easy, and Tasty, Recipe Share Week" doesn't quite capture the tastebuds, does it...

Food, glorious food

Is anyone up for a Quick, Cheap, Easy, and Tasty, Recipe Share Week next week?

Either share a favourite recipe(or recipes) posted on your own blog (linkage guaranteed), or (for all you shy lurkers!) emailed to me for posting here?

If you're interested in participating, could you just stick a comment in the box, (or email me) please?

Differing standards

When I say to someone employing me that I will do something by a specified date, I will move heaven and earth (and stay up all night if necessary) to do it by then. If, for an unforeseen reason, I really can't meet the deadline, I will always let them know.

Such standards, are to me, key aspects (nay, prerequisites) of professionalism.

Why then, do so few other professionals seem to adhere to the same standards?

I just cannot understand it.

I am being driven to distraction by an arch1tect who has so far caused over a month's worth of 'slippage' in our Coven Enlargement Project, which now means that we are in danger of losing our building 'slot'. Which, given the time and research I've put into that, and the fact that all builders' livelihoods depend on continuous work, really, really annoys me. When he gets round to it, his work is creative and excellent, but, we're now on the third missed agreed deadline, and, given that time was always made the essence of the contract, a Blue Witch Best (a charming epistle expressing extreme disappointment and requesting urgent action) will have landed on his desk this morning. When we're paying him two and a half thousand pounds to carry out a piece of work for us, I think we deserve better. Grrrr.

As a secretary who once worked for me said, I believe that when someone who's employing me says, "Jump!" the answer should be "How high?" rather than "I'll see if I can get round to doing some training for the jump in the next few weeks." Said secretary is now Good Friend BW, because she shares those same beliefs.

Are my standards and expectations just too high?
They're only the standards and expectations I apply to myself!
And, to be honest, I cannot ever engage in meaningful relationships with people who do not share this world view.

Thought for the day

People do not like to think. If one thinks, one must reach conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasant.

- Helen Keller

A question of pronunciation

Beetroot.

Bee-troot (one word, but 'tr' said as one sound)
Beet root (as two separate words)
Beeroot (the 't' is almost lost)

How do you say it?

This one should be a cartoon, but I can't draw cartoons, so a wordtoon will have to do.

Imagine an outside view of LibDem Party HQ, doors and windows firmly closed.
Massed journalists outside.
One is speaking into a megaphone.

The caption is: "Anyone else want to come out with their hands up?"

Thought for the day

One doesn't recognize the really important moments in one's life until it's too late.

- Agatha Christie

The Scottish Raj

Today we're being political. Don't be put off, it is connected with Value and Equality, and the information may surprise you, if you read to the end.

I honestly don't think that most people understand that England is being run by a preponderence of Scottish MPs, who also have their own elected assembly.

The information in the coloured box below is stolen in its entirety (well, OK, 'borrowed with kind permission') from Drinking from Home (a most Value activity ;)).

Of the 21 Ministers and Law Officers in the Scottish Parliament only Robert Brown, the Scottish Lib Dem MSP for Glasgow was not born in Scotland (Newcastle, if you're interested). He holds the lofty position of Deputy Minister for Education and Young People.

Compare that with the people who run England:

Tony Blair Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service. MP for Sedgefield. Born Edinburgh.

Gordon Brown Chancellor of the Exchequer, HM Treasury. MP for Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath. Born Glasgow.
Des Browne Chief Secretary, HM Treasury. MP for Kilmarnock & Loudoun. Born Kilwinning.
Frank Roy Assistant Whip, HM Treasury. MP for Motherwell & Wishaw. Born Motherwell.

Lord Falconer Secretary of State for Constitutional Affairs and Lord Chancellor. Not elected. Born Edinburgh.
Bridget Prentice Parliamentary Under-Secretary, Department for Constitutional Affairs. MP for Lewisham East. Born Glasgow.

John Reid Secretary of State, Ministry of Defence. MP for Airdrie & Shotts. Born Bellshill.
Adam Ingram Minister of State (Armed Forces), Ministry of Defence. MP for East Kilbride, Strathaven & Lesmahagow. Born Glasgow.
Jim Sheridan PPS (Team PPS), Ministry of Defence. MP for Paisley & Renfrewshire North. Born Glasgow.

Douglas Alexander Minister for Europe, Foreign and Commonwealth Office. MP for Paisley and Renfrewshire South. Born Glasgow.
John Robertson PPS (Dr Kim Howells, Minister of State), Foreign & Commonwealth Office. MP for Glasgow North West. Born Glasgow.

Alistair Darling Secretary of State Department for Transport (and Secretary of State, Scotland Office). MP for Edinburgh South West. Born London.
Russell Brown PPS (Rt Hon Alistair Darling Department for Transport and Scotland Office). MP for Dumfries & Galloway. Born Annan.
Ann Coffey PPS (Rt Hon Alistair Darling, Department for Transport and Scotland Office). MP for Stockport. Born Inverness.

Barry Gardiner Parliamentary Under-Secretary, Department of Trade and Industry. MP for Brent North. Born Glasgow.
Ian Stewart PPS (Rt Hon Alan Johnson, Secretary of State), Department of Trade and Industry Labour. MP for Eccles. Born Blantyre.
Shona McIsaac PPS (Rt Hon Alun Michael, Minister of State), Department of Trade and Industry. MP for Cleethorpes. Born Dunfermline.

Yvette Cooper Minister of State (Housing and Planning), Office of the Deputy Prime Minister. MP for Pontefract & Castleford. Born Inverness.
Jim Fitzpatrick Parliamentary Under-Secretary (London), Office of the Deputy Prime Minister. MP for Poplar & Canning Town. Born Glasgow.

Jim Cunningham PPS (Mr Mike O'Brien, Solicitor General), Law Officers' Department. MP for Coventry South. Born Coatbridge.

Eric Joyce PPS (Rt Hon Margaret Hodge MBE, Minister of State), Department for Work and Pensions. MP for Falkirk. Born Perth.
Anne McGuire Parliamentary Under-Secretary (Disabled People), Department for Work and Pensions. MP for Stirling. Born Glasgow.

Fiona Mactaggart Parliamentary Under-Secretary, Home Office. MP for Slough. Born Glasgow.

Ian McCartney Minister without Portfolio, Cabinet Office. MP for Makerfield. Born Lennoxtown.
Jim Murphy Parliamentary Secretary, Cabinet Office. MP for Renfrewshire East. Born Glasgow.

Thomas McAvoy Government Whip & Comptroller HM Household. MP for Rutherglen & Hamilton West. Born Glasgow.

Nigel Griffiths Deputy Leader of the House of Commons. MP for Edinburgh South. Born Glasgow.

Michael Martin Speaker of the House of Commons. MP for Glasgow North East. Born Glasgow.

