Blue Witch

Top Tips

I've seen several good Value tips out and about in blogland recently. Being temporally challenged and disorganised at present, I didn't copy and paste the URLs into a draft post as I would normally when an idea occurred to me. But, hopefully their owners might (pretty please) repost them in the comments below...

I'm sure that My Top Value Tips are well known to all who've read here more than a couple of times:

1. 0% balance transfers into offset mortgage account (or cash ISA/high interest savings account if you don't have a mortgage or have paid it off).
Annual Coven saving - around £7K.

2. Put all possible expenditure on plastic and use a cashback credit card.
Annual Coven rebate - around £500.

3. Complain about bad service, politely but assertively, and don't give up until you have satisfaction. That usually involves financial recompense (or its equivalent in free prodcut or service) for time and effort expended on overcoming a company's incompetence. If it's a bank, or other organisation who charge you if you mess up, insist they give you at least the same amounts.
Annual Coven compensation - around £250.

4. Costco. If you've got the space to store what you buy in bulk, or can join with a friend to split larger purchases, the savings are huge. The saving on just one set of tyres for the average car will save you your membership fee for 2 years, before you start on anything else.
Annual Coven saving - around £1K.

5. Aldi. Despite turning their noses up when I first started my publicity drive, many of the Nice Ladies (mostly confirmed Waitrose shoppers) now shop there for staples (of the dietary and household variety). They have recently started introducing organic products, which are truly exceptional quality. Prices are the same or less than the cheappie inferior value lines of goods sold in many supermarkets, and the quality is superb - up to any branded lines.
Annual Coven saving - around £750.

6. Always check till receipts, bank and credit card statements, and utility bills. It takes no time at all to run your eye down the figures and pick out anomalies to check more carefully. It's amazing how frequently there are errors (probably 10% of the time on Sainsbury's rceipts - eg BOGOFs or other special offers, or reduced goods that don't come up as such, or loose fruit and veg that the cashier mis-identifies as something more expensive).
Annual Coven saving - around £50.

7. Shop around for insurance and utility suppliers.
Annual Coven saving - around £600.

Oooh look, that's over £10Ks worth of Value every year.

That's ten thousand pounds, or probably the equivalent of £15K if I had to go out and earn that much (accounting for tax, NI, pension, travelling, lunches, leaving gifts for colleagues etc etc).

Those are just my big things.
There are lots of little Value things I do too.
I'm sure many of you do too.
Care to share them?

It's Request Time!

First we have kitty pics for Debster, who is always asking for pussy pictures:
PVC has taken to hiding in the grass around the D'Ove Garden (that is, around the bottom of the D'Oves - of whom there are at least 17 at present - home). I fear she may not be responding to spells, and we could have another murderess like The (sadly deceased) Ginger Familiar on our hands...

And then, also as requested, we have bui1der pics for dave, who always wants... oh, never mind ;)

Tis the best I could do dave, sorry... The r00fer (the one with no shirt) said, "Why are you taking pictures BW?" Chief Bui1der (the one sensibly covered up - well, after lunch he was, as he went home and his wife gave him a lecture about The Dangers of The Coven) said, "It's for the tax man y'know?" and I said, in the most sarcastic tone I could muster, "Yeah, and I'm going to publish them on the internet..." Many a true word spoken in jest, of course :)

I'm in a particularly good mood today.

The first baby carrots, mange tout, and spring cabbage, from The Coven Vegetable Garden were consumed last night, a huge bowl of Coven Raspberries for breakfast, and Mr BW successfully achieved what I considered to be an impossibility. 7% off list price of a new car (0.6% above what What Car consider should be obtainable on that model) and 4 years of 0% finance, and a delayed collection date of 1st September (when the new registration comes out - not that I care about it, but, as Mr BW opts out of the company car scheme to take the cash equivalent, he is required to change it regularly *sighs* and it will delay the obliged change date for as long as possible - the 0% finance offer supposedly only applied to cars bought and registered before tomorrow.) And it's shiny iridescent BW Blue :)

So, 6 speed turbo diesel, nearly 62mpg on average over all conditions (nearly 50 in town and nearly 70 on a run), and an engine that surpasses my current 2 litre turbo broom in performance, despite being only three quarters of the size. 0-60 in less than 11 seconds. With that kind of performance, fuel economy, and low insurance group, it can't be bad. After 18 years of buying Peugeots, it's a bit of a wrench having to go elsewhere because the new 207 was so disappointing, and it's certainly not perfect (the power steering is horribly light when going slowly) but, Replacement Broom is the nippiest, sensibly priced, small powerful diesel on the road. And less than £200 a month, which is considerably less than Mr BW's monthly car allowance :)

I'd carefully prepared the ground with the car salesman (a 40s bloke who has the same view on cars as us - ie small, economical, and as environmentally friendly as possible - despite having had a lifetime in the industry) and told him I'd be along in the afternoon to choose the colour if he could agree a reasonable price with Mr BW at lunchtime. When I walked in he started on the, "I won't be able to eat this month after the deal your husband got from me..." I just looked at him scathingly and said, "We both know that's not true, we both know that even if you made no profit at all on the sale, it still goes towards your quantity payment this month, so let's cut the crap, dispense with the game, and get on with the paperwork, shall we?" He laughed and said, "The pair of you are as bad as each other, aren't you?"

I then proceeded to tell him how to play the 0% credit/offset mortgage game to live in your house free (got another £22K in the past 2 weeks - when most people get stressed, they go shopping, when I get stressed I apply for new 0% deals to top up my stash - current favourites, in case anyone is interested, Capital One for 0% balance transfers until September 2007, and Sainsbury's for 10 months 0% on purchases). He stared open mouthed and claimed it couldn't be legal. When I assured him it was legal, and that anyone with a half-reasonable credit rating could play, he then said it wasn't moral or ethical. What, screwing banks who screw other people most of the time? I think that's very ethical. Witchy Karma in fact :)
(Update: I've just read that the credit card is 40 today. A very Happy Birthday to modern society's most useful tool to the modern Witch :))

I'm thinking that there may be a gap in the market for Witches to negotiate deals on others' behalf? A sort of personal shopper with teeth, who won't take no for an answer.

There's also probably call for someone to complain on others' behalf and seek sensible redress for time wasted and inconvenience after errors and bungling.

I always say that one should work at what one enjoys, and there's nothing that pleases me more than getting Value. What do you think? I wonder what I could call such a service?

Topicality

Everyone wants their pint of BW (bui1ders, car salesmen, people wanting me to do all manner of different work for them), I have a trapped nerve in the opposite side of my shoulder/neck to normal, and I am having big visual problems that necessitate a trip to Large Not-So-Local Town later - and I can only tear myself so many ways. Cloning might be an option, but, realistically, the world probably doesn't need more than one BW ;)

Plus I am p*d off beyond belief beccause I have just opened a circular from a company that, had I opened it when it arrived last week (I rarely leave any mail unopened, but I had a day when 30 pieces were delivered, and the professional junk/adverts had to be left, as bui1ders needed decisions and 'stuff' to be sourced), would have saved me, and someone I was working with to write a staff development course, a whole morning's work.

So, for today I'll have to leave you to talk amongst yourselves...

