Blue Witch

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Having been rudely awoken at 8.30am this morning by the Rat Man phoning (council employees on flexitime - don't you just love 'em?), and having fought our way around Small Local Town to get some holiday brochures to look at pictures so we could book online (it was busier than it was on FOTCR™ Eve, not that I was there then, but someone said), we spent the day planning our escape to warmer climes.

Then we had a lovely afternoon at a Nice Lady's 'At Home'. It was officially 10am-7pm on the invitation, and I planned on going late, but Mr BW told me it was rude to go at 6pm (and who'd have known that?) so we went at 3.30pm. And stayed until 6.30pm.

It's amazing the facts that one can pick up from the old village families at such events.

I even discovered that there was a tap-house (originally, I learnt, a pub not licensed to sell spirits) down the road until the early 1970s. And, in 1777 there was a windmill just down the road the other way from us, although in those days there was no road - not even a track - connecting us to the next village. I'm thinking that enough wind for a windmill then = enough wind for a wind turbine now.

I must get myself off to the County Record Office sometime soon as I want to find when the field behind us became so huge. It took us and the Old Friends BW and their dog (my New Dog, as I think my Real Dog has been brutally murdered by his Daddies, hence the end of the blog - and on my WitchDay too *stamps Witchy foot*) over an hour to walk right round it the other day. We've never before done the whole of the circular route and we're into our thirteenth year of living here!

Happy New Year to you all!

We're off to bed now with a couple of bottles of bubbly and some nibbles. If you're old like me and so unable to make it to midnight, do remember to wrap your mobile phone in an old duvet, then pack it in a suitcase and put it at the furthest point in your house from where you are sleeping, because otherwise you *will* be woken at 3am by a text message from someone who thought it was a great idea to send the same drunken message to everyone in their address book at midnight. Bitter experience tells me that it usually takes 3 hours for the phone companies to deliver all the messages. Oh - wait - I suppose I could just turn the phone off... if I could but find the instruction book to tell me how to do that...

Mi1dred is taking us out to lunch tomorrow, in procession with many of her relatives, so please wish me luck. Bearing in mind previous escapades, Good Friend BW has told me to take a flask of tea, a packed lunch, and blankets, just in case. Now, where are those thermals?

Travelling

I've just wasted all afternoon trying to get the internet to talk sense to me on the subject of warm places to escape at the end of January/beginning of February, within 4 or 5 hours flying time (sod the planet, no-one else cares), and preferably reachable from Stansted.

As far as holidays go, there is now so much junk and outdated info around that the internet is almost unusable.

Anyone know anything about Madeira?
It seems the best option with air and sea temperatures both around 19 or 20 degrees.

In particular I'd like to know which are the quietest parts, and where is best avoided (ie no kids or nightlife or City Henrys or Second Hand Car Geezers).

Of course, I'd really like to go back to the Australian Red Centre, or Cambodia, but, sadly, there is no way I'm up to flying that far.

Sprouts again for dinner tonight. Yum.

Friday Question

How's it got to Friday already without me noticing?

Friday Question

How's it got to Friday already without me noticing?

Christmas on a plate

The Dark Tabby Familiar proves she has no understanding of the concept of toys

Earlier, Mr BW had fun with the spray snow...

Have a great day everyone.

The BW Guide to How to Pull

Crackers obviously.

I always enjoy peering through people's unpulled curtains after dusk at this time of year. Just a continuation of the 'reading blogs' snapshots of life. Visual social history if you like.

I always feel sorry for food at this time of year. All the unnatural things that will be done to it by people who usually don't cook for themselves, let alone for a dozen other people, to render it inedible. I love thinking about all the culinary disasters that will befall the nation. Safe in the knowledge that I *could* cook a five course meal for 100 if I chose to (and probably with what I have in store, actually) :) Maybe I should set up a "BW Saves The FOTCR™ Day Service"... requirements - organisational ability, ability to stay calm while all those around are pissed and panicking, counselling skills, cookery skills. Yeah, I could do all that... and Mr BW could do the running repairs required in most households. How much to charge though?

And now I will share with you a secret - I have never 'won' a FOTCR™ cracker in all of my Witchy Days. I've never understood why. Finally this morning, Mr BW has accidentally let slip the secret.

He says that to pull successfully you need to have a light grip and don't twist. Apparently it has to do with tensile versus twisting energy. Or something. It was all couched in engineer-speak, and that always turns me off. Apparently I've been holding on too tightly, so providing the perfect breaking point. Only one problem - I can't test out this new knowledge as I outlawed crackers several years ago as they must be the most unnecessary and un-environmentally friendly seasonal product. Test it out for me would you, and let me know how you get on?

I have this desire to go into Small Local Town just to drive round for three hours looking for a parking space, meet lots of bad-tempered late people, be shoved and jostled in some queues, and have my ear drums assaulted by Slade. This is what comes of being too prepared. Perhaps I should go just to buy some crackers.

Celebration

I've just realised that we have nothing to celebrate from the end of April until the end of October. Both our WitchDays, and the anniversaries of the day we met and the day we got married, come in the 6 months of the year I least like. Many times I've tried having a Royal WitchDay, or a Half WitchDay, just to have an event in the summer, but no-one except me thinks it's a good idea, and I get neither presents nor cards.

In three and a half hours time it will be exactly 15 years since Mr BW and I first met. A third of my life, and slightly more of his. Not that long proportionally, but I can't recall life without him, and I'm very glad we found each other when we did.

It was a day pretty much like today - misty first thing, sunny later, misty after sunset, with the temperature not moving much above freezing all day. That day we'd both been to work. Today we did not do much, except that we forced ourselves to go swimming. MrBW started making a Mi1dred out of stained g1ass, and I stared at all the sorting, tidying, filing and decluttering that I ought to have been doing and didn't do it.

With my WitchDay 8 days before the FOTCR™ and our anniversary 2 days before, is it any wonder I dislike the FOTCR™ so much?

Solstice Special

This evening from The Coven, as we sipped mulled wine:

Q: How do you please a Witch at FOTCR™ time?