There’s another Cabinet reshuffle on the way. Will Scottish rule over England be further strengthened?

I've seen estimates that say that the British Parliament spends 80% of its time dealing with matters that only affect England.

Despite this, Scottish MPs are currently allowed to vote on matters pertaining only to England (eg health, education and transport), and, as you can see from the list above, there are lots of them (and that list is only Ministers, not all MPs!), and the Government is relying on their votes to force through legislation for England that, in some cases, their own assemblies have rejected.

Did you know, for example, that Scotland gets £213 more per head to spend on NHS healthcare than England? There are currently many hugely-overspent NHS Trusts in England. Wonko (a member of the Witanagemot Club (a rapidly growing group of bloggers aggrieved by the UK's current constitutional settlement) calculated that the Trusts in his area would not be overspent if they had another £213 per capita in their budgets.

The English taxpayer is currently subsidising the Scots (and Welsh, who also have their own Assembly) in many areas. For example: Scottish pensioners without central heating can have it installed for free. There are plans to make prescriptions free for all in Scotland. There are no higher education tuition fees in Scotland.

These are the figures of public expenditure in various areas, by country (via):

I belong to the Witanagemot Club because I'm interested in the issues surrounding inequality in services and opportunity between areas of the UK, and believe that we in England get a very bad deal. Some of the group's members post mainly about political issues surrounding the need for an English Parliament. I have a click around other members' sites every day, as it's a good way of keeping up-to-date with summaries of current issues, and getting a variety of different views. Although not a terribly political person, at a national level, I suspect that I probably have a better-than-average understanding of politics.

But, despite all this, the information above shocked me.
So, I thought I'd share it with you.

Thought for the day

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.

- Eva Young

The BW Readers' Customer Service Awards

Nominations for the Customer Disservice Award are still open, below, but, because Pewari asked in the interest of balance, nominations are now also open for the Award every company wants, but few will ever attain.

Yes I will always complain bitterly about poor customer service, but I also make a point of acknowledging good service, both as verbal thanks to the person concerned at the time, and, if the service has been outstanding, by email or letter to the company concerned. On occasions I also surprise supervisors/managers in supermarkets and shops by seeking them out to comment on how pleasant or helpful a particular member of staff has been.

It does have to be said that good service is usually (but not always) from individuals working for an organisation doing more than the minimum to help. One also tends to get better service from small local companies, because their reputation depends on word-of-mouth rather than glossy advertising. And, of course, there are also ways of improving the quality of the service one is offered (but that's a discussion for another time).

Trouble is, the poor service episodes are so frequent that it's really hard to recall any particularly good service episodes. And most companies don't manage good service all the time.

So, my nominations are going to be large 3 companies who, I've found, consistently give better service than most, don't use exclusively 0870- or 0845- numbers, don't have call centres in India, and, on the rare occasions that they do mess up, go out of their way to put things right:

1. First Direct
2. Southern Electricity
3. Egg

Up to 3 nominations per person (with or without reasons and/or links) in the comments box.

Thought for the day

Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a
door.

- Laura Schlessinger

The BW Readers' Customer Disservice Awards

Nominations are now open for the Award no company wants.

My current Top 3 companies (I could actually come up with about 20, without thinking hard, but I'll restrain myself) giving appalling customer service are:

1. Dell (straight in at number 1 last week - oh, have I said that before? ;))
2. NTL (still at No. 2 despite not having been with them for 15 months)
3. Parcel Farce

Up to 3 nominations per person (with or without reasons and/or links) in the comments box.

Computer Watch

So, Indian Call Centre's 'Floor Supervisor's' assertion that Dell technicians do not have mobile phones and are not allowed to call customers to give them an approximate visit time is tosh.

As I told him it was.
Although, to be honest, I used a slightly different word to 'tosh'.
And I did a few spells just to be on the safe side.
In fact, quite a few of my spells have been uncharacteristically effective lately I notice this morning ;)

So, 8.50am sees my Witchy Phone ringing and said technician telling me that he'd be at The Coven between 12 and 12.30. "Except that my satnav doesn't seem to know exactly where you are Mrs BW." Like most of the rest of Dell then...

Do you know, the email support (getting back to me 23 hours after my initial email to them as the phone support was closed) claimed that my laptop was a Latitude D600 and not an Inspiron 5160 and that I had not bought it inthe UK so they could not help me! This was 10 hours after I'd had the 'discussion' with the 'Floor Supervisor', quoting the same service tag number, and he'd (finally, after an hour and five minutes of arguing with me on the phone) agreed that I could have the service visit for which I have a fully-paid 4 year contract...

Watch this space for updates...

And, of course, I have the technician's mobile phone number now :)

Update: Just like with BT, once you've done battle with the customer 'service' centre, when the engineer finally turns up (half an hour early too, bonus points), the problem is solved in a jiffy (a time one, not a bag or a condom I hasten to add). Well... in 50 minutes.

And, mine is the first fan whose bearings have failed that he has seen in 3 years of doing Dell hardware repair contract work. "That's because I'm special," I told him, "that was always going to happen." Oh, and I now know all about how Dell Service works. For instance, did you know that *all* the parts they fit as spares are refurbs, and they employ none of their own hardware support staff? As I expect to see him several more times in the remaining 3 years of the warranty (he did confirm this as likely to be the case), I'd better not say too much...

Erm - why is the keyboard noisier than it was before when he only changed the fan and the motherboard? Maybe it's not put back together properly? It's not physically moving though.

Thought for the day

Western laziness consists of cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so that there is no time at all to confront the real issues.

- Sogyal Rinpoche

Sunday

In the absence of a working laptop to use downstairs in one's Coven, it is amazing how much knitting and cooking one can get done, and how many of one's backlog of videod programmes one can watch.

The cushion cover I started over a year ago is now finished, and we have 21 jars of marmalade, and have made and scoffed the most yummy banana bread in the history of the world (recipe nicked from a link somewhere in blogland - sorry, if it was you, do say, I can't remember and can't check history as it's on the dead laptop).

Actually, that is untrue. I did have access to a working laptop. Spooky co-incidence there - I emailed Mr BW on Friday asking him to bring his work laptop home just in case the main PC also popped (technical term that - I've had a bad Witchy feeling about its imminent demise for ages), and he'd written himself a note to do just that seconds before my email plopped into his in-box. Great minds and fools. Or something...

Anyway, I failed to discover where Pipex hide the ADSL webmail (it's in a different place to the dial-up webmail, I do know that...), and as the screen is about 6" square (it's one of these new supposedly ultra-trendy tiddly jobbies that are supposed to be light and portable, but need a separate plug-in CD-ROM unit to be useful, so actually end up weighing more than a meaty machine, for half the spec), I couldn't read a damn thing on it, and gave up in disgust.

I was also very surprised how much difference not being able to look at the (usually continually arriving) email made to my desire to be online. Intriguing.