You obviously enjoy talking about music, so how about "Novelty Records" for today's topic? I will admit to having "The Sunscren Song" (the IT contractors version is funnier, mind) and "Donald Where's Your Trousers?" on vinyl... and possibly others, except, the stress, the stress, I can't think of them right now.

Great female vocalists

Back in August last year, Mr BW heard a song on Johnnie Walker's drivetime show on R2 (don't listen to drivetime on R2 anymore, a lunatic has taken over the asylum and it's appalling) that he thought was perfect for me.

After some head-scratching and assistance from blog visitors, this turned out to be by Sandi Thom, and reached number 2 in the charts last week.

Badly slagged off by almost all and sundry, I still like her voice. On that track at least. The rest of her debut album is fairly disappointing, although I haven't listened to it much as the copy I ordered from a Value place turned out to be damaged, so had to be returned before they'd send a replacement, which took ages. Unlike some around blogland, I also like the lyrics. I think you have to be of a certain age to understand what she's about, and I'd suggest that those who criticise them are judging by today's standards of complexity and consumerism, rather than how it was... which, to me, seemed to be the point she was making.

I got to thinking the other day about other female artists with great voices.

Among my favourites are: Joan Armatrading, Tori Amos, Chrissie Hynde, the woman vocalist who was in Beautiful South whose name I have forgotten, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Nanci Griffith, Thea Gilmore, Carole King, Kirsty McColl, Suzanne Vega, Karen Carpenter, Linda Ronstadt, Gloria Estefan, Jennifer Rush, Carly Simon, Bonnie Tyler, Tammy Wynette, Tracey Chapman, Stevie Nicks...

Who have I missed out?

Thought for the day

Happiness is not a matter of events; it depends upon the tides of the mind.

- Alice Meynell

Alright?

With all the bits and pieces required for The Coven Extension, and the fact that we are currently trying to buy at least one new car, I keep getting phone calls from people I either don't know, or have only had one past conversation with.

I don't know whether it's the fact that they are either bui1ders' suppliers, or car salesmen, and mainly from the south-east, but, without exception, when I answer the phone, they always start off by asking, "Alright?" (or, rather more accurately, "Awlwight?")

Now, I have no idea what I'm meant to say to this. I've tended towards a rather sarcastically toned, "Yes, I'm fine, thank you, and you?" (subliminal message - WTF are you asking for, you don't know me, and you don't care how I am, nor would it be appropriate for me to tell you) but they always sound quite bemused by my response.

Is there a correct response?

More to the point, am I missing some important lesson in current parlance? Should I be enquiring after the health of my clients in this way at the beginning of my telephone conversations to them?

Thought for the day

One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.

- Andre Gide

Oh gawd...

My spell to stop Mr BW eating quite so much chocolate seems to have gone a bit wonky.

Sorry chocoholics :(

Don't you just love the way it's taken Cadbury's 6 months to react to a problem that was noticed in January though? Profit must come before customer health, of course.

Those who are so far spoiling my day...

Special thanks to 34sp for taking the site down again this morning because they again didn't send me an excess bandwidth charge notification so I didn't know that I had to pay it by today... And I still can't understand why they can't autocollect piddly amounts, given that they already have my credit card number. *sighs*

Bathroom basins ordered on the internet at 50% off list price (15% more than my bui1der could get from his suppliers) are only a bargain if they send a delivery driver who is more than 17 and can use the satnav that he has - or, at least be provided with a map in case the satnav can't find a customer.

3 and a half hours after the stated delivery time child driver gave up trying to follow my directions (OK so The Coven isn't easy to find, but after 11 years I'm pretty good at directing lost people in) and the company boss rang me to say child driver was in tears as he couldn't find me even after 3 phone calls so he'd told him to give up and he'd send it by carrier next week instead (that sentence especially constructed as a contender for Ham's next PPPP Award ;))

There followed an exchange of words following which it was agreed that I would go to where the child driver was lost and crying on the side of a local road some 2 miles away and relieve him of my two packages.

I suppose it was inevitable, given that 2 large brown boxes were being unloaded from the back of a totally white van, into my car, on the side of a busy local road, that one of the local boys in blue would stop for a nose... He was quickly put in his place too (amazing the effect of producing a business card and saying one's address), and even apologised to me for having stopped and questioned us. Strange that he still PNC'd the white van but not my Broom...

Now, having spent an hour answering Chief Bui1der's latest questions on exactly what I meant by my latest exacting specification modifications, I might, possibly, be able to get some work done... aren't these time wasters wonderful?

Progress

We have a watertight, albeit not totally tiled, roof, all over The Coven, again. First time since... sometime in mid-April, IIRC, but it's been so long I can't be sure. Given the grey clouds gathering, this is a Very Good Thing.

And I'm officially BW Blue :)

You Are Indigo

Of all the shades of blue, you are the most funky, unique, and independent. Expressing yourself and taking a leap of faith has always been easy for you.

(via)

Reciprocal awarding

I gave Ham last week's MBWLA, so he's honoured me with the first PPPP.

What's that, you ask? Well, it's an award for poor English. "The Pig’s Prize for Punctilious Prose, awarded weekly on a week by week basis to those who stray from the straight and narrow of conventional English phraseology."

I did ask for it, mind, although, on reflection, rewarding people for contributing to the decline of our once-great language may not be the brightest thing I've ever suggested...

I can't tell you what I said on here, because it's a subject best not discussed in public lest resting sagas be rekindled. But, the link just above will take you there.

What Ham doesn't know (or, at least, I don't think I've ever told him) is that pigs are my favourite animal, and Tamworths (as pictured) my favouritest breed, so it's highly appropriate :)

And Witches highly recommend Gub Gub's Musings.

Bored of boring boards

Floorboards, we're getting floor boards.

Unfortuantely we're also getting interruptions to phone and broadband service as cables got squashed when a board was put down this morning.

All the best laid plans for today (and with it the rest of the week) just went out of the window, thanks to a wasted 2 hours trying to sort all that out.

Had I not been here, it would have been a nightmare trying to lift all the boards later, as they are being individually wedged, glued and screwed down every 6 inches, as I have told the joiner that he is in severe danger if he leaves me with a floor that squeaks anywhere when we walk on it.

Grrrrrr.

This was last night - PVC the Kitten Familiar taking a break from scampering around (she too has mastered the bui1ders' ladder) and Mr BW's shadow outside what will be the windows/doors, when they get round to making them. GT&WF was outside the protective sheeting too, but you can't see her shadow terribly well in this low res image (it's at floor level, just to the left of where the two close-together strips of repair tape are stuck on).

As Mr BW tactfully said to Chief Bui1der this morning, there are only 23 working days left before they need to be gone to allow 50 of the area's Nicest Ladies in.

Anti packaging day

Look out for Nice Ladies campaigning outside supermarkets throughout England and Wales today, and returning their packaging to supermarkets. Let me know if (and where) you spot any, would you please?

The purpose of the protests is to raise awareness of the issues of excessive packaging and supermarkets' environmental policies (or lack thereof), and to urge supermarkets to make changes to their practices of packaging in plastic, using non-degradable plastic carrier bags, and sending food over its sell-by date to ladfill rather than composting.