A: Send her a 0% for 15 months on purchases credit card, with a massive credit limit (almost enough for 15 months of spending in fact, meaning pennies stay in savings account earning lots of interest - yes there is such a thing as money for nothing). For those of you who play this game... you need to actually go into a branch of the Halifax to apply, with some official ID; make sure you get that card and not any of the others (which aren't as good), don't fall for any of their persuasion for add-ons, and maybe the 'advisor' will say as you leave, "I think that's the quickest and strangest customer interview I will ever have in all my professional life."

Who saw The Money Programme yesterday? The Future Perils of Facebook exposed. Don't say I didn't tell you so. No such thing as a free lunch.

Who saw The Gadget Show? Now you can pay to have yourself made into a virtual character in a computer game. And then there's Mint credit card - offering to take any digital image of your choice and put it onto your credit card - just *shudders* £10. Great for the vain. And business profits.

Bliar is clearly worried about his future, having taken the country to illegal anbd costly war. Catholicism is closer to godliness after all. Hypocrite.

If you want a good deal on energy pricing for the next 11 months, Southern Electricity are offering a PriceFix until November 2008. At below their current standard pricing. Given that the industry speculation is that gas and electricity are due to go up between 12 and 17% in January (depending where you read), this is a goodie. No tie-ins, but you do have to pay by monthly direct debit (up to now I'd resisted that, as keeping the money in our offset mortgage account while paying quarterly in arrears has been better Value) but I did the calculations very carefully, and I reckon that if electricity goes up by 15%, given that the prices are also less than we currently pay, and there are no standing charges, we could make somewhere between £80 and £100 on the deal (if you have gas you could make even more).

Unit prices for electricity (and gas) vary according to the historical electricity region you are in, but this is undoubtedly a good deal for anyone in what were London or Eastern Electricity Board areas (and probably other areas, but I've not checked those). As ever, do your own research (but don't trust U-Switch, check actual unit prices of your current deal against these PriceFix 2008 prices), but be quick because this won't go around for much longer. We've been with Southern on a different tarrif for a number of years and and I can thoroughly recommend their UK-based customer service. Especially the generosity of the goodwill payments ;) They are ahead on using renewable sources of energy and win all the awards and have the lowest complaints rate in the industry too.

Finished your FOTCR™ preparations yet?
I'm so far ahead of the game that I've just finished my thank you letters, leaving only a suitable space to [insert gift name as appropriate] ;)

FOTCR™ - 3

For a couple of weeks after my WitchDay every year I seem to get enhanced spelling powers. Anything I think seems to turn into a spell.

Which can produce quite alarming results. Usually nice, but alarming nonetheless.

Take Thursday, for example. I was cross that Large Town Sainsbury's had no Yarg (my favourite cheese, of which I have to ration consumption most of the rest of the time, in the interests of keeping within a sensible level of cholesterol) and even more cross when I was told that it had been, "Discontinued for Christmas," because other things sold better, but would be back in mid-January.

A Retailers' Cheese Buyers' Spell must have ensued, but gone a bit wrong, because Mr BW arrived home with a huge F&M hamper full of cheese, biscuits and wine from a, erm, grateful client. Mi1dred liked the hamper, and we liked the organic half-truckle Stilton, Vacherin (my second favourite cheese - but I'd decided not to fight the crowds at the localish deli- to see if they had any, not least because it would have increased my FOTCR™ spend by at least 10%) and 5lb slab of the most mature Cheddar known to cheesekind (all delicious with a pink grapefruit, avocado, crisp lettuce and fennel salad, together with home-made banana and date chutney and spiced pickled pears - made with the pears we picked up off the ground at Mr BW's Grandmother's nursing home back in October - for dinner last night).

The spell mix-up continued yesterday. I've been bemoaning the use of gift bags to hold already wrapped presents. Apart from the fact I love the handles as the cord, ribbon, raffia etc is wonderful for my texti1e stash, and, if not suitable for re-use, the bodies do make truly excellent firelighters. Anyway, that spell got muddled up with the Sainsbury's buyer one, but in a good way.

Good Friend BW decided to buy Sainsbury's huge strong reusable carrier bags (the ones with cloth handles) to use as gift bags where necessary - an excellent idea, and I commended her for it. What is in the 2 gift bags for us I dread to think as we'd spent the afternoon discussing what we hoped people wouldn't have bought us, and she said, rather sheepishly, as she handed over the gifts as I left, "I think I may have made a booboo, but, well, you'll see when you open them..." I can only recall particularly decrying computer games, or electronic gadget games, but...

And then... this morning, presumably because I've been thinking what a waste all the cut flowers bought at this time of year are, and wouldn't it be better if people bought cyclamens or bulbs that could be planted outdoors when they were finished indoors, I noticed that we already have grape hyacinths out in some of our tubs. I have never seen those in mid-December before. But, they're blue, and they're bulbs, and it's enhanced spell time.

If I think of any of you, I'll try to do it kindly. But, if you notice anything weird, well, apologies in advance ;)

Now, off to uncurdle the brandy butter. I think it was too much alcohol that caused it - in retrospect, half a bottle of VSOP cognac to 4oz butter and 8oz brown sugar was probably a bit unsupportable. Then there's cranberry, orange and port sauce, and mince pie pastry (made with spelt flour, ground almonds and orange zest) to make (no alcohol in that, but there certainly is in the homemade-albeit-two-years-ago mincemeat), and probably a cauldron of butternut squash, pepper and ginger soup too. Although if Mr BW happens to read this, of course I didn't put ginger in it ;)

Friday Question

How much have you spent on the FOTCR™, over and above your normal expenditure oh no, no Witchy, it's no good, no-one would answer that truthfully ;) (although I reckon less than £150, for everything, but then we've simplified everything and everyone, and so removed all the stress)

OK, let's try something easier...

How long are you having off over the FOTCR™?

Me, I'm having today until January 7th (17 days!), and Mr BW is having tomorrow until January 2nd (11 days). And what are we going to do? Absolutely n-o-t-h-i-n-g. A bit of archiving/recycling of papers, some sorting out of the Studio (15 months old and it's already in a mess), and lots of arty crafty things, but, other than that, n-o-t-h-i-n-g. It's the one time of the year that we haven't got Coven Grounds and familiars to attend to, and it's nice to do n-o-t-h-i-n-g.