The 88th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Grief, is it that time already?

Exhausted by a trip to Costco, one of my favourite Value places, late yesterday afternoon (I had been planning to go at lunchtime, but I was so annoyed after my experience of the worst customer service ever from Dell - and there's already another side-story on that subject for later - that I had to wait until I was calm or I might have been prone to road rage (provocation is rife round here with all the 17 year old spotty oiks with no conception of the idea that 'cars can kill' and white van men), and as we're both still suffering from that nasty cough/cold/aching/tiredness bug, we've spent the morning in bed.

No, not doing that (no energy, really ;)), but snoozing and watching Saturday Kitchen on BBC1. Hadn't seen it before - not a bad programme as cookery shows go.

All that meant that, as well as you people having to wait for the MBWLA, the D'Oves and the hens had to wait for their breakfast (they had food, don't worry, they're just used to also getting nice snacks - kitchen scraps - every morning).

Thankfully it's 10 degrees today and sunny as there are several new D'Ove babies. The only babies in the world that aren't cute (as previous pictures - find your own URL in the archives - will prove). And we've even got buzzy stripey insects flying! Nice to be able to hang washing on the line for a change too. I do like the smell of line-dried washing.

So now for the two contenders. There was only one, but I spotted a late, but topical, entry.

DG writes about London - a tourist guide for whales. 10 things for our currently-being-'rescued' swimmy friend to sea see. Including:

1) Thames Cruise: Join thousands of other tourists and take a trip up the meandering river past countless famous landmarks. It's the best way to see the capital (and, if you're a whale, also the only way). Try to avoid the boats full of TV crews, port officials, cameramen and marine experts.

3) Houses of Parliament: This riverside Gothic palace is more well known for its sharks than its whales.

7) Windsor Castle: If you've swum upstream as far as Windsor then you're probably in big trouble. But please note - the Prince of Whales doesn't actually live here.

9) National Maritime Museum: This Greenwich treasurehouse tells the story of how Britain once ruled the oceans. It carefully ignores the fact that whales ruled the oceans for several millennia before that.

I can't imagine that Japanese tourists will understand why we English are going to all the trouble and expense of saving just one whale when they're busy killing a thousand.

And the second contender - Vaughan, on the same topical issue for which I gave him some points a couple of weeks ago. This time a comment in a comment box under a post extolling the virtues of that which, to me (and thankfully others, as comments here yesterday confirmed), has no Value at all (you may need to do some detectiving to appreciate this one ;))

I think the phrase 'comment placement' is appropriate ;) (cf 'product placement' in the advertising industry).

I'm trying to think of profound, creative and erudite way to say this.

But I can't.

So.

Problogging makes me vomit.

Can't quite decide which is more amusing...

So, I've decided that if the whale gets safely returned to the sea, DG wins this week's 2 points and MBWLA trophy, and if the whale snuffs it, Vaughan, and probably half the Japanese restaurants in London, gets it.

What it's all about

I keep saying this, but I honestly don't give a fig about 'mega-blogging'. Regulars will appreciate what I mean by that by now.

And, I suspect that today being the date it is, there'll be another blondemic of mentions of it. (I rather like that new word, don't you? Seems to sum up the phenomenon and its disciples, perfectly ;) If I could be bothered, I'd add it to the Dictionary of Blogspeak in the sidebar.)

But, what *does* delight me is when people are inspired by things I've mentioned, either en blog or in comments elsewhere. For example, just this week KW got £80 and hopefully a letter of apology for outrageously bad service from her bank, and Joules got some extra warranty on a replacement fridge-freezer after an enormous amount of hassle, both just for the asking.

There are now at least three more people around who are playing the 0% interest credit card/ offset mortgage credit card game (best version - get one arm of your own bank to give you 0% money and stick it in your offset mortgage account with the other arm of that bank - 4th time of doing that achieved this week. Total net gain from 're-investing' Own Bank's money with Own Bank, over 3 years - well over £2K :))

And, a large handful of 'lurkers' have emailed over the past three years to say they've enjoyed various recipes, or Value Tips, or ideas for more sustainable living, or recycling, or been made to think by the Thought for the Day, or well... or, whatever.

You're the real stars. Not those who win artificial accolades. Those of you who have read, considered, and changed something you're doing as a result.

And those who've shared your knowledge with me when I've been stuck and have asked for help.

I thank you all for making it worthwhile.

But... surely that's what blogging is all about?

Surely that's what life should be about?

Putting a bit into the pot when you've got a bit to give, and hoping that someone will do similarly for you, when you need a bit back?

It shouldn't be about extrinisic rewards.
Intrinsic rewards are the only rewards that, ultimately, will make people happy.

If that isn't true, then why are so many people with loads of money, 'status', and every material thing they can think of, still miserable?

I should know better than to do spells on computer equipment...

Following on from yesterday's traumas with the functioning of The Coven IT equipment...

If one has paid for 4 years of next business day on-site warranty for one's laptop, what would one expect to happen if one had a problem?

It wouldn't be this, would it?:

11th December 2005:
BW: Reports intermittent, loud, 'noise in fan' like a piece of paper or a leaf.

Dell: Girl in Indian Call Centre who speaks very poor English makes me repeat system tests I have already done (yes, I did read the manual), and, finding everything tests OK (as I had already told them it does), say that nothing can be done, despite me holding the phone to the fan so they could hear the noise. They then insist that it's a software rather than a hardware problem (at this point there is a side-story, but I won't bore you with it).

I then filled in the emailed 'Feedback form on contact with hardware support' in the strongest terms, saying the problem was still ongoing and unresolved. No-one bothered to get back to me.

Recently: Fan doesn't seem to be working at all, at any time, but, the system is still testing OK, so, as I had already been told, I know that nothing can be done.

Last night: Computer turns itself off repeatedly, with no warning, and, when it does, is red hot. On rebooting, message on black screen says system has shut down to prevent damage as it's overheated, and I need to contact Dell Support.

Dell Support is closed.

E-mailing them results in a standard automated reply saying I need to download the latest version of the BIOS. When the system has cooled, I manage to get it working for just long enough to successfully download the update before the same happens again. Machine is then totally dead and unresponsive to everything.

This morning: Laptop will now power up again, but fan is making a noise like a helicopter rotor beating in a dense forest. Clearly very, very sick.

I ring Dell Support. I make them ring me back (I wasn't going to hold on an 0870- number (with no geographic equivalent) at 10p per minute while they frig about because their server keeps rebooting!)

After 25 minutes with Indian Boy in Indian call centre making sure that the laptop is well and truly fried (although I tell him exactly what's happened, and the exact wording of all the error messages, he insists that I have to turn it on so that we can 'run the diagnostics', even though I tell him I think it will cause damage to do so. Eventually, the fan is screaming so much that it all turns itself off again automatically).