It's not the Government's responsibility to stop over-packaging, it's the supermarkets. After all, manufacturers only supply produce as supermarket buyers tell them to.

However, I do think it's time that local councils were officially forced to find ways of recycling plastic packaging, rather than sending it to landfill. I don't know of any local council that has recycling facilities for other than hard plastic bottles marked 1, 2 or 3. By contrast, Germany were recycling all plastics (and fining people who didn't), including plastic overwrap, 15 years ago when Brother BW lived there.

Councils will be undoubtedly start charging for the removal of waste to landill in the next 10 years, just as they already do in, for example, many counties in California. Your refuse is weighed as it goes into the rubbish truck, and you are billed accordingly. This is the only fair way forward.

In the area where I live, the people worst at recycling are frequently those with young children (just see what is outside people's homes on rubbish day!). To them I say, why do I bother recycling so your children can still enjoy the planet when you can't even be bothered to sort your paper, plastics, tins and cardboard from the rest of your rubbish?

To people who can't be arsed to recycle I say one thing. The next landill site should be built near YOUR house. Would that change your mind?

One last thought - for every £100 the average family spends on food, £16 is for the packaging. And then more of your money (council tax) is spent on collecting it and disposing of it. That makes probably a quarter of your food bill unnecessary expenditure. What could you do with all that extra money?

Spinning gold

The Stripey Familiars have been busy buzzy.
400lbs of busy in fact, which took the early part of yesterday morning to extract. Sticky, oh sticky.

The GT&W Familiar has been busy too.

Her boyfriend - reasonably good looking, with black with white paws, nose and tummy - was on the step of her house this morning (the pic was taken through the window, so it's a bit fuzzy).

Now, will I get a pure white kitten this time?

The best part of this time of year is when you manage to have the first meal of all home-produced stuff. Well, excepting the dairy products. Last night we had leek, sorrel and cheese omelette, with broad beans and spinach, followed by lemon cheesecake, topped with a couple of wild strawberries.

Apparently we need more Witches in this Village, so I've been talked in to giving yet another demo tonight... need to do some preparation for that (ie rehash the last lecture notes and handouts), so, TTFN.

The 94th Make Blue Witch Laugh Award

We haven't had a MBWLA since March 4th (no-one's made me laugh aloud for that long), so, if you've only started reading more recently, I'm afraid you won't have a clue what this is about. Try the sidebar, just over half way down. There are 93 previous ones to entertain and amaze you. I say amaze you, because I'm well aware that my sense of humour probably isn't yours.

I spent yesterday sat about 6" away from the child of one of those 11 people in Germany currently boring the pants off a goodly proportion of English people, and causing others to do irreversible damage to their livers and pull sickies. I had no idea of the parentage of said child until afterwards when the school staff were amazed that not only was I not thrilled and amazed, but I'd actually never heard of the sporting hero they named. All I'll say is that said child was not particularly well behaved. And that, to me, is much more important than who your dad is, or how much he earns.

Anyway, off to get Value out of my council tax (for once) today. Nice free fabric workshop.

Awards will be bestowed later.

Later, much later: Fabulous day learning all about fashion in the 19th century and how to conseve fabrics and garments. Funded, I discovered, not by the local council as I believed, but by those of you who spend your pounds on gambling against improbable odds every week. So, thank you to you all. Even if you never learn from your weekly investments, I have ;) And there is another session next week. How to get Value out of gambling. And it's the second time I have managed to do a course at Probability's expense.

Now, on to the amusement de jour.

Ham/Gub Gub and I were having a bit of comments banter about the composition of pies. Coming from a vegetarian angle, I asked what pig pie was, given that sheep pie was shepherds pie, and cow pie was cottage pie. He replied:

So I thought to myself, where is it that you would expect to find a pig? What would you find in proximity to a pig. There is an urgent need for a recipe for this, I therefore offer you for your edification,

Library Pie

Fry a chopped onion and couple of garlic cloves. Add and brown off 1lb minced pork with two teapoons of cumin and one of coriander and one of sweet smoked paprika. A good dollop of soy and worcester sauce and a shake of anchovy sauce. Add a tin of chopped tomatoes and reduce to a decent consistency. Put into a pie dish and cover with garlic mashed potato.

Oh boring, thought I, another blogland recipe from which I learn nothing... and anyway, where's the brie and rosemary in that mash?

And then I read the final line:

I haven’t actually tried it yet, so if anyone does, let me know how it works out.

Just not what one expects, eh? I once knew someone who studied Home Economics, and spent one summer working in the Good Housekeeping Kitchens, testing, and re-testing recipes. She would not have been impressed. But, it made me laugh :)

This week's 2 points, trophy for the week and adultation to Ham The Pig then.

It's my Half Witchday today by the way. I need a present. I want to know how Doctor Who got the Tardis out of the black hole. We had a power cut last Saturday, and I just realised that we never found out.

Modern insu1ation

I am just so impressed with the used-on-the-space-shuttle-insu1ation that's going onto our roof and walls that I had to show you a picture. Apparently this 14 layer duvet (visible on the right of the picture on the right ) staple-on product has the same thermal insulation as 3 or 4 layers of ce1otex (the usual stuff used in roofs and walls these days - looks like plasterboard with a layer of silver foil).

If you put your hand into the roll, it's like it being in a sauna. Hopefully it will keep the room cool in summer and warm in winter, because, if not, my paints will dry up.

Although it is more expensive (£200 a roll at discounted trade price), the labour needed to put it up is a fraction of the cost as it is cut with scissors and attached with an industrial air-powered staple gun. Ce1otex has to be sawn and nailed to battens. Given the shape of the structure, that would be almost impossible.

Shiny new copper pipework is beautiful. P1umber has done a good job. Just the lengths required and nothing more, so no spaghetti for tea tonight. He even got some stainless steel pipe to attach the heated towel rail into the loop, rather than do it in copper that would need painting. I didn't even know that existed!

Meanwhile, the bit of the old f1at roof that has not been built on that is to be the balcony/roof terrace is nearly complete - new angled joists and boarding. A bloke was supposed to be coming at 7.30pm to discuss the surfacing. He rang up at lunchtime and told Chief Bui1der that he wouldn't be coming as he'd just realised that the football was on tonight. CB and I weren't very impressed by this, but, as Mr BW, who just rang from the airport where he has been awaiting his bag for hours, said, at least he was honest - he could have made up any old excuse.

If you're bored reading about my extension trials and tribulations, just imagine what it's like to be me living with them!!

I do want a permanent record though, so that when I've forgotten how awful the building process was, I can still remember, and the blog is the obvious place to do it. But, because of the time bui1ders take up, I just haven't got enough hours in the day to blog other things as I usually would, and work, and garden, and look after the Familiars, and stay sane (this usually involves 50 fast lengths). Sorry. Normal service may be resumed in a few weeks.

Or maybe you find it fascinating? ;)

Place your bets

I have a sneaky suspicion that the bui1ders are having a competition each day to guess what time I will get dressed.