For those who only read during work-time, have a good one, see you whenever you're back... and for the rest of you, stay tuned, plenty more whinging and moaning coming up (the warning's in the sidebar as I always say (oh, and a money-saving tip or two too) :))

Oh - and - has anyone else noticed the comparative lack of external FOTCR™ lights on houses on many roads this year? Round here it only seems to be the huge new-build estates (full of London overspill escaping) that are engaging in the weird competitive thing of, "Mine's brighter than yours!" (and the answer to that has to be, "No it's not or you wouldn't!")

Who's ready?

If you were a plumber, would you leave a 76 year old recently widowed Nice Lady in a big old house without heating and hot water from Monday to Friday (and then, because you're not coming to even look at the problem until some time on Friday afternoon, no promise that you can get the necessary part for the oil boiler and fit it before the FOTCR™ when she has 7 for dinner - the last FOTCR™ she will spend in her home of many years because she's having to sell it as it's too big for her to maintain on her own now)?

If you were a garage owner (small, local, with plenty of courtesy cars normally), would you leave a 76 year old who lives in the middle of nowhere, 3 miles from a bus route, without a vehicle from Sunday to who knows when (hopefully this side of the FOTCR™) because you'd failed to chase an awaited part?

I guess I'm strange, but I move heaven and high water to help when I find someone truly in need, both professionally and personally. I just cannot believe that either of these two people could be so callous.

Anyway, playing the Good Samaritan in this case means that I now have all the shopping I need, so I am now completely prepared for the FOTCR™, without feasting anyone's cash register at all (but you should have seen the amount some people were buying).

*exits with smug grin, ducking to avoid any thrown objects* ;)

Recycling

I'm very happy to live in the country's top recycling area. We're on target to hit 70% of household waste getting recycled sometime next year (and we don't have doorstep glass or green waste collections either). And I'm happier that we reuse / recycle more than anyone else I know.

But, I just cannot support all thse campaigns to ban plastic carrier bags totally. The two shops I use most, Costco and Aldi, have never provided free bags, and in other shops I will only ever take one if I need it, and I will always reuse any I do take. Often several times. But, for some things, the grubbiness, dampness, or smelliness of a product prevents one using one's own shopping bags or shopping trolley.

Finally, I have stumbled upon a sensible article by the British Retail Consortium which supports my views - plastic bag myths.

As I know that fewer than 5% of you click my in-post links, I'll copy and paste, because I think it's important that we get these facts out in order to stamp on this myth that plastic carrier bags are a significant contributor to the UK's litter and waste problem and have a huge environmental impact. They're not and they don't:

Resource minimisation: Today's plastic bags use 70 per cent less plastic than 20 years ago but are as strong and durable. A plastic bag weighs about seven grams, yet can carry up to 20kgs - more than 2,500 times its own weight.

Transport, storage and fuel emissions: Plastic is by far the lightest of all carrier bag materials - so it takes much less fuel to transport, producing fewer emissions. A paper bag weighs roughly six times more than plastic, is about four times more expensive and takes up to ten times more storage space.

Re-use and recycling: DEFRA research shows that 80 per cent of people re-use single trip plastic carrier bags in the home. Replacing these bags takes more resources and energy. A plastic bag tax introduced in Ireland resulted in a massive increase of between 300 and 500 per cent in the sale of plastic refuse bags and bin liners which contain much more plastic than carrier bags.

Convenience and retail theft: Plastic carrier bags are successful because they are cheap, hygienic, convenient and versatile. Plastic carriers also provide visible evidence of payment for the goods. In Ireland, the plastic bag tax has encouraged theft from the shelves (as shoppers bring their own bags into the store or take goods away without bags) as well as theft through "push outs" (wheeling out trolleys of unbagged goods without paying) and even the theft of wire baskets and trolleys.

Litter: Plastic carrier bags are not a litter problem. Most litter on our streets is snack food packaging, bottles, cans, cigarette ends and newspaper. Plastic bags of all kinds make up just over half of one per cent of litter. Banning or taxing plastic carrier bags will make almost no difference to the volume of litter on our streets.

Landfill: Even if plastic carrier bags end up in landfill they take up an insignificant amount of space – around 0.3 per cent. The materials that take up most space in our landfills are paper and wood-based products, organic waste and construction debris. These are the materials most likely to contribute to greenhouse emissions and groundwater pollution. And if, as in Ireland, taxing plastic bags means people switch to paper, there will be a greater volume of degradable waste going to landfill – in direct contravention of the EU Landfill Directive.

Energy: Independent studies show that the energy used to make and distribute plastic carrier bags is far less than for the equivalent size of paper bag. Plastic films are the most energy-efficient material we can produce. After use, the latent energy in plastic can be recovered by re-use, recycling or via waste to energy systems. These are widely practiced throughout the EU and advocated by recent DEFRA/Birmingham University studies.

Across Europe, it is estimated that 30 million tonnes of oil each year is saved by burning waste plastic in clean energy-from- waste plants. One incinerated carrier bag will keep a 60 watt light bulb burning for an hour.

The article continues to show that the Irish carrier bag tax introduced in 2002 has not proved the success intended.

A 15 cents a bag tax was introduced in the Irish Republic in 2002. It has reduced the number of bags stores hand out but that has been cancelled out by a number of unintended consequences.

Increased use of plastic in Irish Republic: The Irish Government claims the use of plastic carrier bags there has declined by 90 per cent. DEFRA says 80 per cent of plastic carrier bags are re-used at least once in the home. That is why the reduction in carrier bags in Ireland has been replaced by an increase in the use of heavier gauge bin liners, refuse sacks and nappy disposal bags.

Increased retail theft and administration costs: The Irish Government claims retailers welcome a plastic bag tax because they can make more profit by not having to purchase bags to give away free. But retailers now suffer tax administration costs and increased theft.

No evidence of litter reduction: The original premise for the Irish tax was to reduce litter but UK litter surveys show plastic bags comprise less than one per cent of all litter. It is simply not possible for a plastic bag tax to have any significant effect on litter.