After I tell Indian Boy in Indian Call Centre that, "In English English, 'Next business day on-site warranty' means that a technician comes to one's house, with an appropriate selection of parts that may or may not be needed, and fixes the problem, NOT a courier collects it and may be able to get it back to one within 5 working days, not including the day with the courier each way," Indian Boy gives up and puts BW through to the 'Floor Supervisor' who says that as I'm being 'awkward' and insisting on a site visit, in order to send a technician they have to know exactly which parts are needed. I repeat that it's the fan, plus whatever else may have got fried when the system over-heated several times.

He then says that he is not convinced it is the fan, and that as I "won't co-operate" and run their tests (because, as I point out, again, I can't as the laptop has shut itself down automatically and refuses to reboot), I have to get a small Philips screwdriver and unscrew various panels to take out the hard drive, the optical drive, and the fan, so that (somehow - I didn't manage to understand how) they know which parts to send.

At this point I exploded.

I rarely get very angry these days, but when I do, it's spectacular.

I would be surprised if those of you in London didn't feel the earth move :)

One hour and five minutes after they rang me back the 'Floor Supervisor' finally realised that:

(a) He wouldn't win any argument with me,
(b) I wasn't going to take my own laptop apart (have you ever tried unscrewing tiny screws with one hand while holding a telephone receiver in the other, when you've no idea where Mr BW keeps the relevant screwdrivers and you're useless at unscrewing anyway?) and,
(c) That I was going to keep him on the phone until I got the next business day on-site service for which I'd paid several hundred pounds last year (but only because it was the only option I had, as my usual Little Computer Man won't touch laptop hardware).

'Floor Supervisor' very, very, reluctantly agreed to send a technician, on Monday, who would ring me an hour before he would be calling (they originally tried 'between 9 and 5' but I wasn't having any of it), and that he would come with a fan and a motherboard, and 'might' be able to fix the problem.

I cannot wait until the 'satisfaction survey' for that call arrives in my in-box. I'm simply going to paste in the URL for this post, and write, "I DID TELL YOU ON DECEMBER 11TH THAT THERE WAS A PROBLEM. NEXT TIME BLOODY WELL BELIEVE ME! I AWAIT AN EXPLANATION OF WHY YOU REPEATEDLY REFUSED (UNTIL I FINALLY LOST MY PATIENCE AND GOT VERY VERY ANGRY) TO GIVE ME THE NEXT-DAY ON-SITE SERVICE FOR WHICH I HAVE PAID, AND WHY YOU EXPECTED ME TO DO YOUR TECHNICIAN'S JOB FOR HIM?"

Congratulations Dell, you're straight into the Number One spot in the BW Customer Dissatisfaction League. It's going to take a hell of a lot for you to lose that spot...

I strongly suspect that this won't be the last instalment of this thrilling saga, either. If anyone would like to make any guesses about the likely continuation or diagnosis, feel free...

Thought for the day

The secret of success is constancy of purpose.

- Benjamin Disraeli

Bloody internet

Firstly no electricity all day Tuesday, now no internet all day today. At least we got a week's warning about the power cut.

The thing that annoys me about Pipex is that they don't provide a server status line the way some other ISP's do, so you spend the day thinking it might be a temporary problem with the server, so you wait, then after a bit you think it might be your equipment, or it might be your phone line, and going to a great deal of trouble reconnecting your old ADSL modem in case it's the wireless router, and getting BT to check the line. Then, when you finally give up and decide to brave the inevitable waiting time and call Pipex, there's a message saying "extreme4 customers problems should now be resolved" but they're clearly not, although while you're holding, but still playing with your equipment, it finally starts working again.

Anyway - so that this problem doesn't recur (it didn't particularly matter today, but there are days when it would have done), as both my laptop and my PC also have built-in 56K dial-up modems, does anyone have any suggestions for PAYG dial-up services, that I could set up ready to use next time this happens, please?

Thought for the day

Often we think that communication is about articulating our thoughts and feelings. We forget that it's equally about listening to the needs of others.

- Gert

Question

What does 'Mushroom Syndrome' mean to you?

And what would be the reaction of a group of Senior Nice Ladies if I defined it, when asked, having used the phrase?

Ain't nothing going on

Yesterday I had to manage without electricity all day as the energy supply company were doing major maintenance work. I decided that that would be near impossible so I went out instead. Had a lovely day gossiping with Good Friend BW in the morning (while painting) and some Nice Ladies in the afternoon (while knitting - attempting to finish the cushion cover that I started a year ago, in an effort to help my RSI).

Today I have to give a group of Most Senior Nice Ladies the benefit of my professional knowledge on how to introduce change without it all ending in tears. Alas it may already be too late. But, at least there will be nice cake :)

Then I have to go to Local Small Town Market to get some Seville oranges for marmalade (they won't be in season for much longer), and some food balls for the birds (because they're greedy).

Is it any wonder I'm ageing prematurely? ;)

Thought for the day

One can travel this world and see nothing. To achieve understanding it is necessary not to see many things, but to look hard at what you do see.

- Giorgio Morandi

How many freebies can one liberate from one exhibition?

Well, it looks like 15 pens, 6 large plastic paperclips, 3 pencils, 1 ruler, 1 mousemat, 1 tube of Smarties (except it's a nasty hexagon now, rather than a tube, with a dreadful built-in tear-along-dotted-line 'mouth' rather than a collectable plastic lid, that split in the bottom of my bag, and so had to be fed to someone in the British Museum), 1 fridge magnet, 1 stress ball (lovely consistency, very squeezable), 1 mouse-shaped dual highlighter, and the star prize, 1 laptop bag. Only I wouldn't trust my laptop to it.

There weren't that many freebies around - although I could have had any number of chocolates or mint imperials - so I was quite pleased with this haul of 31 objects :) Disappointingly way off my record though.

My favourite - undoubtedly the stress ball (that's the blue rugby-ball shaped object on the mousemat). I keep telling Mr BW that people like stress balls more than anything else, but he will keep ordering posh pens as his firm's freebies. Posh pens have never impressed me. What's your favourite exhibition freebie?

Oh - I did also mange to update myself on the latest techno1ogy in the educat1on world, so there was Value as well as Value :)

Oh, oh - and there are now companies selling 'b1ogging packages' to schoo1s. £300 a year for primary, £500 for secondary. *sighs*

Thought for the day

Love and mututal respect. The work necessary to communicate with a partner is the same needed to build a better world.

- timothy (13th January 2006 post)

The one I promised earlier...

Mid-week last week, I spied a weird object in the sky over The Coven. At first I thought it was a flying saucer. Then I realised that, although it looked just like a flying saucer, it was, in fact, a flying hat. A flying hat from a faraway destination, but still in this world. That put a whole different spin on things. And it had a cargo. The scoresheet in the sidebar is now nicely up-to-date. Oooh, thank you to the anonymous sender. Another successful spell and proof that BW reaches the parts that other bloggers can't reach ;)

I note that several people are perilously close to depleting our h0ney stocks...