As they're meant to be here at 7.45am, I long ago gave up thinking I could break the habits of post-1997 when I gave up full-time work, and manage to be out of my dressing gown by then. So, I just do my usual wander around and do the jobs and see to the Familiars, until such time as I either go swimming (why shower at home when you can do it free there?) or they have a break - I don't like being in the bathroom (which is downstairs) when they are working just outside. It doesn't bother me, and if it bothers them it's tough. Most of them are used to it now, and Chief Bui1der thinks it's amusing to tell new workers on site that it makes a change to see me with clothes on, if I appear dressed before 10am. We play these little games.

I've had this suspicion about their daily bet for a while, but I just gathered more evidence. I heard half a quiet conversation between the p1umber who's doing first fix today, and the new jo1ner (who worked on Eurodisney back in the late 80s, early 90s) who started on Monday.

The only time slot in the betting book left for the plumber was the early one, and he was told that he didn't stand a chance. To serve them right, and because I want to keep the p1umber happy as we have several complicated extra requirements to allow the so1ar pane1 to serve the kitchen and utility taps as well as the new shower room, I went straight in the bathroom. When I reappeared, I couldn't resist saying, with a huge smile, "I've got dressed specially early today, in your honour, Mr P1umber!" Chief Bui1der gave New Jo1ner a look that said, "Shit, she's sussed us!" but I don't think anyone but me understood the look. I'm good at look interpretation. Or maybe I have a good imagination ;)

My beautiful shrine stove has arrived. I have peeked in the top of the box. It is magic. All BW Blue and shiny. Unfortunately, it is sitting in the hall, as they're not ready for it upstairs yet. As it is in two large boxes, it takes some squeezing past.

We now have space shuttle in5ulation installed. 14 layers thick, looks like a duvet, and is simply stapled into place. Most impressive and silvery it is.

I wonder how many metres of pipework the p1umber will install? 2 rads, a heated towel rail, a so1ar panel, a new megaf1ow tank, separate greywater system... could be quite a few.

Only 48%? You must be joking...

You Are 48% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist. You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

(via)

Nasty moments

1. Chief Bui1ding 1nspector says your new roof beams are too long. In fact, 60cm too long for their size, so your roof will sag in 10-15 years. This is, of course, Idiot Always Late Architect's fault. Chief Bui1der decides that this calls for a new beam to be placed right through the ceiling that would destroy the aesthetics totally. Mr BW comes home and, prompted by just a look from me, told him that wouldn't do at all (which I'd been telling him for 4 hours, but, he seemed to think it was the only way that wouldn't cost a lot of money). Friend BW the Super Structura1 Eng1neer saves the day by coming up with a novel idea involving special glue and thin pieces of wood that impressed even the Bui1ding Inspector. So, all is OK again.

2. Partitioned hard drive is full on the bit that stores files, and main PC goes very, very slowly, and has not even got enough space to defrag. I haven't any Witchy Pennies to pay Little Computer Man to either (a) move the partition (which wouldn't help much as there are only 5GB free on there) or (b) install a new internal hard drive. Find an excellent offer on this (beautiful piece of kit if anyone is looking for a small, light, portable-in-a-laptop-bag indestructible external hard drive). So, all is OK again.

3. Desktop pigs (drawn by Brother BW while extremely drunk the weekend we had our wedding party 12 years ago) vanish when photo files (all 14GB of them) are transferred onto new external hard drive. At least the substitute background was BW Blue. Somehow find in memory banks the ability to remember how to change the location the file is pulled from, and how to tile the picture. Pigs reappear, so I am able to work (I can't work without my desktop pigs). Perhaps I'm not as dim as I sometimes pretend to be when it comes to technology. So, all is OK again.

4. Dying Maran hen in The Coven Orchard. Mr BW is in France until tomorrow night. I may have to have a burial service. All is not going to be OK, but perhaps I can persuade Chief Bui1der to dig the hole...

It's raining, it's pouring....

It's pouring with rain (own up the person who did the anti-thunderstorm dance I requested last night and got it wrong) but still 20 degrees at 8.30am and all the bui1ders are running around getting rolls of roof insultation up the ladder, with no shirts on. Some new-fangled 14 layer space b1anket stuff with greater thermal properties than ce1otex, and much easier to fit, particularly in weird shaped structures like ours. Yes dave, I know, you need pictures, but, sorry, I just can't bring myself to be that obvious, even for you.

The answer to the length of cabling question was almost 500m. No, we couldn't believe it either. It is a veritable plate of spaghetti up there.

Guesses ranged from verity's 10m to Mark's 1200m, and somehow included MrD's 9 years (is that a comedy sketch I missed somewhere?) Nice to see that they'd use less in the US (Rob guessed 165m, and he's an electrician). I think that makes Clair the winner, as she guessed 420m. Well done Clair, BW Point to you. And NiC, had you put a "k" in front of your "m", you'd have been the winner, that'll learn you not to be daft ;) (actually, on second thoughts, it probably won't, but...)

Thought for the day

If you go expressly to look at the moon, it becomes tinsel.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Rocking all over the world

Ham (aka Gub Gub, but I prefer Ham) has sent me a new Witch.
Thanks be to Ham.
I'm posting it here so I don't lose it.

Seems to be doing what I have been today - running round in circles accomplishing not much, but answering a multitude of queries from the bui1ders about what I want where and how. I have drunk 6 litres of water though. I think I'm turning into a camel.

And do an anti-thunderstorm dance would you please?

We currently have no roof tiles on any of the roof, and I'm not convinced by the sheeting on the front where the tiles came off today. Definitely room for leaks where we haven't had leaks before.

Chief Bui1der's new apprentice, who's just left school, started today, all bright eyed and bushy tailed, in a pristine white polo-shirt, new-looking white trainers, white socks and white shorts. "My mum told me to keep putting suncream on," he told me, producing a bottle of children's factor 45 from his lunchbag where mummy had packed him up a lovely lunch, all in separate labelled foil packets, and given him a drink of squash in a kiddie lunchbox thermos. Lucky he's been taken on by Chief Bui1der methinks, because the blokes on most building sites would have been most unkind to him. He got away with Hunky Chippie winking at me and mouthing, "Bless!" at me over Boy Apprentice's head.

Anyway, by the time he'd finished stripping the tiles from the front of the roof, he was less pristine, in fact, I reckon that he should offer his clothes to the detergent companies as test garments. As it's been 37.6 degrees here according to the thermometer outside, that was rather a baptism of fire, and I bet he sleeps well tonight.

The Bui1ding Inspector came around and was most impressed - he commented that it was the most amazing extension that he'd ever seen (but, he is only 20-something), and the stee1 fabricator, who also came round to discuss the g1ass and stain1ess stee1 ba1cony surround, remarked that he'd never seen anything as structurally complex in a domestic project, and he'd been in the game over 30 years.

Chief Bui1der has got it into his head (I can't imagine how, it must have been a good spell) that it will be a perfect show house for his skills, and that I know lots of the right sort of people, so he's giving me everything I want for the same fixed price, so that it looks perfect. Today I got an extra £300 worth of posh radiators out of him :)

Still time to guess the metreage of cable installed (post below) - I'll give you the answer in the morning. And doesn't anyone know the answer to the percentile query (post two below)? *frustrated*

Still to be answered...

Only 2 people have so far guessed how many metres of cable the e1ectrician installed into our project on Saturday. NiC said 53.717m and Tim said 310m.