No change in waste going to landfill: Those who proposed a bag tax said it would reduce landfill. But the UK Industry Council for Packaging in the Environment (INCPEN) and HM Treasury state that plastic carrier bags comprise around 0.3 per cent of all household waste.

Switching to paper is worse for the environment: Supporting evidence has shown that paper bags have a higher environmental impact. They use more water and produce more greenhouse gases in manufacture.

Furthermore, paper bags are between four and five times more voluminous than plastic, resulting in an equivalent increase in the number of deliveries to store. This led to increased road miles, added congestion and vehicle emissions. These bags are also four to five times more expensive than plastic, leading to a significant cost increase borne primarily by high-street stores.

I think we're being conned on this one, and I think that many shops are using the, 'We're so green because we don't give out plastic bags!" line purely as a marketing ploy to pull in the environmenatlly conscious. Oh - and do we see a reduction in their prices when they stop providing bags? Oh course not. But they see an increase their profits. For most people, turning off a few unnecessary lights, not leaving appliances on standby, or refusing to buy over-packaged items would have a much greater positive effect.

And finally... I laughed at our local council who have just sent me an email informing me that the FOTCR™ tree recycling facilities open on 22nd December. For anyone who's had enough of the FOTCR™ before it's started, presumably. Our potted tree is 4" taller than it was last year. Nearly two foot six then. I wonder if it has absorbed enough carbon dioxide during the year to offset the tiny amount of power the LED lights will be using in the half an hour a day I let Mr BW have them on? ;)

Thought for the day

In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

- Carl Sagan

It's electrifying!

I thought that today, being my WitchDay, that one that is exactly mid-way between 20 and 70 (an interesting recent thought from him - although I'm jolly glad I feel much close to 70 than to 20), would be as good a day as any to demonstrate my Witchy Powers.

Tonight, if I've got the spell correct, should be the height of Blueness.

The trees in my local shopping centre went Blue a couple of weeks ago, as the photo shows, and the effects have already been noted over here, I was very pleased to see.

They think they're putting up blue festive lights. They're not. They're responding to my wish for a Blue WitchDay. Which can then become my My Blue FOTCR™.

Now, if only I'd managed to make all those bulbs LEDs. I'm currently unsure what to add to the spell to achieve that. Maybe enlightenment will come...

And then the BW Party can rule :)

I don't know if this will amaze you as much as it amazes me, but...

Did you know that anyone who draws a UK state pension gets the extra winter fuel allowance? Irrespective of where they now live within the EU.

Its payment is only conditional on receiving a state pension, and not on being domiciled here, or even on currently paying UK tax (income, VAT, capital gains etc etc) or council tax.

That's £200 (if over 60) or £300 (if over 80), for evey household, of today's taxpayers' money going to many thousands of people who choose to live abroad.

That cannot be right.

At first I wondered if the 'government' actually know they are paying winter fuel allowance (a tax-free annual benefit intended, in their own words, "to help pay for keeping warm in winter") to non-UK residents, but, apparently they do. What's more, they're even encouraging people to back-claim to 1998 - 3 more years grace than HMRC gives our own people for back-claiming overpaid income tax!!!

When I think of how well off the majority of OAPs are in this country (no other generation will ever have it so good - final salary pensions, the ability to retire on full state pension at 60/65, discounts in major retailers and restaurant chains etc etc) compared to many younger people I know (particularly people living on their own, who have no-one to share bills and mortgage/rent payments with them, or people with children trying to give them the best possible start by one parent staying at home to bring them up rather than palm them off on paid caregivers for most of their waking hours), this sort of thing makes me fume.

I think I may just be annoyed/motivated enough to write to Golden Brown to ask him why.

I suspect the answer has to do with some EU rule or other on social security payments. So, why not take this payment outside of the benefits system? It would save millions of pounds a year that could be used to benefit people who choose to live in the UK and support the UK's economy, rather than just take from it.

Friday Question Supplemental

Why do people put first class stamps on FOTCR™ cards in early December?

I've had loads of cards with first class stamps this year. Are all our friends/family doing it to annoy me by flaunting the Value Principles I preach at them, or is it a new snobby sign - "We're so well off we can afford it!"?

That's 34p - 24p = 10p they could have saved on every card they have posted. And it doesn't make any difference to the speed of delivery at this time of year (she says resignedly, having had her WitchDay Cards unfashionably late since the beginning of Witch Time by the sheer weight of all the cards for some other bloke's alleged birthday clogging up the system).

Point of Public Information: last recommended posting date for 2nd class is Monday (17th), and 1st class is Thursday 20th. Postal collection and delivery arrangements for this year are here.

PS There are still 4 unsolved sporting/game clues 2 posts down... and there was me thinking it was easy this year...

Friday question

When I was little, baking was a national obsession it said here, last week.

I wonder what the 8 year olds of today will write put in their [whatever the blog-equivalent is]'s, in 30 years time?

When I was little...
(seen though the eyes of someone of 38 in 2037)

Courtesy of the Local Nice Ladies' Event last night, and I'm assured that this is an original (probably why it's so easy I thought!), so I don't think that Google will help you...

Maximum of two answers each, to start with, please.

Friday morning update - still to be guessed: 2, 8, 20, 23, 24 (maybe it wasn't as easy as I thought!), and a new one in the comments that I missed yesterday.

Unseasonal

It was probably -5 or -6 here last night as, according to the Bright Blue Broom, it was -4 when we came back around 11 from our various social events. The Nice Ladies' FOTCR™ do, and Mi1dred's Friends' FOTCR™ do. The former had finished by 10, but the latter had just started by then, when Mr BW had to leave to collect me and another Nice Lady to take us home (I don't now drive at night if I can avoid it as I don't feel I can see well enough - even though I am apparently still well within the legal limit, which is most worrying - particularly when the road is sheet ice and the council haven't bothered to grit it, as they normally don't until I remind them). The difference between what old girls and old boys feel up to, eh?

Which means there will be a quiz later (I need to find out if Dave has internet access at his new place of work after all ;)) I don't think it's very hard though.

Undoubtedly the coldest night of the year so far. Which would explain why we currently have 2 featherless hens (they always pick the silliest times to go into moult) and I have got into a spring-cleaning mood.