*gags self to avoid laughing*

Aches and pains

I spent the first part of last week aching all over from over-exertion at an aquaexercise class that Good Friend BW and I rashly decided to go to, and the latter part aching all over from the effects of a nasty bug given to me by some annoying anonymous person.

Such bugs don't often hit me as I am generally a Most Healthy Witch, who eats a lot of garlic. But, when they do hit, they do hit.

As well as making all my limbs feel unconnected to my body, it's also successfully made my brain feel like mush. It's awful not being able to make connections, think things through logically, always be one step ahead of the rest of the world, and have a clever answer for everything. I suppose this is what one's whole life must be like if one is 'average'. Terrifying.

Back to bed for a couple of hours now with a big mug of honey, lemon, and ginger and some echinacea tablets. Need to get some energy from somewhere before Old Friends BW (who are back up in this area today) pop in for lunch later (luckily I made the minestrone soup yesterday as I couldn't do it today, and I shall be heating it to a considerable temperature for a long time to kill all the bugs).

I've not forgotten about the flying saucer. It just needs some attention to detail that my mind isn't up to currently.

Thought for the day

My idea of forgiveness is letting go of resentment that does not serve your better interest, ridding yourself of negative thoughts. All they do is make you miserable. Believe me, you can fret and fume all you want, but whoever it was that wronged you is not suffering from your anguish whatsoever.

- Della Reese

The 87th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Yes, yes, later, later, I have to deal with a flying saucer and an auction first.

Later, much later - 8.30pm: The English icons project has caused a stir this week. See, for example, wonkosworld, where alfie commented:

I've thought of a few more 'English' icons....

The Statue of Liberty.
Edinburgh Castle.
The Mayflower.
Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Mount Rushmore.
Don Bradman's Jock Strap.

Never do they stoop so low as when they pretend to further the cause of English identity. This rabble of Nu Labour - and in this case that utter cretin, David Lammy should hang their collective heads in shame.

alfie | Homepage | 08.01.06 - 10:44 pm | #

FWIW, the Department of Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS) had two stands at BETT, and I spent a happy half hour yesterday finding out all about the project. All the bits that weren't in the papers. And what a lovely glossy information pack they gave me. After that, I can't subscribe to the conspiracy theorists around. Just the Non-Value/waste of public money ones. How many consultants does it need to make one website? A special company has been set up to undertake the project. It's a not-for-profit company. Not for profit because all the money (all £1,000,000 of it) is being gobbled up by, shall we say, 'lifestyle'. Truly galling. Gissa job.

In other news this week, dave told us that, "My new years resolution was to apply for a new job every day in January. Jobs I know I won't get, jobs I hope to get, jobs I'd be totally unsuitable doing and jobs no one wants. I thought I'd 'put myself out there' and see what doors open for me (or rather which doors get slammed in my face)."

The comments were funny, and ranged from chocolate (mentioned by guess who), the behaviour of a now-evicted contestant on Celebrity Big Brother, to two of my favourites (the denigration of the English language, and teenspeak, which may or may not be synonymous anyway). The one in bold was funniest. I heard it in a particular voice that definitely wasn't dave's.

if you come across any chocolate tasting jobs pass them on.....I'm not getting repetitive or predictable I hope?

i think there is a new term to be coined with this sort of thing 'Doing a Jodie'. "Eveyrone says I am a tart and misjudges me (said whilst laying on maggot with tits in his face whilst he appears to be genuinely distressed as appose to getting a faceful), and i'm not obsessed about sex (said whilst legs are wrapped around Dennis simulating sex on the kitchen table), no one appreciates he real me, thinking I am a tart (said just after saying she would have sex with Dennis but wouldn't go out with him)". So its a sort of modern version of 'thou protesteth too much'.
See how many times ytou can slip 'doing a Jodie' into a conversation this afternoon to weed out those closet BB watchers.

Mr BW | Email | Homepage | 01.11.06 - 1:32 pm | #

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'closet BB watchers'?

in my office? good grief, if only they were in the closet.
"preston this, george that, jodie this, dennis that..."

dave | Email | Homepage | 01.11.06 - 2:31 pm | #

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I will speak to MrBW about capitalisations, spelling, punctuation and grammar this evening. And about how seriously he appears to be watching that heap of shit...

Blue Witch | Email | Homepage | 01.11.06 - 3:51 pm | #

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spellcnut is a gramma free zone BW. everyone is welcome here regardless of their writing skills!

dave | Email | Homepage | 01.11.06 - 4:07 pm | #

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dave - the thing is that he *can* write properly, and it annoys me that he doesn't. As can you

Whatever you, and he, might like to think, people do make judgments based on how one's written output appears.

Blue Witch | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 12:14 am | #

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am I bovverd? duz my face look bovverd? you calling your husband a pikey? you calling me a wino? am I bovverd tho?

dave | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 10:07 am | #
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Punctiliously, I'm with BW on this one

And being in the same room as Mrs.D. when this BB sh1*te is on, I can't help but wonder what the pi55*flaps that "Pete" is (or thinks he/she is?)

* deliberate

Mr.D. | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 12:13 pm | #

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grammar are good i is always saying

Fingering Barbie sounds like you may be on the turn.

Alan | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 12:29 pm | #

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iamalwayssurprisedwhenbwswears.

Darren | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 4:55 pm | #

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What a great idea for a New Year's resolution. Now you've got to keep us posted as to how you get on... Are you planning to attend any interviews, or are you just looking to see if you get any written replies that you can then politely decline?

Ben | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 6:48 pm | #

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yoof speak zone.... cool!!!!
i mean nang. itz rilly hard not to capitalize atch.

go mr bw!!!

NiC | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 8:38 pm | #

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ps: gud luk wiv de job hunt

NiC | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 8:38 pm | #

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MrD and I will continue to attempt to maintain standards in blogland.