Go on, have a guess....
BW Points for the winner(s)...

A question for my mathematically inclined readers

Yesterday I discovered that for the past 20 years I appear to have been writing an incorrect phrase in my reports when trying to explain the term "percenti1e" to people. Admittedly it was a phrase given to me, in writing, by a professor of statistics, so I don't feel quite so badly about it, but, it's not nice to have my beliefs cruelly shattered after so long.

Apparently a given percenti1e score only refers to the percentage of people who score at or below the number, and cannot/should not be assumed to show how many people score above that level.

For instance, I was informed, while it is correct to say that a score at the 30th %ile means that 30 out of 100 people of a particular age would score at or below that level, it is not correct to go on to say that 69 out of 100 would score at better than this level.

I don't understand why?

There's always someone looking at you

My spell to get one of the Feline Familiars to do something cute so that Non-Blog Reader Debster could purr appreciatively went right:

Forecat GT&WF befriended the e1ectrician and spent the day supervising. This was her peering down at us from the scaffolding while we ate our lunch in the sun.

She also managed to get PVC (Pointy Velcro Claws, for those of you not keeping up), the not quite 14 week old dark tabby Kitten Familiar up there with her. And I don't want to think about how.

Anyway, the cute kitty photogenic spell went right... but a few other things got muddled up in it:

The power went off at 2.30pm and didn't come back on until 10.55pm. Hottest day of the year, 3 freezers, 2 fridges, a pond full of large fish including koi, an electrician trying to work (and luckily we don't like the f-stuff, or we'd have been livid as it went off well before half time)... It really is time we got a backup generator. If anyone knows anything about them, advice would be appreciated.

Lack of power was unfortunately not enough to stop the most ignorant inhabitant of the neighbourhood having a live band until almost midnight that would have made the levels broadcast at Glastonbury look amateurish. Having a polite word only resulted in the volume being turned up further, so, someone's in for a phonecall or two in the early hours every time I wake up in the night for the next few days. And if the calls get traced, well, my excuse is: "Oh dear, I must have hit redial by accident, I do have little episodes of making phonecalls in my sleep..." I guess that sort of thing isn't uncommon to most readers, but, we don't have it round here. And, of course, the council's Noise Department only work Monday to Friday 9-5pm.

Today I am going to be a Good Witch as I have been invited to a first communion. I always think that first-hand knowledge of things one criticises is essential. The Dad is a non-believer, so we shall spend the time trying not to catch each other's eye. And then I shall have to try not to laugh at the garden he's just had expensively landscaped (£6K for a plot that you couldn't swing a Manx cat in). When I remarked that I could have planted a half-acre garden for that money, he went a funny shade of blue.

Mr BW can't come as he has to go on a team kissy kissy course at a centre in Leicester. As he suggested the venue, and it can only be used for such things on Sundays/Mondays I don't think he can moan too much...

2 questions today:

2. How many metres of cable did the e1ectrician install in the new rooms yesterday? (a clue: there is provision for roof lights, floor lights, sockets, phone point, TV point and external lights - and it's more than you'd think)

BW points for the winners.

A perfect activity for a gloriously sunny Saturday afternoon

Boys and girls, the elderflowers are out again.

My Witchy Powers tell me that this afternoon is Perfect Picking Time (unless, of course, you have better things to do? ;)

Then make them into yummy elderflower cordial.

We make a year's supply and freeze ours in litre plastic squash bottles (do sterilise with sodium metabisulphite first - available from shops that do wine and beer stuff - as is citric acid) - it keeps beautifully. Keep in the fridge, and dilute with sparkling mineral water for a refreshing drink.

The recipe under that link makes 1.5 litres for less than £2. Considering that 250ml of cordial is at least £2.99 in the shops, it's Value Tip of the Week :)

Must fly, electrifying day today - e1ectrician cometh to do first fix. I really, really hope we've worked out the power sockets (will 6 x 3 be enough?), ceiling lights, floor lights and phone/TV points sensibly... because once it's done, it's done...

New Peugeot 207

We went to the launch last night (extremely nice buffet, which meant we didn't need any tea, so could get on with sorting out the Stripey Buzzy Familars who keep doing flying displays that annoy the Bui1ders *sniggers* when we got home... but, I do fundamentally object to the serving of alcohol at car launches), and, as I'd pre-booked, we got to drive the new 1.6 110bhp GT diesel (that's the highest spec/power new diesel). Even though the launch date was yesterday, it had already done 554 miles!

Sure the car drove and performed well - quickly reaching 100mpg down Local Newish Bypass with my foot barely pressing the pedal. To drive, other than much lighter steering, it was amazingly like my current 206 2 litre turbo diesel sport, which is now into its 6th year of service - but, despite all the hype and anticipation, the redesign of the 206 into the 207 was uninspiring.

From the back you'd hardly tell, and from the front, close up, it looks like the rear end of a Megane, which I detest

The seats had virtually no lumbar support and gave me backache in the 40 minutes we were out driving. The beautiful curved dashboard of the 206 has gone, and has been replaced by strips of nasty chrome, white and chrome dials and a glove box that wouldn't even fit a pair of gloves. The controls for the electric windows and mirrors are flimsy and the buttons less than 1cm square, which made them fiddly. And as for those fog light surrounds... well, they look like the overflow from my bathroom sink!!!

Well overpriced at nearly £16K for the one we drove (and isn't the colour disgusting? The dealer called it orange - I call it diarrhea). I'd rather have the Seat Ibiza Cupra 160bhp for that sort of money. I've seen it and sat in it, but I've yet to drive it... and I'm also yet to be convinced that I could cope with a vehicle called "Ibiza". But the power is the best there is in a small diesel - they rally them for goodness sake - and Witches need their power.

The truth is, I've yet to be convinced about any new car we've looked at. We went to the launch of the New Clio a while ago, and I was so singularly unimpressed that I didn't even blog it.

But yet... current Broom is getting to the Expensive Stage, so there is an urgency to this mission, and I'd like to try to get a diesel something with welly that returns more than my current Broom's average 52mpg, and is as environmentally friendly as exists.

Actually, what I really want is another diesel Peugeot 205. I did nearly 170,000 in mine before old age required it to be pensioned off. The best car I'll ever own, undoubtedly.

That's a crap review, but I'm very busy today.

And, for those of you waiting expectantly (well, OK, just the one of you, Debster), I may give you pics of kittens over the weekend...

Question

How do you get hunky hot bui1ders, working at The Coven with very little on, running to you and begging you to help them?

"Blimey, they can move fast after all!" was Cleaner BW's giggled comment.

Disjointed brevity

Amber (one of the three point-of-1ay new hens) escaped quarantine confinement yesterday lunchtime, so I have let them all out. No hen wars so far. Amber also managed to find a way into the protective netting around one of the raised bed fruit trees and have a dust bath amidst some nearly-ripe strawberry plants - a feat never attempted by any of the others. Bright hen Amber. Will have to watch her like a hawk. Or maybe that's not the best choice of phrase...

One of the 3 new hens has done an egg! I love pullet eggs, they are cute - only half the size of normal eggs.