And why Cleaner BW, who was cleaning up behind my spring cleaning (airing cupboard contents currently all over the downstairs floors while I do a towel and toilet roll audit), has just had a call from her son's school to say he has been sick and needs to be collected. Not good as it is a tiny village school, he is the star in the school play (tonight and tomorrow) and 3 of the other 5 main parts have called in sick too. All the best laid plans...

Sex and drugs and rock and no roll

My title is much better than the version in the words in the guest post Mr BW has just emailed me. His version only tells part of the tale too, so I'll start and he can then carry on...

It all began the Friday before last when Mr BW went to a buzzy familiar group meeting in the local Conservative Club. Amongst the subjects discussed was sex. Insect sex. I didn't go because I had a bad cold, most likely caught from new art tutor (I'm so behind, I haven't told you about him yet have I? The last one got the sack following complaints from people, not all of them me, so we got a new one - who is a great teacher and a good artist - hurrah, at last! Think 50s, gay, flirty, more obsessive compulsive than me about planning, recording and organising things, and more hypersensitive than me to extraneous noises. Bodes well).

Mr BW finally emerged from the buzzy familiar group meeting at 11.40pm, having caught up with some people he'd not seen for ages. Now, 11.40pm on a Friday night is not a good time to be in Small Local Town. Particularly if you have drugs to carry home, and no bag or pockets.

But, luckily he made it back to the car park without being bothered by either drunken yobs or the boys in blue. Less luckily, he managed to collide with an-impossible-to-see at night in drizzle raised boulder at the entrance that had been left unmarked after the bollards and entrance barriers had been taken out of it following the recent adoption of pay and display. I'd only thought on the Wednesday before that it was really dangerous and that someone was going to wreck a wheel or tyre on it before long.

And so it came to pass that the Bright Blue Broom ended up with the spare wheel fitted, and I got an unplanned trip to Costco for a new tyre (and if anyone is in any doubt about the Value of Costco - new tyre, cheapest inclusive price anywhere locally, £85. Costco, £55 - better brand tyre). And that it was discovered that there was a missing bolt that meant the alloy centre trim couldn't go back on.

I'll let Mr BW take up the story. With his title. Which is nowhere near as good as mine, right? ;)

Another Renault rip-off: another guest post (aka a rant from Mr BW)

Regular readers will remember the story from a couple of weeks ago about my attempts to change a headlight bulb on my Renault Clio.

Well just to prove that I was not hyping the story up: having found that I could not reach the bulb, and on visiting the Renault garage to understand how to do it, declining to pay them the quoted £120+part+VAT to change it for me, here is a picture I took last weekend of the front end off the car with the headlight assembly removed to allow access to the bulb holder.

All in all 2 hours work for me, including another run to Halfords as the not-so-friendly people at the Renault garage had told me the wrong bulb number to buy.

And so the story continues.

In the process of changing a wheel I lost the bolt which holds the plastic cover over the wheel nuts. It is a standard M8 bolt with a fancy end to take a specially shaped key. So off I trotted to the Renault garage again, resigning myself to paying £3 or £4 for a part that costs maybe 10p to manufacture.

Or, well.......£17, yes that's £17 for a replacement bolt because you have to buy 4 plus a new key, and no they won't split the pack, even though it is not at all environmentally friendly to make me buy things I don't need (who would ever lose 4 bolts plus the key anyway?) (BW says - who would ever lose a huge bolt in their own driveway anyway, but...).

The Service Manager came along and I said in a very loud voice to those around me in the process of buying cars, 'If you don't think that charging £152 to change a headlight bulb and £17 for a bolt is good customer service, then you need to think again before you buy a Renault - because it's rubbish!" and walked out. I then went to B&Q and bought an M8 bolt for 49p. 10 minutes with my Dremmel and I had fashioned the head to accept the key and it was back on the car.

Thanks Renault, you get this year's Mr BW award for worst value and customer dis-service.

And I claim the Value buy of the week, saving £16.51 by buying a 49p replacement bolt from B&Q rather than from you.

(left: my made bolt; middle: the 49p from B&Q bolt, pre-restyling; right: an original Renault bolt from another wheel, used as a pattern)

The thing is, all car manufacturers are as bad as each other these days. A bit like politicians really...

Sex and drugs and rock and no roll

Another in the enthralling series of money-saving guest posts from Mr BW coming soon (his life is so much more interesting than mine).

AVOID SUPERBOOKDEALS .COM

DON'T ATTEMPT TO BUY FROM SUPERBOOKDEALS .COM IF YOU LIVE IN THE UK.

After a couple of days, during which time you will think that your order is safely winging its way across the Atlantic, you will get this email from them:

Thank you for your recent order. We certainly appreciate your interest in our merchandise. Unfortunately, we have had an exceptionally high rate of credit card fraud from certain countries and have been forced to implement additional security measures. The credit card service companies we work with have suggested the following measures to reduce the amount of fraud. We realize this is an inconvenience and regret that it is a necessary element of our order process.

* Legible copies of the back and front of the credit card that was used for this order

* A statement authorizing SuperBookDeals to charge said card with the cardholder's signature

Please reference you order number and fax the above documents to 1-410-964-0027.

You, like me, may think that this smells of fish.
And ring your credit card company.
Who will tell you that, under no circumstances must you do this, and that there will be no problem authorising the transaction if the company puts it through as the delivery address is the same as the statement address.

You may reply to SuperBookDeals .com (sic, and not), relaying what you have been told and saying that there will not be a problem with the transaction and that your credit card company have specifically told you not to supply personal credit card data that you have already entered online, together with your signature to an unknown insecure fax number.

Bloody hell, do they think people were born yesterday????!!!

More than 36 hours after sending that email, I have just received a reply.

We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused; however as stated in the previous email we have been the victim of fraud in the past. This requested information is been implemented to protect ourselves, as well as our customers. The only method we can accept is via fax, and unfortunately we do not participate with pay pal or any other automated accounts. We understand if you decline to submit the information.

Decline? You bet I do! But, I have wasted time, and it is now 4 days since I placed my order for a book I want for the FOTCR™ (it's an American book, not easily available over here). So, I have replied, suggesting that they might care to put a message on their website telling people in the UK (and any other countries affected) not to bother ordering unless they want to have to go through a most insecure and inconvenient process that will vastly increase their chances of becoming a victim of credit card fraud.