However, Pete is nang. Oops ;)

Blue Witch | Email | Homepage | 01.12.06 - 9:46 pm | #

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On the subject of teenspeak, its home, at least in this corner of blogland, appears to be at Planarchy, where NiC appears to be attemting to either: (a) regain his lost youth (or 'yoof', as he'd say) or (b) over-identify with his daughters ;)

As background to what follows, NiC's eldest, Dee, is currently annoying the neighbours teaching herself to play bass. NiC's bass, apparently. Which she's also trying to rename as 'freddie' from 'Bertha', according to this thread. Luckily for NiC, until recently he was slightly deaf. Unfortuantely, in common with most youngsters in most bands, Dee hasn't yet learnt to tune her instrument, and begs Dad to help her out. I'm loving the way Dee's requests to Dad are made via his comments, from her computer station at the top of the house to his lower down. Anyway, NiC's friend Tim (bold entry) has a much fuller understanding of the situation:

well thats not fair cuz now u can hear how load i play my bass arr not fair oh well ill just play it still hehe but u need to retune it fr me cuz sum silly person changed the tuneing n its annoying me i cnt stand it freddie doesnt sound liek ihm self. by the way ppl freddie is the name of my bass dee x x

dee | Homepage | 06.01.12 - 5:26 pm | #

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Errr... it's MY bass actually.. and it's called Bertha

NiC | Homepage | 06.01.12 - 5:59 pm | #

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noooooooooo its mine now n its called freddie n he needs retuning so cld u plz do that

dee | Homepage | 06.01.12 - 7:17 pm | #

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Eric, shirley?

The lead guitarist of the Blackhearts walks into the studio where the bass player and drummer are fighting. She stops them and asks what the problem is.

The bass player explains: "The drummer untuned one of my strings"

"Can't you just retune it?" asks the lead.

"But she won't tell me which one..."

Tim | 06.01.12 - 10:22 pm | #

Difficult decision about the winner - but, I think Tim just has it - 2 points and this week's Trophy. In the absence of a blog, print it off and put it on your mantlepiece Tim :)

As no-one asked about the flying saucer, and as I'm very tired after a hard day at a country auction in Suffolk (bought a great set of old commercial scales for £11.18) I shall reveal it soon. But, it was a spell that went right for a change!

Art Class 2006: Session 9

Remember that tree that I showed you before the FOTCR™? The one that was from part of an unfinished winter scene?

Well, it was the tree on the right in this painting:

It hasn't reduced from A3 particularly well - I do feel sorry for how the tree on the left looks here. And the path isn't as badly out-of-perspective in the actual thing either (it's lost a lot of the subtle shading that makes the perspective work).

It was a 'guided picture' done over 2 evening sessions of the local art group. Basically, a local painter demonstrates how to build up a picture step-by-step, and we all copy. Or rather, attempt to. I hate this kind of thing - painting an imaginary scene, in made up colours, with no idea of where the natural lighting falls. Ghastly. And not at all the sort of thing I'd ever put on the wall. But, it's a way of trying things I otherwise wouldn't discover. And of seeing how bad some people are at following instructions :)

The sky and the ploughed field are OK. I'm almost happy with them. But I might cut off the left hand side as I just cannot like that tree tree.

Ways in

Replaced the left (which was nasty 70s-style obscured bubble-patterned glass that has been annoying me for ten and a half years) with the right at the weekend.

We designed it, Mr BW made it and fitted it.

Looks much better than the poor picture suggests.

Thought for the day

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

- Mother Teresa

Expense

I should *not* have tempted fate by celebrating the fact that my Witchy Financial Management and 0% Value Ways have now got our outstanding mortgage down to just £16K. Have you seen that TV programme showing people how to pay off their mortgages in 2 years? Yes, it can be done. Not, I suspect, by most of the people on there, but, it can. As I've said before, making every penny count is how I manage to live a relatively stress-free life that allows me to flit about like Retired Lady Witch, 20-odd years before my time, on occasions. It all mounts up.

So, just as we're about to embark on an ambitious bui1ding project that one structura1 engineer has deemed 'impossible', that will challenge bui1ders' skills, and my ability to magic further 0% interest deals out of the air to pay for it all in super-quick time, everything starts going wrong.

You know when one thing goes wrong, it's usually the first of a run? Well...

The Blue Broomstick's engine was 'ticking' at me, which turned out to need two days in the garage and several replacement pulleys on the alternator system (at just 55,000 miles), costing a total of £245. It had been ticking for a few weeks, and a nudge to do something about it from the friend who's sorting out the roof loadings for the extension made me scamper off to Value Garage. Luckily, for, had it not been seen to, the alternative would have been a new alternator and complete engine rebuild, apparently.

The washing machine is sounding very sick, and white goods just aren't worth repairing once components start failing, as they are built for a life of 3 years these days (which grieves me horribly as it just results in landfill becoming full even quicker). Also, two people I know who bought that model around the time I did have already had to replace it. So, I need to look for deals on Siemens machines (not least because they are very economical on power and water and come with 5 or 10 year warranties; plus we've been delighted with the Siemens dishwasher we bought last year. Or maybe the year before). Oh but it all takes time. And costs Witchy pennies that I'm trying to save rather than spend.

TfL annoyed me today.

Realising that, under the new fare structure, I could save at least 50p on every trip into London (and more when I go in during peak times) and avoid queueing at the underground station of a morning (oh, and get a further 2% cashback by paying and topping up with the right credit card), I applied online for an Oystercard last Friday. It should have been sent in the post, and required validating by tomorrow, when I'm going to BETT, but, guess what? Keith Prowse, who handle the processing for TfL screwed up somehow, and it didn't arrive. In fact, for some reason, it hasn't even been processed and is still sitting as an order in the online shop. And the stupid girl on the TfL helpline (don't use the 0870- number by the way, use 0207-2277886 - I was on the phone 18 minutes which would have cost £1.80, but only cost 4p with 18866 (see sidebar, CBATlink)), was really, really dim and unhelpful, and didn't even say sorry for their incompetence.

Right, that's enough whinging for today. When I started this post it was going to be about art and stained g1ass front door panels. Ho hum.

Oh, and the weather's shit isn't it? ;)

Thought for the day

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

- Oscar Wilde

Art Class 2005/6: Session 8

I promised an update 'later', and here it is. Albeit much later, but, please note, it is still in the same day, and I've not fiddled the time of post :)

[aside] Question: Is it right to be using as a criterion for selecting a bui1der a factor called 'Blogability Potential' (this might include an element of 'photographic appeal to gay audience'? ;) )

Only 6 days after the event this time, here is "The Staged Thinker".
Art Teacher BW decided to annoy BW and Good Friend BW by changing her plan and embarking on a 6 week block on 'portraits and figure drawing'. Neither of us has any interest whatsoever in human representation.

However, I can see the value of doing it for its own sake, whereas GFBW has decided to skip the next 5 weeks. Which means I get to sit next to some smelly OAP instead. Nice.

Mr BW and I saw this sculpture in the garden of the Musee Rodin in Paris at the end of 2004 (that's it in the top left corner of the website, or the top right corner of this), so I was delighted to be provided with a really bad photocopy of it. People were impressed that I could identify it too. They thought I was "cultured". Tis not hard to be more "cultured" than most of them, mind ;)

Anyway, we had to put a sheet of dished-out old, yellowing, greaseproof (not even tracing) paper over the bad photocopy, and, in 60 seconds, draw in the lights and darks (left of the three images). Then, the original bad photocopy was removed from us, and we had to do a 15 minute pencil drawing, using just our tracing (middle of the three images). Finally, we had to choose one colour paint and produce an image based on our first two images (right of the three images), without putting any pencil lines on the paper.