Why is it harder to assess hen presence with a glance when there are 12 of them compared to when there were 9? I remember that it was similarly hard when there were 11 - I have to count them, rather than just look, once the number goes over 9 I think. I wonder if there's been any research on how many of something people can perceive with a glance before they need to consciously count?

The Nice Ladies were complaining last night that Mr BW's boss, who moved into a huge ancient manor house a mile over the fields from us as the D'Ove flies last year, has been buzzing them in his newly acquired he1icopter. Obviously having a he1ipad at his home and no he1icopter was too much for him so he allocated himself a bigger bonus than he gave his staff. My spies are everywhere.

Nice eye candy here today ;) Scaffo1ders turned up a day early to put up the additional construction now needed for the front roof (coming off imminently), saying to Chief Bui1der, "Oh, is it not Friday today?", and I also have the rather tasty chippie who is bought in when he has a day free. All with their shirts off. Must be careful what I say later, when Cleaner BW arrives as Tasty Chippie also works with her husband, and I'd hate my thoughts to become known to him...

Must go, tonnes to do, and will need my Best Empathy Hat on by the time Cleaner BW gets here in half an hour as (a) the house is in a hell of a mess with all the plaster that has fallen from the ceilings this week, and (b) her mother is finally going into hospital for a ma5tectomy today, 8 weeks and 2 days after first going to her GP, and 4 weeks and 4 days after being formally diagnosed.

All I can say is that I think that is utterly, utterly disgusting, and if it were someone related to *me*, they would not have had to wait that long. For the men amongst you... try thinking about how you'd feel if you were told you'd have to have a leg amputated, then had to wait 4 weeks and 4 days before the crappy NHS could fit you in.

20 degrees C here already... it's going to be a hot one.

Mistaken identity

Mr BW's passport runs out soon.

Last week he filled in the online renewal form, put in his credit card number, printed everything out, put it all in an envelope, and was just about to post it when something blew up at work that will require him to fly off to Europe at short notice in the next week or so.

In order to ensure his passport has at least the required 6 months validity left on it should he need to fly off to further climes at short notice, but also to get it back in time to fly off to Europe, he needed to upgrade the level of renewal service from Standard (£51) to Premium (£96.50).

He rang the Passport Office helpline (an 0870- number *hissssss*) to enquire how he needed to proceed to accomplish this.

What did they tell him?

That the only way he could do it was to make a new express service application, pay the £96.50, then turn up, in person, at our allocated Passport Office, in Newport, Wales, some 191.6 miles, or a 3.5 hour journey each way (according to Multimap), from us, to get a refund for the £51 he's already paid.

And this is the Government Agency that will be issuing ID cards? I'm scared. Really scared.

But not surprised - it's part of the Home Office after all. The Government Department that hasn't even got a clue how many foreigners, legal or illegal, there are in this country...

A Studio with a view, last night

*repeats to self, repeatedly, "It will be wonderful when it's finished"*

Thought for the day

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.

- B F Skinner

060606

What was a Good and Blue Witch to do on a day with a date like today but attempt to throw the course of evil by counteracting it with, well, something...

I wasn't quite sure what, mind, but, it being a lovely day, and me being pissed off with Idiot Always Late Arch1tect, yet again (this morning Chief Bui1der discovered the impossibility of his plans for the huge glass doors to open outwards, and fully back on themselves, and not just for one reason, for three, all of which should have been blatantly obvious to someone who had supposedly spent at least 4 years studying to qualify in his chosen profession), I was out riding my broom in rural Suffolk when I saw a sign advertising point of 1ay pu11ets for £7 each. A veritable bargain, as they are generally double, and often triple, that price - round here anyway. I try to get a couple of new hens every year, to ensure continuity in the Coven Organic Egg Supply (for us and for the regular customers who buy our surplus), and some of our girls are six or eight years old now, so nearly double a hen's average age, so, sadly, not long for this dimension methinks.

So, I followed the sign and found myself in a smallholding under a water tower, with a D'Ovecote, and a beeh1ve. That was enough of a Witchy Sign for me.

But, alas, no-one was home.

I saw a phone number and rang it, leaving a message that if anyone returned home within an hour, I would be in the local market town getting a few bits of shopping, and would come back if they rang me. Which, of course, it being in the Natural Course of Things to happen today, it did.

And that is how we have 3 new children tonight.

3 is a nice number to counteract three sixes, I thought.

3 new hens are also less likely to get picked on by the established flock (can you have a flock of 9?) than 2.

This was them just as we installed them in their quarantine quarters, where they will stay until such time as they either,
(a) escape from their small enclosure within the big hen enclosure, or
(b) I feel sorry for them being so cooped up and let them join their future friends.

So, we now have a dozen cluckers. Two of the new ones are Rhode Island x Light Sussex (exactly the cross of 3 of our original 4, of whom 2 still survive), and the other is a beautiful white/tan colour, a breed apparently called Amber (which will be her name), whose cross I need to Google as I haven't heard of it before.

It always amazes me that they go from cute cheepy chicks to this size in 15 weeks.

Chief Bui1der made me laugh when I came home with them. "When my wife gets annoyed she takes my credit card shopping and I lose more than I've earnt that day, and then she never wears half of what she's bought anyway, whereas you go out and spend twenty quid on three birds which delight you, and which will no doubt make and save you loads more... where did I go wrong?"

I've just realised that this is also the third lot of new young hens I've blogged about and pictured here. I'm on a limited link kick at the moment, so CBA to find links for the previous two times, but you could try to find them if you like... I might even award some BW points to anyone who manages...

Yet another progress report

Our woodpile is now as high as their portaloo (and, it's good to see that they wee on their own floor the same as they did on ours - I didn't investigate further, and I wasn't the one who decided to open the door to check either), and several times as wide.

As LaP noted under the original picture (see below), its construction is based on the same principles as dry stone walling. Therefore, having better spatial skills than me, Mr BW is better at stacking/constructing, so I have to do gathering up the cut bits and handing them to him, while he balances precariously on an old chair to reach the top of the pile.

We can therefore now add dry stone walling to our ever-increasing list of country skills. On which subject, it looks like it's going to be a glorious day here today, so I think it would be rather posey to take my spinning wheel out into the Coven Grounds, and sit and watch the bui1ders work while spinning the fleece (traded with a sheepy Nice Lady for a couple of jars of BW Special) that we sorted into bags of different quality wool at the weekend (did you know that wool varies according to where on the sheep's coat it has grown, and that it has to be sorted, and some discarded, before it can be spun?). Sadly tis but a dream as I have far too many other things to do.

The bui1ders and roofers did good work yesterday, so I've left them the loo rolls, at least for the time being. In future, you'll know if they annoy me as I shall be using phrases like, "Minus one loo roll," or, "Plus one tablespoon of chilli powder today." :)

Here's how the roof looked last night. Despite how it appears from the angle of the shot, the big new middle window is, in fact, on the same roof line as the Inner Coven window on the left.

It now has a battened Gortex coat (did you know that roof felt is now made of Gortex?). But no tiles. There's still lots to do before we can have tiles, apparently.