But, as they won't in case they don't, to avoid anyone else wasting their time, you have been warned, DON'T ATTEMPT TO BUY FROM SUPERBOOKDEALS .COM IF YOU LIVE IN THE UK (and note that Google knows they also sell via eBay and Amazon Marketplace.)

Google is my friend (Google 5 page rank trumps Google 2 page rank yep? Let's see how long it takes this time) :)

(I've just checked and Google already knows about them (and how!)... I didn't check the company as I normally do before ordering something, as it was only a book, and not much can go wrong with those... or so I thought. Narrow escape there methinks. Now to ring the credit card company again to block any possible attempted transactions from them...)

I hate technology reprise

I think it must have been the spell to restrict the environmental effects of the FOTCR™ lights outside houses that did it.

It worked extremely well on its intended target, as far as I can tell so far. Two local houses that used to un-greenly burn £10s worth of leccy in needlessly illuminating the otherwise black night sky every night no longer are - although admittedly one of the households did move away in September.

However, it also seems to have wrought irreparable damage on anything electrical at The Coven.

Now, anyone reading last week will remember the problems with the main PC. Now better but still not perfect.

And the brand new 500GB external hard drive, bought to store the data from the malfunctioning PC... well, that's on the blink (it appears to be the power source - flicks on and off, so making it TBU) and needs to go back. Only there is 10GB of data now transferred onto there, some of which is highly sensitive. I know that simply deleting it won't remove it, but I don't know if there is a way of totally removing it (without spending money on specialist software). Is there? Otherwise it's my usual sledge hammer trick. Which is rather a waste of money, but the potential repercussions of that data getting into the wrong hands is beyond price.

And then the trusty laptop. Since yesterday no longer trusty. As soon as it got even warm, it was flicking from power to battery (light to less light screen) second-to-second, and the jack from the transformer into the back ot the machine was getting red hot in minutes. I spent the day hoping it was power fluctuations caused by the high winds, but I knew it wasn't. I couldn't face the Dell 'Support' Indians. It's almost 3 (its WitchDay is the day after mine, so I remember), but I had the foresight to invest in 4 years of next-business-day on-site support. I don't generally believe in extended warranties, because they are a con. But I do believe in Value, and I could not see how a laptop would last 4 years. I wasn't wrong; it already had its fan and motherboard replaced in month 13. That time after 5 hours and 45 minutes in total on the phone to India and being made to take the bloody thing apart myself and remove components one by one before they'd agree to send anyone. That time Mr BW was away on business and couldn't deal with it. I eventually got £25 (or was it £40?) in 'goodwill payment' for that debacle, but, I couldn't face going through it again.

And so it was that Mr BW spent 45 minutes on the phone to India last night. 22 of them waiting to speak to a human. At 0870- rates. Roll on February 1st next year when 0870- numbers cease to be allowed to generate revenue for companies.

Anyway, Mr BW has much more patience with Indians in call centres than I do (not hard, I have zero, but, with Dell there is no alternative English person in England), and, without having to even run a system diagnostic, let alone take things apart, laptop now awaits Dell-paid technician coming to The Coven tomorrow to replace motherboard, fan and heatsink. Again. But, that's what happens if you use reconditioned parts for repairs (which they do). Never ever buy Dell (what you do buy that is any better I don't know, but...)

I wish I'd recorded Mr BW's conversation with the Indian. It was highly amusing. "Erm, no, I don't need to push the jack into the back of the machine and wiggle it, it's not just a poor connection. Nor do I need to check the fuse and wiring in the plug, I am a professional highly-qualified engineer, and believe me, I can tell when it's the fuse in the plug and when it's something more serious. Particularly when it's a factory-sealed plug."

And I haven't even gone into the two new malfunctioning mobile phones, the video recorder, the new camera that's mostly a lemon. Maybe I should start a 'guess what electrical appliance at The Coven will go wrong next' feature. Your guess is probably better than mine. I think I need to go back to spell school...

(In case you've actually got to the bottom, and forgotten the middle, I'd appreciate any ideas for totally removing data from that needs-to-be-returned hard drive. Preferably without cost ones. Thanks.)

Thought for the day

Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left.

- Hubert Humphrey

Causes for concern

(Tuesday update: It now appears that the protest date has been moved to Saturday 15th December, starting at 10am. I think that unfortunately their campaign may be rather falling apart...)

I was only saying to Mr BW on Saturday that now that the price of petrol and diesel has broken the £1 a litre barrier, it seems to know no limits. It's now £1.15 a litre in some places round here for derv. "Why," I mused, "is no-one protesting like they did back in 2000, when the government was forced to suspend the fuel duty escalator?"

The price of fuel effects the price of almost everything. From food to taxi fares. It doesn't immediately effect the price of public transport, of course, because us poor motorists with no choice but to use cars are busy subsidising that.

I must have acidentally done a spell, because what do I see this morning but this.

A group called Transaction 2007 is planning a "nationwide legal protest" against the price of vehicle fuel in this county on Wednesday (hint: if you're a motorist, you may want to fill up before then to avoid the chaos that reigned for a few days in 2000).

Petrol is three times the price here that it is in the US.
Almost 65% of the price per litre is tax.
We have the third most expensive unleaded petrol in Europe (just behind Norway and the Netherlands) and the most expensive diesel.

I agree with the tabloids on very little.
But with the expression Rip Off Britain they have it spot on.

That last link lists other areas of concern, where we get a worse deal in this country than do people in many others:

Fraudulent schemes & scams
Shoddy goods & poor service
Unqualified & rogue trades people
Unscrupulous business practices
Bank charges & bad practices
Fraudulent e-mails
Water & energy companies
Council Tax *
Railway fares
High interest store & credit cards
Mobile phone charges
Capital Gains Tax *
Fuel duty *
House selling/buying practices
Inheritance tax *
Stamp duty *
Speed cameras *
Premium Rate phone numbers
Postal charges
Wages below the minimum
Low Old Age Pensions
High taxation of the poorest *
Motorway restaurants
Endowment policies & mis-selling
The demise of Final Salary pensions
Government wasting our money
Membership of the EU
Stealth taxation *
CD's, DVD's
Car prices
Electrical goods
Hotel accommodation
TV Licence fee *
Food prices (supermarkets)
Extended warranties
Loan protection insurance
Import duty *
Value added tax (VAT) *

(* = Government taxation)

Why are things this bad? Because most people can't be bothered to do anything about it.