Each of the three images is just over A4 size, and most of the details has disappeared in the reduction in size.

An interesting exercise I thought. Considering that I have zero visual memory, as I've often said, and that I can't visualise lighting, I wasn't too upset by the results. Except that I flattened his head for some reason. Oh, and, my drawing remains much better than my watercolouring, as is particularly evident at the low image resolution here.

I'm also definitely heading in an abstract/stylised direction... which I'm convinced is to do with the fact that I can take and manipulate digital images of things much better than I will ever be able to accurately represent them in any other medium. So, the only Value I can see in 'Art' is in representing things differently.

More building matters

Up to my ears in architects, p1anners, structura1 engineers, and bui1ders. In these days of mobile phones it amazes me that some people can be so elusive.

It doesn't help being a Value Witch with High Standards and Expectations. Plus, I need to do my research as I won't employ someone who doesn't come on personal recommendation via a Trusted Source. Fortunately Trusted Sources are freely available through the Nice Ladies. But, unfortuntately, they do take some time to extract... (amazing the local goss I've uncovered in the process though!)

While searching the net for ideas for a list of 'questions to ask prospective builders' I've discovered that almost every developed country except ours has considerably tighter requirements on craftsmen than we do. Many require craftsmen to undertake ongoing training in order to keep their state licences. Over here anyone can call themself a builder and there are no official requirements to be insured, a member of a trade association, or to ever have done any recognised training etc etc. Why?

Art update coming later once I've had a chance to scan and sort out the pictures, but, in the meantime, on a totally unrelated note, and something I've been meaning to ask the collective wisdom of blogland for ages, does anyone know how to print in a font bigger than size 72? None of the software I've got seems to allow it.

Thought for the day

Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.

- Epicurus

You know you've complained enough about poor parcel delivery services when...

... your parcel arrives with 2 maps sellotaped to it, with the exact location of your Coven highlighted, and, "THIS PARCEL MUST BE DELIVERED TODAY* written on the signing sheet.

Building tension

Today I am expecting Architect BW. The one who has already been round on four occasions and never once arrived on time. Faites vos jeux as to how late he'll be today...

Thought for the day

Ignorance has never stopped anyone on the internet giving their opinion liberally, and I see no reason to buck tradition.

- Soph

Thought for the day

In the world there are good people and evil people. For good people to do evil takes religion.

- Richard Dawkins

Tonight, Channel 4, 8pm, "the process of non-thinking called faith".

Irconic?

Oh look, Mr Chaffinch is back. Hurrah. Another successful spell BW :)

And pointing us to a definite Step In The Right Direction concerning that subject we were discussing here a while ago: "Englishness".

"First it was John Major’s vision of a Britain of “long shadows on county grounds, warm beer and invincible green suburbs”. Then new Labour tried to rebrand the country as cool Britannia, promoting the merits of Blur and Britart.

Now the government is funding a list of national icons that some hope could save England from the “white van man” image of a St George’s flag stuck to the inside of a vehicle window.

The Icons Online project, which will choose items after votes from the public, will be launched tomorrow by David Lammy, the culture minister.

The symbols will focus on England rather than Britain because of a belief that the country has lost out in terms of identity in recent years to Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

“The intention is to encourage interest in culture in its broadest sense in England,” said Jerry Doyle, managing director of Icons Online. “The thing is that England is not often looked at. It’s more usually Britain.” "

And who says that groups like the Witanagemot Club aren't effective? It's a start...

But, how it's cost a million pounds to (basically) set up a website is beyond me.

What's your favourite icon of England?

Mine's the Routemaster. What I want to know is, if it wins the vote, can we have them back in service?

I suppose that's a bit 'regionalist', but at least it comes from, and is unique to, England, unlike some of the other things being suggested.
(PS: NiC, if people pick Stonehenge, your pic could be in with a chance :))

The 86th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

Oh gosh, look, what's this? Something in blogland made me laugh out loud again this week. So, for the first time in months (over 7 actually - it just cannot be that long, surely!), we can wheel out the MBWLA again.

Nice to see DG getting a bit more recognition, in Time Out this week.

"London website of the week Diamond Geezer

Probably the best London-biased blogger about, the main strengths of diamondgeezer.blogspot.com are that he posts daily, knows a lot about London and is very funny. There's a good blend of secret history and personal anecdotes. Particularly good are his recent posts on the latest modifications at his local tube station: 'It seems that a big tube sign on a stick is just what Bow Road station has been missing for the last 100 years'. Shame that he's an Arsenal fan though."

Regular readers will know how I despise the spurious blog awards (for that read, 'who can press which buttons the most times'). I commented:

"Now, that's the sort of Award worth having, and you didn't have to beg ;)

Blue Witch | Homepage | 01.05.06 - 10:43 am | #"

Vaughan continued:

Bloody well-deserved, that man. As BW says, when the crowing has started once again for a Blaggie (sorry, I mean a Bloggie), such recognition is good to see.

Vaughan | Homepage | 01.05.06 - 1:51 pm | #

In the absence of any other entrants... two H0ney Points and this week's Trophy to the resting Vaughan then.

Vaughan earned a constellation of Blue Stars last year when he told the organisers of the Update: 'Bloggies' an Award (see comments box for more details) where they could stuff their award politely that he wanted to withdraw. So how did they respond? By making a rule that no-one can withdraw this year. Speaks volumes that.

I do find it so sad the way some people are currently begging their audiences for nominations and, later, no doubt, votes. Why? What do they want from it? And Why? (I'm not just being funny here, I am genuinely curious about this.) Oh - and how many times can one vote? Many if one has a floating IP or uses a proxy server... and can be bothered. So the Value of such Awards is what? To prove who has most free time on their hands to vote for themselves from various different places (or implore others to do so)? *yawns*

A personal accolade is worth so much more, surely?

Hopefully Vaughan will accept this Award though - as Random Alan said the other day, "And just remember, the award that everyone wanted above all others was the MBWLA." Really dear? ;)

As the scoresheet is badly out of date once more (although, I do know that everyone who is due a prize has had it, so no trying it on people) I really need a contender to help out again, so I'll have to do a spell and wait to see what happens ;)

It doesn't suit you sir...

Well, hmmmm, where to start...

This week, I've been testing my theory that half a squeezed lemon plus a tablespoon of honey plus a teaspoon of grated ginger root, topped up with boiling water, and taken with 2 ibuprofen every 4 hours is a better cure for a cough/cold than anything else. Once again I am convinced that it is. The lemons and the honey are our own, of course, which might make a difference :) The annoying thing is that, because of the weather and our ongoing determination that that period is the one time of the year when we do almost nothing, we only went out twice between the FOTCR™ and January 3rd, both times only on brief shopping expeditions to uncrowded places, so how I managed to contract that virus I have no idea.