One thing I'm thoroughly enjoying is having our own skip outside. Every evening is exciting - what gems will the bui1ders have discarded today that I can acquire? - legally, for once, because it's our skip (did you know it's actually illegal to take things from skips, unless you get permission from the skip hirer first?).

They already know that wood mustn't be placed in there, rather next to the woodpile, but recent spoils have included sheets of thick black plastic (used for water protection on the roof - haha) which will be brilliant for warming up the ground before planting next spring, swathes of Goretex roof membrane (loads of future uses for that), lengths of gutter and old UPVC fascia board (gutter is excellent for starting off peas and beans, as practised by Daddy BW for many years, and the fascia can support the gutter, which otherwise bends/cracks when picked up for use).

I'm sure that the highlight of most people's days wouldn't be the loot from their skip, but, there you are, further proof that I'm not a normal person ;)

And I must just mention, for posterity, that the expected 3 new wheelie bins arrived late yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately I was out, so I couldn't do a deal with the delivery men to get 2 recycling ones instead of a food one that we'll never use (the bumf with it says that half of most people's rubbish is food waste - so I reckon that we deserve 50% off the amount in our Council Tax for refuse collection, backdated 8 years to when we got The Hens!!!) and get round the daft council system (described below, CBA to do links today ;)) that makes you wait 12 weeks before you can get more than one recycling bin.

I can't wait to hear how badly the bins have been received in the village. I really cannot imagine where most people are going to put them. Apparently you're only allowed to stick the supplied little sticky address label on the bins, and not personalise them in any other way. So, I'm off to paint "The Coven" on ours in 6" high white letters :)

Thought for the day

A consistent soul believes in destiny, a capricious one in chance.

- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881, British statesman, Prime Minister)

Some pictures - Witch of Blue Gables

This is the roof as it was at the end of last week. Structure finished, but all sheeted up (now can you see how the rain got in? ;))

Inner Coven on the extreme left of the picture. New mostly-to-be-glass window in the centre, dormer shower room window on the right.

This one is inside (wish I had a wide-angle lens), looking back towards what will be the door in from next to the Inner Coven door on the first floor - currently a small entrance - from what will be the new shower room, with a dormer window.

And this one is looking the other way, from the small entrance, down to the end that will be the new shower room. The gable, the major part of The Studio, out onto the new roof terrace/balcony, goes out of the picture on the right. It's around 9 or 10 metres from end to end.

The roofing work seems to be going well so far. They do seem to be breaking rather a lot of tiles, but, I think there will be plenty of new/reclaimed tiles to do the job (which exactly match the nearly 30 year old existing ones, amazingly), and we probably need a lifetime supply of crocks for flowerpots...

Quote of the day (heard through my partially open Inner Coven window which they seem to be forgetting is open) from Chief Bui1der:

"Look, how many times do I have to tell you lot, no language, no radio, no singing, no whistling, and no doing anything whatsoever that could annoy BW. In any way. In any *possible* way. Or you're off the job, is that clear?"

I think he got the message loud and clear yesterday, don't you? ;)

New week, new rules

If you were Chief Bui1der, and you'd returned from your holiday to find your workers had taken the piss in your absence, your customers were very unhappy, and had summonsed you to a meeting before they'd allow work to start again, but at a time of your choosing, and you had chosen 1pm on Sunday, knowing that they were already very displeased, what would you not do?

Yes, you're right, you wouldn't ring up an hour before and leave a message saying that you "just had to pop out" and that you'd now not be coming until 3pm... erm... would you?

"It rained for 2 days of my holiday!" he moaned on arrival. "Was it Thursday and Friday?" I enquired, "because, if so, my spell worked... And did you have water coming through your roof?" (another half pint last night btw, for anyone counting).

Anyway, we subjected him to an hour of Mr BW's Big Teeth (which don't come out often, but when they do, they're good, they're very, very good - I considered making a tape recording but all the tape recorders and dictaphones that I have make a noise before their recording space runs out, which I thought might not have been the best of ideas), and new rule setting (topics covered included, honesty, workmen needing a course in communicating with customers, timekeeping, radios, and appropriate restoration of all damage), he assured us he could still finish in time for the Big Summer Events, and he left in no doubt whatsoever that he was in Last Chance Cafe. Although he didn't miss the opportunity to plead with me not to make a big deal to other people about all the problems so far. *sniggers*

Interestingly, this morning we have lots of workers here - 3 r00fers, Borrowed F0reman From The Other Team (who apparently unexpectedly spent our missing Thursday and Friday and the weekend in Eastern Europe - I did say he was dim - most bui1ders know that the labour trade is the other way...), and Temperamental W0rkman (who apparently refused to turn up on his own last Thursday or Friday because I don't make him cups of tea or let him play his radio - he shouldn't have been on his own, but the Boy Apprent1ce went AWOL on the day before Chief Bui1der went away. I feel a bit guilty about that when Chief Bui1der said that he'd gone off to work for someone offering more money, as, when Boy Apprent1ce was digging our very deep water pipe trench for a week in the rain and mud, I was chatting to him and jokingly said that he should ask for a pay rise, which obviously gave him ideas...), and Chief Bui1der will be along by 9.45am, when he's attended to Important Matters, as he does every Monday (ie taking his 3 year old to Nursery).

Temperamental W0rkman has decided to make his own musical entertainment, and has just started singing, "So you win again" very loudly, and repeatedly. Last week it was, "Up on the roof!"

We'll see how the day progresses.

Hmmm... *thinks* perhaps I should broadcast appropriate music for them... Now, what could it be?

Thought for the day

Storms make the oak grow deeper roots.

- George Herbert (1593-1632, English metaphysical poet)

What a waste

From this week's Plain English Campaign e-newsletter:

Donna Challice, a 30-year-old single mother of three from Devon, England, has appeared in court accused of failing to recycle her household waste properly. Mrs Challice was being prosecuted for 'contaminating recyclable rubbish' under the Environmental Protection Act. She has now been released on bail and will next appear on 5 June for a pre-trial review.

The Environmental Protection Act specifically states which types of recyclable items must be cleaned and placed in which containers on which days. Mrs Challice has been accused of putting items in the wrong bins on six separate occasions over the last year. She claims that the rules are confusing and that any offence that she may have committed was completely by accident.

Arthur Dimson, director of Waste Disposal for the Exeter City Council has dismissed Mrs Challice's claim saying that:

"It's quite simple really. On the second and fourth Monday of each month, plastics go in the red bins and aluminium in the blue bins. On the first and third Tuesdays of each month - providing there has already been a first Monday, paper goes into the red containers and other non-aluminium metals go into the blue containers. If there hasn't been a first Monday, the schedule is pushed back a week. On alternating Wednesdays, glass goes into the red cans and miscellaneous recyclable refuse goes into the blue cans. On Thursdays, non-recyclable refuse may be put into either the red or blue receptacles. All discards must be washed except clothing - which may be either washed or dry-cleaned depending upon the fabric - and paper. Paper with coloured printing should only be placed in the red cans on the first Tuesday of each month. Paper with only black ink may be placed in the red containers on any other qualifying Tuesday. On weekends the bins are to remain empty for cleaning. These rules are all posted on the bottom of each recycling bin. So it's not as if people have to memorise them."