I've been noticing a huge increase in minor errors in bills and bank/credit card statements over the past few months. This last fortnight seems to have been particularly bad. Errors totalling nearly £20 on 6 different statements. Not a huge amount, admittedly, and most of them I wouldn't have spotted if I was Mrs Average, who worked full time (so didn't have the time to check, or facility to ring up or take callbacks to sort things out), never bothered to download statements from the internet from companies who don't send out paper bills, and paid interest charges (you have no hope of ever working out whether these have been calculated correctly or not).

I've got them all sorted out now. But, I think it's probably taken me about 8 hours in total on the phone to do so (luckily I refuse to use 0845- or 0870- numbers - roll on the adoption of 03- numbers that will be included in free minutes packages, or it would have cost me a lot more than I recouped). Because, each time, I've not been palmed off by call centre operatives saying, "No, I can't see why that's happened either, never mind, I'll refund it for you, the money will appear back on your account within the next 7-10 working days," and I've insisted on escalating things in an attempt to ensure that the companies were made aware that some of us are watching them. I haven't been content with just having my say to the floor manager, I've insisted they pass on my concerns to whoever is in charge of policy making on the particular issue and call me back to let me know what they've done. And yes, I know there are secret shared databases of protesting customers, but I don't care.

The 'government' and the corporate world will get away with whatever we let them get away with. Twice (from first direct and from BT) I heard, "Well, if enough people complain, I'm sure they'll do something!" but, when I asked how complaints made 'in passing' to first-line call-centre staff were logged, I was told, "Erm, well, they're not, there's no mechanism, unless people insist on speaking to a manager, and most people won't do that." So, never enough complaints are received to trigger some mythical process of investigating concerns. So things continue to get worse for the customer.

If more people don't start challenging things, the 'government' and the corporate world will soon have carte blanche to do anything they want. Ethics, morals? Definitely not in those places.

This week's Friday Question, Sunday reprise

Because I seem to have been supremely successful at confusing people (ie no-one has had a go at solving the contributed slogans, for which my thanks to all contributors), here they are, with a brand new comments box for answers:

13. Full of Eastern Promise.

14. Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere.

15. No, Luton Airport.

16. Only the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate.

17. Tell Sid.

18. ..the ice melts.

19. Schhh you know who.

20. Everyone's a fruit and nut case.

21. Busby.

22. You got an ology?

23. The drive of your life.

24. Watch out there's a thief about.

25. Stranger Danger.

26. Charlie Says...

27 ... they are twicicles as nicicles.

28 Snap Crackle and Pop.

29 Go to work on...

30 The suggestive...

31 Watch out there's a Humphrey about

32. Drinka pinta ... day

33. A ... a day helps you work rest and play.

34. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

35. You'll wonder where the yellow went, when you brush your teeth with...

36. a finger of.......is just enough

37. ....does you good ....gives you strength

38 ...'s are on me!

39 It's the glass and a half in every half bar.

40 Tell 'em about the honey, mummy.

41 I'm a secret lemonade drinker.

42. I am stuck on... 'cause....stuck on me.

43.Refreshes the parts . . .

44. Safety fast. (M1ldred will know this one.)

45 It looks good, it tastes good and by golly it does you good.

46. It's frothy man!

Solve as many as you like...

Friday Question

Inspired by drD's excellent Ad-Vent calendar (and I hope I'm not pre-empting what's to come there), today's question is about memorable advertising slogans:

I can't give you any from the last 20 years, because there aren't any I stopped consuming advertising because I stopped understanding it and didn't need any of it.

Here's the first dozen. Feel free to add more, in ongoing numerical order, in the top comment box, and the answers in the lower box - no Googling allowed or there will be spells!

1. Let your fingers do the walking.
2. I'm only here for the beer.
3. A hazlenut in every bite.
4. It's gotta lotta bottle.
5. Follow the bear.
6. A tiger in your tank.
7. Tap it, unwrap it...
8. It's passed the *** fizzical.
9. *** the appetizer.
10. All because the lady loves...
11. It is. Are you?
12. Graded grains make finer flour.

Other slogan contributions comment box:

Answers comment box:

Strange light

I don't have a spell for this...

How do you stop people talking corporate bollocks (ie the jargon they claim they have to use at work in order to get on/get by) when they don't now even realise they are using it?

Having spent most of yesterday evening struggling to sort out my current technology problems, I thought I'd finally found a way to solve the main PC one when an error code thrown up proved to be something Google knew about. Remove unused software that gobbles the processor, and away we go, back to normality (or as near to normality as one can get when one lives somewhere where 512kbps is just an aspirational internet speed). Or so I thought.

On switching on this morning, I find it's still hanging. I am not pleased.

Mr BW says, "Never mind, at least you moved things forward last night!"

When I screamed he totally failed to comprehend that I was screaming at his usage of corporate bollocks English, and not at the ongoing computer problem.

This is the man who, on Monday, brought me home a pre-printing mock-up of a new glossy brochure he's been writing for the last umpteen weeks for final proof-reading. If I'd set out to write a spoof brochure, seeing how many corporate bollocks expressions I could include in lieu of Plain English, I couldn't have done a better job.

I don't know what to do. Are there detox programs for addicts to corporate bollocks? At present he's under threat of having to live in Mi1dred if he doesn't desist...

Frayed around the edges

I finally had enough of crap teachers who can't teach yesterday.

A one-day texti1e course, run (and heavily subsidised) by a county craft group I belong to. 5 of the 11 of us were teachers/retired (head)teachers/those who advise teachers. All of the others exhibit texti1e work at least regionally, and a couple nationally, and one regularly writes articles for international texti1e magazines.

Towards the end of the day, after various members of the group had attempted to help the tutor be clearer in her instructions, and sort out the mess of equipment and materials she'd brought along (to make them usable), three of us were discussing her unpreparedness, muddledeness, and unclear explanations.