I must say I was totally surprised and genuinely taken aback by the reaction to my 3rd blogday whinge post. Nay, I was absolutely amazed. Thank you. Not just me then. Always makes one feel better about things that does. And really nice to see so many lurkers delurking.

Mr BW had an interesting thought on the subject of 'virgin commenting' which I'll return to anon. And I'm planning a little interactive something for sometime soon too. Oh and, *whispers* it's just possible that the MBWLA may put in an appearance again tomorrow. I hesitate to say 'return' because that depends on me laughing out loud at something, of course, and I have to be in the right mood for that.

Hope those of you who wanted my Secret Yummy Recipe found the magic button yesterday :) That spell made my brain hurt. Also made me remember why I hate coding. I forgot to say that it's best made the day before eating as it improves with age, and that leftovers can be frozen (or email me and I'll dispatch a D'Ove to collect them on Mr BW's behalf ;)). (Note for chris - I'm not sure about the adoption now - the last twice I've tried it have ended in tears... but don't stop trying to talk me into it ;))

I'm thoroughly enjoying watching the hypocrisy of those bloggers who expressed support for George Best now decrying Charles Kennedy for the same thing. See if you can spot them. I tend to agree with Polly Toynbee, just for once. That's all I want to say on that one.

One thing that is really annoying me at the moment is the number of once-smart presenters on TV who are wearing suits with open-necked shirts (I noted that the BBC Breakfast Business corespondent, Declan Curry had added himself to their ranks this morning). Sorry, but... it just looks really stupid and scruffy.

Shirts for wearing with suits are not styled to be worn open-necked. They are specifically designed and tailored to suit a tie. I know that the new political direction is towards no tie = informality = creating the impression of being more in touch with the people, but I'm shocked to see so many BBC men going along with it.

Boys - if you must wear open-necked shirts with suits, then please buy casual shirts, which are differently cut to make them look sensible. Best of all - don't wear a suit jacket with an open-necked shirt, wear something else.

I was terribly disappointed when, several years ago now, Mr BW's company (then nearly 2,000 UK employees) decided to have a dress-down policy. The MD set the expected tone by wearing fleece and a polo shirt... For the first few years that I knew Mr BW, he'd go off to work looking really smart in a suit and tie. Now, he just looks like he looks all the rest of the time (well, except for the fact that his work fleece doesn't have a hole in it or paint on it as his gardening one does). Except on days when he has outside visitors, when company policy expects jacket and tie or suit and tie. I've always wondered what visitors must think - walking thorugh open plan areas where everyone is dressed casually, and meeting with someone dressed smartly. Bizarre.

And finally - the long tailed tits are back.

Thought for the day

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.

- Andrew Carnegie

BW's Secret Recipe for CMG

Update 2: Spell successfully completed. All you have to do if you want the recipe is find the magic button :)

...coming as soon as I've perfected a certain spell...

Update: I can't remember how to do hotspots on images (did it in my html course a couple of years ago, but haven't used it since so have forgotten, and can't currently find the notes), and they are an intrinsic part of the spell, so, as I need to go out to art, for now I'll just leave you with a picture of the finished product (and damn, now it's posted I can see that I've messed up the background colour in my haste too). This one is double the normal size. Your size one will be like this. Unless you make double quantity, of course. Note that Mr BW's piping is much better than mine. And that it is possible to grate on too much chocolate using a Microplane (my favouritest kitchen gadget), but only if you are Mr BW ;)

You can guess the calorific value and the cholesterolic content of one slice if you like. Or tell me how to do hotspots (actually, perhaps you can only do them easily in FrontPage or Dreamweaver etc, thinking about it?)...

Thought for the day

It seems to me that governments have never been put off by evidence or lack of it, because politics is not much concerned with truth or evidence, but rather with the views or beliefs held by significant sections of the populace about what is true. Evidence can sometimes help to 'sell' a policy that people are already disposed to buy. But no amount of evidence will sell it against popular beliefs. And in the absence of any 'evidence' useful for spinning, politics requires that governments do something (= anything) rather than be accused of 'failing to act' - which accounts for much of the nonsense in [insert your favourite hobby horse here].

- Name and address supplied

It's my 3rd Blogday!

Just checked the Ideas Store and there are 129 unwritten, or unfinished, posts.

Just looked at the stats and there've been *scribbles on piece of paper* well over 200,000 hits.

Just looked at the comments and there've been *scribbles on piece of paper again* almost 20,000 non-spam comments.

Just thought about how many blogs have come and gone in that time. Lost count.

Just thought about all the hours invested in the medium. Don't want to think about it.

Blogland is a very different place to what it was when I started.

A place where, to be honest, I'm increasingly uncomfortable.

Much of the good humour and camaraderie have disappeared, leaving in their place a strangely muddled and disordered world where people seem to believe they have the right to take things others have written or done and publicly criticise them. My perception is that the environment is increasingly fragmented, cliquey, and polarised.

As a result of several things that have happened, I no longer feel happy or comfortable writing about many things. I'm increasingly using this page as a 'mind-dump' place to get rid of frustrations about minor things that aren't at all a key part of what I'm about. Therefore people's perceptions of me distort. When people's perceptions distort, so do their reactions.

I'm saddened that many bloggers obsess about statistics (yes, those ones above are almost the first time I've ever mentioned them here) and awards, competitively seeking validation for what they do, as most people in our culture do in the off-line world.

It's not me.

I miss a lot of the sane, balancing influences of some of the disappeared bloggers. I'm very much an ideas person, but I need other people to bounce around with, and off. There seem to be fewer and fewer people I identify with at that level.

I've tried extending my blog reading more widely, seeking what was here in the beginning, but always end up feeling that I'm a stranger in an already-evolved community. I like being in on the development of things, from the start. I like seeing where things grow from. Going into new territories where people have already got through their angsty first or second years of blogging, and I haven't seen and been a part of that, just feels weird.

I guess I feel like the kid left in town when most of her mates have gone off to university. I've never been in that position before. Maybe I'm the only one who feels like this, I don't know.

I've always been interested in the evolution of social communities, and it's been interesting to note that blogland is no different to the off-line world.

In case you're wondering - this isn't a goodbye post.

I can't pretend it hasn't crossed my mind. But, I do like having a place where I can store bits and pieces for future reference. And, I'd miss those of you who are still around, and who interact, too much to stop.

I haven't put much thought into the above - well, I have, but not today. This is just another full-pelt brain-dump of my frustrations.

But, what I really want to say is - thanks for the last 3 years; thank you to anyone who's been a positive part of the evolution. I might even provide you with a long-awaited 'cake' recipe later (hello chris, you still there waiting patiently? ;)) so you can celebrate with me :)