He added:

"Mrs Challice could wait until the weekend and look in the bottom of the empty bin to refresh her memory on the rules."

Round here they are due to start a new recycling scheme. Instead of a weekly roadside box collection of paper one week, and plastics, cardboard, tins and clothing the next, and a collection of general refuse weekly on a different day, they will soon be using a system involving 3 half-size wheelie bins.

All recyclables will be able to be put in one bin which will be collected fortnightly, non-recyclables in another collected fortnightly, and all food waste in the third bin collected weekly.

The info from the local council says that if the 3 supplied bins don't meet your needs, they will be able to supply an extra bin for recycling on demand, and will send someone to assist you in reducing your output to landfill or food waste if those bins aren't big enough for you.

I already know that we will never have any food waste for collection (either the hens or the compost heaps eat it), but that one half-size wheelie bin for recycling, collected fortnightly, will not be enough. So, I rang and asked that when they deliver bins they don't leave a food waste bin, but instead two recycling bins. "Not possible!" I was informed, "as you won't know what your pattern of usage will be until you try the system, you can only request additional bins after 3 months."

I failed to get the woman in environmental services to understand that just because the council were changing their way of collecting refuse, we wouldn't be changing our pattern of waste production. As we already recycle more than anyone in the district, I suggested that if she needed confirmation, she might speak to the man who collects. Unfortunately she was a jobsworth and quite adamant that the council would not supply a recycling rather than a food waste bin from the outset, and that furthermore, no recycling could be collected if I put it in the redundant food waste bin, even if I clearly marked it recycling, as it would be in the wrong colour bin.

"So," I asked, "what shall I do with my excess recycling for the first 3 months?" "Either stack it next to your recycling wheelie bin, or put it in the non-recyclable bin," was her reply.

"What, so that it can either blow around the area or get soaked before collection, and require the collection man to bend and pick it up rather than be able to empty it mechanically (which you claim is one of the reasons for the new scheme), or go to landfill?"

"No, it won't come to that, you'll see, when the new scheme starts, you'll be amazed, you won't know until you try!" I suggested that she was being rather patronising and gave up.

Why must councils make it so hard?

I'm looking forward to seeing where most people manage to find space to store 3 wheelie bins...

And, as nothing will be emptied from the non-recyclable bins that is not identifiable (ie if the bin contains items in black plastic bags it won't be emptied at all), and garden waste won't be collected, I'm currently wondering what we're going to do with the perennial weeds that we currently sneak in, wrapped up... Maybe I'll have to take them to Good Friend BW's who lives only 2 miles away, but in a different local council area, with less stupid rules. Unless anyone knows another way of getting rid of perennial weeds? (burning them isn't possible, and they can't be put on the compost heap as they will just regrow)

Global warming

Despite several liberal applications of factor 16, I still managed to get sunburnt arms today while working in The Coven Grounds. I cannot remember the last time that happened as I spend so much time outdoors that my skin generally adapts easily.

After the wettest May for 20 years (or, "on record," depending who you believe), it was the first hot sunny day for what seems like months. It was 32.2 degrees C at 5.30pm! And we spent the day breaking the law. If we lived 4 houses down the road, we wouldn't have had to do so though. But, the law-breaking was all covered by loopholes thoughtfully broadcast on the gardening show on our local radio station.

Chief Bui1der's flight home from holiday was seriously delayed, so I conclude that one spell recently has gone right ;) And I can't wait to see what he has to say for himself when he turns up tomorrow lunchtime, as summonsed, to explain himself. I shall also ask him where he's going to plant his global warming trees - this weird weather isn't just happening by itself, whatever GWB might like to think.

Convenience

Well the portaloo little blokey arrived at 8.45am. All on his own, but he got the pale turquoise tardis offloaded by standing with his back to it on his flatbed lorry and pulling it off and letting it fall onto him. It is now positioned by the workshop next to our Giant Jenga Set (about 10 cubic metres of wood removed from the old roof and floorboards - which, incidentally, is so much better quality than the new stuff they're putting up - all neatly cut up into 10" lengths by Mr BW using a circular saw or chainsaw, depending on size, and stacked up ready for winter fuel - this was the pile a couple of days ago - it is now taller than Mr BW's 6'3").

Told me if I thought our bui1ders were bad, he'd take me to 100 sites where things are worse - including one where the bui1ders have taken 2 years to do a small extension...

Told me that it winds bui1ders up if people nick the loo rolls from their portaloos (they're only given 2 a week).

He said he'll be coming every Friday afternoon to clean it out, so we could nick the new loo rolls during the weekend before they ever get to them.

It amused me that he thought like this.
It amused me more that I think it's a great idea :)

Thought for the day

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

- Carl Jung

Today I have been very, very, angry

So angry in fact that I haven't done much all day, even though I have much to do, and even 50 fast lengths of the pool didn't calm me down as it normally does.

You'll remember that Chief Bui1der has pissed off on holiday to Spain for a week, leaving the U.S.E.L.E.S.S. and non-communicative foreman of his other team in charge of our project which is already waaaay behind schedule due to structural cock-ups and the weather?

Well... no, I'm too angry to write it down.

This email from Mr BW that is now sitting in Chief Bui1der's e-mail box ready for his return at the weekend will have to suffice (and it is much, more more polite than it would have been had I written it, which I couldn't as I was too angry):

Chief Bui1der

We need to talk.

We had a message on Friday night from [the man you left in charge] to say that they were not working on Monday after all.

They came Tuesday and Wednesday and completed rafters and dormer.

This (Thursday) morning no one turned up.

At 08:50 BW left a message on [a workman's] mobile asking him where they were.

At 09:40 I tried [a workman] and he answered, telling me that they weren't coming back until Monday when the r00fers were coming.

He also said that the portable toilet we had asked for was arriving on Friday.

No-one had thought fit to tell us any of this and BW will now have to stay in until the toilet arrives, as there will be no-one from your team here.

We have had only 2 days work from your men this week and we are 6 weeks through the 12 week project.

As I said, we need to talk.

Mr BW

Personally I think that this has to do with us not allowing them to have the radio on yesterday (as per our contract) as I was working, and requesting that they arrange the plastic toilet agreed at the outset rather than traipse through The Coven and make a disgusting mess and smell in our cloakroom.

All I can say is that it takes a lot, a whole lot, to make Mr BW mad. He is really a very calm and even-tempered person. Much calmer and nicer than me. But, he's hopping mad now, and I really wouldn't like to be in Chief Bui1der's shoes when he reappears.

Fortunately we have paid for less work than has been done, and, as Cleaner BW's husband is a r00fer, and we know good p1asterers, and have details of good ch1ppies and e1ectricians, I think we are safe even if we sack them. Which is what I feel like doing right now.

We spent a great deal of time and effort finding what we thought were the best bui1ders around, and I feel mightily let down. If these are the best, I dread to think what the worst are like.

And I am still bloody angry. Even though I know it will serve absolutely no purpose. Except maybe, shall we say, restrict Chief Bui1der's future job opportunities in this area. 50 Nice Ladies are due here at the end of July for the usual Summer Madness. I can't see it happening though, unless a miracle happens, and they will all know why.

Thought for the day

If a man does not keep pace with his companion, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.

- Henry David Thoreau