She overheard (we weren't being very subtle, she was truly awful and was being paid a lot of money, and we were extremely dismayed) and said in a very snooty way that no-one had ever complained before in her 15 years of teaching adults. There were audible intakes of breath from my companions, and I muttered, "They probably didn't feel they could!" She sarcastically shouted, "And what might you know about it?"

Now, in her position, I'd have said something along the lines of, "There's clearly some disquiet here, what can I do now to help resolve this for you?" In my position, I could have spared her feelings, and tried to bring things round positively, but, just for once, I decided it wasn't my responsibility, I didn't want to, and I couldn't be bothered. Her sarcasm in the face of clearly unhappy people really grated

I've never before felt the need to produce a business card to make a point, but she was so rude and so diabolical that I wasn't prepared to just let it go. It was either be extremely cutting in return, or silently prove I knew what I was talking about. She went very quiet after that. The person who runs the group (generally a most polite lady) decided that it had been so bad that she didn't even feel able to publicly thank the tutor at the end of the day, as is customary. I have no idea where the person who books tutors found her, but she certainly didn't come on personal recommendation.

All members of the group went home feeling very very frustrated.

Ummmm.... not waving but drowning...

I think I may just be stumbling upon why my PC isn't working very well...

Following QE's suggestions in the comments to the post below, I've got the virtual memory displayed. And found this:

It's a partitioned hard drive: C is where programs are stored, D is the data (F, G, H, I are a card reader, newly plugged in; J and K - off the bottom of the visible list - are removable drives, which don't have allocated resources, so presumably use those of the main C/D hard drive?)

C appears not to have any allocated resources currently.

I haven't played with anything, and it's just as it was set up 4 years ago, and it's all worked fine until the last month or so, since when it has got progressively slower.

Any suggestions on what numbers to set for where, please?

More technical help required, please...

Technology is driving me mad.

I bought one of these little toys in Aldi yesterday (all gone within 30 minutes of the store opening, so don't rush if you want one). £59.99 for something that will allow you to write normally on lined paper, on something that looks pretty much like a normal clipboard, then convert it into a file that you can dump into other applications. I spend a lot of time writing notes in schools or meetings that I then have to dictate or type up into reports. So, a wonderful time-saving device (basically a low-end tablet designed specifically for note-taking, using OCR to allow data to be dumped into other apps, but also having other conversion formats).

Until one realises that nowhere in the Sunday Specials info online or in print, in or on the box, or in the instruction booklet, is the info that says you have to spend another 30 Euros buying a download of the full version of the software in order to get it to translate tables into .doc format, or to get it to build a custom-recognition dictionary of more than 30 handwritten words. You don't find this out until you try a 'translate' and it fails, but suggests you try 'Help', which then tells you that the 'Basic' version of the software supplied is inadequate for what you're trying to do (which is only what it says you can do in the blurb!).

Now, for my particular main purpose, this makes it totally unusable, and, as it doesn't do what it says in the sales blurb, I could take it back for a refund, citing Sale of Goods Act. But, I still think it is a very useful piece of kit, at a very good price.

I might even be tempted to spend the extra 30 Euros for the upgrade. Except that it is only available in downloadable format. Which presumably means I'd need to spend 30 Euros for each of my machines that I want to put it on? (although the original software lets you install it on as many machines as you like). As I need it on PC and laptop, and the PC is going to have its hard drive changed imminently, I don't feel like paying 90 Euros. Does anyone know any way round this? (and let's not get into legality or morality ;))

Technology is driving me mad.

Everyone has their level of incompetence, and while I can solve most of the Nice Ladies' problems, I reach my level when it comes it playing with registries and data swap files and inner hardware and stuff like that.

Defragging the PC overnight after moving gigabytes of data around yesterday afternoon, it completed the operation but left me a message that it was running low on virtual memory and was going to fix it, and then came up with one of those 'this application needs to terminate prematurely' type messages, so presumably it crashed without completing the process.

Now, (a) I can't recall how/where to increase the amount of virtual memory (at a guess, this may have to do with having too much in startup, but I've also forgotten how to sort that), and (b) the whole setup has been running incredibly slowly for the last few weeks, and often comes up with 'this application needs to terminate prematurely' messages, particularly when using Photoshop, and when searching for files in Word (I have thousands... erm 6GB worth actually, none of them huge files). Probably half of the error messages involve something to do with a "DE Server", whatever one of those is. I've done the normal spyware and virus scans (nothing found), and have now freed up a lot of space on the main data drive, by shipping data onto a new removable drive.

All ideas gratefully received.
Unless they are, "Get a Mac", in which case I have done an auto-spell so Santa won't visit you :)

Thought for the day

Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.

- Miyamoto Musashi

Can anyone tell me...

... where to change the file path that MS Office Applications (Word, Excel, Access), and Outlook Express autosave / download to, please?

The programs are currently installed on C drive, but the data goes to D drive (my internal hard drive is partitioned - C for programs, D for data) and I want to change the data (only) to go automatically to a new J drive (500GB external hard drive). Preferably without reinstalling software as I have so many custom tweaks in all of them that I'm sure I won't find again without spending many frustrating hours. I'm sure I used to know how to do this... that fact must have been stored in one of the braincells that died yesterday.

What I'm trying to do is future proof (I have a Witchy feeling that the existing hard drive is on its last legs, but I don't want to change it until I absolutely have to as I want to do a clean install of everything, which will take me a huge amount of time, and searching for software CDs and online downloads that I don't want to do right now) and make data security better (unplug the data drive and put it in the safe) and inter-machine data transfer simpler (and without having to have all machines un-greenly switched on in order to do it).

The truth about Santa

This morning I saw Santa drinking tea and eating toast, with his beard on the table, in a local garden centre coffee shop, just after they opened.

Which would have been fine and dandy had there not been a queue of harassed mothers with over-excited kiddies outside his grotto. Photo and present £8.

A woman with 5 kids in tow was demanding that the cashier tell her where Santa was. He had no idea. I said, "In the coffee shop, but I wouldn't go over there because you might then be able to save £40, because your children will know."

Symbolism